How do you guys deal with the depression of being an older virgin?

revente · 2022-09-27T12:20:57+00:00

I've told you in another thread. While I've always been the 'cold approach guy' I think that you should start with getting hobbies and friends first.

Because your post history indicates that you need to get socially adjusted and get some support structures first.

montanalombardy · 2022-09-27T14:06:00+00:00

I lost it late as well (later than 26). Being depressed about it is normal. Know that it's possible to do it and work like hell towards it. But for a short term, easier solution, meditation and mindfulness help to lower negative emotions.

My advice to you is: socialize. Socializing and meeting people is how you get girls. Fitness, money, success, status, fashion, etc. Are all secondary to it.

You should first build enough of a social life, and social skills and confidence, that getting a gf or getting laid occasionally is a normal thing for you.

As you said, normal guys get dates. Fat, unsuccessful, sloppy, shy guys get dates. How? They are social. They go out, they meet people. Some of these people are single women and are interested in this friend of a friend.

jsbach123 · 2022-09-27T13:04:40+00:00

Since you mention fat guys are getting matches on Tinder, I presume that's your primary source to find dates. Have you thought of not using Tinder? Tinder seems to be the greatest instigator of depression on this forum.

DD_Dietriech · 2022-09-27T13:07:39+00:00

Bro, What's your purpose?

You're hitting the gym good, but have you started to feel the changes in your body yet? Do you feel more solid, more energetic, more "go out and do something"? That's why men go to the gym and get swol they/we get addicted to that sensation. Again though, What is your purpose?

It sounds right now that your "purpose" is getting a woman and the levels of self pity and defeatist attitude is frankly repulsive. What is your purpose?

The reason people say to get more hobbies is to allow you an opportunity to find something that you are passionate about or discover your true purpose. What have you dedicated your life to? Finding a woman? A leech's sole purpose in life is to find an animal, latch onto it, and suck it's blood. You currently think that getting a woman will grant you love and affection, but this makes you no more than a leech, a parasite as you offer nothing.

I got a number from a gal on Saturday because I engaged her in a 30 minute conversation about Mold and Bread, because I am teaching myself to be a Baker from old family recipes and I have a passion for Mycology. I state this because most people find the subject of mold and fungus abhorrent, but because of the passion that shows through when discussing the subject she found me attractive. Getting her number or anything else from her is not my intent nor did I really want it, but she gave of the signals of wishing to interact more. I took down her number and offered to teach her how to bake bread. She can stay in my life or fade out it doesn't matter much to me as I'm focused on my hobbies, interests, and passions.

Figure out your purpose and actively pursue it. Stop pursuing woman as you are a dog casing a car. Instead you need to develop yourself into someone that drives the car and women will become the dogs casing the care. This our unique power as Men. Embrace this power and get on your purpose. You have 10 years before you hit your Prime.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-09-27T13:42:38+00:00

When I was coming out of a divorce, I realized that I was not good with women. I embraced the attitude that I was bad with women, but I wanted to improve, and everything was going to be a social experiment until I got better.

I basically did a shit ton of online dating, and a little day approaching. I think I dated around 30 women in a period of 6 months. I got rejected by a lot of those women, but I didn’t have any expectation going in. I just wanted to have fun, hook up, and improve my social skills so when I met someone I really liked, I would be prepared. I had a lot of success with the failures as well. Rejection comes with it.

I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all, but it just happened. Now I’m in a long term relationship with a woman that I would have considered out of my league a few years ago, back when I believed in leagues.

I think that same attitude is needed. Accept that you’re bad with women at this point. That’s ok, there’s no shame in it. If you want to have better success with women, you have to put yourself out there and practice. Social skills are like any other skill or hobby, the more you interact with others, and are hyper observant, the more you will improve. It’s like an other form of success—you just have to be willing to experience discomfort to get what you want. Seek pleasure instead of avoiding pain.

Don’t use porn, get in great shape, pursue your passions without being deterred by women, always maintain personal set of ethics, and you’ll be fine.

