Why is it that a girl will desire you more when you’re toxic?

ChicoBrillo · 2024-03-12T12:35:56+00:00

That's a sign that they've been in and are used to toxic relationships. That they are unaware and unprepared on how to be in a healthy relationship.

I used to get bent out of shape and think "why does she only date assholes", but now that I'm older I realize you should actually feel bad for people like that.

Also, being in a toxic relationship is bad for you too. You shouldnt ever strive to be more toxic or want a toxic partner for yourself

Finaglers · 2024-03-12T13:20:38+00:00

The reasons are complex, but women who crave toxicity developed their models of love and affection from someone they once knew, or an ideal they believe in.

It's sad, but also empowering to remember that everyone is free to define love and affection in their own special ways.

wixenus · 2024-03-12T13:00:28+00:00

Toxic people attract toxic people, I always say.

slowupwardclimb · 2024-03-12T17:27:16+00:00

Confidence and focus are attractive. “Showering” her with attention may have communicated to her (true or not) that you did not have enough going on, and perhaps triggered fears you were needy and seeking validation.

surfershane25 · 2024-03-12T18:15:22+00:00

The ones that do aren’t the ones you want, ask me how I know. I’m so glad young me learned this.

7CloudMirage · 2024-03-12T11:54:36+00:00

not girls, just a hoe.

ArcaneAces · 2024-03-12T12:12:39+00:00

Your sample size is too small to come to that conclusion. Also it's possible that first girl was just really infatuated and not because you were toxic but in spite of your toxicity. Second girl might regret cheating and is desperate to have you back.

caesarfecit · 2024-03-12T17:28:19+00:00

As a general rule - women respond positively to shabby treatment from men when they have low self-esteem and mistake disrespect for dominance.

Women like and respond to men who behave in a dominant manner because it takes the pressure off them to express sexual intent, which many, but not all women are very uncomfortable expressing. I've known women who were outrageous flirts that turned super-shy when things got real. I've known other women were less more shy and introverted, who could and would straight up express sexual intent or even proposition me.

So women as a general rule like men who take the lead sexually, even the ones who have no problems taking sexual initiative. The rub is that not all women respond to the same kind of dominance in the same way. Some women respond to a more kinky and explicit D/s frame in the bedroom, other women go nuts for the strong, silent who only hints at his desire and makes her chase it. This makes her feel a little more in control and therefore safer.

One thing that is common, is that the sexual intent you express needs to be unspoken and indirect - by implication as it were. Once plausible deniability is out the window (i.e. you're in bed and the clothes are coming off), you can get away with being more blunt, but the same general rule still applies dealing with women overall.

My advice to OP is to be more stoic, resist the urge to be emotionally open. Focus more on flirting where you express a sexual intent indirectly, primarily through teasing and leading. This is crucial to getting women aroused without making them feel slutty. What you're missing from your interactions is that unspoken back-and-forth that amplifies sexual tension and sexual chemistry so you don't have to carry so much of the weight of the interaction and get over-invested.

Then you're less likely to get scammed by some neurotic woman who thinks that the only worthwhile men are the ones who treat her like crap, because they're worthwhile men. It's classic circular logic, but that's what it is.

3d4f5g · 2024-03-12T12:27:18+00:00

just two girls?

norwegiandoggo · 2024-03-12T13:28:06+00:00

It's not a matter of being toxic persé. It's the inherent balance of who likes who more.

In the first instance, she liked you more. You liked her less. In the second instance, it was the opposite.

If this imbalance gets too large, the relationship becomes lopsided with a clear power balance issue. The person who cares the least has the most power. And the relationship can become toxic in some ways. The person who cares the least can treat the other one worse. Like cheating on them or ignoring their messages etc.

You want to find a relationship where it's pretty balanced. Where you like each other the same amount or close to it. That's partially down to finding a good match. But it's also down to being able to adjust your own emotional investment up or down to better match where she's at at any given moment.

In the relationship where you liked her more and she cheated - you showed probably way more interest than she did. This probably made her feel like she could get a better partner elsewhere. If you treat her as if she's too good for you, she may begin to believe it. If you were better able to pull back on your compliments to match her level - the cheating might not have happened. Because she would feel like you're at her level. The relationship would have been balanced again.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2024-03-12T14:42:15+00:00

Living a good life is all about striking a balance between conflicting behaviors.

