Gf wants to post me on “are we dating the same guy” fb groups

jessi387 · 2024-07-12T02:08:08+00:00

This is so fucked up I don’t even know where to begin. The idea that we know women are just collectively having a laugh at the expense of other people with false rumours and no one does anything is so sick.

Sininenn · 2024-07-12T02:24:06+00:00

Tell her you don't feel comfortable with having your photos shared online like that.

Ask her how she would feel, if you suggested posting her pictures into a gossip group.

ShutupPussy · 2024-07-12T02:11:55+00:00

It would be a no go for me. I'd be very clear and sober about why I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. It's literally inviting problems and if it's for a laugh, go to a comedy show instead. Your girlfriend has no idea how fucked up this can be for guys and the entire reality of those groups is horrible.

mypreciousssssssss · 2024-07-12T03:19:25+00:00

If y'all must bait the fb psychos, do it with a totally made up character and an AI picture.

Ur_Anemone · 2024-07-12T04:08:17+00:00

It’s a bad idea. Tell her to read this:

Memory, Truth, and Distortions in “Are We Dating The Same Guy?”

https://medium.com/@Jenny_Haniver/memory-truth-and-distortions-in-are-we-dating-the-same-guy-65430953b7cb

And this:

The Complicated World of Screenshot Sharing: Privacy vs. Accountability

https://medium.com/@Jenny_Haniver/the-complicated-world-of-screenshot-sharing-privacy-vs-accountability-52d3d5a5c88d

EfficientSimplicity · 2024-07-12T03:36:56+00:00

Lets do the cost benefit analysis here:

Benefit: - GF has a laugh (at your expense) - GF gets to see which other women you’ve dated

Cost: - False accusation - Irreparable repetitional harm

Seeing as none of the benefits are to YOU and the costs are ridiculously high, yeah you should totally do it

jester_of_thecourt · 2024-07-12T08:06:22+00:00

UPDATE: I expressed that I’m uncomfortable with the idea & why I don’t want my pictures anywhere near those groups and she immediately just said “ok I won’t”.

I was kind of shocked ngl, no disagreement or gaslighting over “well if you have nothing to hide” like i was worrying about. “You don’t want me to so I won’t post it, end of story” she added.

Maybe this was all a shit test after all or something idk lol

MannerNo7000 · 2024-07-12T02:47:45+00:00

That’s fucked. Those pages should be sued into oblivion.

420Aquarist · 2024-07-12T03:20:46+00:00

It’s a trap

EfficientSimplicity · 2024-07-12T03:35:14+00:00

Why the hell would you agree to this?

If she respects you, she will not try to encroach your boundaries and do something that makes you uncomfortable or paints you in a bad light. She should back off seeing as you’re uncomfortable but she doesn’t care
Why do you want rabid feminists making shit up about you (or misremembering you for another guy and making shit up about you). And what if your coworkers or friends read that and actually believe that?

Joker_01884 · 2024-07-12T04:25:50+00:00

They are women , it will lead to false accusations.

pissed_off_elbonian · 2024-07-12T10:40:03+00:00

What if we start a registry of crazy chicks and put it all out there for others to see?

AirSailer · 2024-07-12T03:05:19+00:00

For the record I think these groups are great for exposing some real shady characters but they’re definitely abused

Fuck you man! How fucking hypocritical it is for you to say it's OK for other women to post whatever about men, accusing them of terrible things and causing their social destruction with zero proof, but you don't want you name on there BECAUSE EVEN YOU ADMIT THEY ARE ABUSED!!!

I hope she posts it on there so you can realize just how big pieces of shit both you and your GF are.

DissociativeRuin · 2024-07-12T03:12:30+00:00

I would immediately break up with her.

Nobleone11 · 2024-07-12T06:40:38+00:00

For the record I think these groups are great for exposing some real shady characters but they’re definitely abused.

Haven't learned anything from the "Metoo Movement", have we.

Since online carries a great degree of anonymity, it's very easy for these women to lie and exaggerate.

So how would you know that events surrounding these "real shady characters" weren't given the same treatment when posted?

