Did anybody actually get from zero to an adequate pua? Can you tell your story?

le_GoogleFit · 2018-06-13T13:30:36+00:00

I can give you some insight here, because I actually did the exact opposite: I went from getting hot girls regularly, without any real effort on my part, to not even meeting girls at all in just a few steps: university life -> work life.

AMA!

MisterRight1 · 2018-06-13T14:37:21+00:00

Yup I am who you are looking for. Sophomore year in college I was a virgin (though I could be decently social and funny I will admit) and I struggled greatly trying to get women interested in me. Quite literally I discovered seduction by accident. I was using the random subreddit button and came across r/seduction. I didn't know it when I stumbled here but this subreddit would change my life.

I thought r/seduction looked interesting so I stopped hitting random and read through some of the top posts. One of the posts was a link to a PDF on eye contact. It blew my mind how a simple thing like eye contact was something I was terrible at and was holding me back with women (I looked down a lot back then and looking a woman in the eye made me extremely nervous). I saved that PDF to an external hard drive that I have still and occasionally I reread it.

After a month of practicing eye contact as instructed by the guide, I started trying to attract a cute freshman girl from one of my classes. We had a lot in common. With my eye contact improved I noticed more clearly how she was looking at me. She was definitely interested in me too and I almost couldn't believe it.

My University had an observatory on top of the science building and I was literally the only student on campus with unrestricted access to it. As in, I could let myself into whenever I wanted and others could not. I thought this was really cool and wanted to show off so I invited her up there. I didn't expect anything to happen but that was where I lost my virginity. After that night I didn't even think about r/seduction again for almost a year. I didn't know books like "The Game" existed and I didn't care because I was now happily dating this girl.

Fast forward about 8 months and this girl cheated on me and broke my little heart. It was very painful as she lied me about constantly and it was only through my skill of reading lies through poker that I got the truth from her. That sucked and I don't trust people the same way I used to.

After having my heartbroken I still didn't think about seduction for about another 3 months. But at some point I remembered that eye contact guide that had helped me in the first place. I came back to r/seduction and began to dig into the content here. I also began to watch YT videos of RSDTyler (aka Owen) who is the real deal and I recommend him strongly. I also pirated a lot of PUA content because I was a broke college student. I have some of RSD Tyler's really old stuff and it is actually pretty funny to watch. But I digress.

Take a look at my submission history to this subreddit and you will see how thoroughly I have consumed this stuff. I can say that it absolutely helps. But the key is to accept two things:

You need to love yourself. If you're depressed this won't work. I recommend looking yourself in the eye using a mirror. Hold that eye contact with yourself and say, "I love you" and mean it. You will feel something. Do this everyday as often as you can until you pull yourself up out of depression. This is how I got over my initial heartbreak above.
You need to work hard to change. For many of you reading this, your behavior and mannerisms all need to change to be really successful. That's not easy at all to do, so you have to commit to it.

Personally I still have a lot of growth to go in getting to the level of success with women that I want, but I am VERY competent with women now. All my friends are in awe by my game currently. It was the opposite case before I found that eye contact guide.

modernsavage · 2018-06-13T14:55:03+00:00

I think I might fit your criteria; I went from a 26 year old virgin to a now 39 year old that gets laid on average about once a month from night game and social circles. I'm certainly not an expert by any means and have a lot more to work on, currently trying to figure out day game and get higher quality women.

That said, unlike many of the stories you hear from guys getting really good really fast, my progress has been a long slow process of improvement where I'd get good at something for awhile, then plateau, then finally figure out the next step, then plateau again... it's been a bit of a roller coaster but I'm glad I've been working on it, I would have hated myself if I got to 40 (next year) without ever trying.

WIA20XX · 2018-06-13T15:19:01+00:00

Tyler Durden is slightly autistic and went from zero to hero.

jesusisnice · 2018-06-13T14:00:58+00:00

May not have been at zero as a i had a long time gf before college, im half decent looking, super goofy, tall skinny kid with psoriasis spots on my body so huge self confidence issues led to a long time drought when i got to school. I decided to read The Game 1 year ago and have been with over 25 gorgeous women since. Not by any means a PUA but using some of the seduction techniques i learned from reading it and meshing them with my own core values and personality enabled me to be successful

Garthanthoclops · 2018-06-13T15:24:06+00:00

Lol, not having a problem getting a girl when you want isn’t “adequate” it’s stellar. Meaning your game is pretty much perfect and you always get who you want. Adequate would be you can sometimes get girls but it’s no guarantee (which is still a pretty good accomplishment). But that’s kinda irrelevant. My own personal experience: I was a virgin all through college. Through high school I was all about abstinence because of my religious upbringing. Once I moved out for college, my ideals changed and I wanted to lose my v card. Well, that didn’t happen until I was 21.

