Did my first cold approach today

hoodbgoode · 2022-08-14T00:05:53+00:00

Well done on taking action, make sure to be consistent. Practice on people of all kinds until you hold a conversation w/ anyone

imivani · 2022-08-14T00:02:21+00:00

Congrats dude you’re above 99% of other dudes just for doing that. Treat your rejections as a video game, the more you get, the higher your score is. Do it respectfully though 😁 it’s a numbers game

NatashOverWorld · 2022-08-14T00:23:21+00:00

Good job. The difference between mentally knowing it's tough and your body screaming at you. That's how you overcome.

ineedhelpofmytongue · 2022-08-14T01:26:04+00:00

You're a legend if you did that, I would not do it because I am afraid of rejection. I've been rejected so many times and mostly because I am not a handsome guy.

kingliljanky · 2022-08-14T01:27:05+00:00

I just got catfished. Texted all day, met up for dinner. She was easily twice the size she was in her pics. Nothing wrong with being that big I guess but she mislead me. Used older pics or edited them to look much smaller. To not waste the opportunity to practice making conversation, I went ahead and took her to dinner. I feel like it was way easier to make convo knowing there was no pressure. I felt awkward at times because i felt people staring. She was a bigger gal. I just couldn't pull away as soon as I drove up. Idk. Make the most of each encounter and if you can do so without it getting messy, practice with people you're not turned on by because that pressure isn't there and can aid your convo skills. Edit: spelling

Longjumping-Ask-2122 · 2022-08-14T04:55:14+00:00

I’m surprised no one else has mentioned practicing on girls you don’t find very attractive. You would get practice for when you find some you’re interested in. I find it easier to have a conversation when I’m not as attracted to the person.

surfershane25 · 2022-08-14T03:51:48+00:00

First ones always the hardest, the 25th won’t be so bad, the hundredth will be easy… just keep cracking away at it. You didn’t get hurt, you weren’t ridiculed, you didn’t lose your job, all that fear was for naught. Remember that next time.

BalanceTraining2277 · 2022-08-14T05:59:43+00:00

Good for you man. Going to clubs isn’t always about going home w someone. Sometimes even just sitting down and having a decent chat and actual human interaction with someone Is a hell of a lot better than any kind of bs hookup.

coachmelloweyes · 2022-08-14T11:11:47+00:00

I don’t even know you and I’m proud of you.

drewcer · 2022-08-14T01:40:02+00:00

It’s not that hard when you realize you can pretty much talk about whatever pops into your head and girls will go with it most of the time. Do more approaches to get more comfortable with it.

Jdollarthegreat · 2022-08-14T01:23:45+00:00

Good shit!

JrRiggles · 2022-08-14T04:30:09+00:00

Dude, that is so cool. Good on you.

epimpstyle · 2022-08-14T17:59:53+00:00

"3 hours to build the courage" - actually it looks like you searched for the right moment to approach someone, you were lucky that the perfect moment was after 3 hours because usually the right moment never comes :-)

I am not a fan of the direct approach so I won't say anything about your approach but if you consider that you did it well then continue.... otherwise change the plan to something indirect and shortly you will see if the girl starts to ask you personal questions - then is the right moment to introduce yourself, etc...

ChateauSouVeRain · 2022-08-14T18:55:56+00:00

Congrats! I'm super proud of you!

Yeah, I auto-bailed probably my first 5 or 10 approaches. Because it's nerve racking as h3ll right? I must tell you that staying-in is incredibly easy to me now, and I am presently seriously working on escalation.

The fact you stayed in the cut for 3 hours! and then STILL managed to approach says a lot of good things about you. That's a long time to be in your head, so good job for staying on your goal for sure. Very important.

She asked you to sit down! That's a major win for so many reasons to get into now, but it's a major major win.