I’ve never done anything inappropriate / abusive to girls I’ve dated in the past but I’ve had plenty dates that didn’t work out, I’m guilty of cheesy pick up lines & didn’t handle break ups as well as i would do now. I’ve dated girls who turned out to be emotionally abusive & I’m now concerned that a story of a date not going well or me rejecting a girl will be deliberately misconstrued and portray me as a narcissist, a psychopath or worse. I don’t want that kind of thing out there even if i can just sue people for defamation.

Dude, now that your current girlfriend is hooked on this Facebook Vigilante Mob, she has a loaded gun armed and ready. It's only a matter of time before something goes wrong on an outing, she misconstrues anything you say during an argument, and she'll utilize said weapon against you.

What's worse, NOTHING will save you when it happens. No recourse whatsoever. Her word against yours.

I'd suggest breaking it off with her except, once again, that loaded gun is present. Same thing with a simple discussion on your feelings about this group.

You're trapped.

God help you.

Beneficial_Belt_5253 · 2024-07-12T04:02:15+00:00

Dude leave her ass what the fuck???

NOChiRo · 2024-07-12T07:56:23+00:00

Troll post.

For the record I think these groups are great

So then theres no problem, let her post.

kuunami79 · 2024-07-12T10:47:08+00:00

As a man dealing with women you need to learn how to squash this kind of nonsense immediately. It doesn't have to be mean or serious in tone. In this case just lightheartedly riddicule the suggestion then move on. It should never have been seriously entertained. Many times, it's a test to see how you react.

SnooBeans6591 · 2024-07-12T06:23:32+00:00

If she wants to have a laugh at lies, use AI to generate a picture of a fictional man, and see how many have dated this person.

Low_Rich_5436 · 2024-07-12T08:33:54+00:00

Your girlfriend is entertained by the possibly lifer-ruining slander of men she doesn't know. What else does she do in her free times? Send fake letters to orphans telling them their parents are still alive?

StarZax · 2024-07-12T14:47:07+00:00

At first, I thought that maybe she wanted this to appear as a joke but secretly wanted to know, but her reaction is commendable, and I'm glad she respected your decision immediately.

You are right to feel uncomfortable, obviously anyone could make shit up, and imagine if your GF had doubts about it being fake or not ? You obviously know her more than I do, so I'm just imagining stuff, but you get the idea, I believe. It's better to stay away from these spaces. As you said, it's very easy to abuse that kind of stuff, and you never know what could be said about you.

I'm so glad for you that she respected your feeling, she's a keeper !!

DiscoShaman · 2024-07-12T17:28:51+00:00

Someone posted me in one of those groups. Someone I knew shared screenshots of the whole thing. Some far off acquaintances replied, “yeah, I know him. Inbox me”. And some random ass idiot replies, “omg I can’t believe there’s a scandal behind every guy” and I thought wtf woman, what scandal. Someone I had matched with on a dating app replied, “yeah, this big shot matched with me and then proceeded to ghost me after he saw that I had only one picture of myself on my instagram”.

But yeah, anyone could’ve posted anything about me because I’ve dated a number of women and I’ve been catfished a few times so I’m sure there are some girls who are bitter about me. And anything anyone said would’ve been considered the absolute truth.

What can one expect from a group of bitter, single and old women?

Izzno · 2024-07-12T17:52:54+00:00

These groups should be illegal.

virphirod · 2024-07-12T19:55:36+00:00

"for a laugh” & is fully expecting girls to make up lies and stories for us to read & laugh at"
Nope. Someone going to believe those stories, and will ruin your life.

StrikingFig1671 · 2024-07-12T20:46:59+00:00

Run, far and fast brother.

Mesterjojo · 2024-07-12T12:05:19+00:00

Your gf 1 year is displaying a warning. Will you heed it?

Dump her, now. She won't get better. She won't change.

SlowLearnerGuy · 2024-07-12T04:44:00+00:00

Dangerous, GTFO. If she uploads anything identifying without consent then document it very clearly and check out the relevant laws pertaining to "doxxing" in your jurisdiction. In Australia for example it may constitute a criminal offense as it violates privacy laws. Note this is separate to defamation.

jester_of_thecourt · 2024-07-12T05:27:42+00:00

Dude, either that is straight up a no fucking way from you or you don’t give a fuck even if some other bitches talk shit about you on that site

This is a fucking shit test. If she respected you she wouldn’t do it.