If you're extremely generous with your time, affection, and resources, you will be instantly attractive to anyone that's extremely needy.

If you're extremely selfish about everything, you will be instantly attractive to anyone who thinks they don't deserve anything.

But someone who's living a balanced life... is less flashy than either of those two extremes. For two well-adjusted people to find each other and assess their mutual compatibility... it's a slower process.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-12T15:16:30+00:00

People never want what they can get and only want what they can't get. A guy who has a lot of drama, who is too focused on himself and not on women and dating, who tends to pay less attention to her is usually more interesting to women.

You just need to learn how to play the game and that in the beginning it pays to be more light and carefree, never getting into deep stuff and being too sincere and vulnerable. It also means that you are not committed and your feelings are a bit more ambiguous. It is actually suspicious to women when a man is immediately interested in them, without knowing anything about them. They assume that he is only after sex. But it also robs them of the pleasure of winning you over and working hard to impress you.

Saint_Anhedonia77 · 2024-03-12T18:02:29+00:00

Because they are attracted to confidence and what appears like confidence. You are acting like you dgaf - and this is how you should try to always be.
You're attitude shows her that in some way you could care less if she fell off the face of the Earth and that you have options ( even if you don't )
This drives them nuts and they can get addicted to this toxic behavior as depending on childhood or past relationships they may have formed a type of trauma which strangely causes them to feel a sense of comfort to toxic behavior.

Future-self · 2024-03-13T08:16:06+00:00

Being ‘toxic’ is broad, but I think you mean why do girls go for assholes and there is a simple answer - confidence. Women go for confidence. Assholes are abundant in displaying it, whether warranted or not. It’s not that girls LIKE the quality of their partner being mean to them - it’s just that these guys usually display more confidence than nice, polite guys. It’s a representation of his ability to acquire resources [for her].

Hungry dogs eat first. Polite dogs eat last. She’d rather be with a hungry dog who demonstrates their ability to assert themselves.

JaidenPouichareal · 2024-03-12T14:04:24+00:00

Read No Free Attention, it'll explain everything

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-03-12T17:42:53+00:00

People are attracted to familiar patterns, even if they don’t like them, because they are fairly predictable.

But there’s also much to be said for a man who knows what he wants and reaches for it without apology. Unfortunately, some of those guys are toxic, too, but women will compromise a lot for a centered guy who knows his desire

Kitchen_Highway3833 · 2024-03-12T17:27:02+00:00

Was thinking about how I attracted a lot of women when I was a lunatic who drank too much and did drugs.

Just kinda how it is. I think, generally, you just come off as not needing them. You're seemingly in your own zone and you don't give a fuck. It's attractive.

Now my life is chilled tf out and pretty normal so I just don't have that pull anymore.

Sandvicheater · 2024-03-12T18:20:50+00:00

Growing up without a father or Daddy just wasn't all there to upbring her in the first place. coupled with couple of first relationships with "bad boys" and now you have a girl who thinks toxic bad boys is the norm.

luroot · 2024-03-12T16:43:15+00:00

According to all their posts on social media...women can't resist narcissists and spent all their best years dating and married to them.

Moral of the story is...become a narcissist. 👍

videogames_ · 2024-03-12T13:13:29+00:00

Most women like a challenge. If you shower them with attention it’s too easy and boring.

Badguy60 · 2024-03-12T12:51:26+00:00

2 girls isn't enough to test this.

From what I seen girls don't have a problem with nice guys as long you not fucking bugging them all the time and think they are a Disney princess.

Like was the 2nd girl actually your girlfriend?

PrinceDestin · 2024-03-13T14:58:14+00:00

Not true, just depends on the girl I know girls that been in toxicity and will always deep down desire that route, I know girls that’s been in the same toxicity and want nothing even close to resembling it

president_at_gmails · 2024-03-13T19:38:23+00:00

What you're describing is not toxicity but the willingness to walk...

