How to become a less boring person?

xelloss · 2012-01-17T08:26:34+00:00

Some people are recommending hobbies. Sure, that's one way, but I don't think having a hobby is going to fix the core, fundamental part of his personality that he's trying to change. Part of being a fun, interesting person is simply a mindset that anyone can obtain, focused more so on using the right side of the brain rather than the left. My advice? Fake it till you make it. Smile. Complement people, make them feel good. Say whatever stupid shit is on your mind, do whatever stupid shit is on your mind, be spontaneous. The more you do this the more it will become a part of who you are.

2012-01-17T10:34:00+00:00

Most posts here have covered it. People like people who like people. It's great to be proud of all that you have achieved but taking an interest in other peoples lives is the way to be liked.

2012-01-17T08:16:58+00:00

What do you like to do? Find a way to do it regularly on a schedule, in a way that you get to meet people.

I like beer. So I started going to BevMo's beer tastings every Friday. Only costs a dollar, and I met a ton of awesome people. Auto-conversation starter: "How's the IPA? I'm not the biggest hops guy, but sometimes they surprise me." It becomes something to talk about to other people. Plus, I now know every single employee there. When I walk in, at least one of them is guaranteed to start a short conversation with me. It's an incredible value-builder, if I bring a date ("I go to this whatever every Saturday afternoon. You should come.")

Granted, I started going about a year-and-a-half ago. It takes time, and dedication. But it's fun as hell. Just make sure it's something you'd like to do.

withnail · 2012-01-17T12:06:13+00:00

A common social question is: "what have you been up to recently?"

You need to be able to answer that question. Have three decent stories describing what you've been up to making them as interesting as possible. Update this at least on a bi-weekly basis.

Ask the same question. Ask whether a person can relate to your current stories. It's all about tangents.

savoirfunk · 2012-01-17T14:06:40+00:00

Everyone else in this thread is wrong. I have hobbies. I travel a lot. I read plenty of books. I have plenty of things I could be talking about, but I still have trouble keeping a conversation interesting. Know why? Because NOBODY CARES about my trip to Africa last month. Seriously. They indulge me for about a minute, and then it's on to the next subject or they lose interest.

Here's the rub: People only care about things that affect their lives directly. Everyone, including you and me, only really cares about their own lives. Sure we all pretend to care about each others' lives, but the fact of the matter is that we're all just being polite. If you want people to really get engaged in your conversation, you have to talk about stuf that really matters to them.

But this is easier than it sounds! Because the number one thing on people's minds all the time is whatever they happen to be doing right then and there. Fortunately for you, you're right then and there, too! You're already part of the thing they care about! So talk about your surroundings and your situation. Make jokes! Make stuff up! Take whatever it is that you're doing and add some bizarre twist to it. If you can find ways to make humor out of the here and now, you'll be the most interesting person in the room.

cdank · 2012-01-17T09:17:00+00:00

Here's a random jumble of advice: Be really, genuinely excited and happy when you're interacting with humans. People want to be friends with energetic and good-spirited people.

If you're talking to somebody about your favorite place to eat, and you both like Chilli's, don't just respond, "Oh yea? Same here." be excited and animated. Talk about what ever the fuck it is you like about Chilli's. "Dude, I would suck a bag of dicks for a piece of molten chocolate cake."

When you talk, just try to be fun. Don't just talk facts and logic. Embellish, be anecdotal.

In a conversation, people want direction and like being led, but they want to be the one doing most of the talking. If you're talking to somebody at least mildly interesting, you should easily be able to bring up a random topic and let them roll with it. "Yeah, I went to the beach last week. I love surfing. You ever been to this beach/ever go surfing/ever go traveling?" then just let them prattle. Talking about what you're doing/what is going on around you is usually better, but if you run dry, just make shit up.

Ask questions, listen, and be genuinely interested in what they have to say.

You can talk about LITERALLY ANYTHING and it will turn into an interesting conversation. Just talk about the dumbest shit you can think of, "What your favorite vegetable? Wtf, cucumber? That's so weird. What exactly are you doing with your cucumber that makes you like it so much, hmmmm??"

"I just saw that new Adam Sandler movie. It was friggin' aweful! His acting career is going down the toilet. Do you remember when he used to be funny?"

I think at this point I should say that if you want to be interesting, you need to go out and DO SHIT and KEEP BUSY. Don't fall into an unbroken routine. Can't think of anything? Go do some charity work.