Now I’m 23 and I’ve had 12 partners, which according to some online studies is about the 85th percentile (meaning I’ve been with more women than 85% of my peers). I would say in 2 years, that’s a pretty good accomplishment, even more so when you consider 2 of them consumed 8 months of my life via relationships, the other 10 came in about 16 months. Out of those, 8 were truly one night stands and 2 turned into FWB situations. I’ve had my experience, but I’m not perfect. When I went to college I had never had a girlfriend, was a virgin, and hadn’t even gotten a kiss. When I left college, all I had gotten was a couple of kisses (and actually easily could have lost my virginity but was so drunk that I didn’t want to).

Long story short, I went from a zero to being serviceable in the seduction field. I’m not amazing, and I’m very very picky (I pretty much only like petite women with black hair, blonde is ok), so many nights I don’t even make an attempt. I’ve had my rejections and I’ve had to reject some myself. The most important thing I can say that helped me was learning to not only love myself, but enjoy my life as it is. Am I going downtown with the intent of getting laid? No, I’m going out to have a good time with friends, but you can be damn sure if I see a woman I like I’m going to shoot my shot. When I would go out solely focused on picking up women, there was too much pressure. I would find myself getting anxious or depressed as the night went on as I knew I was losing time. This absolutely changed my body language and demeanor. Once I was able to have fun without having my mind set on women, I would never get distraught by rejection, which just made it easier to make the approach. I also generally had a more invite aura surrounding me, as I was having fun.

You can’t get your head set on one thing, you gotta enjoy yourself and be happy too.

weallwantsomethink · 2018-06-13T16:21:57+00:00

I wasn't a virgin.

But I was pretty clueless 6 months ago.

I dated before and had a couple of girlfriends. But in hindsight that was just luck.

I didn't know anything. I knew how to have a relationship but not how to seduce someone. I dated before too but I just met up as friends. Didn't understand what makes a guy attractive sexually. Didn't understand you can seduce someone. I just thought in a romantic sense that if you just talked and rationally where compatible that was enough. I was completely oblivious.

I started dating with things I read from a book and things I read on here. With a totally different mindset than before. I hated being single. And I open my mind to experiment and meeting all kinds if women.

I met a dozen women. I learned from every date. Still I am learning. My goal was casual sex too. That only happened with two. I kissed about four.

I haven't reached my goal. To being good at seduction. But at least I am a lot better in understanding. And I am a lot better at it.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-14T03:17:46+00:00

Adequate as in does not have a problem getting a girl when he wants.

Once you figure this stuff out (as much as anything can be figured out), it's less about "getting a girl when you want," and more about realizing when there's mutual attraction and having the balls to act on it.

Minor clarifications to be made here:

You don't so much "get a girl," so much as you learn to recognize when she's down and when to make moves. The "getting" is mutual. Even if the guy is "dominating" the exchange, the girl is going along with it and doing things deliberately to enable the process.
Though it's important to not lose sight of what you want in a girl, whether you "want a girl," is less important as recognizing MUTUAL wanting.

ReplyYouDidntExpect · 2018-06-13T13:38:19+00:00

Approach, reflect, improve.

There isn't a magical answer. Everyone starts somewhere. Whether it's in high school with your first girlfriend or at 25 when you haven't even kissed a girl. No matter where you are or where you want to be it never stops until you start. There isn't a magical answer that anyone is going to give you. No matter what you do in life if you want to get better at it you seek the knowledge and then apply it to your life. There are so many different aspects of seduction that encompass it so there isn't going to be a straight and narrow road. Most of the time, there are certain aspects of individuals games that need to be worked on. That's why I recommend seeking knowledge and applying it to your ownself. Begin to think about your life and the things you want to accomplish with it abstractly. I find myself meditating over different aspects of my life and then applying knowledge to it. The same applies to pickup as well. You should be approaching women on the street during the day, or when you go out at night. Your interactions should allow you to start a reflection process on how you handle your game. If approaching is something you struggle with then you have to get more comfortable in social situations. One thing I've heard others recommend is just going out to socialize with everyone. Why its hard for me to offer suggestions is because after high school, my career gave me the opportunity to expand out of my shell which allowed me to blossom socially. There's almost like a wall you have to get over, but once you get over it and realize that peoples opinions of you don't define you there's a freedom with it.

