Those of you who successfully faked it till they made it with confidence. How did you do it?

domexicano · 2024-05-30T02:37:33+00:00

Sometimes the hidden truth about "fake it till you make it" is that just accept it's going to burn the first 10, 20, 50, times. Eventually, you get numb to it, and then you start making choices that will give you different outcomes.

When you start getting better outcomes, that becomes a good habit and you just automatically use it next time. Once you have done it enough, you either A: don't care because you made a mistake and you'll learn from it, or B: Enjoy it because you are the one dictating your own outcome.

This isn't always the truth though, you have to be conscious about what you are doing. There are people that will do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. There's another term for that.

punktfan · 2024-05-30T05:48:57+00:00

You are afraid for them to know you are hitting on them, and that's what's holding you back from being confident. When I hit on a woman, I want her to know that I'm hitting on her, consciously and confidently. So your first step is to lose the fear of her knowing your intentions.

Imagine that you want to buy a beer at the bar, but you're afraid of the bartender knowing that you want to drink. You're never gonna get a beer that way and the bartender is just gonna think you're weird and probably get annoyed with you.

Lead with your intentions. Be authentic. Tell her explicitly what you noticed about her that made you want to talk to her. For example, when you see a woman and everything about her excites you, walk past her and stop to say "Hi! I really like your vibe!". Or if you noticed her leopard necklace, "Hey! Really cool necklace! Is the leopard your spirit animal?"... doesn't really matter what you say, just if you like something about her, say it, and see how she responds. If she responds negatively, just keep walking, she's not interested. If she responds positively, you can slow down and keep talking to her.

The main exception to this is don't comment directly on her visual sexual appeal unless she's actively flaunting it in front of you. Most women don't feel good about being seen as a sexual object before being seen as a person.

The main point is, say something, anything nice, that shows that you noticed her and what you noticed. Comment on what her tshirt says, who she reminds you of, her hairstyle, her shoes, a tattoo she has, and be as specific as possible, don't just say "I like your shirt", say "Hell yeah, Pink Floyd is the best band ever. Are you into classic rock?"

Practice this with everyone, with no intention other than letting people know when you notice something you like about them.

some_kind_of_friend · 2024-05-30T04:52:26+00:00

First, faking it is making it. Second, flank them. Approach from the side or not from the perspective on hooking up/hitting on them. Mention something about their wardrobe. Notice the mundane. See her in a dress and notice there's pockets? Mention the pockets lol.

smind893 · 2024-05-30T06:18:20+00:00

I can't even tell you how easy talking to women became when i complimented them on something other than beauty!!!

At the gym, which everyone is fearful to approach, you Crack a joke about what she's doing.

She finishes a set: "Whoa, leave some shine for the rest of us! You're killing it! Making us all look bad!!"

She's gonna laugh and you laugh as well and then keep it moving.

She may or may not continue it, but either way you treated her like a gym member, not a hotttie in yoga pants or sports bra etc.

Compliment them on their color coordination of their outfit, the way they spoke in class, whatever they do at your job, etc.

That's it.

Yea, some.women will roll their eyes cause they're jaded, and that's fine.

Do it enough, and you'll see that most women will be receptive and you build from there.

Good luck

Worried-One2399 · 2024-05-30T05:05:26+00:00

U have 2 set a bar for yourself.

For EXAMPLE:

Let’s just SAY, u SEE a woman that u thought was definitely in your perspective 1 that u would approach if u didn’t have “AA”.

Tell yourself, (in your head, w/ in the FIRST 5 seconds)

“I’m going to approach & just give her a compliment on her jacket, bcz she deserves to be happy & I want it 2 b caused from ME”

After u do it, (maybe small talk ensued in between) YOU WON. YOU, yes YOU just did wat 98% of people (u currently DO NOT DO).

Str8 up, DONT EVAN go into it thinking about getting her #. Bcz that would b putting WAY too much pressure on yourself.

