Most men and women are really bad at detecting flirting

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-05-28T20:07:29+00:00

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Dramatic-Essay-7872 · 2023-05-28T11:03:49+00:00

hm i would add that a lof of people also have a problem with differentiating harassment and consent...

where, when and how is it ok to approach if you want to get to know somebody?

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-05-28T13:34:47+00:00

I feel like this list may as well be titled neurodivergent brain vs neurotypical brain. Flirting cannot and likely will not ever be something with rules to follow. And often it can be boiled down to the vibe being given off which of course is hard to define,there are no flirting checklists like look they did A that means B, that is what makes one’s detector bad.

Also and I’m saying this respectfully and in general: The “he/she was flirting with you!” Folks can’t always be trusted. I’ve witnessed men say this shit to their unattractive buddies as light teasing or to their attractive buddies as light teasing if the woman was unattractive. I’ve seen women do this as a way to give an unattractive guy an ego boost or again light teasing.

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-05-28T13:15:24+00:00

What some women call flirting is nonverbal. Guys arent picking up on that. Guys are very direct when they flirt. So she definitely knows. Nothing you mentioned to me registers as flirting to me. Women use to be a lot more obvious with it. I dont understand what that timid stuff is.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-05-28T11:42:12+00:00

I’m the only person I know that cannot detect when someone is trying to flirt with me, everyone else I know men and women seem to have no issues so I just put it down to being an autism thing

Ohyarlysmiles · 2023-05-28T11:01:51+00:00

IDK the way this reads it sounds like you're just straight up asking a super shy girl if she likes you, and then rattling off a laundry list of the 'REEEZONS.'

You want to know if a girl likes you, make a fucking move.

reforged-demon-blade · 2023-05-28T16:21:22+00:00

All of those boil down to following the 2 essential rules.

MarBitt · 2023-05-28T11:02:39+00:00

Just because someone flirts with you doesn't mean they're into you.

Some people flirt for fun and to have a better day, it doesn't mean anything more. Or because it boosts their confidence or turns them on, but they want nothing more than flirting. Someone flirts out of politeness or to get benefits (typically people working in services and sales people). And for some, you are attractive, but they are in a relationship, so they want to stay on the level of flirting, which they can deny if necessary.

Those around you may not be so bad at guessing if a woman is flirting with you. It just doesn't mean anything more than that she was flirting and if you try to approach based on that, you can still get rejected and the flirting will be denied.

If you were lightly flirting with a woman, she suddenly asks you out, you would politely reject her and she would start blaming you for flirting, so she doesn't understand why you are rejecting her, what you are likely to say in such an awkward situation? "Sorry, I was just being nice." "I was just being polite." At best, you would apologize to her for acting in such a way that she misinterpreted it.

No-Assistant-2592 · 2023-05-28T12:08:48+00:00

While I agree that people have a hard time with noticing if someone's flirting with them, I would lay the majority of the blame on people not knowing how to flirt. In communication, it's important to know how to listen actively, but it's also very important to understand how to tailor your message to your audience; What's the best way for you to get your message across.

One thing that most people have an issue with is that they have a very unreasonable idea about how flirting should be done. It should happen immediately, where both of you understand what's going on.

The problem a lot of people run into is that the listener may not be in a state to notice subtleties, but still be open to your advances if you make it much more clearer. you need to be able to flirt slow, in a way that's inviting and tells the other person that you're open for further reciprocal flirting.

An advice I'll give for men, if they want to become better at noticing women flirting with them is to ask themselves how a "Nice Guy" would flirt with you, if you where a girl. Very unclear, with a ton deniability, it helped me at least.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2023-05-28T16:14:57+00:00

“She’s into you” just means there’s a baseline of interest. It means you have an opportunity to move forward, if you don’t scare it up. It doesn’t man she likes you more than everyone else, or she wants to sleep with you, or she wants to marry you, or she wants to meet your parents, or have your babies, etc. It just means you haven’t been excluded, yet.