There's too much that I could dive into though. Women just want to be shown a good time. Hell people just want to have a good time. None of that can happen if you're not approaching though and you're never gonna get better if you don't have the opportunity to approach, reflect then improve.

Khower · 2018-06-13T17:08:14+00:00

I mean I wouldn’t say I was a total zero compared to other people but I sure felt like one.

In high school the first girl i ever had sex with was a really trashy trailer park style girl. Her parents were tweakers and I lived in a upper middle class neighborhood. I basically started dating her because I knew she was slutty and I was almost 17 and still hadn’t kissed a girl yet and felt like I was drastically behind all my peers.

Long story short like 2 weeks after i lost my virginity to her I fell “in love” and then she cheated on me in the back of a truck with a couple dudes and I heard about it cuz my friend texted me.

I was distraught but I started hitting the gym to try and not be so scrawny and that helped me in further pursuits. I got into bodybuilding pretty seriously in high school and slowly developed the reputation as a man whore(I promoted this because I thought it would help my chances with girls if they thought I could get girls). In reality I became the dude with the reputation as a slut that couldn’t get laid to save his life and I basically ruined my chances with good girls because of this reputation.

I dated one girl my senior year, she was incredibly insecure and we never had sex and I put up with her for 2 4 month periods of dating because I hated being alone and I felt like no girls wanted me so she was my only option.

I’m now a nearly 20 year old freshman in college. And I had probably had sex all of 7 or 8 times. Moving in the right direction but still always feeling inadequate and I had started to gain a decent amount of muscle and become better looking. But my inner game was terrible and it amounted to nothing.

I met one girl who was really hot and we had sex for about 4 months non stop but then she left me for another dude and that really fucked me up.

At about 21 I had injured myself powerlifting. I was obsessively lifting to overcome the feelings of inadequacy about being a short and scrawny dude and I snapped most of my ligaments in my knees, hips, shoulder, back, and my elbows. And with the 4 years of serious lifting I had grown to a whopping 135lbs compared to the 113 lb frame i started with. Lol. And after my injuries I slinked back down to the weight I started at.

At 21 I decided I was over being a small dude who tried hard and got no where and I decided to take anabolic steroids to finally conquer this unconquerable foe. I had the knowledge, the determination and the work ethic to be jacked... but I didn’t have the genetics so I was going to make them. I started taking steroids at age 21 and blew up seemingly over night to about 190 lbs at 5’8. The testosterone also gave me a surge of arrogance so I linked up with this other girl who was as insecure as me on the inside and looked good on the outside. We had sex once and she freaked out and disappeared. Further contributing to my feelings of inadequacy and failure. And after a celibate streak of about 2 years with zero female interaction. That one hurt.

Meanwhile I was still blowing up muscular wise from the drugs i was taking so suddenly women were interested in me, generally not in person but online I had better chances. I found this smoking hot chick and was chatting with her. She had 2 kids and seemed like kind of a train wreck but I wanted to get with a 10 and I felt like fuckit what’s the worst that could happen?

I ended up dating that girl for 2 years. She exposed me to a ton of things sexually, I was 21 she was 25 so there was a big age gap. And she saw in me what nobody else had. Oozing potential that was being wasted. I moved in with her, helped her watch her kids and meanwhile slaved away to try and be “good enough” for her. After a number of mental breakdowns on my end she had finally had enough and left me(a blessing in disguise she ended up going off the rails with drugs).

She told me i had serious inadequacy issues that stem from my family and left me. I picked up a knife at that moment and thought about just ending it right then and there. I didn’t set the knife down and left her house.

I had gotten a job dancing at a gay bar and this was where I actually honed my PUA skills after we broke up. Basically the gay club i worked at was mostly straight women not wanting to get hit on. So I used this to my advantage. At first I had a blast. But slowly I realized I was just trying to compensate for my high school experiences. I still had a crippling fear of rejection and I countered that by always having 4 or 5 women around me. Working at the club I had no shortage of unintelligent, attractive, and generally bland women to make me feel good about myself with a constant supply of sex and when they got annoyed with me I would laugh and replace them with someone new.

At one point I had had sex with two girls a day for 5 days straight and I looked in the mirror and said “you’re being a real piece of shit right now you know that” and that was that. I got off the steroids, stopped modeling, quit my job at the club. And now I’m doing really fucking well. I feel like my PUA skills are being used for something beneficial like finding meaningful relationships with women, I’m mentally stronger than I’ve ever been(After the breakup I joined a therapy group for a time and then signed on with a life coach). Now I’m working on running my own business and I’ve never had a problem with girls(both in excess and in short supply).