Next I would say for you, would be this, imho,

a.) start talking to everybody, all the time, as much as possible, in all social situations. You can learn the basics of talking to others in general, which are kind of just patterns of how to talk to people, and what is good and what is not so good to say in general and in situations. There are also many other benefits to this that I will not list here (uh oh-- looks like you will just have to do it and find out what I'm talking about, ha ha).

b.) the adage is true, the more you approach the better you get at it. So keep approaching, and maintain a rolodex in your head of things that seem to lead more toward a poor outcome or direction.. Then also, keep tabs on the things you say and do that seem to lead toward a more positive outcome and direction.

Example: one of the toughest things for me to learn was to not approach anyone from behind. Not directly behind for sure, but not even 45 or 30 or 15 degrees from behind. I get the usual trolls will say this is obvious and of course of course, however, there are situations where it's now or never and you end up approaching from behind. There are also situations where it's more timely to shoot now! even though its from behind, and then quickly get yourself out of it. But generally speaking, a rear approach will startle the girl, and then you will have to royally, and I mean royally, work your *ss off to recover the interaction. This makes perfect sense and yet, I did this 5 or 10 times before I could control myself enough in situations not to do it. But now, I automatically don't do it without even thinking about it, and in the very rare occation I do, I already have a recovery statement or two in mind before I do it, which I deliver while I'm rather quickly better positioning myself realtive to the girl. Just an early example here of what I am talking about when I say keep a rolodex of not good things you do, and then you will automatically catalogue the good things you do. In the beginning, it's largely about not making the major errors, but, you do actually have to figure out what the major errors are in order to avoid them. No worries, you'll figure these out pretty quickly.

c.) When you are in the interaction, one thing that seriously helps is paying attention to the girl. I want you looking, and learning every little movement of her face, as you look deeply in her eyes. Pay attention to her, and not all the crazy stuff going on in your head and in your body. I want you moving your body less that she is, saying whatever things, and looking in her eyes like 85% or 90% of the time.

If you want to, just as an exercise, I'd say find close situatiions where you look in a woman's eyes as long as you can and not say one d@nm thing. Like for example in passing each other in a bar in a tight situation your eyes meet and you just stop to let her pass or something, but you maintain direct eye contact until she looks away. Heck, you could literally just stand squarely in front of a female and just look in her eyes if you want to, and not say anything. But, pay attention to every nuance of her reactions and Not all the stuff going on inside of you. All that stuff going on inside of you, just straight off-button that sh*t, and learn what is going on with the girl by reading her as you look her in her eyes. The outcome doesn't matter. If she leaves or a friend comes up or whatever who cares. I want you to learn all the stuff that is going on with her, every instant you are making eye contact and beyond.

Omgoodness I am recalling so many roller coasters that girls go through in super brief periods of time just writing this. I have seen the prettist eyes and I swear it's like we f*cked or something. The next time I see them it's like a secret no one talks about because by then everything has changed and we can't get back there again. Except when the timimg is right , then yeah, I can get on it and we get back there again, ha ha.

Ok. So there's your mission. In a matter of weeks, you should be able to tell me the difference between looking into the eyes of a 20 year old, a 70 year old, and a 30 year old female. How it's the same and how it's different, and you should be able to write an essay.

Good job on your first approach. I can tell that you have the mental strength, and the b@lls, to do what, well, yeah, 99.9% of guys don't have the cojones to do consistently, day after day. Plenty of guys will theorize and argue endlessly on reddit, but very VERY few will do anything but a whole entire 2 times, in the next 2 years. So

Go forth! and prosper! It will be the ride of your life! Yes yes y'all Go Get It

ShouldersofGiants555 · 2022-08-14T06:16:30+00:00

BODIED

U gotta get crushed in order to crush sir

Few_Sheepherder9554 · 2022-08-14T14:28:35+00:00

Does anyone has STREET ATTRACTION APPROACH TO LAY course

Ok_Eye6886 · 2022-08-14T03:09:46+00:00

Hey I have a men's social dynamics group on telegram you could join for when you go out next time. You just message in the group and someone will be there to help you. Let me know if you want a link I don't want to be accused of spamming. Or something.

yeahthatslifedarling · 2022-08-14T04:28:36+00:00

You should be more messy and direct about it. You're bringing out really bad energy, and you're not ginna attract what you want.