Woman are people too, hot, fat, skinny, tall, ugly, big noses, small noses, big boobs, small boobs blah blah blah.

THEY ARE PEOPLE, so treat them like so, they’re just more in-tuned w/ their emotional energy than males (us) are.

SO u have to adjust to that. I’m not perfect, infact far from it. BUT, I’m learning just like u r. I started where u r right now.

Believe in yourself, tell yourself you got this. Bcz YOU DO

Metro-approved · 2024-05-30T22:22:29+00:00

Look if you're a beginner I'll break it down.

Step 1 is you convince yourself you can do it.

It's only hard in the beginning. Force yourself to do it 1-5 times — a tip I heard recently is you sending your friend $50 and have him send it back if you've achieved your goal.

After the first few times, you'll have "proof" that you can do it so it gets easier.

Step 2 is smart small. Talk to cashiers/old ppl on the street. Make small talk with people while you're waiting to buy something in a store.

Once you get comfortable with that you move to...

Step 3 approach girls. Apply the $50 trick here if you want to. Approaching is like a blade you gotta sharpen, it's something that gets easier with momentum.

Like hitting the gym after a while and getting super sore. Eventually you don't get as sore anymore.

Then just get your reps in.

Overtime this will become the new you. Going through this journey will literally change you forever.

In a good way.

Your perception changes. Eventually you won't be faking it, you will be confident.

This goes beyond just being able to talk to girls. You're gonna have a different drip inside you, you're gonna walk different, talk different.

Then people will be asking you how you did it.

hope this helps

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-05-30T06:51:45+00:00

Self hypnosis can get results in anything you want.

Nobody will tell you this because it would put a lot of people out of business and it would also result in a less fear based society.

The problem is guys are to lazy to invest time in reprogramming their brain to work for them.

Everyone has programs self belief and filters that run in the backround.

Everyone has a program that causes fear and caution when having to meet someone unfamiliar.

It's a survival mechanism.

You can undo this easily, it make take a day , a few days week or a few weeks. In short instead of telling yourself you ae afraid of approaching you will rewrite it as you are very excited to talk to girls and you are going to have a wonderful experience. The difference between light and day.

I know I'm going to get down voted but some people who practice this will know exactly what I'm talking about.

Principatus · 2024-05-30T15:22:06+00:00

Why don’t you want them to know you’re hitting on them? That’s silly. You want them to know. But you want them to like it. You want to make them horny and wet, but also feel comfortable and safe with you.

Be polite. Be charming. Don’t talk about sexual things, let it simmer unsaid, she can see the horny look in your eye and that’s much more powerful than any compliment.

Use double entendres, connotations, euphemisms and implications instead of talking about anything sexual directly. And even those you can use sparingly. Tone it down, be polite. But don’t hide your desires, definitely don’t apologize for them.

Make it absolutely known that you think they’re absolutely stunning and you desire them. Just be a fucking gentleman about it, that’s all.

In the taxi on the way back to my place today a lady was complaining about what creeps guys can be, getting overtly sexual too quickly. I told her I have the same desires that they do, but I try to be polite about it. And that was enough, that’s all it really takes. It’s not the sexuality they dislike, it’s the disrespect. Remember that they’re people too, and treat them as such. They’ll respond well to that.

berzerker5000 · 2024-05-30T18:34:10+00:00

Social conditioning is the reason why you don’t want to be upfront with your intentions. Confidence partly the ability to be upfront and honest. You have to practice the characteristics that breed confidence. There is no faking it other than perhaps believing in yourself and consciously deciding until it becomes second nature to allow yourself to be a man.

Tellmesecretsmyguy · 2024-05-30T22:02:46+00:00

One word, gym. I played sports in my younger years but once I started lifting as a 20 year old (28 now) it changed my life forever. When your body looks good you can literally almost wear anything and still feel confident. groom too. You’ll naturally be more successful when you KNOW you look good, I promise. Girls will hit on YOU.

