Typical age gap relationship post reactions don't help anyone

Demasii · 2023-12-23T04:06:26+00:00

I try to find examples in your history. You did an AMA last year on age gap relationships. Specifically stating that you started dating older men at 13 years old.

The responses you got wasn't negative or dismissive. It looks like most of your responses to questions were deleted. Idk the rules in the AMA sub and maybe negativity is heavily monitored.

13 years old is very young to be dating older men. You are 19/20 years old now. I'm concerned that you were heavily groomed.

neinhaltchad · 2023-12-23T06:45:44+00:00

Bear and Twink: Love is love!
Butch and Lipstick: Love is love!
Hermaphrodite and Eunuch: Love is love!
Handicapped and able bodied: Love is love!
Trans and Cis: Love is love!
Western Woman and foreign man: Love is love!
Western woman and minority man: Love is love!
Older western woman and younger man: Go girl! You still got it! Get your groove back!

…

Western Man and foreign woman: Fucking disgusting passport sexist predator he had to bait her with a green card. She is basically a mail order bride with no choice but to flee the poverty of her home country and he’s taking advantage!
Western man and minority woman: That’s “problematic!” You just know he’s fulfilling some pervy stereotype fantasy. He wants some submissive Asian fuckdoll or a Spicy Latina that will cook and clean is all. Gross.
Western man and younger woman: OMG! Her brain isn’t even developed yet! What could could you even have in common? 24 years old is literally a child. You should be shunned by society you creepy groomer pedo!

Etc

thedarkracer · 2023-12-23T12:23:11+00:00

Yeah it isn't that wrong but until you grow out of your teens, your mind isn't developed. The older guys will only want to body you as from my perspective those pedos get turned on by only young little girls. They will just fuck you and then leave you as you get older. I have noticed the attraction teen girls have towards older men. You lose all sense of rationality and thinking. You also begin to think what you are doing is right and ignore red flags as he tries to control your behaviour, you substitute as being protective. He tries to just fuck you without thinking if you have also orgasmed or are you even feeling right and you substitute it as giving everything in love. He doesn't respond or make time for you and you substitute it as him being busy. Age gaps are fine as long as they are between adults not teens. There is a reason why almost everyone frowns upon having sex during teen years and a minimum age for marriage

TheCounsellingGamer · 2023-12-23T05:49:07+00:00

I'm in an age gap relationship but I'm the first to say that these kinds of relationships are often unhealthy. I was already an adult when I met my partner, and as I seem to be have been born at 25 and get closer to middle aged every day, it's worked out quite well. I was already training to become a therapist when I met him so I had some experience of the world. We've also never been horrendously unequal in terms of finances. Of course he earns more than me (but I have more assets), but it's not like he's earning 300k while I'm over here making 20k. He earns about 15k more than me, so it's not that much.

Age gap relationships can be deeply problematic though. The younger the person is the more likely it is to be unhealthy. A lot of young people who are "mature for their age" have been through trauma, which can leave them vulnerable. And if things aren't reasonable equal in terms of finances, life goals, etc then there's room for someone to be taken advantage of.

TL;DR: People shouldn't judge but they are right express concern about age gap relationships. This is coming from someone who's in a healthy age gap relationship.

captainhowdy82 · 2023-12-23T03:52:41+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with young women who date older men. It’s more like… the older man dating a woman who’s young enough to be his daughter is a little ick. Like you just wonder what’s wrong with them that they’re not with someone closer to their own age.

GeneralFig6053 · 2023-12-23T03:53:38+00:00

Can you post some examples ? What are these girls with older men asking ? And what are the comments on the post

januaryphilosopher · 2023-12-23T10:03:48+00:00

Do you actually read these comments? There are few insults. Most of the time when the gap is brought up, there's advice given that isn't about age and then a comment on the pattern of age gap relationships turning out this way. Even when a comment focuses on the gap, it's generally just to say it's a red flag and the relationship should end because of it, not as a way to call anyone stupid. It certainly is an age gap related issue, like it or not there is a pattern where it increases the risk of abuse and other problems. Those who are suffering deserve to know they're not alone and whether their situation is actually quite common, pretending like age gaps have nothing to do with it is doing them a disservice and increases the risk of this happening to them again.

Gitsumrestmf · 2023-12-23T11:12:45+00:00

Is it really surprising, OP? It's the internet. Lots of people here are just projecting their own issues, or acting out on their prejudices. Reddit particularly is notorious for it's "advice" from people, who cannot understand any nuance.

Personally, I don't think age gaps are necessarily a problem by themselves.

Older woman, younger man? There's not much of a way for a woman to "groom" and "traumatize" a younger boy. In fact, most boys have fantasized about being with attractive older women in their lives.