Personality can be boiled down to what a person likes and dislikes, and to what extent. Be picky, be specific, and hold firm to your views/opinions.

CrazyEddie041 · 2012-01-17T13:11:26+00:00

i think i can relate to you... people who have tendencies for "extremes" tend to find it really hard to achieve a sense of balance that satisfies themselves. u might find yourself envying the pros of being a loud person when u're quiet and envying the pros of a quiet person when u're loud. but IMO, more recognition needs to be paid to the truth that the other side will always SEEM greener.

the thing is. being boring (or in my words, low key), does not mean that people don't celebrate you. you may not get the hype spikes of the old days but you're may now be appreciated for being drama-free (and possibly thus, being the-reliable-one).

i think that it's hard to be happy when u're not satisfied with your position on the balancing scale... so, i suggest that you spend more time with the people who love you no matter where you are; people who know u're experimenting with your titration of "nice" vs "bad-ass". it'd still feel frustrating till you get to the point where u're satisfied with the "correct mix", but at least you know that u've got company on that journey of self discovery. u'd probably also discover that u're not the only one who's trying to create the "best-self".

on a sidenote: personality is not character. you may be a quiet or loud person but still share the characteristics of honesty, patience, self-motivation, steadfastness, etc. people who hang around tend to look more into character more than personality if you ask me. do things that reaffirms the awesomeness of your character (whatever that may be) while u're finding out how to craft a personality suit that fits you best; it'd be a good starting point.

2012-01-17T13:21:35+00:00

You need to let go. Turn off that part of your brain that tells you to never break any social norms.

Yes you will make some mistakes and be embarrassed but by relearning what's appropriate you will be much more interesting.

HumbertHumbertHumber · 2012-01-17T14:44:13+00:00

Coming from a boring person, i find the common thread that runs through all interesting people is experiences that you can share.

SpiderFan · 2012-01-17T11:55:58+00:00

check my post history.

generic_human_1979 · 2012-01-17T12:07:43+00:00

travel. having stories to tell is very handy in conversation, and travelling is an awesome way to get them.

ThisGuy182 · 2012-01-17T13:40:34+00:00

I have the same problem. I was popular in middle school and high school until I realized that I was a total douche-bag/borderline bully. I went the complete opposite way and now I am too fucking nice and boring as all shit.

priestofdisorder · 2012-01-17T14:15:58+00:00

Talk, use drugs, travel, speak to random people on the street, do something you always wanted to, talk, go to the movies alone, watch the top 100 movies from imdb and albums from rate yourmusic, read the classics, talk, go out gith your highschool crush etc...

Do fun stuff for you that will give you something to talk about and overall have fun, the hobbies are great openers sometimes as a lot of people say but the main goal is that you have fun in order to have something fun to say... Have you ever seen Forrest Gump?

Conradfr · 2012-01-17T09:33:29+00:00

Alcoohol.

_YourMom · 2012-01-17T10:14:12+00:00

get a slapchop.

Btf102 · 2012-01-17T08:00:09+00:00

Try exploring hobbies. You hit the gym regularly there are a lot of opportunities there- various classes, running/biking groups maybe, 5k or marathons. They are good places to meet people and the more hobbies the better. There are plenty of things to try like cooking, or some sort of art like painting for example. Just look around, find some ideas, figure out what you like and then develop it. You can meet people, learn interesting things to share and teach others, and hopefully get some good stories to tell.

kojopolis · 2012-01-17T13:29:47+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ereldar · 2012-01-17T15:12:16+00:00

Join a club or a sports team, take up shooting/snowboarding/flying or some other activity that is uncommon* if you can't find a club you like, start a club! Read the classics, watch sports ( or at least the highlights reel on sports center) pick your sports teams based on merit not because they're popular, then you can get into discussions about what team is better and why.

Volunteer for the local church or homeless shelter, at least two hours a week.

Learn as much as you can about technical skills, such as electrical wiring, plumbing, or auto mechanics.

And most importantly, find out what people are interested in, ask them to talk about it, ask people questions, LET THEM TALK, only talk about your life if they ask, which they will if you show a genuine interest in them.

*by uncommon I mean something that most people don't talk about, but a fair number of people do.

PublicStranger · 2012-01-17T16:45:43+00:00

It depends on whose interest you're trying to grab.

If you're trying to grab my interest, for example, forget about learning how to carry smalltalk. That will bore me out of my skull. Instead, get passionate and introspective about something. It could be anything—music, programming, badminton, tree identification, etc.—and I'll be sucked in if it's something you really care about and consistently work toward improving your understanding of. Engage me in an intellectual discussion on the subject and I'll talk all night.