GG_Sebastian · 2024-05-30T07:28:29+00:00

I don't support "fake until you make it". I have a completely different perspective of "Believe it until it is to be". If I believe I'm confident then that's exactly what's going to be the result whether it be in the moment or 3 years from now. I completely took out the word "fake" from my entire mental module simply because I don't want to be associated with that.

Why not let them think you're hitting on them? Own it. That's a big part of confidence, owning who you are and what you do.

Pegmaster6969696969 · 2024-05-30T02:41:56+00:00

I consciously renounced to romance and any ideas of love I had. I became jaded to all feelings of love and relied solely on my sexual attraction, and began pursuing my objectives in a logical manner. It's funny, when you stop seeing women as complex people and more like a chance to get laid, you get rid of your anxiety. I don't recognise myself, but I'm not a loser virgin anymore. Also, actual experience gives you the ego fuel you need for actual confidence.

madmaxfromshottas · 2024-05-30T17:30:55+00:00

if you are familiar with steph curry the basketball player at all , it’s kind of like when he goes on a cold streak but still keeps shooting until he gets hot again.

BravoPUA · 2024-05-30T19:38:15+00:00

"I struggle with approaching women because in my mind I don’t want them to think I’m hitting on them."

But you are hitting on them, why do you have such an issue with them knowing what your intentions are?

2024-05-30T23:31:22+00:00

Became a person I was proud of.

wixenus · 2024-05-30T07:47:38+00:00

I cannot say I fully made it, but as a non-confident person turned confident, I believe I can give some insights.

First of all, it is important if you're able to socialize with strangers. I wasn't, so I started by fixing that first. I started to fake it around that time. Because I also was a natural roleplayer, it definitely was easier.

First, I started with my friends and acquaintances, initiated conversations with some I haven't seen for months, and tried to keep the convo going.

And after that I gained some ability to converse with people, THIS IS THE KEY PART so I started to socialize with nearly every single person I see, initiating conversations with people I've never met, jumping into any social situation you may find headfirst, without thinking for a second. As a guy who has social anxiety, it wasn't easy. But sometimes you need to run to learn how to walk.

Each conversation, each interaction gives you some amount of real confidence, it gives you a sense of relief that tells you you can do it if you want to. It feels like riding a bike without auxiliary wheels. I call it counterfeiting confidence, you give fake confidence, and take the real one. Also it's not illegal ;)

After each interaction, you learn something. Either to keep doing something or stop doing it. You learn the pattern, you slowly understand how it works.

You don't want them to think you are hitting on them? Haha, the exact opposite, brother. You should make them think you are hitting on them. Why? Is it illegal to be attracted to women? Especially on approaching women, it is important to show your intensions at the very start. Because it has a very good upside. It filters the ones that are not thinking sexually of you automatically (which saves you huge amounts of time trying to convince them for a hookup/relationship, and you never get to be in the infamous "friendzone"). Also many women like guys who are assertive and know what they want.

For the introduction, I advise people giving other person a taste of your personality. Because that's the thing that will make them stay or go. I assume you do have an interesting personality. (If not, please fix that first before approaching anyone, you'll thank me). Personalities are like cocktails, they should have a good and authentic taste to make people keep drinking them. Just be yourself (or fake being yourself lol). The only thing you need for an introduction imo is a conversation starting topic and an oozing personality. Don't worry about how to introduce a conversation, just say what you want to say at that time. It definitely helps.

Good luck, champ!

Dandys3107 · 2024-05-30T07:08:25+00:00

I guess it's about recognizing your high value. Not how people around perceive you, but how you really perceive yourself.

JimmyAngel5 · 2024-05-30T08:57:21+00:00

Like supervillain Doomsday, dying and continually returning to life and evolving.

So you just have to accept failing and rejection.

