No way I can win

potatotornado44 · 2023-10-31T10:11:08+00:00

In divorce, everyone loses.

There is no “winning“. There might be little victories here and there, but overall, it’s the destruction of a family unit, and demise of a once secure and stable relationship.

My divorce was quite amicable, at least on paper. Doesn’t mean that’s how it felt or how it sounded in real life. Everything I once knew is gone including worst of all, my relationship with my children. I see them four days out of the month, how shitty is that? I too had the urge to travel, my job is one that can accommodate this. 3 months ago I reconnected with a girl I was close with in high school. She lives a couple states over. We are so good together, everything in me is saying to go be with her and start my life over. I’m lucky enough to have a career where I can fly the kids out to see me and vice versa.

Best of luck to you brother. Remember, you are not alone.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-31T10:18:46+00:00

What’s the battle? Do you have a criminal history or any proof of child abuse against you?

If not, than 50/50 is the hill you die on. She doesn’t get to keep your children from you fathers have the exact same rights mothers do. She’s just trying to bully and intimidate you.

Women think they have all the power and control when it comes to the children, I assure you they do not. If you truly are just a normal decent guy who wants to see his kids than just go prove it and let your ex throw her temper tantrums.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-10-31T04:34:10+00:00

This is just the opening salvo. Who started it?

Data_Fan · 2023-10-31T12:00:25+00:00

You absolutely can win. Sounds like she's taking a page out of the standard playbook, and judges have seen this a million times and can usually sniff it out.

Simple things:

1) Document.

Document facts that directly contradict her accusations. If she says you are a danger to the kids, document, via email/text whatever, that she wants you to engage in child care - pick them up at school, take them to sports/lessons, watch them while she's at work. Any of those things directly contradicts her claim you are a threat to them

if she says you threatened/harmed her, same thing. Collect alternative facts.

2) Don't lie

The Judge needs to know you are credible. If facts (not accusations) suggest you did something wrong, put it in context. Own it and contrast it with the facts supporting all the good things you have done.

3) Let her sink herself.

If she is slandering you to the children, family or friends, show this to the Court and let her try to defend. She will will be caught bullshitting

This is the only scenario where guys have a slight advantage - the judge's bias is to generally support both parents maintaining a role in their kids lives. Know this and go with it. The odds are in your favir

jimsmythee · 2023-10-31T14:33:50+00:00

That is it right there. “She wants total control.”

My exwife was like that. She wanted to control the divorce process to give herself the most favorable divorce outcome possible.

Luck was on my side. That’s all I can say.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-10-31T12:54:17+00:00

I'd be careful about traveling, consult your lawyer.

There is a good chance that you would either be on the hook for giving your wife half of what the trip cost or even be in contempt of court depending on what the divorce filing looked like.

It can be perceived as liquidating assets and so on if money is spent on things outside of "business as usual"

jaclan2130 · 2023-10-31T13:48:50+00:00

Restraining order for what? What are you accused of?

rhpeterson72 · 2023-10-31T17:55:02+00:00

If you "just travel" and walk away, she wins. If there were no kids involved, I'd say go for it. But she's banking on the fact that you won't fight her, perhaps because (if I'm reading you right) you generally haven't fought her.

I was in your same situation. I had to grow a set and fight like hell. She alleged domestic violence (later disproven) and everything else right out of the feminist victim playbook.

You no doubt had good intentions in giving her what she wanted, but a real man will defend his kids when his STBX threatens those relationships. Your nice guy ways will not serve you here. Speaking from experience. If you don't have the will to fight, at least get an aggressive attorney to fight for you. Your kids need at least one functional parent, and that's you.

Significant_Idea_663 · 2023-10-31T10:43:35+00:00

Do what’s best for you 100%. I have seen evil in my time. I am surprised how much a women get away with ruining the lives of men with the help of (the man’s) lawyer. The judge. The opposing counsel, the appraiser, the guardian.

Mark_Foureh · 2023-10-31T14:54:17+00:00

if you havent yet, get a lawyer and file!!! women have mid life crisis' and flip on their men. all of their personality disorders come out in full force against you in a last ditch effort to gain some control of their own destiny in their chaotic minds. search this sub...its all too common. stay 100% grey rock with her. as little communication as if possible. take this time to focus on tightening up your finances, your body, and your mind. get and stay sober, watch every penny, get in shape. then when the divorce year is over (cuz it takes forever) you'll be in a good position to start your happy new life. don't give the ex ANYTHING that she can exploit for her own benifit, such as trying to argue with her. she will say you are emotionally or verbally abusive. stay off social media. don't view hers. let her go emotionally. accept that she will probably use her sexuality to try and fill an emotional hole or to get her "security", and that you should not be jealous or care in any way. don't be distracted in the mean time by women, temptations, partying, gambling, etc. keep your eyes on the prize. you may suffer short term for long term happiness. don't worry about material things or money. those things will come back over time. you may pay out the ear for a short time depending on somethings, but getting your life, happiness, and freedom back is priceless. good luck bother!

Dangerous-Sir777 · 2023-10-31T04:35:25+00:00

That’s a decent question. I suppose we both did.

