I don't want as many women as I can handle. I just want one. Someone I can love and treasure until I die. How many other sedditors are looking for monogamy?

TofuTofu · 2012-10-05T17:18:15+00:00

From what I gather, most of seddit is looking for eventual monogamy. The point of seddit is to allow the PUA to expand their pool of options so as to become more likely to find that special someone. Along this path they learn a lot about themselves and try to improve themselves while having a little fun on the way. So is the way of the seddit samurai.

PUAbox · 2012-10-05T23:29:28+00:00

I am 50, a young 50, still active in more ways that one; 2 marriages, and.. a decent scholar of seduction, I think I have some useful to suggest to you.

If you truly want to be happy monogamously AND till you die, you don't just want one woman, you want the best woman, the one whom you can look at and honestly say to yourself: she's the absolute best out there and the best complementary fit for me.

There are women like that out there, not many, still quite a bit of them. And, guess what? They have many suitors, from people like you who want to offer them a lifetime of togetherness, to ... some of the people on this board who want to offer togetherness for a night, or for a little while ad they are juggling other women.

In short: you've got competition, from fierce and skilled competitors.

But wait, there's more! Once you and her have started dating, the competition doesn't stop, nor does the opportunity.

Being together with someone for the long term, means to always be at your peak performance as a confident modern male so that each and every day when she looks at you, she honestly tells herself he's the absolute best out there and the best complementary fit for me.

In short, you need to keep ~~seducing her~~ generating attraction from her, each and every day of your life, and that is not something that you do, it is someone that you are: you, yourself, the confident you, living your life at its fullest, happy, and sharing moments with your friends, family, and your lifelong companion.

It's not a one time event, you don't buy a car; you become a gardner and you have something to tend every day.

/r/seduction can help, sure there some advice geared toward getting down and dirty quickly, but there's also advice on how you can become that confident modern male.

Edit: grammar

ChickHabit · 2012-10-05T17:38:28+00:00

I honestly don't know if I want monogamy or not. I always thought I did, but the more I learn about pickup the more I think that whether or not to lead a monogamous lifestyle is a question that I will only honestly be able to answer once I have all possible options at my disposal.

For many guys, monogamy looks like a good deal because there is a scarcity mindset. If you think of attractive women as very hard to get, of course you just want to get one and hold onto her as long as possible. If you lose her, you might end up foreveralone..

I've been burned by that kind of thinking before; I expect that by the time I get where I want to go with pickup, I will have much better data with which to decide whether any particular woman is worth committing to.

You may already be better at dating than a lot of beginning sedditors, if you've already dated enough to get bored with it. I get the impression seddit is aimed at pelple who are noobs not just at picking up chicks to get laid but at any non-friendzone interactions with women at all.

KeroKeroKeroppi · 2012-10-05T17:35:04+00:00

Want to point out that this is not a binary option of wanting monogamy/love or just wanting to score.

I know many who are not monogamous, but have found what you are looking for.

Nothing wrong with what you seek though, good luck finding it, there are many other here on your same journey.

My advice for your quest: happiness is always going to be elusive if you are looking for someone else to create it for you. You need to find it within yourself before you are able to truly share it with someone else.

Exploretheunknown · 2012-10-05T18:30:00+00:00

It sounds to me like you are losing faith in finding the right woman. Don't. Keep on trying, you will get there.

The vast majority of us are also doing the same search as you are. Know that for everyone that doesn't work, you learn more and get closer to realizing your ideal woman. Once you know what you want it is just a matter of sorting through women until you find one that fits your criteria.

archaicfrost · 2012-10-05T20:30:25+00:00

This is certainly my long term goal. In the meantime I'm going to keep trying them out until I find the right one. No reason I should settle for anything less than the perfect one for me. No reason to rush into something, especially when you consider how high the divorce rate is. I would rather it take me until I am 50 to find the 'perfect' woman than convince myself I've done it and wind up getting divorced. So every woman I meet, date, hook up with, whatever, until then is a learning opportunity to help me figure out exactly what I want, and exactly what I don't want.

Would it be amazing to walk out of my house and literally bump into the woman of my dreams? Absolutely, and now I think I'd be better prepared in the event of that unlikely scenario. A couple years ago I can guarantee I would have screwed it up, or not recognized it, or not even walked out of my house at the right time if at all.