But some people want someone who can tell funny jokes or charismatically talk about the weather (or whatever it is that people talk about when they aren't talking about a passion of theirs). It's not really my thing, but it will get you far in certain circles.

savoirfunk · 2012-01-17T17:21:04+00:00

Wow this turned into a wall of text.

The fact you're here, asking this is encouraging to me. Welcome to the beginning of a worthy quest: to be an interesting man!

The progression I've seen is this:

media (atmosphere) -> thoughts -> words -> acts -> deeds -> habits -> character -> destiny

Note that for each of these steps, energy and activity and time is required. You will not attain your goal without conscious choice and personal effort!

"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."

"The world is as you see it."

"There is nothing good or evil but thinking makes it so."

You want to change a part of yourself. There's good news: almost everything folks speak of as a 'personality' can and should be changed to best serve you. The ego is like money, or your appetite--a wonderful slave, and a terrible master.

Chesterton has an interesting take on interesting people: they are people who find things interesting. Even bores are just grist for their mill. Interesting people take an interest in what is around them, and follow that interest, that curiosity, wherever it may lead. Uninteresting people can't be bothered to take an interest.

Aside from that, I like many of the to do things I've seen in this thread. Always be the least interesting person in your group of friends. Read(1). Travel. Quietly pursue the things you enjoy most(2). Go slowly, where before you have hurried--

Ehrman, Desiderata:

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

(1)Ask me what to read. (2)You do know what you delight in, don't you?

pudgybunny · 2012-01-17T18:11:20+00:00

one thing i noticed about myself, and i'm not doing this to brag but in general i find that people enjoy my company, invite me out, look to me for something exciting to do, i personally believe the reason this is is because i'm a very very opinionated person. I have a disposition towards everything and am not afraid to voice it.

I'm sure when it comes to certain things in your life, you definitely have an opinion. When people engage in a conversation with you, they want to hear your opinion on things; this creates actual Dialogue between you two. If you're just agreeable, you're basically killing the conversation. You're not contributing any value to the conversation or insight and thought, you're not engaging the other individual. When you express your opinions thoughts and beliefs adamently, people will pick up on your character because it your beliefs and thoughts define you more and more, and they will know you more as "He's the guy that thinks this, does this, wants to do this, etc etc" as oppose to the guy that "does whatever hes told and agrees with what everyone says, cant think for himself, just a tag along".

so just Be yourself, Be confident in what you believe and in your opinions, who cares about being 'agreeable' You dont want to be agreeable you want to be you! so be that!

date2mate · 2012-01-17T19:01:45+00:00

The great surrealist artist Salvador Dali was described by his fellow students at the Madrid art academy as "morbidly" shy according to his biographer Ian Gibson. He had a great fear of blushing and his shame about being ashamed drove him into solitude. It was his uncle who gave him the sage advice to become an actor in his relations with the people around him. He instructed him to pretend he was an extrovert and to act like an extrovert with everyone including your closest companions. Dali did just that to disguise his mortification. Every day he went through the motions of being an extrovert and, eventually, he became celebrated as the most extroverted, fearless, uninhibited and gregarious personalities of his time. He became what he pretended to be.

Nexism · 2012-01-17T15:45:51+00:00

I think paragraphs are a good start.

nerdrageofdoom · 2012-01-17T13:05:04+00:00

Coffee shops. Join in conversation with people. Don't go to Starbucks, pick a mom-and-pop style coffee shop. It attracts a myriad of people with different backgrounds that you aren't going to agree with. From my experience the people outside drinking coffee and smoking are some of the best talkers. At the coffee shop near my house I met a friend who has a masters in mathematics, the guy who designed the maps for Forgotten Realms in 4th edition Dungeons and Dragons, several professional chefs, and a community college English teacher, amongst others. Vary varied backgrounds with differing opinions and ideals, just what you need to learn more about yourself by causing you to ask yourself questions.

2012-01-17T13:24:38+00:00

Read this: http://www.amazon.com/Intimate-Connections-David-D-Burns/dp/0451148452

chippeh · 2012-01-17T14:17:13+00:00

Don't become less boring. Become more interesting. Ask yourself what makes the people you are interested in, interesting?

I think it may be to become more interested in people. Be interested in them, not yourself.

2012-01-17T15:24:22+00:00

Recommending specific hobbies doesn't make any sense. OP should do activities that OP is interested in.