Ok-Grand-1882 · 2023-10-31T17:33:07+00:00

My guy. Read the advice in this sub. Protective order is right out of the playbook. Intended to get you out of the house and put her in control.

Greyrock, your wife. Do not engage with her arguments and do not show emotion as hard as that will be. Document all your interactions for evidence. Voice or video record if possible.

This is a chess match. Do you have a lawyer? Get a good one and do what they tell you.

Dangerous-Sir777 · 2023-10-31T07:09:14+00:00

Kind

Different_Echo_7800 · 2023-10-31T05:25:17+00:00

Gaslighting is where it’s at bro! I think a lot of us can relate?!

Ok-Direction-5496 · 2023-11-01T08:33:16+00:00

Talk to him

MR-Ozmidnight · 2023-10-31T15:56:37+00:00

Look start getting mad at her, by that I mean set her as the enamy as she started this and your going to finish it, stop thinking she's means something to you she doesn't think of you unless it's a ATM and she going to get everything so if that's the case let her win and keep walking over you, but if you want to come out of this with having your kids and keeping most of your money then stop taking to her tell her she can only talk to you through your lawyer, I do hope you have a good one as your wife sounds like a crazy, and only ever talk about your kids but I would not even do that only through your lawyer, Sounds like she has been taking to her toxic friends, get any everdance you can to her chatting or anyover thing she has done, Look in most cases unless there is collaborating documentation IE, old police reports of fights domestic abuse etc, they won't go anywhere with this it's just to get under your skin but you just do not talk, or write to her in any way, unless it's through your lawyer and ask your lawyer if they use a co- parrating app in that way you won't need to speak to her about the Kidd's, it's all done through the app, they hate it if you don't respond to them ok so no more talking to her or trying to talk to her, she hates you for whatever reason in her head, if she's been in an affair or thinking she can do better, but that really ever happens these women think that they can do ow so better, but in most cases if there in an affair with someone Iver at work, the gym, society, there Affair partner usaly kicks them to the curb once they have to deal with them everyday, or they find out that most older men go for much younger women and then it hits them and wants back in, but you will have moved on found someone or something that is so much better than this person, trust me she hates you becoures why would someone that loved you at some point try and put a restraining order on you, you have to change your thinking of her, she's not that loving wounderful person you married she has changed and not for the best, remember that. Just be the best dad you can be to your kids, they will remember that all there lives and they will remember who Brock the family up, trust me my EX ran off with my best friend at the time and left me with my two sons who were really young at that time, they have more to do with me than there mother and there in there 40's now. But I wish you all the luck in the world to get past this with your kids

SampsonRustic · 2023-10-31T17:46:30+00:00

Get a new, very aggressive lawyer and go for full custody. Document everything. She is the enemy. Stop telling her things. Stop arguing with her. Smile and nod and get serious or you’re SOL

Jonger1150 · 2023-10-31T17:51:18+00:00

Women can be so vindictive

Classic_Dill · 2023-10-31T14:04:08+00:00

Huh? You've allowed her to do this, sounds like you're not even fighting back, i guarantee nobody is lying about me in court, because my lawyer will simply ask for the evidence, which cant ever be produced, i think you need a much more proactive style, i think this is what made her turn on you, your inability to fight back, just a theory.

metalmaniak68 · 2023-10-31T14:32:29+00:00

It’s all games perpetuated by her friends and her attorney. Lawyers are just hired guns and do whatever will make them money. So here’s my take, as long as the restraining order doesn’t affect any time with your kids, just take it, ask for all communication to go thru an app like my family wizard and to be strictly about the kids. Say you get this order dropped, there’s nothing preventing her from just getting another one and they won’t stop. By the time my ex got to RO number 3 I figured it was just cheaper to take it as long as it didn’t affect any time with my kids and it didn’t. We did the parenting app, kid exchanges in a public parking lot with cameras(target), and it was pretty easy after that. Tough for them to get another one when there’s one in place, just don’t violate the order

DatabaseSpace · 2023-10-31T15:55:51+00:00

If this were me I would hire a lawyer to represent me for the restraining order hearing. You do not want to have one of those granted against you.

rsmiley77 · 2023-10-31T16:56:57+00:00

Do you have an attorney? Let them talk big stuff. You just be prepared. There are laws and guidelines that courts try to stick to. You should be fine in The long run but getting there is going to suck. The person who said everyone loses in divorce is actually wrong. Attorneys absolutely win.

salty-sheep-bah · 2023-10-31T18:15:37+00:00

I swear to you I’m not doing a damn thing wrong.

For what it's worth, I believe you.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2023-10-31T21:23:42+00:00

Get a good mean lawyer

NoConcentrate4186 · 2023-11-04T17:11:42+00:00

Put an emergency exparte order on her first and do it now… like yesterday. If you felt in any way form threatened request one now. Then keep your distance from her to be super safe and get all your dough cash. Get an attorney asap that specializes in women abuse. F this chick.

Title	No way I can win
Author	Dangerous-Sir777
Upvotes	16
Comments	48
Date	October 31, 2023 4:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17kco1g/no_way_i_can_win/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-way-i-can-win.1236903 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236903

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