Why do girls keep going to the toxic guy who ruins their mental health but not the one who is willing to take care of them?

mjornir · 2022-04-23T12:32:08+00:00

1) low self esteem 2) the desire for what she can’t have 3) a need to mother/“fix” someone 4) full life & need for excitement & drama

joeyggg · 2022-04-23T13:38:32+00:00

Most girls are interested in a fun, attractive guy, has a lot going for himself, good social circle, hobbies, passions and personal goals.
They’re not looking for a caregiver/shoulder to cry on/personal servant guy who wants to worship her and make her the center of his universe.

STG9000 · 2022-04-23T06:52:42+00:00

There are just a few girls that do that, she's just not that bright I guess

prettyknj · 2022-04-23T12:31:16+00:00

someone already commented something similar but as a young woman i have to chime in as well. i don’t know what she went through in her childhood but there is a high chance she witnessed unhealthy love growing up which led her to this state. i myself still find myself attracted to toxicity because it’s thrilling and all i’ve ever known since growing up. there is something really enticing about toxic people i can’t seem to explain. i guess it’s maybe the push and pull effect. she seriously has to start healing and unlearning unhealthy patterns because this will ruin her in the long run if it hasn’t already caused her mental damage.

in summa: she most likely has a lot of unresolved mental issues causing her to act like this.

Raspyshxt · 2022-04-23T09:43:26+00:00

Don't listen to what she says, watch what she does.

When women complain about men, it's like a fat person complaining about how many calories chocolate has. Will they stop teaching chocolate? no. Is the chocolate going to change? no. Are their a million healthy options? Yes. Will they choose them? No.

Stay toxic king

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-04-23T12:10:15+00:00

I swear this question gets asked every day. It's because nice guys are boring while assholes are exciting. Women operate on emotion and are drawn to excitement, not boring nice guys.

caguru · 2022-04-23T13:54:32+00:00

In my experience like attracts like. Toxic women are attracted to toxic men and vice versa.

Beansnmilk · 2022-04-23T12:23:49+00:00

It does make sense my friend, i would say this girl has an "Anxious-attachment style" that she got from the trauma she had in her childhood likely from how her parents treated her or how some people referred to it as "Daddy Issues", your childhood has an insane and profound on you and your definition of love once you have grown up

DarthNobody · 2022-04-23T14:14:56+00:00

If someone tolerates being treated like shit, it's because deep down they think they deserve it. They're desperate for any attention or affection they can get. And if it comes from someone who validates that awful opinion of themselves in the process, it just feels all the more real to them.

Informal_Fishing5729 · 2022-04-23T12:22:10+00:00

Is the bad boy guy white or Pakistani as well? That shouldn’t matter but it does, sadly.

ouranophile · 2022-04-23T07:07:06+00:00

Everyone just wants what they can't have.

omanisherin · 2022-04-23T12:54:04+00:00

Women are attracted to mates that maximizr their quantity of feelings. The "abuser" is more fun and interesting than you, so she's more attracted.

Focus on learning and getting good at game.

dj_bizarro · 2022-04-23T13:49:00+00:00

/r/niceguys

2022-04-23T12:52:25+00:00

“Girls” don’t. This girl did. You’re trying to create a trend out of an insufficient sample size.

CowgirlBebop575 · 2022-04-23T09:52:06+00:00

I suppose that staying in a shitty relationship is the path is least resistance. They may also have fathers who were similar to their bf, so that relationship dynamic seems normal to them.

They could also just have low self-esteem and believe that they deserve such treatment. Could be a lot of reasons.

Familiar_Possibility · 2022-04-23T10:37:27+00:00

Chemistry is important, if she doesn’t have it with the hometown guy, what can she do? I think all of us wants to love and be loved. Or do you suggest she should settle down and be ok with just being loved? She’s so young, still plenty of time to have a heartbreak and then move and settle

Ok-Professional2756 · 2022-04-23T10:51:07+00:00

That’s a loaded question. You are misreading

TUKINDZ · 2022-04-23T07:31:42+00:00

Women live in their emotions. She'd rather go through a roller coaster relationship that stimulates her emotions and feeds her inherent need for drama in her life.

Some people (especially, but not limited to, people that grew up observing their parents' "love" expressed in unhealthy emotional rollercoasters) seek out drama and toxic relationships because they think relationships are supposed to be turmoiltous and difficult. They're more "exciting" to them, and they believe going through drama & struggles brings them closer.

Nice guys aren't exciting like tha to women like that.

2022-04-23T07:41:25+00:00

If you are a pretty girl, everyone is nice to you. So a guy can not stand out of the crowd (just) by being nice. She does not necessarily want a bad guy, but at least someone, that does not put up with her bullshit and gives her the feeling of being part of an adventure.