If I still was who I was a few years ago, even if we were 100% perfectly compatible with each other, I can't imagine she would have given me the time of day. I would always whine and complain about not being able to meet girls, or why didn't girls like me, or I would think that every girl who showed the slightest bit of interest was immediately the perfect girl for me - I thought I was ready for that FINAL relationship, but I definitely wasn't. I had a lot of work to do on myself, and probably have some left, to ACTUALLY be ready for the relationship I'm hoping to find.

GochuGopikachu · 2012-10-05T18:19:36+00:00

If you're bored with your friends, you have the perfect excuse to leave them altogether. Its not like you'll miss them and revert. Yea, I'm with you. I want that fucking awesome chick who will go run in fields and lay in the grass with me. We could build an effing tree-house together but we're grown up so it would kick more ass than the one i made when i was like 7. (I'm thinking LED's, Blacklights, and Wifi with a beanbag chair lounge and AC) So yea, you're not alone

MessesofMike · 2012-10-06T03:22:41+00:00

I started casually reading Seddit when I was already in a relationship.

I never had any interest in banging bar sluts, but I enjoyed the vicarious experience of field reports and was curious about the whole "PUA" thing.

Then I started experimenting with bits of advice. I went from a really "nice" relationship (like dating a good friend), to... her going through withdrawals after going without me for too long.

Crazy sex regularly, better communication, and feeling closer despite no longer spending all our time together.

Quality of life: improved. ... and I didn't even start lurking with a goal in mind.

A1337Munster · 2012-10-05T17:11:28+00:00

I totally agree! All I want is some love. It makes me happy to see someone else shares the same idea.

2012-10-05T18:26:59+00:00

word. i really don't enjoy the dating and chasing phase anyway. it's just a means to a stable, meaningful relationship.

Triplebizzle87 · 2012-10-05T23:21:44+00:00

I found Seddit a month or so ago. I'm still getting divorced and I found it a week or so before I initiated the divorce. I won't say Seddit is to 'blame', because it ain't.

I got married because I got my hands on an HB8, and being a foreveraloner, I refused to see the flaws in our relationship (she's a great person, we just don't mesh).

In the monthish since I've found Seddit, I've more than doubled the women I had slept with before I getting married (3, not super hard).

This subreddit changed me. Instead of being an AFC suffering from major AA despite being attractive and hilarious, I finally adopted the 'no fucks given' attitude I've spent the last 11 years working on attaining.

I'm an introvert, still. I became outgoing. I became a true blast to be around. I approach women all the time now, and men (still more nerve wracking than approaching women [to me]).

I'm divorcing, like I said. I will go after damn near any attractive woman I see, regardless. I still feel AA from time to time, and then I say fuck it.

So, if you're still reading, I love this sub for the times it's gotten me laid. Hell, I've got two HB9's and an HB8 waiting on me.

I'm not turned off to marriage, however. I know now more of what I want, and I know now to wait way longer before marriage. But if the right lady comes along, I'm down.

So, keep up the fight, brother/sister! Grats on being bored of this, but keep getting out there. The whole thing is a vetting process.

callipygos · 2012-10-06T00:16:22+00:00

I'm a lady, so you can take my opinion or leave it. Don't get super involved with anyone that you become disinterested in. A first date doesn't have to lead to a second date. If you're not that into her, don't make any more plans with her. But if you never date anyone, you'll be sorely out of practice for some of the things that pop up when you do start courting a lady long-term.

McApple · 2012-10-06T05:33:40+00:00

Feel the same way you do, especially on the bored with friends looking to score. Have an upvote.

X019 · 2012-10-06T13:16:39+00:00

I read it so it will help me get a date and make me a good choice. I'm an attractive guy, but a little on the socially awkward side. I do the whole kino thing and just try to escalate me in their head. More time with me = more time in their head (to an extent).

5f33ju · 2012-10-06T18:56:00+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. Good to know many others feel this way, too.

2012-10-05T19:43:57+00:00

Oh my god stop flooding seddit with this bullshit >> sidebar

Get good at dating women proceed to date women until you find that special someone and surprise, you get her because your a guy someone would want to date.

StarBarbershop · 2012-10-05T17:26:44+00:00

I have lurked here a long time, bought The Game last month and completely changed my life. I was looking forward to an amount of time of nothing but casual flings. However there is a part of me that likes one relationship at a time and believes in romance and all that shit.

