What's actually a normal dating progress most men feel comfortable with?

Stock-Argument-1040 · 2025-01-24T09:42:49+00:00

I'm certainly not an example of a normal man's expectation as I'm autistic, but I'd be willing to wait like 3 months of being exclusive for sex. I'd expect to be exclusive within like 6 dates. So like a month and a half? So all up from first talking to sex I'd be willing to wait 4 and a half months-ish.

It also depends on how she's communicating with me. Telling me, "hey I'm someone who likes to take things slow" is going to make me willing to wait but someone who just isn't showing interest in me sexually is going to have me thinking they're not into me.

This all comes with the caveat that I am also someone who likes to take things slow (in comparison to what I've observed from other guys). Three months from meeting to sex would be my ideal scenario.

NekoLoven · 2025-01-24T10:25:52+00:00

You should start by not saying things like "get the ick".

Kapoue · 2025-01-24T15:38:53+00:00

I doubt purplepilldebate is the proper forum for this. I would suggest asking in dating_advice.

A lot of people here don't have experience in dating.

firetrap2 · 2025-01-24T09:05:22+00:00

If they're guys with options and they don't want to wait a year to have sex then remember this is a free market and you're not offering what the next girl most likely is. Alternatively you can date guys who don't have options then you can slow things right down but there's normally a reason guys don't have options. Or you can date a more hardcore Christian but that'd be weird if you're not one.

If guys keep giving you the "ick" then maybe you're being unreasonable or maybe you're going after the wrong kind of guy. Ask yourself why did he give you the ick. If you expect a man to accept your flaws but if he has any you say "Ick, I'm outta here" well you're not going to meet anyone. All men are a bit Ick.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-01-24T11:24:12+00:00

For me, what mattered is that I felt her initial interest, that turned into attraction, and attraction manifested itself in ways that made logical and emotional sense. I realize that sounds ambiguous, so I'll try to illustrate with some common markers I'd look for.

Initial Interest (pre 1st date)

Tone of initial conversations is upbeat, interested. For text/email, there's a reasonable timeframe for replies. If you're made to wait longer for a reply, the reply is more detailed and shows greater effort justifying the wait. For IRL communications or video/phone, tone of voice and/or body language shows clear interest.
When plans are made for a date, demonstrates enthusiasm. "Looking forward to this!" vs. "sounds good" - obviously this is taken in context relative to what is known of her personality. Any canceled plans, she is apologetic, she reaches out to reschedule, and is adamant about rescheduling and legitimately feeling bad for not being able to make the original plans. She does not cancel plans and then leave things as they are.

Secondary Interest (1st date or after)

Shows up early or on time. If running late, she communicates timely AND is apologetic about it.
Indicators of interest. Warm, open body language, eye contact, smiles. Doesn't sit back and ask 20 questions. Doesn't expect him to carry the whole convo. Demonstrates enthusiasm in her conversational interactions.
Willingness to banter/not be 100% serious. As the banter naturally progresses to flirting, reciprocates. Things can progress at different rates for different people. For some people it's banter -> flirt -> kiss -> sex. For others the process is slower or there are intermediate steps. As long as things are generally trending in the right direction, not stagnant or regressing.
Maintains contact between dates. Short messages get timely replies within a few hours.
Willing to share the costs of dating. Does not sit back and let him pay for everything. At least offers to pay for something by the end of Date #2, preferably Date #1.

Attraction (1st date or after)

Looks at him with desire/attraction. Can't describe, but guys who've seen this look know it.
Consistencies between her body language and intentions. Regardless of who initiates physical touch, she initiates touch sometimes. Even if it's just lightly touching his arm, or sitting closer to him than she has to when they're next to each other. If she makes kiss me eyes at him, she lets him kiss her. If she lets the kiss linger, she's okay with tongue/making out. Verbally affirms her own actions throughout - doesn't make out with him and say "I shouldn't have done that, too fast." If sex would be too fast, she communicates that early on, not when she's in the bed and the clothes start to come off.
General progression towards greater intimacy. Things continue to progress, and there is clear desire to repeat romantic gestures they've already done (like holding hands, kissing, making out, touching, etc.), which will ultimately lead up to sex.