LeaderOfWolves · 2022-08-14T03:55:58+00:00

Bro just ask her stuff & feel the vibes at least damn smh

Biggie_SmELLS_ · 2022-08-14T10:49:57+00:00

Good for you for building up the courage, however I don’t necessarily agree with going clubbing alone and sober to get with drunk girls, kinda creepy behaviour ngl.

Club__Paradise · 2022-08-14T01:31:21+00:00

Good on you man, it's all mindset. I have nights where I kill it and then some nights where I feel like a complete outsider and can't bring myself to approach - those are the worst nights - 100%. I could have a night of brutal rejections and yet it would still be better than a night where I just stood there looking around doing nothing.

2022-08-14T03:48:30+00:00

You did fine .. spending more than a few minutes talking with a stranger might look kind of creepy .. just do it and see where it goes and if nothing happens, no problem.

No means next

throwawaypines · 2022-08-14T04:36:23+00:00

Sounds like good practice! This shit is really tricky. I just use apps. Take pride in the fact that you’re breaking the ice irl

Dense-Face-487 · 2022-08-14T10:06:21+00:00

Just keep on going!! Turn that one approach in a night to 5 or 10. You'll learn to relax and become more comfortable which will help you be yourself.

WTFyow · 2022-08-14T10:28:41+00:00

Keep doing this and you’ll get there in no time. Great work. Try to find out why your mind is making it a big deal. Fear of her not liking you, not feeling comfortable expressing self, worry, anxiety, practice presence can help with these. Find out whatever the struggle is then work on mentally overcoming it or adapting practices that help :)

The more you do this your confidence will improve but don’t let how the interaction went affect your confidence, find confidence in the fact you’re actually approaching and being a badass

alex1247 · 2022-08-14T11:21:06+00:00

OK but now you have to teach yourself to seal the deal. My strategy for this is never end a conversation without attempting to exchange contact info

L3g3ndkilr · 2022-08-14T13:22:54+00:00

Happy for you,man. At least you took the initiative and went ahead and spoke, so kudos to you for going ahead and doing that!

I recently went to my first proper clubbing experience, there were plenty of ladies I'd have loved to have had a chat with, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it! I don't know why, I'm usually an extrovert and can hold a conversation. Kinda felt like an ass after that one.

Low-Original-8152 · 2022-08-14T14:29:05+00:00

i’m proud of you

Wertyasda · 2022-08-14T16:22:55+00:00

WELL DONE 👏 👏 👏

Amkg2020 · 2022-08-14T16:45:41+00:00

You need to accept silence it's good

organbakery · 2022-08-14T17:00:38+00:00

Well done!

opex100 · 2022-08-14T17:09:20+00:00

Good job keep at it

kevinsmithburner · 2022-08-14T17:33:08+00:00

getting rejected isn't as bad as you think. Get enough of it you just don't feel anything and learn to be quick about the next interaction.

Xiaco9020 · 2022-08-14T18:09:06+00:00

Good job tho man. It can be really intimidating. I suck with dating and cold approach but kudos for mustering the courage to do so. I’m sure it will get easier.

TheJoeyJoeJoe · 2022-08-14T18:14:05+00:00

It's a start - but make sure you keep going out regularly and make you keep building on that.

Also, don't take advice from people on here who have not even done one approach.

maryellen322 · 2022-08-14T19:54:13+00:00

I think I need to say this and the percentage may be off but not by much 64 percent of guys who come on to chic and come right out and say they want to bang them gets banged.

isaacnewtonx40 · 2022-08-14T20:16:10+00:00

Free associate Plow until something hits (a conversational topic) Find commonalities Make future projection Get phone number Set up a date

Confractus1 · 2022-08-14T21:33:24+00:00

Congratulations! :)

Maybe it seems like you didn't do much, but I think that actually overcoming the anxiety and having the courage to go to her is a great job.