If OP isn't interested in or curious about anything, then OP is indeed not interesting and probably won't ever be. This is unlikely, and he probably just hasn't spent enough time thinking about it.

MonkeySteriods · 2012-01-17T16:22:38+00:00

Paper doesn't mean anything. It only means something to people that have never met you before, and mostly in consideration for a job.

There is a technique called mirroring. I would strongly suggest you look it up. That would give you the ability to relate to others a bit better, and figure out what other people like.

jeffwong · 2012-01-17T17:01:34+00:00

Try to understand other people empathy is a hard skill to articulate. Acting classes are great for that. Don't be like reddit. it can be annoying when your trying too hard or I don't care about your hobby. Say interesting stuff but economize on words.

Dirante · 2012-01-17T17:05:30+00:00

I don't think you should randomly have to pick up some hobby you aren't interested in just make yourself more interesting. Everyone is interesting to someone. I've wat read people recommending and i don't agree with most of them. Read how you described yourself. You study, go to the gym, and you are handsome/well dressed. Going to the gym and being attractive doesn't make you interesting. Do not start trying to get into stuff you don't like just to "make" yourself more interesting. If you want to get more well rounded and you are interested in gaining new experiences then go ahead. When it comes to being an adult it's all about holding a conversation. From your post it looks like you didn't become boring you just grew up and matured a little. Offending someone and disagreeing is completely different so don't be afraid to say your opinion.

Try to think about what you are actually into. What do you like? Don't start drinking and doing drugs to become interesting. You don't want to be like people who suggest that.

ejpusa · 2012-01-17T17:18:59+00:00

Read the NYTs. EVERYDAY. Not online, but paper. It will make you smart, cool, and more intense. Guaranteed! :-)))))))

throws-it-away · 2012-01-17T17:48:43+00:00

You might benefit from reading the old book How to Win Friends and Influence People. I resisted reading it for a long time because of its vaguely annoying title, but the information inside gives you a good base from which to start building a more successful, likable version of yourself.

audiostatic82 · 2012-01-17T18:17:44+00:00

Fake it till you make it.

Best advice I found in here. However, I think a key is how to fake it. Here are three things that have worked me, and still do.

1) Stories. Do things, take adventures and use the motto, when in doubt, do it for the story. When you do something fun, remember it. Think about it later, even retell yourself the story while you're in the shower, or in the morning while you're waking up. Be careful though, if this is all you do, then it'll seem like all you do is talk about yourself, which is why it's also important to ...

2) Ask questions. Not a crazy amount (and try not to make them feel like an interview), but questions that let other people tell their stories and talk about themselves a bit (try to remember the traits about these people too, there's tricks for that through this reddit). Someone mentions they went to Mexico last year, oh yeah, where did you go, what did you do, meet any interesting people, etc. Hell, I even straight up ask, what's your favorite story to tell people? It's a nice follow up after you've told a cool but longer story of your own, gives them a chance to talk/join the conversation/share a fun time they've had. But conversation is more than just stories and experiences, at some point you gotta ...

3) Be witty. This one is a bit tougher. I'm still working on the quick part of wit, but watching sit-coms (how I met your mother, arrested development or 30 rock, for example) lets you use other people's creativity. Now you won't be able to quote them out of context all the time unless you're around people who know the show, but it'll give the creative portion of your brain some exercise. If you do quote the show, most people won't even know it's not your own line (especially girls). If they do realize it AND comment on it, you just say, 'yeah, I love that show ... remember the naked man episode?' .. and boom, conversation and instant connection. Stand up comedians work well too, bill burr and joe rogan are two of my favorites. I've practically performed some of their material at bars. I just start off by saying something like, man, that's funny, reminds me of this comedian, do you know bill burr .. no .. well, he has this one skit he does about ... and just go on from there. This may or may not work for you, depending on your personality and delivery and all that jive, but a big key to all of this is the fact that even the funniest people say stupid stuff sometimes. They can't all be winning punchlines, if you fall flat just smile, say something like, well that wasn't nearly as funny as it was in my head, and move on.

Adding to 3, me and my friends quote things all the time. Every once in a while we actually play something we call the pop culture drinking game or pop culture punishment. The rules are simple, if someone quotes a pop culture reference and somebody else calls them on it, the person who called it gets to choose the first persons next drink ... and they have to buy it immediately. So it's possible for someone to be drinking a rum and coke with a 3 wise men shot and a glass of milk sitting in front of them because they got called out on 2 references. So an example would be one of your buddies sitting down on a wet chair and saying, I immediately regret my decision. You point at him and say 'Anchor Man, go buy a shot of well tequila.'