Only way to pass this test is to walk away, not giving a fuck.

Salamadierha · 2024-07-12T08:25:53+00:00

Problem is once you get your face known on there for anything it becomes a magnet for future posts. I'd avoid any form of interation with this crappy site, there's no saying how it could come back to bite you in the future.

eg, your current relationship fails for whatever. Your next gf, love of your life, has a moment of weakness, posts you on there, and lo and behold your previous post comes to life and your new relationship becomes toast. Avoid.

Gazmeister_Wongatron · 2024-07-12T09:24:32+00:00

I'm glad to see the update that this was put to rest immediately.

A couple of cheap laughs now won't make up for the potential damage that something like this could cause years down the line.

Bouxxi · 2024-07-12T10:03:49+00:00

I read the Edit and brother she is very Nice

alter_furz · 2024-07-12T11:39:16+00:00

Tell her it's okay, but in return you will require a paternity test on all the kids you'll have.

And see the desire to post fading in her eyes right in front of you.

thelorax18 · 2024-07-12T14:09:22+00:00

Don't do this. Keep your face and real name off the internet, especially in groups like these where people will use it to destroy your life.

2024-07-12T15:26:45+00:00

Those groups are ridiculous. We all know if you get posted, it just turns into a free for all of bashing, petty gossip, and random strangers making shit up. I'm sure women in the groups know that too.

But if a guy doesn't want to get posted and go through that whole shitshow, that's somehow seen as a red flag and that "he must be hiding something". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Magical-Hummus · 2024-07-12T16:46:38+00:00

Then suggest posting her in a male-only site and see how she reacts.

Scrace89 · 2024-07-12T21:04:26+00:00

Does she have Borderline Personality Disorder?

godofwar108 · 2024-07-12T22:07:16+00:00

She tested you. It is not about posting, but just the audacity of asking you.

If I were you, I'd take it as disrespect. I'd dump her at the drop of a hat!

geon2k2 · 2024-07-12T04:33:06+00:00

Find a way to un-girlfriend her, but in a nice way. Maybe give her the ick, have her leave you, be lazy, tell her you lost your job if you are not living together, stop shaving or wearing deodorant, wear bad clothes when you are with her, i don't know be creative and get out as fast as possible. The fact that she is on that group, even without posting anything, should be an eye opener for you.

dankmemezrus · 2024-07-12T11:52:52+00:00

Massive red flag from your gf

NiceParkJob · 2024-07-12T07:53:38+00:00

Dude, find another woman

TastyPollution7983 · 2024-07-12T06:33:31+00:00

That's a whole other level of pick me girls and their stupid games to catch their guys doing something wrong. That's really inappropriate, and immature too.

CIearMind · 2024-07-12T10:35:59+00:00

W update

NibblyPig · 2024-07-12T11:07:24+00:00

Upload an AI generated image if you want to try it. Or find a photo on google images of someone like a famous celebrity from an obscure country.

kuunami79 · 2024-07-12T11:40:52+00:00

Ahh. I got you. In that case I'd say it seems to me that you handled the situation properly.

IamAwesome-er · 2024-07-12T14:33:31+00:00

loves ~~reading about~~ drama

Run....😂

In all seriousness though....those groups are extremely toxic and get away with things that no "mens" group on Facebook would...

2024-07-12T17:44:37+00:00

Sue her for posting pics of you without your consent if she ever does that

torakfirenze · 2024-07-12T19:03:59+00:00

As a man who’s been on these groups, you really don’t want to be on it.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-07-13T01:44:09+00:00

Your legs were made for walking... Away from crazy

2024-07-12T05:47:49+00:00

Break up with that psycho bitch.

mahone007649 · 2024-07-12T05:40:40+00:00

I had this one psycho got in a group of other girls that were dating someone with the same name as me. And of course they all commiserated their little pity party, and this nut job was convinced that I was going out with her and a girl on the West Coast so there was East Coast me and West Coast me

Plus_Ad_4041 · 2024-07-12T06:30:22+00:00

Nah man. Tell her to use some random dudes photo off the internet. Think twice about keeping this GF as marriage material Bro.