As a pretty girl she can chose. A guy, that is too nice, implies, that he is below her.

VeliVoy · 2022-04-23T07:10:18+00:00

She is crazy. They're all crazy a lot of the time. Only few are barely crazy at all, and they're usually married.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-04-23T14:21:29+00:00

Oof. You've asked a "tip of the iceberg" question, Mate. You aren't going to get a satisfactory answer from just a subreddit. I would suggest you learn the entire "iceberg". Begin your journey by reading: IN ORDER- The Game by Neil Strauss, The Truth by Neil Strauss, Sperm Wars by Robin Baker.

While reading you can supplement youtube clips of The33secrets. Also, Google Female Attraction Switches (but only read entries forwarded by the PUA community).

In order to be good with women you must be able to think like a woman. This will temper your actions and seductions with self respect. We learn to be better men not better fuckboys.

You won't understand the answer to your question thoroughly until you can fully understand AND ACCEPT/RESPECT a woman's psychology. Extremely important because accepting and respecting a woman's mental state means you must be the type of man that CAN accept & respect her mental state. ALL men that learn about seduction are at a disadvantage because they never take into account how women think & feel and simply try to learn algorithms to bed them. It doesn't teach you how to be the man that women want, it teaches you how to seduce women. Note the distinction. It is subtle but exceedingly important.

If you don't respect everything about women you have no business seducing them. Yes, even respecting their capriciousness.

VeliVoy · 2022-04-23T09:56:03+00:00

This is how you can spot a damaged woman so you know to stay away.

thirdleggings · 2022-04-23T13:01:34+00:00

I think girls, not women, girls, tend to mistake toxic guys as "confident."

KoozeMang · 2022-04-23T14:18:45+00:00

Because the kind dude dosent challenge them.

More-Cat-9226 · 2022-04-23T14:31:38+00:00

This sounds like a low SE and probably HSD female. Be careful with that combination if you do not have enough experience. Which it sounds like you don’t posting this comment. I’ve been there my guy! Literally the guy she’s chasing is doing it right. If you’re hung up on this girl you’re doing it wrong. If you come off as the guy that’s always available all the time this woman doesn’t give a fuck about you. Neediness equals bad. Abundance and borderline uncaring equals good. Abundance and borderline means that you have value, passions in your life, enough going on in your life that this woman would love to be a part of it. Also however being with any female should be on your terms and her decision too of course but she should complement your lifestyle you should not change like a chameleon around her this is not how it goes. She will begin to lose attraction and become frustrated.

Ps. Don’t put the pussy on the pedestal or compare yourself to other people.

SagerG · 2022-04-23T15:26:31+00:00

Why do men keep going for the clueless girls?

MikeinManchester · 2022-04-23T17:16:25+00:00

because they know when they are old, they will have nice guys that are willing to take care of their total life.

Andress1 · 2022-04-23T22:16:10+00:00

The second guy sounds like a weak pushover with a very servile attitude towards her while the first sounds like a confident guy who doesn't give to shits and would stand up for himself and not take crap from other people.

Basically the first one acts as a strong man and the second one as weak.

womenareuseless69 · 2022-04-23T22:54:01+00:00

Because women are not all the way there in the head. Stop trying to be a hero and just let them be hoes… they don’t wanna be saved. Spare your own mental and develop no attachment to women.

jjboy91 · 2022-04-23T09:40:40+00:00

Because they get bored faster than a 🐝

SonyHDSmartTV · 2022-04-23T09:42:34+00:00

Daddy issues

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-04-23T10:27:34+00:00

Because she is into that kind of guy, if you want her you better be acting like he does because that’s what works with her.

Copy what works, don’t try to do what you think should work.

The other guy is just a nice guy, nice guys don’t get rewarded with marriage or sex for being nice. Because that’s not how thinks work.

She loves the guy because she has a strong emotional connection with him, and that’s what matters. How you feel about someone, not whether someone does good deeds for you.

People don’t date nice or bad people they date people who are attractive to them and make them feel an emotional connection. Some may be bad and some may be bad.

BitchLetEmKnow · 2022-04-23T13:51:26+00:00

She...she's not quite a one off but girls like her aren't that common either.

I get where she is coming from. Atleast if you're not one for commitment. If she's looking for a husband out of this UK guy then she's a bit dense. Especially if she really thinks he's not talking to other girls.

I currently have a situation similar to hers but the difference for me is we are all aware that we will not be dating. One guy who has been in my life for a long time is literally happy with me just existing around him. He buys me food whenever i ask (a bitch loves to eat) and I love plushies so he'll surprise me with my favorite characters sometimes, let me play his games, use his car, ill watch his cat, he'll get a snuggle or two but for the most part i come and go as i please with him. The affection is nice but it's a lot and i actually don't care for that much attention/affection so i don't really try to see him that often.

