Why do girls think this is acceptable? (X-post from F7U12)

botulismthebrat · 2011-04-05T23:17:02+00:00

This shows that he has a social life and she'd be lucky enough to be a part of it.

Friday night Magic down at the Daily Planet comic store. Be there, babe.

huyvanbin · 2011-04-05T23:46:58+00:00

What I really don't understand is why people (not just female ones) will often say something positive when they actually mean the opposite. For instance, this girl says she really had a good time. Why did she have to say that?

Another example: I had an interview a few weeks ago where my interviewer said, unprompted, "I got a feel for how you think, and I think I would really enjoy working with you." Now, something told me when he said this that my chances were pretty much zero, but I don't know why. I mean, why say something like that if you're not interested in hiring someone?

I could go on with more examples.

daygamer · 2011-04-06T02:08:34+00:00

It's pretty clear why this happens. He's not asserting dominance. Asking what the girl wants to do will turn her away. She doesn't want to make that decision.

Agreed.

For the second girl: should've told her when he's free and let her know what he'll be up to.

Not so sure. When scheduling dates you need to know two things: when she's free and when you're free. You already know when you're free, so now you need to ask her when you're free.

I_AM_A_HYDRALISK · 2011-04-06T02:44:20+00:00

I've had this. Tried both suggestions and they don't work. If women don't want men to lie then women, don't lie through your teeth to our faces. Now off to get some girls' hopes up, arrange a meet then not turn up to make it even...

BombedCarnivore · 2011-04-06T02:49:59+00:00

Why the fuck is it all the guys fault? Is it that fucking hard to say when you're free?

ImKumarYo · 2011-04-05T22:52:52+00:00

You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Edit: It's really getting depressing watching Redditors do the same thing over and over again (especialy on r/f7u12, askreddit, and relationshipadvice) and expect things to be different. Then when anyone comes in and gives some positive advice they all turn and attack the poster.

ladywonderlux · 2011-04-06T00:42:12+00:00

its not about asserting dominance it is about the fact that they dont want to have a date with you again.

it is a simple, evasive let down so that she doesnt have to embarrass you

Atheizt · 2011-04-06T04:14:22+00:00

What the fuck. I know that you're correct so this isn't a rage at you OP but seriously WTF is all this bs?

If we don't word something in a particular fashion we get ignored? If we dare to offer them the privilege of deciding what to do next time that makes it ok to flatly ignore us and pretend none of it ever happened?

Women are human beings too so whats this I don't even?

Preemptive: No, not all women are like this but it can be strongly argued that as a general rule telling will yield better results than asking.

Equally preemptive: I'm not some butt-hurt forever-alone, I'm not even single. I follow this /r/ to improve myself and my social ability.

Zamarok · 2011-04-06T00:01:41+00:00

The real question is why do guys think this is unacceptable? Fuck it man, this is how a lot of women act. Stop complaining and deal with it.

If she wants to go on a date with you she will answer your text/call. Simple. If she doesn't answer then you might as well find another woman and stop worrying about the one who is uninterested in you.

I think there is some seddit belief that if you tell her to meet you then she will come but if you ask her then she won't. If she is really interested she will come no matter how you ask. If she is uninterested then no matter how you ask or tell she isn't going to come.

The reason I give the advice to use commands is to help guys remember frame.

TheSpangler · 2011-04-06T06:47:38+00:00

That used to be me in my 20's, but I've gotten to the point where I just don't give a rat's ass anymore, and that seems to work better than any other method of "seduction" that I used to employ.

Wear sweat pants, and bring a travel mug of coffee with you to your next date. Act as though you are more interested in whatever endeavor you got going on at the time, and act as though the coffee in your mug is the best thing going on.

She will be like putty in your hands.

alexryane · 2011-04-06T09:44:57+00:00

I do this! It usually means:

Wasn't that attracted, would have fucked on the first date but they didn't want to, and I cant be bothered to spend another 2 hours with them for the possibility of mediocre sex
Above plus their too-soon clinginess is freaking me out and I will lie and say whatever it takes to get rid of them without having to face a confrontation.
I met someone better

I'm a guy btw.