Wonderful_Working315 · 2024-07-12T06:57:56+00:00

I always tell them they can do whatever they want, but so can I. It's like if you tell a kid not to do something, they'll do it more.

So let her do it. Then you can do whatever you want, which in this case is dumping her. She's playing games with your relationship and is immature. You can do better.

2024-07-12T10:05:44+00:00

For the record I think these groups are great for exposing some real shady characters but they’re definitely abused.

then what's the issue? go ahead with the advertisement to the public. Happy wife happy life.... right? (gf in your case)

funnybillypro · 2024-07-12T04:14:55+00:00

That sounds stressful. I really don't think you need to worry about people making up stories. Remember that anonymous accounts aren't really a Facebook thing. The worse version will probably be comments about your appearance.

You can totally say it makes you uncomfortable. Or request that she not post it as an accusation but more like "I'm curious" (so that possible friends or family don't see it and think your gf actually has reason to think you're cheating.)

Another version could be: "LOL babe. Have fun. But please don't pass along any comments made about my appearance. I don't need to know people think I had a weird nose" or whatever.

TwerpOco · 2024-07-12T10:18:53+00:00

She doesn't sound like a good person if she can't immediately see why that's fucked. The fact that she said "that’s all I need to know" isn't a good thing either. It reads as though she's now assuming things about you.

Also, no apology from her?

Roamer56 · 2024-07-12T06:26:49+00:00

Hard no, man. If she doesn’t like it, walk.

UseResponsible4368 · 2024-07-12T06:47:37+00:00

I think you're on the verge of entering the I'm borrrred and/or disrespect stage. Not the little negging 'sugar tests' but the turn.

Prepare yourself. I say this with an urge that you prosper.

plough78 · 2024-07-12T07:09:07+00:00

Don’t bud. It’s only works bad for you. Ask to do the same to her

Ahielia · 2024-07-12T07:32:15+00:00

Do you love drama? She sounds like she'll create lots of opportunities for drama, if that's your thing then keep at it.

raspherem · 2024-07-12T08:49:47+00:00

she wants to post my pictures “for a laugh”

This is a lie. She is trying to find dirt on you and because of in-group bias, she would rather trust convincing lies from stranger women than listening your truth.

Your relationship is over. One accusation no matter how unbelievable it sounds, she will take her chances on trusting them. It will be a turn off for her and she will start looking for better suitors.

DinosBiggestFan · 2024-07-12T10:16:29+00:00

Good update. It would have been a red flag if she had pushed the issue, IMO.

Sam__Toucan · 2024-07-12T10:19:26+00:00

And yet even you seem to believe the site as you say a guy "legitimately" had a family, leukemia and a side girl. Perhaps this isn't true?

Point I'm making is don't do it! Nothing to gain and potentially a lot to lose

liferelationshi · 2024-07-13T01:57:28+00:00

You should probably leave her. She will post you anonymously. She’s poisoned.

AirSailer · 2024-07-13T03:43:01+00:00

Check this out man... This is what you think is

great for exposing some real shady character

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/L32uu5NLNT

jester_of_thecourt · 2024-07-13T08:18:23+00:00

There is absolutely no way she said that part exactly as you have it in quotes.

Kratomstatum · 2024-07-13T15:59:38+00:00

Be a man. Threaten to leave her

ExpertBad400 · 2024-07-14T14:38:59+00:00

Women are legit nuts and I would immediately break up with a girl who posted me on there. At least she didnt argue with you about it. I have been banned from 3 or 4 subs just for posting on this sub.

Pretend_Plant6719 · 2024-09-03T15:26:24+00:00

but sometimes its cute https://youtube.com/shorts/9j_H_hFjv0I?si=YA4k50AAd2n3kgcB

Ok_Priority99 · 2024-12-24T21:57:00+00:00

Sounds very toxic, perhaps a new gf would be a good idea! She’s insecure and it’s better to have a confident woman!

michaelpaoli · 2024-07-12T14:30:41+00:00

Yeah, not a good idea. Even her seriously thinking of sticking you on there makes me seriously question her judgement and character. Well, at least she at least asked you.