As long as you communicate your preferences and are upfront about your interest in a guy - "I think you're really attractive" or "I like spending time with you" (use personal compliments like those) - and are willing to let things progress gradually you should be fine. But convey interest physically, too. Do the little things. Hold hands, hug, kiss, snuggle, etc. that precede intimacy. Don't expect to be completely platonic with dates and hold interest. That might work in religious circles, but that's about it.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2025-01-24T13:07:12+00:00

Depends on exclusivity.

Slow and exclusive? Fine.
Slow and she dates around with multiple guys simultaneously? Nope.

mrfoozywooj · 2025-01-24T11:31:39+00:00

Back when I was single to wait more than 5 dates you would have had to have been realllllly really special and even then anyone I waited that long for in reality wasnt worth the wait.

Anyone who actually (I mean actually attracted to you) likes you is going to make it clear they want to sleep with you pretty fast, it may not happen on the first date but will happen as soon as the opportunity arises.

You might find a guy who meets your requirements but the vast majority of guys who have any kind of dating experience arent going to be in this category.

Mauf066 · 2025-01-24T09:31:30+00:00

How long is a piece of string?

Depends on the man. As a general guideline, I will say that men who demand sex by the 3rd date are probably the redpill high N count types who want to pump and dump you. Men who are interested in marriage will be willing to wait a lot longer if they know you're a virgin. A couple of months is probably a good general guideline, personally I was willing to wait a year for a virgin (although it then ended up being only a few months, because my gf initiated it).

ControversialDebator · 2025-01-24T11:10:17+00:00

Most men like to take it slow if they genuinely like the woman and the woman actually has something to offer other than their body. It's mostly Chads and low-value men who want sex immediately. Remember if a man wants sex on the first date it means either he is Low-Value or you are. However men don't want it too slow as that means the women isn't attracted to them or she is intentionally wasting his time.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-01-24T12:01:49+00:00

For me, if nothing happened after 3 dates (didn’t have to be sex, but signals it was around the corner) I would typically go no contact. I will say, however, I was always pretty clear about my interest, and it rarely happened that something wasn’t already in the books date 2 or prior.

I would also say that dating non-exclusively and seeing women simultaneously made this not such a big deal.

ta06012022 · 2025-01-24T15:19:10+00:00

What country are you in? Between the comments about being in a relationship for 6 months with nothing sexual and guys wanting to meet your family, this doesn't sound like a typical American experience.

GrandpaDallas · 2025-01-24T15:45:10+00:00

For reference, I'm a 35yo man, so my perspective has been shaped after years of dating and some long term relationships, plus after losing my virginity

At this stage in my life, if I like someone, we're probably going to start chatting every day and see each other at least twice a week. In several cases, we're having sex as soon as date number 2, but not any later than date number 4. I tend to date women who are interested in being sexual.

My opinion is just mine though. I do know men who are fine with waiting for the right woman, but it will be a case by case basis.

The only advice I will give is to so what you're comfortable with. If a man feels emasculated, that's his problem. The best you can do is be up front about what your needs and expectations are, and if they decide that they need more, you can confidently let them go.

Late_Notice02 · 2025-01-24T16:06:53+00:00

I read people say people have sex on the 4th date which is whaaatt? to me, 4th date is way too soon.

This number is different for everyone. I've had sex with someone before the first date even ended. At a different time, I dated someone for 2 years before we ever had sex. It all depends and you gotta feel it out for yourself.

To answer your question: I think most men are comfortable with at least 3 - 5 weekend dates, maybe a few weeks/months of weekend dates before making something exclusive. Most dudes I know usually mention talking/dating for a few weeks before making something official.

But, you should also learn what's comfortable for you and just communicate that to your date. They'll - hopefully - tell you upfront if that does or doesn't work for them. It's all about learning what you want.

