Children stopped talking to me

Connect-Incident-681 · 2025-06-21T11:30:36+00:00

I'm a single mother and I raised all my children, gave them everything I could, I also addressed the father not wanting to be there. I didn't press him, didn't ask for anything. Now that my kids are almost grown 2/3 are graduated and over the age of 18, they seem mad at me, they stop talking to me or each other. I feel like a bad parent. I hear that grown children these days take 2-4 years to reconnect with their children.

External-Speed-2264 · 2025-02-12T01:02:40+00:00

Their mom is obviously bad mouthing you to the point where it’s tarnished their image of you.

It happened when my friends parents divorced and my own, each parent would be bad mouthing the other parent like crazy. A lot of the stuff wouldn’t even be true, but they assumed the other was lying on them as well so it didn’t stop any of them

organicwilly · 2024-05-03T01:33:25+00:00

My stbxw is trying to do the same to me, fortunately it's not working, for now. Hopefully you get to a point where you can have a mature, honest conversation.

I'm being slandered and lied about, to opposing council, family, friends, and my kids. Your biggest weapon is documentation and evidence.

gudachi · 2024-05-02T05:27:06+00:00

An excellent way to visualize this is to picture the kids with a knife being held to their back by the other parent. That is why they are treating you like this. Your ex is holding the knife and saying, "Don't be nice to Dad or else!" So whenever you want to blame them or get angry because they chose the other parent, understand that is the reason. They are afraid of the consequences. The best way to handle this situation is to control your behavior and be the best, most stable parent you can be for them. I recommend you look up information on strategies for co-parenting with a toxic ex. That will help you navigate this, and hopefully, with time, you will have a normal, healthy relationship with your kids again.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-05-02T03:39:00+00:00

I spent 2.5 years where my daughter wouldn't talk to me. Her mom had an affair with her friend. She was 40, and he was 18. Somehow, I was the bad guy. Even now, my daughter has trouble talking to me. My ex really did a number on our 5 kids and hasn't stopped yet after more than 4 years. They have learned that I am consistent and reliable so things keep getting better between kids and I. Be the dad they need and they will learn to love you. Always tell the truth and make sure they know you will always be there for them.

henrysmyagent · 2024-05-02T02:28:37+00:00

Depending on the jurisdiction, you can ask the court to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to represent the children.

You want to have the court order counseling for the children as the mother is alienating them from their father.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-02T00:39:54+00:00

Their mother has forced them to choose between you and her, via actual threats, lies, emotional blackmail or any combination of the above. That's why they won't talk about it and feel they have to form a united front against you. All you can do is be there, try to find ways to communicate and work on healing over time. But for the meantime, you have to take the pain and do what is right for the long term.

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2024-05-01T22:59:03+00:00

Going through much the same thing you are. Here's hoping for better days ahead.

alifeofpeace · 2024-05-01T22:16:57+00:00

Sorry to hear this man. I’m so glad I have two boys. Good luck I hope you can heal

Skaeofficial · 2024-05-02T20:00:58+00:00

I haven’t seen my 3 year old daughter in maybe 5 months now.i did get a random call on easter from the mom too “allow” me too speak too her for what felt like 5 seconds,after that it went back too me being alienated.over the past 2 years i have watched her slowly try too turn my daughter against me and then eventually removed me from her life completely.i remember when it first started i broke down into tears.the last time i had these kinda tears was in 2008 when my grandmother who was like a mother too me died.my girlfriend had too hold me and if it wasn’t for her i would of lost my shit a long time ago but having her there too comfort me really helped me in ways she will never know.i think i cried like that because it felt like i lost my daughter as if she died.Fast forward too today im 5 months into complete alienation.i still occasionally think about my daughter, sometimes i even reach out too try too see her again with no response and even tho it hurts im doing much better today.im just going too keep living and not blame myself for what has happen. i know that im a good dad and was a great dad and the only reason i am not is because of a evil person , because only an evil fucken person would do this too a child and the childs father.i hope one day when the her “mother”’s influence is gone i can reunite with my daughter thats whats keeping me from losing my sanity over this shit.

Initial_Topic_4989 · 2024-05-01T22:14:07+00:00

I would block the adult, I would talk harshly to the middle one letting her know she should wake up and understand why the house cannot be given to her mom, depending on her reaction I would block her too, I would do my best to reestablish a relationship with the youngest one

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-05-01T21:31:08+00:00

Female advice here: leave the light on and the door open.

Their non fully functional humans at this point and are grieving the death of two parent safety! They need grace.

It’s doesn’t matter what you did, they need time to process and yes they will side with their mother at first, maybe always.