If y'all want it just for the entertainment/laughs, do an AI generated photo of face that doesn't actually belong to any existent person, and that doesn't look at all like you, and stick it on there. Then read about all his "side" families and all the other chicks "he" is dating, etc. And don't have her putting it up there saying it's her current bf or the like.

Puzzleheaded-Foot432 · 2024-07-12T08:42:32+00:00

I think after 1 year of relationship, this act is childish and inappropriate if you have already shared your past with her. We do not know the both sides of the story. If something happened recently and she feels insecure, she will do it anyway.

Guys are thinking about their ego being ruined in these groups. They do not try to understand the actual intent of it. If you are that concerned, you should have acted like a man with great personality so there is not much of a possibility of it to be ruined.

WeldFrenzy · 2024-07-12T17:45:54+00:00

I would let brt post me, get answer that I don't cheat and then break up with her for not trusting me.

Conely · 2024-07-12T18:26:43+00:00

congratulations! I don't know if you're still left uncomfortable, but her response was probably ideal, and as far as I can tell as an internet stranger, she demonstrates not only that she is understanding, but she knows precisely how much she needs to know to discard her idea

Codename-18 · 2024-07-12T10:29:15+00:00

Here is what you can do:

Lure her into doing BDSM. Start a Youporn channel with her, make her be enthusiastic about it. Then save all the screenshots, make her take pride in being "watched" by millions of people. Make her sign a contract that clearly states what the "safe word" is, and make her sign each clause of it. Whip her as hard as the laws in your country allow it. When she inevitably leaves you because the other harpies in the group will convince her that you're abusive well congrats for not only don't you need to revenge porn her (she already did it herself) but you also got back to her in a legally allowed way.

I've been put in those groups and the emotional trauma resulting from it is not something you can just "accept", nor should you. There were tons of women I don't even know claiming I had sex with them and advising my ex to leave me. We had an agreement, she would be looking for a husband cause I wouldn't have married her single mother ass, and I was fucking around. She even agreed to having a couple profile on 2 apps and SWIPED on other women with my single profile (another app) during sex. YET she was enjoying free sympathy tokens playing the victim on AWDTSG. Then ghosted (more emotional abuse).

The thing is, with this war of the sexes going on we will never reach a truce. You don't hurt me/I don't hurt you scenario. It's women who fight for the right to emotionally traumatise men and we're supposed to stay put. No, sir.

Don't bother with legal action, the max you can get is money and you won't even win for you have to prove the damage, not just the defamation. The odds are stacked against you from the get go.

LopsidedDatabase8912 · 2024-07-12T05:50:27+00:00

Honestly, a lot of the advice you're getting on here is sort of "under-informed"

A few things to consider in this overall situation.

Her intent Your poise The result

So, first. Her intent is probably bad. If she's doing it to be nasty or she won't be forthcoming about why she really wants to post you, then you don't want to validate any of those reasons. You should never want her to feel like she's allowed to judge your behavior in any way. The average modern woman is a pizza sleeper who is not fit to judge any kind of behavior at all, much less a man's.

Now your poise is next. If she asks about posting and you let her know you have nothing to hide, you've hurt your situation. Again, you don't want to validate that idea that you may have anything to hide. She should be of the belief that you are so assured in your being above her judgment, that you wouldn't even think to hide anything.

Result. The best result you can get is one where a couple women hotter than she is comment that you're an asshole. This is the result she wants anyway. She may not realize it, but she wants there to be drama. If it doesn't come from the group, she'll have to make it herself.

The way to ace this shit test is to, without caring about it, let her do it, and then if she expresses any reaction to it and gets upset or otherwise dramatic, just withhold attention from her. She'll grow more attracted to you and more loyal.

Title	Gf wants to post me on “are we dating the same guy” fb groups
Author	jester_of_thecourt
Upvotes	369
Comments	126
Date	July 12, 2024 1:44 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1e15lst/gf_wants_to_post_me_on_are_we_dating_the_same_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/gf-wants-to-post-me-on-are-we-dating-the-same-guy.1524014 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524014

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