TiberZurg · 2022-09-27T13:47:26+00:00

There is a way, but for someone in your situation it's not going to be easy. Just going to the gym or to various hobby groups isn't going to cut it, although it does help a bit. If you really want to lose your virginity and are willing to take things into your own hands, then you should do 1000 cold approaches. or go out at least 3 times a week for 2 years. If you do that, you are guaranteed to lose your virginity, because being good with women is a skill. It's about learning how to have fun with women, how to not act weird, how to express yourself authentically by making yourself feel good and expressing what's truly inside of you without hiding behind barriers of politeness or giving in to fears about how you'll be perceived. True authenticity is at the core of creating a connection, it doesn't really matter how much money you make or if you have a purpose in life or how you look, what's important is that you show who you truly are because fakeness and doubts about how you are expressing yourself can be sensed, as well as fears about how you'll be perceived. You'll automatically be funny and charming if you are truly authentic and embrace that, but you can only become that way through a fuck shit ton of experience without respite. Apart from going out to bars and clubs, extended solo travel (for months) could help a lot, because you are bound to meet a lot of people that way. Go work in a hostel for a while, or at a ski resort. Go to all sorts of festivals a lot. Push yourself into situations outside of your bubble of safety that bring out your true self and let go of your inhibited responses. You are going to have so much fun if you do.

4G3ntl3m4n · 2022-09-27T15:56:57+00:00

Was in a similar situation as you at 26.

Read the rules of the game. Lost it a year later. Met and dated 5+ women so far. Still a work in progress but I’ve actually become confident enough to be picky now.

So I guess what I’m saying is, it’s never too late to start.

Ecofre-33919 · 2022-09-27T14:46:27+00:00

It’s got to be mainly a confidence issue.

Go somewhere that it is legal and hire some prostitutes. Tell them your deal and let them teach you what to do. Make sure they are not human trafficking victims. Pay them well. Then you won’t be so scared when the time comes.

tinyservant · 2022-09-27T19:08:01+00:00

I can repeat myself over and over again - Pay for sex and you will feel 5 pounds lighter and more confident after nutting inside her 😎

singleguy79 · 2022-09-27T15:48:23+00:00

Unless you want an emotional connection, just get an escort.

ilhahq · 2022-09-27T16:04:24+00:00

Ive never seen someone more focused on self pity than u OP. Every month u post this sort of shit, for more than 4 years already. Just go pay for a prostitute already! At least, it will remove the pressure you feel. For years, nothing u tried worked, why not trying something u didnt try yet ?!?!

Kakatheman · 2022-09-27T19:39:54+00:00

Bro just fuck an escort lol

Think_History_5682 · 2022-09-27T23:07:39+00:00

I get an escort if I'm in a pinch or go on vacation to Thailand, The DR, or croatia.

It's awesome, works every time.

Sex shouldn't be denied to you just bc of looks skill or status. It's a top 10 human need. It's out there just go get it!

PullHerMando · 2022-09-27T13:24:17+00:00

Prostitutes lol

keptit2real · 2022-09-27T14:59:42+00:00

If you want that bad, go pay a working girl. My first time was with a sex worker. Is it something i regret...no I don't. After I was finished with the sex worker I realized there's more to life than just busting a nut. Beware sex worker sex not the same as from a girl you pulled. Continue to work on your inner game. Look up David wygot ( forget last name) he's a pick up artist. Helped me a lot

2022-09-27T13:46:43+00:00

It's not like women will come to you, unless you have some extraordinary presence. You need to help your luck and find yourself in situations where you can naturally interact with women. Stay casual about it, you need to get familiar with simple conversations and social situations first. Then you should learn a lot about pickup game to change your mindset and try out different styles of approaching in practice, learn from your mistakes and improve quality of your conversation and presence.

You shouldn't be ashamed, seduction is very much a skill, sometimes you need to put a lot of proper effort in it to get results. Gym is only one of the tools.

ryefield97 · 2022-09-27T16:07:12+00:00

Change the stigma you surround “getting laid” with.

Trying playing the rejection game.

Approach women with the sole purpose of gaining a “point” if you get rejected. This doesn’t mean purposely say things to get rejected, but instead takes the edge off when you do. Even better if you can do this with a few friends on a night out for example. Compete with each other to see who can get the most rejections. You are both learning how to talk to women, and dismantling the psychology that makes you “freeze up” in the moment.

AlbanischerBauer_ · 2022-09-27T13:20:38+00:00

Meditation cures depression, so I say.

You suffer from Limiting self beliefs, especially judging from the 2nd paragraph. Read Psycho-Cybernetics.

You whine a lot, but I haven’t seen you take action to improve your mental health. Hell I doubt you even know how to read a book properly.