My other guy. He's a dick. The relationship is like 60/40 sexual and my needs aren't met. All we do is get high, watch movies and sleep, he constantly is doing manipulative behavior (im aware of it so it doesn't work) for jokes, very selfish, almost never texts first, we only ever do what he is okay with doing (wanted to go to the mall once and he conveniently "forgot" about it), has cooked for me a handful of times (again, a bitch loves food) but thats the most he's ever really done for me. And share drugs.

I have a big ol crush on him.

I drive 30 minutes out of my way just to see him. Even if its just for a night. He doesn't have a car (by choice) so i take us everywhere. Ive neglected work for him some days just so i could spend more time with him. If im out ill get him a drink or food just because i was thinking about him. Im constantly trying to find ways or reasons to touch him, i complain about him to my friends when he makes me upset just to flip like a fucking switch when he messages me and says i can come over.

I. Am. Smitten.

And I am fully aware he isn't worth how i feel about him, but I can't help myself. He is a broken man and i just want to give him affection. That's it.

Contango6969 · 2022-04-23T07:47:43+00:00

Because if youre willing to take care of her you are lower value than her. She doesnt want a guy that is lower value than her she wants to date up.

mothersspaghettos · 2022-04-23T08:26:27+00:00

Women don't THINK. They FEEL.

When a stimulus is given repeatedly, one becomes numb to it. You treating her 'nice' 24/7 makes her not value that 'nice' But if she's treated like shit 6.99 days of the week, the 'nice' that does happen, however small it is, is worth a lot.

atomant88 · 2022-04-23T06:56:46+00:00

they dont

2022-04-23T08:58:21+00:00

Just to be clear here, the toxic guy was not toxic, she made him toxic

2022-04-23T15:53:04+00:00

Shared trauma creates a bond. The fact that he is the source of the trauma makes this man a magician

2022-04-23T15:58:15+00:00

Immature, princess complex. After the 20-something years old mark, everyone begin to learn and start how to treat asshole individuals. Don't worry about that, you do you and don't stick your D in crazy

Alecstocker · 2022-04-23T16:08:36+00:00

My question is if she's so average how does she have all these awesome successful suitors including you. Her personality must be amazing. Also girls often are self destructive. Self jeopardize anything that has to do with a good caring loving guy. They love the bad boys. Ask my little sister.

SpecialistDesk9297 · 2022-04-23T16:13:57+00:00

Because it’s exciting in the beginning.

hagakurejunkie · 2022-04-23T18:23:12+00:00

You call him toxic, she calls him "boyfriend"

Stop listening to what women "say" they want and start watching what they actually respond to.

Most women think the options they have in their 20's are like a saved game that she can just go back to anytime she wants.

They're not a queen and they don't want you to treat them like it. She's with UK guy because he "checks all the boxes" and he's stupid enough not to ask questions about other men.

Ikem32 · 2022-04-23T18:54:02+00:00

Abundance mindset and if she goes for the bad guy, she doesn’t need to be good herself.

xace89 · 2022-04-23T19:04:12+00:00

That raw D. Sometimes women want what they want. In this I am certain.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-04-23T20:43:06+00:00

Flawed human nature and mate selection criteria

djdante · 2022-04-23T22:41:08+00:00

Lots of good answers here… one other thing

What You See Is All There Is - “every guy I’ve ever dated behaves like this, so evidently this is how most men are” once you assume that, you stop looking for better and accept the garbage.

I coach both men and women, and men consistently date bad women Unknowingly too… I see the women most guys go after in clubs - those women would be nightmares to date mostly. And sure you say these men mostly just want sex from them - but they still want to date a woman like that too on the whole not realising how bad an option she is.

Also I can see from some comments here men assume “most of the women I’ve met are like this so obviously most women are like this”

So they end up with twisted world views of women because they only experience a narrow subsection of all women

intelectualycurious · 2022-04-23T22:46:38+00:00

Because the toxic guy is willing to be honest with them. Usually the nice guy isn’t willing to break his silence when things aren’t going the way he wants.

CommercialPlay6204 · 2022-04-23T22:50:47+00:00

Demand and supply!

Title	Why do girls keep going to the toxic guy who ruins their mental health but not the one who is willing to take care of them?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	73
Comments	103
Date	April 23, 2022 6:49 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/u9zfdv/why_do_girls_keep_going_to_the_toxic_guy_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-girls-keep-going-to-the-toxic-guy-who-ruins.1261397 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261397

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