Ofc one of the first women I meet and talk to a good bit is really awesome and cool. We officially got into a casual relationship last night actually. I am so torn up because a part of me still wants to open women and sharpen my PUA skills but another part of me is ready to tuck it away for awhile and enjoy this relationship.

The latter is probably going to win.

forgetitok · 2012-10-06T13:40:41+00:00

Well, now that everyone's gone...hello there. I'm a 21 year old female, I am still in higher education and work part time as a bar maid. My hobbies are singing and composing (nothing serious. Just a hobby - My songs are mostly about everyday life. My best ones are: "Where did I leave my keys again?"; "My Vibe, My Hand"; "Groceries (I hate you)" and my favourite "What to do (when tp is gone)")

I enjoy long walks late at night under the moonlight. I go the gym regularly (mainly for spinning and pilates) and also do tennis. I love all kinds of food and i'm not really interested in pets. If you'd like a picture just ask.

Probably relevant: I'm not in the US.

Zerraphina · 2012-10-05T20:18:23+00:00

I used eHarmony... They do the sorting for you so you don't have to have a ton of shitty dates. Granted I had to sort through their selections, but even their picks were better than finding someone off the street. But I eventually found another attractive, intelligent being. We've been together 9 months now and after the first month we already knew we wanted to be together forever. I know this sounds quick, but my last relationship lasted 5 years and after those 5 years I still didn't know if I wanted to be with that guy for the rest of my life. eHarmony really did a fantastic job of matching me up with someone with the same values. He is my partner, my best friend and my lover. We share everything, and it feels amazing to have someone who cares for me the way I do for him. I wish you the best of luck!

kazagistar · 2012-10-05T22:13:53+00:00

I always planned for monogamy, but I never thought about why. When I started thinking about it, I realized that it really does not mean much for me. I am a very low-emotional person, and have never been anywhere near "love" in my life, and don't feel particularly upset about girls cheating on me... I understand that most people are not this way, but why should I match their norms? I like having friends, I like pleasuring beautiful women. Sometimes the two even overlap. But all the "fluff" around relationships, monogamy, and so on just does not appeal to me, and if anything, would place me in a weaker position in achieving my own goals.

While I tried serial monogamy, my girlfriends would complain that I didn't spend enough time on them, pamper them enough, and so on. Now I make it clear that it is not part of the deal, and the problem fades.

mehwter · 2012-10-05T23:16:46+00:00

Been to as been women as I can handle, done that, now I too, want to just love someone. I'm going on a date, right fucking now, bitches.

imstartingover · 2012-10-06T01:29:47+00:00

I definitely wanna settle down one day, not too long from now either (a year or perhaps two) but till then i'm kinda fucking around a bit.

paulgualtieri · 2012-10-06T01:30:41+00:00

I doubt I could be happy with only one woman for long. My longest relationship (this was before I got into PUA) was 11 months, and I was bored to death.

Having a main girl that I like and seeing her for a while, maybe a year...that sounds okay. But I'd want others on the side. That's exactly what I'm doing right now, in fact.

Plus, I have 0 urge for some "lifelong companion." I'm only 26 now, but I mean I don't want this ever, not even decades from now. I'd be bored with anyone over the course of a whole lifetime, even a friend. And I have 0 urge to be loved also, and have never been in love myself. I've had 2-3 girls say they loved me, and it's flattering, but it makes me uncomfortable.

I don't know, maybe I'm weird, but I've always had these attitudes, long before I got into PUA. It just so happens that PUA fits me so well, since I don't want monogamy or LTR's anyway.

dantaeos · 2012-10-06T06:30:06+00:00

I used to think this way. And then I found a girl I really liked, fell in love, she loved me too, then pushed her away cause I was too needy. And my problem was very simple, I thought a girl can make you happy. But she can't.

The only thing that will make you happy is personal development and becoming a man. A man who is social, high value, exciting and naturally attracts womens. This way you will find lots of girls you like, and then date a girl without any fear.

So1lborn · 2012-10-06T06:43:39+00:00

It's monogamy for my hog and me.

sparkreason · 2012-10-06T07:35:15+00:00

You know I'm married (happily I might add) so I read this subreddit more to live vicariously through guys out in the hunt, and also pick up tips to keep the Mrs constantly interested.

I was exactly like you, and to be honest your views are perfect for you.