Older man, younger woman? Bit more nuance to it, but as long as the man has lots of patience and takes good care of her, where's the issue?

Only thing I draw the line on - if a girl is young enough to be his daughter.

AntiHypergamist · 2023-12-23T11:32:38+00:00

Only reasons women are so hysterical about age gap relationships: a) those women are old and bitter b) They don't want to compete with younger women who are more attractive and c) Men are not allowed to have any kind of standards and they want to force men to settle for the 30+ year old leftovers that haven't gotten married (which is a huge red flag in this dating economy)

thisreallyisnotok · 2023-12-23T03:52:23+00:00

People don’t want to admit that you’re more likely to get abused by some deadbeat your own age than by someone well off who is older despite the power differential.

AngeCruelle · 2023-12-23T04:11:43+00:00

I think they're less attempting to help at that point and more accepting that OP is a lost cause.

I've talked about my late uncle's romantic relationship with an older woman that contributed to his suicide on this sub before. My mom and her mother tried to dissuade him time and time again. All they could so was accept he was an adult, albeit barely, and let him make his decisions. They still miss him terribly decades later, and sometimes my mom wishes there was more she could have done to get him away from that woman. Now it's a cautionary tale for the rest of us. My sister ignored it and got an angry call from her boyfriend's fiancée for her trouble. That was when she learned what it took the rest of us a single story to understand.

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-23T04:59:59+00:00

Societies try to create norms for various reasons, so if a lot of people--especially women--think we would be better off with norms against age gapped relationships, then trying to normalize this feeling is, well, normal. The real issue is that these changing norms would usually get solidified by institutions that support the new norms: family, customs, community, religion, etc. But all of these are weak and weakening in the West. Thus, it sometimes feels like 'what is the point of trying to change norms or talking about it' in a culture where everything bows down to the total freedom of the atomized individual. Trying to change norms in such an environment sometimes seems pointless and like you are just getting into other people's business with no possibility of changing anything.

Right-Possibility966 · 2023-12-23T07:14:51+00:00

Women try to warn younger Women and get called old and bitter. They probably should just be quiet and time tell.

apresonly · 2023-12-24T03:01:59+00:00

"telling someone to leave an abusive relationship isn't helpful"

🙄

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2023-12-23T04:36:53+00:00

I think actual maturity matters more than age.

Based on your post history, you don’t really come off too mature.

ladyindev · 2023-12-23T21:47:13+00:00

Being too young and naive is a state of being, whether or not it feels fair to you. Perhaps the delivery could be more strategic and effective, I'd agree there. Young people who could be helped won't receive dismissive communication and that could keep them in relationships they shouldn't be in. The reality is that most young people won't understand healthy relationships or issues with age gaps until they get older. Being naive and lacking education and experience are a part of that, whether or not it feels fair. Many of us go through that though, so I never want anyone to think it's just you. I had very smart friends learn very hard lessons about being with much older men when we were very young. It was sad to watch them go through it, and many of us are trying to help you avoid the same lessons. It's also disturbing to see grown men getting away with dating extremely young women. But people probably deliver the message the wrong way, as most of us suck at communicating, and I agree that this can leave vulnerable people less willing to reach out again and feeling isolated.

"Also cases of abuse and DV it's not an age gap related issue, it's ever sort of relationships."

I would disagree with you here somewhat. Yes, all age groups experience DV, but young women have high rates of reported abuse and are likely bigger targets in age gap relationships where they may be even more easily manipulated, controlled, isolated, etc. Some research shows that adolescent girls with older partners are more likely to be involved with riskier partners than young girls dating boys their age, more likely to be victimized, more likely to have unprotected sex, etc. Young women are still usually developing the parts of themselves that would make them feel on equal footing with an older man, aware of resources and strategies to get out of abusive situations, feel confident enough to challenge emotional abuse especially, not believe an older man who gives the impression that they're just naive and don't understand that x behavior is totally normal and acceptable when it's not, etc. It doesn't mean that every single couple reflects that reality, as that's usually not the case with anything. It's about likelihood of risk and common patterns of psychological/neurological development and life experience in a given society. Pretending that everyone functions the same at every age isn't it. But yes, women of all ages experience abuse.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3706999/

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0145213414001021

AutoModerator · 2023-12-23T03:41:47+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-23T03:41:47+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Typical age gap relationship post reactions don't help anyone
Author	iwillprobneveruse
Upvotes	6
Comments	135
Date	December 23, 2023 3:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/18owsho/typical_age_gap_relationship_post_reactions_dont/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/typical-age-gap-relationship-post-reactions-dont.1241405 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241405

Comments