Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?

sadstayathomedad · 2024-02-07T18:52:24+00:00

Tons of comments from guys who have sworn off women, that’s sad! I’m going through it now and have really benefited from getting involved in ethical non-monogamy. You’d be surprised how many women out there don’t want your money, don’t want to secure you for a lifelong relationship, but want to have a little sex and companionship every now and again. It was a great side effect of my stbx wanting to open our relationship before everything fell apart. I’m lucky to be in a large city, but if you browse an app like Feeld there might be some in your area. I also use an app called Bloom. Provided you are good at keeping solid boundaries, communicating your needs up front, using protection, getting regular STD checks (just do it, it’s a good thing to put on your bio), and controlling your own feelings, it can be really great. I’ve been living in a house with a woman who doesn’t look at me, who I used to love so much. Now I have a few that I see who don’t want me to move in or be a husband. The regular cuddles and intense sex sessions have been so valuable. I just don’t talk about what I’m going through, but they do know, and we have a good time. I’m 46 and I think this mindset the younger generation has about sex is really a gift.

CakeImaginary5292 · 2024-02-07T16:14:02+00:00

In my culture, whichever spiritually inclined man happens to get free from bondage in the form of marriage and family (typically at an older age than you, after feeling that he accomplished everything he needs to) and does not worry about material things like money. He chooses to utilize his time in realizing the love of devotion towards god.

But you do you friend.

idiskfla · 2024-02-07T07:54:11+00:00

Find some hobbies you can lose yourself in (that you didn’t do / enjoy with your ex). Preferably ones you can do with your child.

(I really got into cooking, gardening, weightlifting / jogging, and rc car racing - latter based on a Reddit recommendation). Gave up scuba diving, surfing, hiking which I used to always do with my ex). Maybe I’ll get back into those old hobbies one day. Maybe I won’t. Packed up all my scuba, hiking, boards, and stored it at my brothers place.

Spending my money on nice cookware, garden stuff, fitness trackers, and rc cars gives me motivation to make money (although honestly, it doesn’t cost that much. but it still motivates)

Tried golf, biking, martial arts, salsa, guitar, etc. and those just didn’t have staying power for me. At least not at this time in my life.

Consider getting a dog. I’m getting one when I’m back from my current “world tour”
Join an in-person divorce men’s group. Hang out with these guys. It’s tough to hang out with friends who have their shit and families together, even if they’re lifelong friends and want the best for you. Even if you’re not the envious type, it can trigger alot of emptiness when you hang out with friend whose familes are intact.
Treat dating / sex as a hobby. Nothing more, nothing less. Much easier overseas. Both getting matches and dating itself (I’m in my late 40s). You’ll encounter judgement from the 20yo males, but just ignore them. It is what it is, and we are where we are because life took unexpected turns

Worried_Baker_9462 · 2024-02-07T04:39:36+00:00

Money isn't real

Everyonelookatme1 · 2024-02-07T04:16:00+00:00

I know the feeling about not caring so much about women anymore. I have met a few here and there since the divorce. But man, my marriage took so much out of me. I’m going to need a LONG time to heal from this wound. No women.

samk002001 · 2024-02-07T03:22:52+00:00

Dude, you are not alone here! I went through my whore face for a little bit! There’s just not worth the squeeze for me anymore about dating and having a family again. I enjoyed playing my guitar and play cards game with my brother, and life’s good!

Feinixaway · 2024-02-06T22:58:43+00:00

I'm no longer interested in dating and sex.

you have achieved Nirvana lol

Keep doing what you're doing. Enjoy life, save, and enjoy time with your daughter. Take some time to build relationships with new people, and stay away from women.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-06T22:11:42+00:00

It’s interesting, I find myself in a similar mindset. I work hard, workout and love the time I have with my kids. Outside of that my mind is almost entirely focused on building wealth - I’m incredibly cheap now, pinching every penny possible just to watch the numbers in my accounts go up. It’s not necessary at all, l’m well compensated and I should have a decent retirement in 25 years regardless but it’s the only thing besides my kids I seem interested in now.

I guess I am interested in sex, just not in dating or cultivating a real relationship. So unless I get lucky on a work trip or something that’s not happening regularly. Part of my ex’s scheme was to talk me into an out of state move “to be closer to her family” which of course I did a few months prior to figuring out her affair and the divorce process started. So, it’s not like I have buddies to go have a beer with and chat, no family in the area either.