You struggle mentally, so get your shit fixed, before starting to think about women, brother…

CryptographerOk7707 · 2022-09-27T12:58:17+00:00

I think it depends where you live, for hobbies and stuff. But one thing for sure is, the easiest thing you can do is go out to clubs. But dont just go there, get drunk. Seriously, and when i say drunk, i mean really drunk. Nit to the level of vomitting but sou get the point. And while youre drinking, make cheers with one single girl so she gets drunk too. As well, if you have the opportunity, you can fill her drinks and make them extra alcoholy so she gets more drunk than you. Constantly, apply some jokes, the stupider the better, in the end a little dancing and next thing you know, youre making out, inviting her to your place. One more thing, wear protection. I hope this helps.

lifeintraining · 2022-09-27T14:15:34+00:00

You just have to work on yourself first and the women will come with it. You can’t measure your self worth by sexual success or you will drive yourself crazy, and I totally get that that’s difficult to do.

Btw, those fat, balding, and lazy guys are almost assuredly indiscriminately fucking whales on Tinder.

Albreezy_uwu · 2022-09-27T14:24:53+00:00

If you got out to bars and clubs it is really not that hard to land at least a kiss

richion07 · 2022-09-27T14:31:45+00:00

“Literally Me” movies always help and will make you feel better. Here’s 10 to get you started: 1. Drive 2. Blade Runner 2049 3. American Psycho 4. Fight Club 5. The Batman 6. Nightcrawler 7. Taxi Driver 8. Joker 9. Good Time 10. The Dark Knight

Jasonhardon · 2022-09-27T15:48:10+00:00

Why don’t you just do what Charlie Sheen does?

Father_Donjuan · 2022-09-27T15:49:47+00:00

My guy, before you go chasing butterflies, make your field beautiful first.

Read the book the Mack within, it's written by a pimp and changed my life. (inner game)

Afterwards read the book psychocybernetics written by a plastic surgeon. (inner game)

After that legit, get your BMI up or down to 24-26, by working on arms, core, and legs at the gym. For several months. (outer game)

Meanwhile start talking to almost every stranger and holding a conversation. (outer game)

Then get some good photos once the body starts coming in and try number closing in person as you talk to strangers.

The photos can boost your dating app success. The number closing should give you real life leads.

Over time you'll gradually start feeling your way to what works then one day poof you have amazing sex.

I lost mine at 21 sir. Build your garden. The butterflies will come.

bellusinlove · 2022-09-27T16:03:46+00:00

Being depressed isn't attractive....

H8beingmale · 2022-09-27T16:05:39+00:00

"I feel like maybe I'm missing the gene that allows me to understand how to attract women or something."

reminds me how i look at that from a different perspective now, it pisses me off a lot, makes me enraging mad when people call it a skillset or learnable skill or something you learn, because then people will say that women need to learn or have skills as well, which makes me laugh and cringe.

Spiritual_Brain5029 · 2022-09-27T16:12:44+00:00

Do you have a porn addiction?

Ok_Ad_367 · 2022-09-27T16:14:31+00:00

You go to a prostitute and lose it, that´s how you deal with it if it´s making you depressed.

You can start therapy, start all the hobbies in the world but nothing will help you as simply losing your virginity

neotonne · 2022-09-27T17:07:10+00:00

because i am hot. i get a lot of attention but don't care about casual sex. I do get get depressed about not being able to form an intimate bond with a highly educated and attractive woman, the 1%.

Some day Inshallah

Sumbuddyonce · 2022-09-27T17:13:40+00:00

Deal with your emotions first.

Imagine you spilled a cup on the counter and it's dripping down to the floor.

Are you going to wipe the floor first and continue to do so as the liquid keeps dripping down? Or are you going to dry the counter first and then deal with the floor?

pikecat · 2022-09-27T17:15:59+00:00

People here do know what it takes, if you ignore the pua formulas, yet the people asking always want the shortcut, or aren't willing to put in the effort because they don't get results early on. They have the wrong idea of how it works; you're changing yourself, not using some method.

I was not doing too well in my early 20s, but I had started to make the point to be more sociable, talking to people in that time; talking to people I didn't know as often as possible. I was also very involved in my career, so didn't spend too much time on it. However, I continued to socialize, but not with the goal of getting girls though, just to schmooze with the top tier people. I did have female friends, however.

If your goal is to get girls, you're not going to do it. This is the one area of life where you can't get your goal by going directly to it. As others say, you need to be fully involved, and happy in your own life. This is what makes you more attractive. Thinking that you need a girl, means you won't get one. A woman doesn't want to be your crutch, something you need.