The difference between a confident and an insecure person isn't that the first one isn't rejected, but that he is rejected and doesn't care.

Videogamesarereel · 2024-05-30T09:37:12+00:00

I struggle with approaching women because in my mind I don’t want them to think I’m hitting on them. I don’t know how to make an ambiguous introduction

That's the thing. She needs to. So much shame has been put into pickup that guys feel guilty for doing so. Do not. This will just limit your dating options.

Girls know dating and gender rules so they know they will be approached. Hiding it will only make things awkward down the road.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-30T12:44:08+00:00

You should hit on women . It IS a net negative for society but it has so many positive benefits for you that it's worth it.

If there was a hidden camera every time you approached and people were asked to average out your bad interactions with the good ones ( based on the woman's feedback ) , you'd probably be given a score of slightly annoying or slightly uncomfy over a longer period of time.

That's what I mean by net negative. There are feminist women who will hate the audacity of a straight man thinking they have the right to enter their presence and there are attention whores who will have their day brightened by any man giving them attention.

Most women are in the middle where they don't care that much and they move on with their day.

HCHDGSH · 2024-05-30T09:04:58+00:00

A lot of times when people talk about confidence, they act like competence is the only place confidence can come from, which is false. You can have zero experience and still be confident.

Confidence is just knowing "I can do this". Knowing you can improve and figure out how to become successful. That is not to say you won't fuck up many times along the way, but you know you can and will succeed at something no matter how many times you fall.

And while you're doing whatever you need to do, just embrace how it feels. If you are nervous to approach or keep a conversation going, that's okay. Know that with enough practice that will reduce dramatically, as long as you keep showing up.

Now as you do the work, yes the competence will add to your confidence, but it's not the only way. So I don't feel like that's faking anything at all personally.

Edit: don't be scared to make it clear you're hitting on women. If they catch on to the fact that you're hitting on them quick, the ones who are not down will reject you quick. That's a feature, not a bug. It's amazing because that means you're wasting very little time on women who are not interested anyway, rather than having a 20 minute conversation to nowhere. And the ones that are interested in you will think it's refreshing that someone is straight forward and bold.

Punch-SideIron · 2024-05-30T21:35:03+00:00

Magic mushrooms, vitamins and therapy.

youll learn to get out of your own way and thats when you can start stretching your legs and running free

BUT IT TAKES COMMITMENT.

PainFreeDating · 2024-05-31T06:37:54+00:00

No need to fake anything. Just be ok with being new at it.

Let them know you're interested when it appears to you but also have another reason to be there. Do that thing. Enjoy the food. the dancing. or the drink. Or your book.

SupperDup · 2024-05-30T07:39:34+00:00

Easy, we faked it until we didn't have to anymore (i.e. "made it")

miyass_miyass · 2024-05-30T09:52:51+00:00

I never “fake it til I make it”, I’ve never found that to be a particularly useful framework

If I’m nervous I’m nervous

Not being nervous comes from experience not from masking your nervousness, which is largely pointless

I struggle with approaching women because in my mind I don’t want them to think I’m hitting on them

The way I began to overcome this was by asking for directions or café recommendations and then giving compliments while leaving. Over time you become more and more comfortable opening with a compliment.

driftingautumnleaf · 2024-05-30T10:07:30+00:00

I slept with every woman I dated but I never pursued getting laid as my primary goal

Principatus · 2024-05-30T10:17:27+00:00

I got a hypnotist to hypnotize me to be confident with women. After that I had a long string of one night stands and after some experience, a network of horny fwb who were okay with not being my only.

I had a girlfriend for four years and got a bit rusty, but I broke up with her six months ago and am slowly getting back in the swing of things. I had two dates this week (both came home with me) and four more dates booked (one of them a second date with Tuesday’s girl).

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-30T12:44:08+00:00

You should hit on women . It IS a net negative for society but it has so many positive benefits for you that it's worth it.