Point A is to actually get to someplace with the intention to do it. Point B is to have balls when you finally see someone who could be approached and do it. Point C is to make a good conversation, and I could continue more and more.

What I want to say is, that you successfully moved from point A to point B. Now it's time to move from point B to point C (or work on it). You did a great job, overcoming point B and moving right to point C is something naturally not many can do (also me).

Also, I would suggest you one thing. I'm quite an introverted guy, honestly, casual conversations are not something that would be my quality. So I always, when I know I will speak with some woman (and it applies to other humans as well) prepare something to talk about and maybe some lines, or maybe even during the conversation I'll try to think about something and "put something into reserve". But I will use them only in the utmost necessity, almost trying not to use them unless I really know I've run out of ideas. It can take some discipline to learn it, but I recommend trying it. Of course, the conversation shouldn't be something you plan, honestly, my conversations never go as I imagine them, but that's why this is the biggest reserve you use only when you know you run out of ideas and want to continue the conversation.

Best luck!

Log701 · 2022-08-14T23:32:27+00:00

maybe start with wingman

rjones416 · 2022-08-15T05:45:14+00:00

you did good...you will soon realize approaching in a club is not hard especially if you had a few drinks. almost every guy in there is approaching with that liquid courage.

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-08-15T14:52:50+00:00

Try to understand the social dynamics that are at play. Your ego is trying to protect you, so that is why you are in your head. The quicker you can get past that the better. So, as you take social risks, you start to prove to your ego its not a big deal. Then you get more normal. Its all inner game, but you have to prove to your mind that its not a big deal to approach. But, you have to take social risks to get there. Its all about waypoints to get to. Personal change. Over time your mind adapts.

A few mindsets can go a long way to help. Here are a few important ones:

Treat the world as a social lab experiment. your just testing things out to see what works. So, all failures are learning lessons. Don't make a big deal about it.
Learn to love the process. The craft of approaching, pushing your comfort zone, fumbling over your words, getting rejected, changing things up, improving, getting better results, opening better, vibing better, etc... Look at all these things as the real reward. The social improvement you get is where the real value is. The numbers and lays will come in time. But, learn to love the process.
Focus on the process, not the outcome. This is closely related to item #2, but don't get caught up in outcomes. So if you don't get any numbers for a night out, it doesn't matter because you learned something and enjoyed the process. After every interaction there should be a smile on your face. Never walk away dejected in self judgement.
Self amusement overcomes just about everything. If you make everything fun, everything is easier. Rejection and social anxiety don't exist. Learn to make it fun. Reframe it if you need to.
Try to adapt an abundance mentality. Don't just do a few approaches. Try to do 100+ over a weekend. Every interaction is just one small part of your entire weekend. It has little importance whether you got rejected or got a number. Its just part of the process. Put it into its proper perspective.

NormalNorth · 2022-08-15T21:04:14+00:00

Respect dude, I've done this only a couple times and it's really nerve-wracking. I feel better that I got rejected than not having tried at all

andirk · 2022-08-16T04:05:35+00:00

I do that sometimes because I like the idea of a story ending on a good note before I have time to ruin it.

didndndnd39299292 · 2022-08-18T17:08:38+00:00

Don't waste your time I've been approaching for a long time now all you'll get is "I have a boyfriend" an unenthusiastic convo or a number and then they'll ignore you when you text or when you try to arrange to see them again they change the subject approaching won't solve your dating life lmao i even have approaching videos also rejection will cause mental health problems and low self esteem but good for you approaching bud!

traveller-1-1 · 2022-08-22T07:51:55+00:00

Congrats.

Title	Did my first cold approach today
Author	MrWolffman
Upvotes	656
Comments	110
Date	August 13, 2022 11:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wnsakl/did_my_first_cold_approach_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-my-first-cold-approach-today.1252126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252126

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