I knew one girl, who was a good friend, she once made a point of saying that there'd be no sex, as she told me that she was going to sleep in my bed, with me, because she didn't like the guest bed. Another time, we were somewhere else and I was completely in my own mind and enjoying my time, somewhat oblivious to her, but as a friend. That time, she developed the burning desire to sleep with me. I was passionate and engrossed in the activities that we were doing, and not concerned about her. This is a microcosm of the wider world.

If you need a woman, you won't get one. If you are a complete person, with a passion for life, now you look attractive. You need to be positive and have a passion, a zest for life that is bursting out of you. Having passion within you, makes you attractive. An unhappy guy, with no interests in life is the guy that no girl wants. Also, having carnal knowledge of women will help a lot to give you the right outlook.

For me, I kept at being better socially, later doing a huge amount of socializing. After years of a few relationships and a bunch of ONS, women started to approach me. In that time I didn't watch tv or play any video games, for 10 years. It was work, travel, socialize. Travel was constant socializing.

I know really well the difference between being the guy that women don't notice, in that way, and the guy the women find intriguing, and the different way that women act around you. It's hard to put into words. It was a mammoth effort, however, getting girls was never on my mind, it was an unexpected side effect of being a better person.

The practice of talking, as other people here say, means that you will appear to be better, and know what to say in the future. It will help you in every area of life. You will be able to talk to anyone as a totally confident person. Doing this puts you in a different world, people respond to you in a much more positive way. Your focus will shift from in your own head, to the person that you're talking to. You will read that person, instead of yourself, and say all of the right things, for that person, if you want to. For me, all of the right words would come out of my mouth before I knew what they were.

So, you can learn, or change yourself. Working out is a good way to start your transformation. Earnestness, is not the ways to do it. As others say, find something to do that you are passionate about. You need to be interested and enthusiastic about life.

zapadz · 2022-09-27T17:18:18+00:00

Try these guides to attracting women:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXehvygXNEc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuUPdPov0K4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twTrrGiRXtY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYmFAWvk0TU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwzR7Rp6IWs

Try these for getting over depression from being a virgin:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAuGxWo56Vs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xxqg4PHg3M

2022-09-27T17:25:09+00:00

Standard Practice for Dealing with Anosomatic Depression: "I'm Not Depressed"

robveg · 2022-09-27T17:38:50+00:00

Man I used to feel the same way. I wished so hard to no longer want women. I wish I could take a pill to make it go away. There is a lot of good advice here.

Self confidence is key. Don't have it? Fake it til you get it. It works.

NomadicSifu · 2022-09-27T17:44:21+00:00

https://youtu.be/CKlmx8D2sNA

hummm- · 2022-09-27T17:46:43+00:00

It is hard to get a girl's attention nowadays. But you have so much going for you on your side. Your age / you're in the gym / your fit and your willing. It's okay to go on a few of those website and let them know that you haven't experienced that yet but you're wanting to. There is no doubt in my mind your message box will be full with girls who want to play/ Have fun with you/ and explore with you. Give it a shot I guarantee you you're going to be extremely glad you did something like that. There are just as many girls out there who want to play with a guy's body as there is guys wanting to play with a girl's body. Especially if they can show you something new

TreyK0 · 2022-09-27T17:51:48+00:00

I'm not that much older than you because I'm 27 and I've only had sex with 2 women my entire life (so far) and this isn't a brag but more my advice. I got laid because I was never looking for it and just like you I had moments when I was down. What I did was change things up if you're doing things just in the attempt of getting laid it's not going to be fun for a while. Someone in the comment section may have suggested this by now but try going to some new places or a new hobby and not so you can get laid instead because you have some form of enjoyment/interest from that location/hobby. Also build a strong support group of friends it helps a lot for your mental health and it keeps your mind preoccupied.

This goes without saying, try the cold approach and I'm not telling you to go and try to get laid in your first attempt build up to it. I have 2 posts in this subreddit where all I did was talk to a girl about her hair and that did wonders for my confidence. For you start with something as simple as a hello or a basic compliment if things escalate then let it happen, naturally. If she tells you off that's okay too because you tried and that's a lot better than never trying at all.

Now I [as well as anyone here] can go on a literal tirade on dating apps especially tinder but I'm going to keep this sweet and short. With apps you're playing a game of chance and there's little feedback on your actions while in person you can learn a lot more and improve upon that because you can see the feedback.