If there was a hidden camera every time you approached and people were asked to average out your bad interactions with the good ones ( based on the woman's feedback ) , you'd probably be given a score of slightly annoying or slightly uncomfy over a longer period of time.

That's what I mean by net negative. There are feminist women who will hate the audacity of a straight man thinking they have the right to enter their presence and there are attention whores who will have their day brightened by any man giving them attention.

Most women are in the middle where they don't care that much and they move on with their day.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-30T12:44:15+00:00

You should hit on women . It IS a net negative for society but it has so many positive benefits for you that it's worth it.

If there was a hidden camera every time you approached and people were asked to average out your bad interactions with the good ones ( based on the woman's feedback ) , you'd probably be given a score of slightly annoying or slightly uncomfy over a longer period of time.

That's what I mean by net negative. There are feminist women who will hate the audacity of a straight man thinking they have the right to enter their presence and there are attention whores who will have their day brightened by any man giving them attention.

Most women are in the middle where they don't care that much and they move on with their day.

No-Preference8767 · 2024-05-30T12:44:15+00:00

You should hit on women . It IS a net negative for society but it has so many positive benefits for you that it's worth it.

If there was a hidden camera every time you approached and people were asked to average out your bad interactions with the good ones ( based on the woman's feedback ) , you'd probably be given a score of slightly annoying or slightly uncomfy over a longer period of time.

That's what I mean by net negative. There are feminist women who will hate the audacity of a straight man thinking they have the right to enter their presence and there are attention whores who will have their day brightened by any man giving them attention.

Most women are in the middle where they don't care that much and they move on with their day.

consiliac · 2024-05-30T12:45:47+00:00

To your edit: you are hitting on them. It's okay. That's what you need to convince yourself.

consiliac · 2024-05-30T12:46:05+00:00

To your edit: you are hitting on them. It's okay. That's what you need to convince yourself.

SilkProduction · 2024-05-30T13:33:41+00:00

Functionally it doesn't matter where your confidence comes from even if it's a facade but if you practice it enough that confidence becomes true

berzerker5000 · 2024-05-30T13:59:14+00:00

Enough exposure with some girls who come out, some who disappear, some who outright reject. Once you’ve done enough you’ll realise it doesn’t matter what the outcome is. I mean why should it?

These people enter your life for anywhere between 5 seconds to 1 night stand to maybe 3 month fast dating.

The only thing lasting is your health, real family, and money. Because guess what in 10 years these chicks who reject you are old hags and you still have your money and there’s another set of 20 year olds.

Putting chicks up on a pedestal is idiotic

appolonysian · 2024-05-30T14:12:57+00:00

You answered your own question. I’m not about to say I’ve completely “made it” but I’m certainly more confident now than I used to be.

Some of it is experience and simply having more at-bats, but another part of it is realizing that on a certain level we’re all acting in the public sphere anyway. Combine that knowledge with the will to go after what you want and an imperviousness to rejection and you’re golden.

Old-Pea-7677 · 2024-05-30T04:58:07+00:00

There is nothing wrong with hitting on them, as a man you should not care about how women perceive you don't judge yourself, you should not be concerned about women's experience, make sure you play your part as a man

5hr00m · 2024-05-30T06:08:19+00:00

Hang out with more experienced guys, watch and learn how they interact with girls. Be your friend’s wingman, which will put less pressure on you than him.

The way I deal with confidence is being outcome independent, don’t take rejections personal.

DependentAd1504 · 2024-05-30T04:52:43+00:00

Bro you just reposted what I said in comments yesterday... It's fine if it helps to improve

Title	Those of you who successfully faked it till they made it with confidence. How did you do it?
Author	Hellarepups
Upvotes	244
Comments	80
Date	May 30, 2024 2:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1d3t8ga/those_of_you_who_successfully_faked_it_till_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/those-of-you-who-successfully-faked-it-till-they.1519997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519997

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