LeSpatula · 2011-04-06T19:02:39+00:00

I, as a guy, tell a women who wants do date and I'm not interested, that I have already other plans. I wonder why women just can say this too instead of lying. Well, except once, all my dates showed up, so I can't really relate to this story.

drunkasaurusrex · 2011-04-06T00:41:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Vurv · 2011-04-06T00:07:23+00:00

Never chase after a girl.

theawesomeone · 2011-04-06T03:58:11+00:00

Unfortunately, it may not be this simple. If the date sucked, it won't matter how he frames the proposition for the next date. Likely, she already knows enough about the guy from the first date to decide whether or not there will be a next one. But, if she's on the fence, yes you could screw it up by asking on Monday what she wants to do on the weekend. The two problems with this are that you're giving her decision making control and that it's signaling you're so eager about it that you're thinking about it way ahead in advance. The other thread about "don't ask, tell" applies here. If it's consistent with your frame, a simple, "you and me, let's go to a jazz bar, saturday," would have been much better. If she's into you, she'll suggest an alternative if she's busy. If she's REALLY into you, she'll probably ditch her friends to hang out with you, that is if she feels like you are a prize, and you're framing the interaction as such.

The "what day specifically are you free?" communicates neediness. Even if a guy friend did this I would feel uncomfortable.

fluxBurns · 2011-04-06T06:40:56+00:00

I can agree with the OP but see a bit of the woman's POV too.

On the one hand turning someone down is really difficult to do without feeling like you are hurting them, so avoiding the situation makes you feel less involved in the turning down all together. It is a passive rejection and much easier on yourself (but can be quite hurtful for the other person). The only time I stop contacting someone is if they do something that creeps me out, like sending me a really weird email, with too much personal info, the first time we have met.

From the guys POV it makes no sense why a woman will emphatically allude to the next time you guys are going to meet and then flake. It would be better to just say "thanks" and keep all references to the future vague.

As for "being more alpha". I hate this phrase. Somewhere, deep down, you must believe that women are too birdbrained to give any input into what they want to do on a date, so "Mr Strong Caveman" must order female around and guess everything that is going on inside her head. I don't respect women that have opinions about a guy that can change with the wind based on him showing her a little respect and consideration. She is hopefully intelligent enough to say "I don't know, you decide! and make it fun."

Secondly speaking to men in general, nothing makes me feel more beta "dare I say omega" than kowtowing to a bunch of stupid 'rules' on dating. Accepting being lied to and instead of not putting up with it, learning some odd social maneuver to circumnavigate the rational thing to do, just because that is how women are. Some of the women I have met have been spoiled brats in grown up bodies that have been enabled by a bunch of "mock-alphas" willing to play their stupid games because "that is how women are". No they are not, that is how society permits them to be.

Nothing is more alpha than respecting yourself and others but not putting up with disrespect or foolish behavior. If men must do the heavy lifting of approaching, asking, risking rejection, women can at least show a little respect and not say one thing before doing the exact opposite.

StephenJR · 2011-04-06T00:58:23+00:00

It is because a lot of guy will keep on trying if you tell them "no". It is much easier to say yes and then not return your call.

calvinvle · 2011-04-06T05:11:24+00:00

It's a nice way to say no. That's why us men need to get them back!

We hit it and quit it on the first date! Ain't gotta worry about that next weekend after you hit it and quit it!

truthie · 2011-04-06T06:36:07+00:00

Because it is acceptable.

cc81 · 2011-04-06T08:05:28+00:00

I guess for the same reason guys does it?

2011-04-05T23:27:45+00:00

He should have called instead of texted.

ApuaA · 2011-04-05T23:45:02+00:00

I hate movie lines, but one I think should be practiced with regularity is Robert Downey Jr's from "Tropic Thunder"

"It's simple as pie man, you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say 'Hey! baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's in the story.'"

If she doesn't want to go, turn around and find someone who does. If she flakes, there are 10 others that want to go out that night. Quit whining about the one that won't give you an answer and go find the ones that will.

2011-04-06T07:00:50+00:00

The point is, it IS acceptable. That's part of the display of arbritrary rules that the finer gender play. See a comment from kleinbl00 that sums it up pretty well

If you want to get around that, you need to know how to work the rules. Hence why you are in this reddit.

Title	Why do girls think this is acceptable? (X-post from F7U12)
Author	maddawg579
Upvotes	95
Comments	130
Date	April 5, 2011 10:49 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gjggm/why_do_girls_think_this_is_acceptable_xpost_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-girls-think-this-is-acceptable-x-post-from.1287863 https://theredarchive.com/post/1287863

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