Striking-Panic3120 · 2022-09-27T18:24:50+00:00

Hmm I did by having a bunch of hookers and working out

RProgrammerMan · 2022-09-27T18:25:42+00:00

I don’t think anyone should. It’s okay to have negative feelings about not having a relationship. But it is possible to improve, I’m much better than I used to be. I attract plenty of women now but haven’t yet found someone for a long term relationship. I feel that who you sleep with is a very personal decision and it’s perfectly okay if you haven’t met someone you want to do that with. Some people rather wait for a healthy relationship and that’s a much better story than doing it with a prostitute or a drunken one night stand. It’s only a problem if you make it one.

Golden_Golem · 2022-09-27T18:36:28+00:00

You gotta learn Game and unplug yourself from any feminine conditioning you may have

fubufarrakhan · 2022-09-27T18:38:27+00:00

not a virgin but as a guy who went to a very long drought and being in a very dark place what saved my life was investing in myself. Finding out who I was and what I liked. Enjoy finding that inner peace you gotta be able to honestly say you like yourself before you can look for somin someone else. For me that was music and art and also going outside getting active and exercise. Im not a gym bro(Yet lol) but our bodies are machine that’s connected to the mind. If your working out make sure its for that right reasons and give yourself some more attention internally and watch how your outside interactions change

SnooObjections4345 · 2022-09-27T18:40:01+00:00

I’m 23 and virgin. it used to bug me alot but now I don’t care honestly. Sex it not the price for me anymore. Its about making money and status and I will be a pussy magnet.

2022-09-27T19:09:31+00:00

I'm 37yo and I have been doing tons of good improvements in my life. Many things i learned from books from Mark Manson and Dr. Robert Glover. Second, would be /seduction and /datingoverthirty. But my main teacher has been myself.

You need to fix your mental health first. Fight the negative voice in your head and dominate your mind to do your will. For example: Discipline.

After that, you have to start making your life more insterestig, for example: I started to lose weight and so far, i lost 25 pounds + i'm heathing healthy. Also got my self new clothes and started to become a social animal (talk to everyone). Remove toxic people from your life. Get new friends. Go out more often (even if you have to do it alone, learn to be alone).

If you don't invest in yourself, no one will. So focus to be a better you each year. Learn, Train, Grow as a person.

Learn stoicism and how to apply it to your own life.

Stop having that minset of "I have to get laid because of blah blah blah...". First of all, deal with your own shit. Put your shit together and learn to work on yourself. You are the main reason for everything (You first and then the rest of your objectives). Don't chase women like a horny loser, let them chase you too and learn when they are interested.

I compete to be as good as those super hot guys in terms of fitness, fashion, social skills, wealth and life-quality.

Be a man!.

zapadz · 2022-09-27T20:21:59+00:00

Getting ripped at the gym isn’t the main way to attract women,

If you want to stop being interested in sex take the finders course and stop at location 4 or read and apply happiness beyond thought by Gary Weber

They-man69 · 2022-09-27T20:38:29+00:00

Touch grass, this is literally a first world problem

Suspicious_Leader_21 · 2022-09-27T22:02:51+00:00

Go to Prague visit sexno1 and get a hooker for $60 and thank me later chief

NinetailsDestruction · 2022-09-27T23:08:48+00:00

Maybe it’s natural selection bro

Hellomoto1010 · 2022-09-27T23:25:48+00:00

Maybe go to therapy bud. Sounds like you need to focus on your internalized feelings rather than getting laid first. Gain some confidence, you are a man. If you focus on being a virgin being your only personality trait, women aren’t going to be attracted to that.

hummm- · 2022-09-29T16:03:04+00:00

Then it's time to completely change your profile. Change the name you use the heading you use the description of yourself. Make yourself sound very confident. Let him know what you're looking for and it's okay if it doesn't work out but you're willing to give it a try. Don't limit yourself to one site look at all the sites out there where people are looking to get together.

hummm- · 2022-09-29T16:37:44+00:00

Hey one other thing. Try putting ads out there to where you're just looking for somebody to do something with every now and then. No strings attached just looking to make a friend for any activities. Theater, movies, walking hiking things like that simple going out for coffee and you will get replies it might take a while but you will get replies

four-seasonss · 2022-10-15T17:22:21+00:00

https://youtu.be/MWMWTTE-JR0

Title	How do you guys deal with the depression of being an older virgin?
Author	Ploikblah
Upvotes	105
Comments	170
Date	September 27, 2022 12:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xpf3w8/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_the_depression_of_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-guys-deal-with-the-depression-of-being.1249308 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249308

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