Also, learn to play guitar and travel.

seydar · 2012-01-17T19:21:16+00:00

Have an opinion about everything.

However, that's not the best way to phrase it: always be cultivating an opinion on everything.

elasto · 2012-01-17T19:23:37+00:00

People think I'm a fun person because:

I have energy.
I make good jokes.
I am friendly.
I care about people. I ask them about their day, and if something bad happens to them I am sympathetic.
I am positive. I take a bad situation and make it into something good, and that also makes people laugh, because they didn't think of that before.
I also avoid negative people. Being around positive people helps me be positive.

turtle_thunder · 2012-01-17T20:16:10+00:00

Learn to juggle, learn to solve a rubiks cube. Learn how to give a good hand massage. Learn to flip your hat and catch it on your head. Shit like this makes you interesting and is awesome to bust out at a party and raise your value while making you the life of the party. Do this a few times and people will never know how many cool things you know

drumdance · 2012-01-17T21:22:33+00:00

avoids conflict or uncomfortable situations at all costs.

I think this might be the core of the issue. Does "conflict" include teasing? I have friends with whom I never say an encouraging word. It's just insults galore. And it's awesome.

While I wouldn't recommend insulting girls nonstop, I would recommend disagreeing with something she says if you happen to disagree with it. (Smile while you do it.) Clamming up is just another form of lying.

captshady · 2012-01-17T21:40:48+00:00

Find someone that you feel is socially how you want to be, and then "fake it till ya make it". Pretend you're him. Respond to anything like he would, do what he would, and have no fear.

DoubleHawk4Life · 2012-01-17T21:51:34+00:00

Get good at contact juggling. If you feel like you're starting to bore a chick, whip out your crystal ball.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFafcjA_p7E

Four_Eight · 2012-01-17T22:06:20+00:00

This is probably a little unusual for this board, but I reccomend reading Dick Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. The advice in the book won't work perfectly with the PUA lifestyle, but certain elements are certainly very good for learning to talk and interest people.

MockingDead · 2012-01-17T23:07:40+00:00

Talk confidentially about the things you love! The more excited you are the more you will project excitement.

sucrerey · 2012-01-17T23:19:16+00:00

is it possible youre associating becoming interesting again with being an asshole? those two might not be related...

also,.. it's a cliche but that doesnt make it any less true: interesting people are interested.

become interested in the people you meet and the things that you do.

MARSpu · 2012-01-17T23:53:49+00:00

Do what you love and love what you do.

2012-01-18T00:13:25+00:00

make the conversation all about the other person. dale carnegie rightly advises that the most interesting topic to a person is themselves. make the conversation about them but not in a creepy way. youll have to develop your social skills to do this properly. talking about yourself will make you appear self involved and vain.

develop a keen eye for social subtleties. look around the room on your date (or random chick youre talking to wherever) ...are there other couples there on a date? make a game with your date to decide what the other couple's situation is. are they on a first date? decode the body language between the couple. impress her with your insights.

get a hobby. i do a martial art and i instruct kids in that art. i also coach kids soccer. bitches love that shit. suddenly im generous with my time and a good role model for potential children if the date progresses to a real relationship.

above all, be chill. women love a challenge. most women in the most honest moments will tell you that the guy who doesnt try hard to impress and is good natured in his self deprecation but doesnt make a show that he is too interested in her will make her wonder why he isnt interested in her and she will be more likely to chase him.

TheresJustNoWay · 2012-01-18T00:44:54+00:00

Try to be genuinely afraid at least once per day. That's all ya need.

2012-01-18T06:36:36+00:00

Get out of your comfort zone is my best advice.

http://www.tokyo-pickup.com/articles/comfort-zones.php

FitnessProject · 2012-01-19T15:39:08+00:00

Stop masturbating.

cmdrNacho · 2012-01-17T08:24:00+00:00

Read more books. It'll give you more to talk about. I'll also parrot Btf102's suggestion regarding hobbies.
Basically just spend less time on your computer. It'll do wonders.

Title	How to become a less boring person?
Author	RecoveringAFC88
Upvotes	153
Comments	110
Date	January 17, 2012 6:33 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/okjbx/how_to_become_a_less_boring_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-become-a-less-boring-person.1327105 https://theredarchive.com/post/1327105

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