Here's how I did it. You need to find someone that is similar but different. Now that may sound strange, but it's true. Similar in regards that you have common bonds that you can build a relationship on. Different in that they are interesting and bring something that compliments your lives. You must be those things for her as well.

So for example if you are a gamer than she also needs to be a gamer, but a gamer that plays other games. Someone in a similar field, but a different area of it. Someone that loves sci fi but is more of a trekkie while you are more of a star wars.

You'll find the person you are looking for just by being in the areas that you enjoy because they will pass through. Also this is one important thing people need to realize as well. If you want someone that is really fit and has a banging body do you have a banging body? Cause if not you can probably forget that will happen.

Everything you are looking for in a mate ask yourself are you those things? If not you need to work towards those or change your vision of what you want.

cmramod · 2012-10-06T08:21:03+00:00

Don't do it man...

ThrowAtUplusAT · 2012-10-06T08:37:36+00:00

Sedditor here thats found monogamy through pickup.

Story: Forever alone random short ethnic guy most of life, learnt pickup. I mean not just sat there and read books but found a local interest group and went out with them weekly for 6 months+ about 12 hour nights once a week.

Am I good at pickup? Not really, I can go out and have a 80% chance of getting at least a number, or two that can lead somewhere if I push for it but other than that NO same night lays or anything.

A couple of months ago got a number of a really cute girl, went out, she came out and first said she 'really' liked me. I said fuck it, You and me are in a relationship now. She took to it well.. We're going 6 months strong, best relationship I've ever been in, plus she's way out of my 'league' conventionally speaking.

I still go out with the pickup-friends. Though not too regularly, and sometimes speak to other women, and get numnbers. but not really to any end. I don't call the numbers.

emit_ · 2012-10-06T11:24:58+00:00

We are all looking for the right girl, But while we're looking we just go through potential candidates an have fun during. Seddit only provides the skill set to help sift through potential clientele while enjoying our lives to the fullest. Also it's efficient and less bullshit.

nottraceable · 2012-10-06T12:38:44+00:00

I am one of them. However, I treat seddit not as a way to get laid as much as possible but as a way to improve myself, learn to talk with people and therefore advance my carreer. (since I realize skills alone will never get me to the top) It also helps me with talking to women though ;)

rebuildingMyself · 2012-10-06T14:15:59+00:00

I don't want multiple women either. I will casually date multiple women until I find the right one then go 100% exclusive.

wtjones · 2012-10-06T14:43:42+00:00

There is no 'perfect' woman. Learn to be intimate with people. Learn to accept the flaws in yourself. Learn to accept the flaws in others and you'll be fine.

2012-10-06T16:33:30+00:00

I wasn't looking for monogamy until I found someone special, and didn't even want to be with other girls anymore.

PirateMonkey00 · 2012-10-06T18:13:21+00:00

I mainly stay on this subreddit to keep abreast of ways to keep blowing my girlfriend away in terms of showing her a good time and being someone of quality for her. I don't want to fall into a mindset of "I have someone who loves me and don't need to try anymore" I want to keep us both interested and never become complacent.

squarehouse · 2012-10-06T02:52:15+00:00

A lot of the tips on this subreddit are useful for finding a serious relationship (e.g. put yourself out there, build your confidence, etc.). But a lot of the tips are counterproductive. For example, some of the tips are oriented towards taking advantage of low self-esteem. And, generally, you do not want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who has low self-esteem.

mdwdirect · 2012-10-05T21:11:59+00:00

Thank God someone is making sense! I'm with you OP!

2012-10-05T23:25:20+00:00

24yo here. I am trying to bang as many bitches as humanly possible for the next 11 years and then settle down with someone way younger than me. Right now is about me and me only. I'm going to improve myself for the next 10 years (life experience, sexually, money, and then choose who I want, not tie myself down to early and settle for someone out of some deranged societal pressure to get married young.

I have seen too many people get married young and get divorced before they are 26, and god damn if a girl is getting half of what i'm making.

Whisper · 2012-10-06T01:05:43+00:00

Off-topic.

This group is about seduction skills, not relationship goals.

batpapi · 2012-10-06T15:08:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

batpapi · 2012-10-06T15:20:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

sedditrocks · 2012-10-05T22:03:51+00:00

"I've dated so many women, and have been dissatisfied because they all bored me." Did you try loving any one of them? if you had tried then you would not have got bored.

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