ThrowRA965527 · 2025-01-24T17:49:34+00:00

Sex is normally 1st-3rd date for me

Neptune-Jnr · 2025-01-24T18:52:35+00:00

It's honestly whatever feels right. Always a little weirded out by people who say they need to bang within the first 3 dates or so. I'd be okay simply waiting months even a year before intimacy but it has to be like natural waiting. Simply not having sex even though we knew we like each other and trust each other is a bit daft.

petellapain · 2025-01-25T00:04:45+00:00

The struggle is that you aren't hot for the guys you are dating. They might be fine people, but there's no animal attraction. If there was, there wouldn't be any haggling about how many dates it takes to get in bed. You'd be all over eachother. Most dating woes can be boiled down to lack of mutual arousal. When only one or neither person is wildly attracted, everything is a red flag, an ick, a confusing issue, an annoying double standard, an essay long theory, etc. When attraction is high and mutual, there's no time to agonize about any of this. The only struggle is his place or yours

dannydawiz · 2025-01-25T02:27:56+00:00

I think this really depends on age. When you’re young you have nothing but time but when you’re an adult you work all week and dating becomes difficult. It ultimately depends on what your goal is but I think going on dates at least once a week is important. If the relationship lasts longer than a year then I would consider getting engaged or married. It’s not possible to spend 100% of your time with a person if you are working a full-time job like the majority of adults. You should really have sex whenever you feel comfortable with the other person.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2025-01-25T22:26:23+00:00

I agree with others' takes that PPD is not necessarily the best place to ask this. People have opinions that are colored by a certain agenda and many tend to view men or women as the "bad ones" or the manipulators in any situation. That said, I'll give my take on it.

I think you have to go your own pace no matter what. Another comment mentioned some ways to indicate that you are interested and invested without sex and that seems like a great list. I do think you will need to let him know that you have genuine interest or he's going to drift away.

I would suggest being candid with him that you want to go slow if you feel like he wants to move toward something more physical before you're ready. Reassure him that you are interested and attracted (if that's the case) but that you need to feel comfortable to be physically intimate. It takes some vulnerability to do this but I believe it's better to communicate rather than let him assume you're not really interested.

Some guys will not be willing to wait. Maybe even some guys who are otherwise a good match. This is just how it goes. Most of the ones who are really interested in you, in the way you want them to be, will wait. Communicate and give them a chance. If they still opt out then so be it. They're not a good match anyway, in that case.

I hope that helps. Good luck!

wtknight · 2025-01-24T14:02:39+00:00

Most guys get sexually aroused around a woman and want relief from that arousal. These days, unless he either has no options or he really respects a woman’s beliefs, then he is going to be pretty sexually frustrated unless he’s at least getting a hand job from her.

I think the more feelings of love develop, the more intimacy should develop too, and there should therefore be more intimate touching. I think early sex is bad, but I also think that the needless delay of intimacy is wrong too, unless religion is involved, and I don’t think that I could date an overly religious woman who wanted no pre-marital sexual intimacy at all, even if she is against PIV sex until marriage.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-01-24T09:04:59+00:00

So yeah, what's the slowest I can go without ruining any potential chances at a proper relationship?

You think men are a monolith and they all have the same timeframe? For me, if there is no sex by the end of the second date, you are not for me. Taking it slow? Not for me. "too much too soon"? Not for me. Strategically dating? Not for me.

Zabadoodude · 2025-01-24T09:29:43+00:00

Different guys are going to be OK with different timelines. But most men that have options and aren't very religious are not going to be willing to wait past 5-7 dates. There are exceptions, though.

If you want to slowly get to know them first I would suggest to just be friends with a little flirting mixed in. That way there's less pressure on both him and you.

AutoModerator · 2025-02-04T10:04:23+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Gitsumrestmf · 2025-01-24T10:00:09+00:00

In a truly good society, people would only sleep together after marriage. It's not "just sex". It's an act that creates a possibility of conceiving children. It's an act that shouldn't be done with a random somebody.

If a guy demands it early on and leaves because you didn't give it to him, you've dodged a bullet. A man that's worth keeping is a man that will have patience and won't be singularly focused on his own sexual gratification.