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

It’s all about the inner game. If you don’t have love for yourself, nobody is going to like you or love you. Even if you suddenly get good looking overnight you’ll still feel like that same loser you were at 15. Take care of you, and the chicks will come.

Edit* cleaned it up a bit after posting

nastyamerican · 2018-06-13T15:45:44+00:00

That’s a long story. I suggest you stop using the loaded term “pua.” That being said I’ve gone through about 3 dating programs, and by far the most accurate and realistic depiction of the process has been written by Mark Manson in “Models.”

He covers things that no other dating coaches will talk about.

airjones1 · 2018-06-13T12:58:58+00:00

I am interested in the answer for this question

909throwaway100 · 2018-06-13T15:47:10+00:00

My biggest advice as someone who used to be depressingly lonely.

Don’t perceive your current state and the guys you idolise (picking up women whenever you want) as separate or binary by any means.

You are not binary but rather on a spectrum, in order to get to the more successful end you need to start progressing.

There is no simple switch you can flick to become a pua.

It takes physical, mental and behavioural changes, that take time.

Getting a better body takes time (gymming and tanning)

Learning how to talk to women, correct body language and what to do in terms of sexual strategy takes time.

Another poster posted a model where learning behaviour goes from a conscious to unconscious state.

Where at first you must be conscious of what you “should do” even if you don’t do it. But by making a conscious effort, over time it becomes automatic.

At this stage analyse everything you do and try to become conscious of what you “should” do according to theory.

Veganpuncher · 2018-06-13T17:21:57+00:00

(hopefully) simple answer. I was a Weezer-style loser at school. I worked very hard to get fit, smart, educated and interesting. Nothing changed. I was still terrified of girls because I associated them with failure and effacement.

One day, I was day-drunk and went to my favourite second-hand bookshop and bought a copy of Strauss' 'The Game'. I read it, and thought it was bullshit. About a week later I thought 'fuckit, what do I have to lose'. So I tried out some Game.

I got laid every night I went out after that. It wasn't 'The Game'. It was purely the confidence to try and the basic methods of attraction. Being a PUA isn't about technique, it's about valuing yourself and the people around you. And all it takes is the courage to walk up to a woman and tell her that you appreciate all the work she put into looking beautiful that night. Just once. Once.

Arcaue · 2018-06-13T18:34:03+00:00

Yes Not everyone's route is perfect, and mine has a lot of flaws, I know Took me 6 months, kind of. I didn't start with talking to girls etc, I started with myself Spent £2000 on a mix of designer and non designer clothes with a slp style Lost 10kg with exercise (picked up 2 new sports which added to my hobbies, attractiveness etc) Then started speaking to people like cashiers, lecturers and fellow students Then went to go talk to girls (club setting) and got approached first, turned into dating but ended. After that ended a random girl asked me out for dinner and we're in a relationship now.

So in the end, I didn't ask a girl out or make many moves, but I like to think I would have been comfortable to do so.

At zero I had no hobbies, no style, a few friends and hadn't really spoken to/ even been around girls for 8 years (all male school)

TonyDCoaching · 2018-06-13T18:55:12+00:00

Sure I did. I even wrote a novel about it.

needtobeproductive · 2018-06-13T20:32:03+00:00

Yes. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 25. Unfortunately I stalled and picked a girlfriend that was really religious who was also a virgin and wanted to remain that way. Stayed with her for a while but then broke up with her and it's like it was me coming out of a cocoon. I'm not necessarily a PUA but I have no trouble getting attractive women.

I hadn't really fully embraced PUA techniques or anything but more kept them in the back of my mind. It really helped my self esteem and turn me into a fun person to hang out with rather than a quiet stoner that was awkward around women.

The_2nd_Coming · 2018-06-13T20:47:25+00:00

Yes.

Found out about PUA in my teens, but didn't really get 'good' until my late 20s. By good I mean sleeping with several attractive girls in a year.

Was a shy, sexless virgin through most of my University days, and didn't really have much luck in my early 20s either.

How did it happen? Improved my social skills, looks and mindset, and keep plugging away trying to find ways to meet attractive girls more efficiently.

I'm also East Asian living in a Western country, so the whole 'Hollywood' racist representation of Asian men really didn't help me.

It wasn't until I started travelling that I really had success and gained a lot of confidence.