If they stay at your house then invite them to make it their home as well, favorite junk food, decorating their space, have the hard talks about female products that will forever be there.

hazalo9 · 2024-05-01T20:55:51+00:00

It's a matriarchy thing, emotionally women tend to be on the same page. As men all we can do is give them the best life when they do come to your house. Let them know they are always welcome and that it is their house also. It helps to have a good relationship with your x only focusing on the children. What helped me is to give them what they like. They are teen girls so it should be easy. Take them shopping and to trendy snack shops. It may take a while but they will realize it's in their best interest to have a relationship with you. Show them that you are not what your x says you are. Good luck bro

No_Pace2396 · 2024-05-01T20:49:46+00:00

Yeah. I wish I'd stayed just so I wouldn't be cut out of my daughter's life. The alienation started before the divorce. I know the story that my ex and her family will tell: your father is selfish and self-centered, he put his needs above being a father, he's mentally ill because he made his family the sole source of his happiness (she has said this in her motion to modify parent time), he wanted the divorce and he left, he abandoned you. No matter what I did then or now, I was nothing but free child care the day after I donated my sperm. I am the bad man, and I have to wait to see if my kids will ever come to see that, and be available for them when/if that happens. Only thing keeping me alive at this point.

Fathers are disposable. I'm sorry man, we're raised to be "good men" but something tells me that my ex picked me because I was a good man and she knew she could get everything she wanted out of me. Nobody in the family court system cares, but this might help you at least to be able to talk to your kids when they do reach out. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265450917_Beyond_the_High_Road_Responding_to_17_Parental_Alienation_Strategies_without_Compromising_Your_Morals_or_Harming_Your_Child

Cheb44 · 2024-05-01T20:25:14+00:00

My wife made my kids think I abandoned them, haven’t seen them since December and my son recently told his therapist he is scared of me. They have no reason to feel any of it. Hell I was doing everything I could to keep the marriage together. No fucking sense man. So yea it seems pretty common.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-05-01T20:19:03+00:00

They are your children but they are also daughters and the "sisterhood" is strong. You'll have to remain open to them and when the toxic traits that ruined your marriage assert themselves in the child/mother relationship, hopefully your daughters will have a light bulb moment and come running to find you.

AirSailer · 2024-05-01T20:17:15+00:00

Evolutionary psychology tells us that women evolved a mechanism of in-group bias. This means they will support those in their own group over those in another group. This is due to the need for women to support each other for survival and procreation success over the past thousands of generations. Additionally, women lack cognitive empathy, therefore they are incapable of mentally putting themselves in your place in order to understand how you feel, or why you would do something. Typically they will look at your actions thru the lens of how they would behave (female solipsism) in similar circumstances, and in your case they would come to the conclusion you are being petty, vindictive, and manipulative because that's the way they would be if they were in your situation.

MoveFinancial1991 · 2024-05-01T19:28:36+00:00

Did you initiate divorce?

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-05-01T18:59:08+00:00

wouldn’t let her keep the house.”

and

I originally offered it to my ex in an uncontested offer but she refused that. Stupid move on her part because she received a lot less as a result.

If you feel its appropriate you can provide your child(ren) with documentation stating as much (i.e. I did attempt this and she was not receptive).

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2024-05-01T18:43:04+00:00

Apparently she thinks that not only should I give her mom our house but also should pay for her to live there.

Damn, the entitlement starts early!

I have no suggestions other than to let them know you love them and you'll always be there in case they want to talk.

Psychological-Point8 · 2024-05-01T17:53:49+00:00

Kids will be kids. All you can do is leave the porch light on for them, always open for anything. It's on them to want to talk to you.

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-05-01T17:03:26+00:00

Yes, going through similar right now. I know someone else who had similar to ME, and he said when the kids enter their 20s, they finally realize what was going on, that mom's a bitch, and then they come back. I'm hoping this is true. Remember, teens are in the middle of Pubertis, plus also having their brains erased (!!) so they don't make long term or good decisions all the time. One of my kids I pulled out made her live with me, because bitch was abusing HER night and day as well as me, so she came along and seems content. The other two are against me, but I see how bitch mom is hoarding and destroying the house she kept and it's only a matter of time when she abuses them, since her two primary targets don't live there anymore.

Expert_Cod5485 · 2024-05-01T16:59:43+00:00

Is here a manual on this?

My soon to be ex also tried to tell our 6yr that I kicked them out. But I was luckily saved because her brothers knew better and told their sister the truth.

But the fight is on going man. It never ends!

Title	Children stopped talking to me
Author	Initial_Tomatillo_94
Upvotes	39
Comments	50
Date	May 1, 2024 4:50 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1chqyd9/children_stopped_talking_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/children-stopped-talking-to-me.1517033 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517033

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