I'm a woman early 20s and I've gone on many dates, but only been in a proper relationship for about 6 months when I was 18 and we never had anything sexual.

And that's good. You were practically children. Way too early to doing that.

AutoModerator · 2025-01-24T08:55:08+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-01-24T11:02:48+00:00

Well I can't talk for all men but I am more old school: no sex before marriage. I need to know if I can enjoy her without sex and if our values/life goals/personality are aligned

As men we tend to be much faster than women when we really want to be with you (married within a couple months if we are prepared) and really slow when that's not the case (7 years of situationship for instance)

You don't need to match their energy but discuss the pace that is okay for both of you. That's also an indicator of incompatibility for me

Also you don't have to call or see each other everyday but you should feel free to express your love and learn how to pour into each other love tanks. It's more about quality than quantity

Just find the balance. If he is too fast, that might be love bombing. If he is too slow that might be a situationship

If a man want a ltr with you but need to see if it would work, this is a good sign

abaxeron · 2025-01-24T11:45:36+00:00

What's actually a normal dating progress most men feel comfortable with?

The answer is different for "most men, in general" and "most men that women see as dating material". The more options a man has, the more leverage he has to be impatient.

Personally, if I was single and wanted to date today, I'd prefer to talk to and see my partner twice a week. But I'm in late 30s, and it took me years to understand the value of silence and solitude. On sex, being open and honest for me is more important than timing. If she isn't ready to get physical, she should say so. If she is ready, she should DEFINITELY say so. If she kinda likes everything but thinks I'm not the person she wants to get physical with, she should IMMEDIATELY say so.

left_shoulder_demon · 2025-01-24T13:02:35+00:00

"Dating" has expectations and a timeline and you go into it mostly alone. It sucks.

Pretty much all the longer-lasting relationships I've seen in my circle of friends are either people who have known each other for years before they started going out, or friends of friends.

If you like to take things slow, join a few clubs doing things that interest you. Have an interesting life outside a/the relationship.

Protip: ballroom dancing is drama. Join if you like dancing, but it's bad for finding a partner.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-24T13:56:07+00:00

Basically I sit on my couch watching TV and drinking beer. A girl that looks like a porn star texts me and says “Hey baby, can I come over?” and I say “sure, bring some food”. She comes over, we have sex, we eat and she goes home.

Perfect dating scenario!

DeadWinterDays9 · 2025-01-25T06:56:03+00:00

Move as slowly as you choose to. It’s your dating life so make it work for you. Only thing I’d say is communicate expectations early. Lay your boundaries out there so there’s no confusion.

Don’t worry about the whole “sex has to happen by X date.” Dates are not a checklist. Let things flow, communicate your expectations, and see where you go. Don’t over think it.

James_M_Croft · 2025-01-26T12:14:19+00:00

what's the slowest I can go without ruining any potential chances at a proper relationship?

Any slowness you want, you can ask any price for your house, the thing is if you gonna find a buyer.

I suggest asexuals, the extremely religious, farm boys, low T men or feminine individuals. They seem to be the most likely to follow you into this "slowness".

Unfortunately for you, men need sex, if by the 3rd month and you not doing anything sexual, there is a 80% chance he is already going mad and looking elsewhere for someone better (That is why men married at 18 back when you needed it to get sex).

Warning, making it too slow, may select for cheaters, playboys and two-timers if you are not careful, they can go long periods without sex with you, because they are having sex with another person. And it is unlikely they will drop this second person for you.

May I suggest making the encounters weekly or more? The issue is being long periods without sex, if you are by your 8th date by the 2nd month, it is probably better to tolerate.

Nearby-Steak3078 · 2025-01-24T16:07:56+00:00

Dating isn’t enjoyable for men. Women are boring, aimless fuck monkeys with nothing resembling a personality.

Title	What's actually a normal dating progress most men feel comfortable with?
Author	gat15
Upvotes	20
Comments	100
Date	January 24, 2025 8:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1i8r7z2/whats_actually_a_normal_dating_progress_most_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-actually-a-normal-dating-progress-most-men.1542006 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542006

Comments