DTKeav · 2024-03-13T20:43:39+00:00

I don’t think that situation is what you’re making it out to be

It’s a common theme for people who cheat just suddenly give more attention to their partner to compensate for the fact that they cheated to keep that person around lol

Also being toxic will make you less desirable if you want a girl who has a good head on her shoulders

But if you’re a stereotypical nice guy who’s isn’t really attractive, being a toxic douchebag might get you some reactions, but will do more harm in the long run if you don’t go beyond that

Anyone who’s not naive and has long enough exposure to you will see right through it and might mark you as someone with little man syndrome

Just switching up from nice guy to toxic or ‘alpha’ becomes a crutch and prevents any real growth since the only thing that’s changed is your behavior and not the validation seeking tendencies, lack of personality or a spine

But yeah, It’s good that you’re no longer talking to her

Less_Ad8480 · 2024-03-14T08:57:29+00:00

The more undeserved attention you give, the less value it has to a woman.

AwakenTheSavage · 2024-03-12T18:36:50+00:00

If you’re a Nice Guy, you’re going to be extremely confused by this. Damaged women tend to be drawn to toxic behavior because it seems like masculine strength. A Nice Guy is drawn to unhealthy women because then he no longer has to focus on his own toxic shame and can please and caretake his woman into sleeping with him.

Stiltzkinn · 2024-03-12T18:31:11+00:00

You would be surprised some really like possessive, not saying that is good though.

aimrad · 2024-03-12T20:23:10+00:00

toxic = traumatized and also match for toxic = traumatized

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-03-12T20:49:43+00:00

It’s a mix of your good at desire complex women love two things comfort and desire toxic guys being out that tension in women the key is straddle in between both but be as authentic as you want but a good secure women is not going to like toxic behavior you should seek a secure women at all cost if your looking to date long term . Also we forget that women go through phases just like men have phases . Most women hit 25 and start realizing what they need to do to get a stable man but 18-22 they are in a bad guy phase but deeper aspect is they anxious and avoidant behavior and that behavior stems from their relationship with their parents /relationships

Aromatic_Note8944 · 2024-03-13T00:00:44+00:00

I don’t think most women do. Only immature women want a toxic man. I like guys who are nice and peaceful, helps balance me out.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2024-03-12T16:12:08+00:00

Yeah dude, the conclusions you're drawing are based on close to zero data. There's multiple reasons why either of those things could happen.

alcoyot · 2024-03-12T16:17:33+00:00

What does toxic have to do with it

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-03-12T21:54:36+00:00

Some people have a degradation kink and don't realize it. So instead of getting their need to be degraded met in a safe and healthy BDSM relationship, they date "jerks".

I'm a Soft Dom and I'm also as nice as Mr Rogers on most days. Women love when you can scratch that itch to be degraded while still treating them great when you're not doing a scene.

InternationalCut5357 · 2024-03-12T17:48:22+00:00

Ask any rock band from the 80's. Start with Motley Crue!

DEVi4TION · 2024-03-12T17:58:14+00:00

Learned what she liked in high school when everyone was a shitty moron, never got past it

No-Selection-6660 · 2024-03-13T00:06:13+00:00

Validation

Shadow__Account · 2024-03-13T06:48:13+00:00

It’s not, she desires someone that puts himself first and is not to be manipulated and toxic guys have more of that than nice guys. Even if it’s coming from a bad place an immature woman will often take that over a more healthy but weak man.

asanskrita · 2024-03-13T04:48:37+00:00

I think it’s fine to be less than totally available all the time. It’s okay to have things that are just yours and that you don’t share with other people. You can lead a few different lives and not have them intermix. That’s not toxic, it’s coquettish, and it does drive women (and men) a little crazy for you.

Altec5499 · 2024-03-13T06:50:15+00:00

Women have internal instincts that force them to always be searching for the biggest and baddest man. A survival instinct that men don’t understand and or care to think about. When you display that you lack options, are needy, predictable, overly nice, etc.. a women’s survival instincts will kick in and she will crave someone who is displaying the correct masculine traits. You were no longer looked at as a sexual option because of this. Unfortunately, this is the reason why a vast majority of relationships are unhappy and or end completely. Men nowadays are not being men, and women hate them for it.

Loose_Profession_630 · 2024-03-12T13:05:57+00:00

Sex in the City

Love and hip hop

Title	Why is it that a girl will desire you more when you’re toxic?
Author	HarryK1997
Upvotes	164
Comments	57
Date	March 12, 2024 11:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bcv6rk/why_is_it_that_a_girl_will_desire_you_more_when/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-is-it-that-a-girl-will-desire-you-more-when.1427148 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427148

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