I dunno, I’m headed to Europe next month for a badly needed vacation and hope that changes my mindset. It’s not that I’m depressed or lost, it’s just that literally all I care about now is collecting and compounding more money. What’s the point though? What am I going to spend it on? I guess I’ll just have something to pass on to my kids.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2024-02-06T21:19:19+00:00

Hey man, somewhat of a similar situation here, I had a really nice life set up for my family to leave the corporate grind and spend more time with my kids and guess what, the exw just "was so unhappy" and blew that up.

Well, 1.5 years later, I have been working hard to recover and thankfully due to some good investing choices and cosmic karma, I recovered quite a bit. I still have a house to pay off but have a plan to knock that out. One that I did was reframe my relationship with work, my current job I got after I divorced has been much better for work/life and I look at it as a little more fulfilling compared to the grind I had before. Sure, I make a fair bit less but I don't dread going to work. If this is an issue, see if you can make a slight adjustment. Also, look at it as every day it gets you closer to your freedom. I also focused on a few core hobbies and that has helped bring a little more purpose. You got a lot of good times with your daughter and your life with her doesn't end at 18 either and one day you will have grandkids man!

Substantial-Ant-4010 · 2024-02-06T21:16:45+00:00

You need time to heal. You have an opportunity to reinvent yourself. Who do you want to be. Take a self inventory, what do you want moving forward. Get rid of the bad, enhance the good. Work on yourself for you, no one else. No one is ever going to take care of you better than you. best of luck!

Yankuba3 · 2024-02-06T20:46:27+00:00

I focus on work, parenting, exercise, hobbies, community service. Occasional socializing or a date. Not much time left after that.

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-06T20:10:41+00:00

Well you’re in the right place. We pretty much chat about this nonstop around here lol.

Just a creative option, make a decision to enjoy your 9-5. It ain’t gonna suck up your soul if you make a decision to be the best most positive most creative 9-5er your company has ever seen.

Then on Saturdays play golf. That’s what I did to cure the “what the fuck is the point?” problem that you are describing. It works.

whiskey_piker · 2024-02-06T19:58:21+00:00

Personally, I didn’t feel that way at all. Then again, divorce was my choice and my Ex was a BOD/Narcissistic manipulator. I happily cleaned up my finances in a few months and was mentally healthy enough to date. I also had been investing significantly in my kids (8/10 at the time) development and that was a smooth transition. I pity the parent that needs to form a close bond with a teenager. That’s a ling, murky, arduous journey that must be travelled.

This just means you are early in your recovery. You don’t talk about your health, or extracurricular interests/ goals, or socializing w/ friends and this is where growth will happen.

The really great news os that of you commit to spending the next 6mos cleaning up your diet, you physical health, and your financial situation, when you are ready to enter the dating world, there is a dearth of quality, healing men and the most desirable women of all age groups will be noticing. I enjoy the significant upgrade with my(50) fiancé(35) that comes with youth and a vibrant outlook on life with little relationship baggage. But that is inly possible if you confront your demons.

lifeisallihave · 2024-02-06T19:43:07+00:00

There's more to life, try to enjoy the small wins, live healthy and see your daughter grow up to become an amazing human being.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2024-02-06T19:43:06+00:00

I’ll be 40 next month, I had 3 ltr that lasted over the span of 3 yrs during that time we never lived together, never shared any finances, everything was 50/50, had regular sex with protection. But after that 3 year mark they always wanted to marry I refused because I knew they weren’t right for me. I stupidly decided to marry my now ex wife because of societal and family pressure, what a stupid mistake that was. Now I’m on the path to find me that same relationship but I vow to never get married again, worse case is we break up and go our separate ways

whoisgodiam · 2024-02-06T19:35:29+00:00

Get yourself a rotation and never marry again. The good life!

tragicaddiction · 2024-02-06T19:31:01+00:00

concentrate on spending the time with your daughter and making good memories right now,

financials you can worry about later when she is grown.

Title	Happily divorced, now what? Is money all that matters?
Author	NewDay0110
Upvotes	38
Comments	69
Date	February 6, 2024 7:10 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1akhqwr/happily_divorced_now_what_is_money_all_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/happily-divorced-now-what-is-money-all-that.1244759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244759

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