Take your time, respect and love women deeply as human beings, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, and you’ll get better at it.

Americans aren’t culturally trained to reduce and please women, the way Southern Europeans are, for instance, so you need to figure out the skills on your own.

DoinIt989 · 2023-05-28T12:07:28+00:00

All of those replies are also flirty replies lol. This is how flirting works, innuendo and "plausible deniability" are part of the game. I think the big issue here is that many men don't know how to deal with women who are being sarcastic or teasing.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-05-28T11:32:28+00:00

Women are fine at detecting flirting. Indeed, very good at it because it is part of their natural defense system against male predation.

However, there are many times when women have to turn their 'flirtation detection' settings down or even into the negative (basically compartmentalizing and trying to avoid the conscious recognition a guy is flirting with them). This happens in situations where women are fairly confident of their basic safety, but the men are not attractive to her. Since such men tend to overestimate their attractiveness and chances, and thus that their flirtation would be received positively, they flirt when they should not. Women need to tune out what would otherwise be a constant and even bothersome to repulsive noise.

Yes, sometimes women also do this because they have one kind of relationship with a guy and having to deal with him having the wrong kinds of feelings would be very inconvenient and awkward. And who needs that.

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_here_ok · 2023-05-28T15:19:51+00:00

Well it's a matter of the fact the most common way to identify flirting is through what one would do as an individual.

If one is willing to only give a girl flowers because they view it as a sign of affection and ect towards an individual they have romantic feelings for. Then one will see that as flirting in situations where it might not be.

If you have a friend who doesn't talk a specific way to a sex unless to show interest. In all likelihood when someone else talks that way towards a specific sex they'll assume it to be flirting.

Best example I can bring up is someone who is only bubbly towards their crushes, in turn whenever they see others being bubbly they assume it to be flirting.

dumbbitchcas · 2023-05-28T18:10:04+00:00

I have the opposite problem I have to keep asking my friends “is this guy hitting on me?”

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2023-05-28T12:25:37+00:00

Or women could stop playing manipulative games and just say what they want.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-05-28T14:01:41+00:00

Flirting isn’t a contract, it’s meaningless banter unless or until it’s returned with equal energy. The only expectation is that the receiver flirts back, that’s it. Flirt back, say something like, “Ima need that phone number now” flippantly, while grinning. If she doesn’t give it, she isn’t interested in a date, she’s just messing around.

WanabeInflatable · 2023-05-28T15:53:52+00:00

Mind games are not healthy. Women shouldn't expect men to detect signals.

KingWhoCared86 · 2023-05-28T12:35:19+00:00

Very true, I frequently text my sister what women say to me and ask her to translate it into flirty or friendly.

Obsidian_Koilz · 2023-05-28T13:12:44+00:00

Nope. I seriously can not tell. I literally just think a man is being nice or friendly. My mind doesn't even say; "Mayday, Mayday, Mayday! This guy seems to be into you."

I had a guy just flat out tell me when he realized I didn't get his intentions. Dude was like; " OK, listen... I'm flirting with you and am asking you out." Not gonna lie, I was stuck like... ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ok. Deer in the headlights dumb. And my best friend is just cackling at me because she KNOWS.

Active-Razzmatazz-86 · 2023-05-28T13:31:00+00:00

Women flirt when they are bored or their boyfriend isn't paying attention to them.It means nothing

Yupperdoodledoo · 2023-05-28T17:21:27+00:00

What precipitated the women in each case explaining their actions? How did that come about?

RunNo3033 · 2023-05-28T20:20:25+00:00

I know all the signs and cues but avoid because most of the women that hit on me are not in my list, too old, unattractive and not someone i see myself with.

Title	Most men and women are really bad at detecting flirting
Author	Johnny_Autism
Upvotes	69
Comments	49
Date	May 28, 2023 10:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13tx8ej/most_men_and_women_are_really_bad_at_detecting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-men-and-women-are-really-bad-at-detecting.1220554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220554

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