I think there are a lot of things that prevent success in this journey that aren't necessary all that easily controlled (especially height, looks, race, social climate etc) - imagine a middle eastern looking guy with accompanied accent in the mid-US states just after 9/11 - how much luck is he going to have with women?

Work on the things that you can and keep trying to find better ways to meet women who you find attractive, and who are likely to find you attractive as well.

datsapotato · 2018-06-13T22:29:46+00:00

Random day in life, friends girl tell me she likes, tells me that i will get every girl wet in her country, tell her sorry, since then no problem talking to girls.

DarkArtsPUA11 · 2018-06-14T13:16:53+00:00

i didn't come from zero but i did come from a very inexperienced place. didn't fuck a girl until i was 19, had only 1 girlfriend ever and that was around age 16-17, lasted like a month. mid 20s now and never had another girlfriend after that but have had a few fuck buddies and tons of sex flings with a bunch of other girls

i got into pick up at age 18 and got no results. i came in with like 2 lays or something. at age 18 i was getting laid at a frequency of about once every 6-12 months. now i'm getting laid 1-2 times per month. so my results essentially exploded and i'm happy about it. definitely takes a lot of consistent work to keep getting leads, put them in the funnel, set up the dates, etc. but it does get done. biggest explosion in results occurred when i realized that i was being lied to and fed bullshit by the pick up industry and started doing my own testing and hitting up different venues and approaching girls differently online and in the clubs

am i at a point where i can get any girl i want? hell no. but i'm at a point where if i see a hot girl there's actually somewhat of a chance that i could have her in my bed and fucking her at one point

greenlittleman · 2018-06-14T18:33:13+00:00

You haven't read top rated posts of this sub? There was at least 3 such stories with detailed guides.

Snazzy_Serval · 2018-06-14T19:46:55+00:00

I'd love to hear some detailed stories from guys who just sucked with women until ~25 then things started working out.

readonlyuser · 2018-06-14T20:23:23+00:00

Anyone who grooms and goes out 5+ nights/week and 10+ sets /night will probably see pretty massive success within a year or two, barring social anxiety, learning disabilities, or big sexual hangups.

In the words of Ronnie Coleman, "Everybody wants to be a bodybuilder, but nobody wants to lift no heavy-ass weight."

daliyahofficial · 2018-06-15T19:17:31+00:00

I definitely did. I was extremely awkward all the way through high school. I started learning pickup around senior year and slowly became more confident (even after 1000 rejections)... Through pickup i started valuing myself more and started going to the gym, eating healthier, and overall improving myself. I believe you should watch videos from some pua’s that actually teach you how to be a better overall person, not just fuck some girls. Now I am naturally extroverted, have had 2 long term girlfriends and maybe around 5 short term flings? I’ve had the whole making out with random girls phase too (at clubs or bars) That kinda got old though. If you have any questions PM me I’d be happy to help.

Mr_Macktastic · 2018-06-19T00:47:49+00:00

Cold spells come and go

HaircareJohn · 2018-06-13T16:21:36+00:00

I did. All I had to do was go to the gym and get muscular, and girls finally went out with me.

Luffydude · 2018-06-13T20:37:12+00:00

Had nothing going on in my life for 25 years, only slept with 2 girls and they weren't even 5s.

Moved to another country, to the city of London, took serious action and now that I just turned 30 my lay count is pretty close to 3 digits

TN888 · 2018-06-13T15:15:36+00:00

When I was on zero:

A mind blasting busty curvy chick sat next to me at a lecture, which was boring, so the hottie started talking to me while the session ends. No need to mention, one sided conversation involving an awkward good looking guy. After fortnight or so, I saw her walking in the opposite direction of mine, I tried to draw her attention hoping she will start talking to me ... I fucked up (she doesn't give shit).

Today:

At the same area approximately, I saw a girl with same specs indicated above. At the beginning of the approaching she wasn't interested at all, but at the end, her knees touching mine and built a strong eye contact.

I have a question though:

How to pickup the first girl again (if I noticed her suddenly), any advice would be great.

FupeLiasco23 · 2018-06-13T16:21:40+00:00

Who really starts at 0 though? Even when I was a virgin I hooked up a ton

Title	Did anybody actually get from zero to an adequate pua? Can you tell your story?
Author	khaled1abdo
Upvotes	114
Comments	93
Date	June 13, 2018 11:53 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8qrteo/did_anybody_actually_get_from_zero_to_an_adequate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-anybody-actually-get-from-zero-to-an-adequate.1448148 https://theredarchive.com/post/1448148

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