For average looking guys out there who successfully started dating again after divorce was finalized, what strategies worked for you?

Zealousideal_Pop_931 · 2025-01-22T05:39:53+00:00

Make money, be in shape, stay stoked

Aggravating-Ad-5793 · 2025-01-19T12:08:45+00:00

I would just sit down at the bar and lick my eyebrows, and women would buy me drinks. Never understood it, but hey free whiskey.

CoastalSailing · 2025-01-18T23:41:53+00:00

Mgtow? What?

CoastalSailing · 2025-01-18T23:40:51+00:00

Mgtow? What?

GoldCanvas · 2025-01-18T20:30:12+00:00

👉🏻👌🏻

MGTOWManofMystery · 2025-01-18T20:29:27+00:00

Don't date. Instead engage in casual liaisons. Dating is a sucker's game.

jimsmythee · 2025-01-18T17:23:19+00:00

I installed all of the dating apps at the time.

Strategy?

Anyone not local? Scammer. Delete. Anyone who wouldn’t meet at 2 weeks at most of chatting? Too skittish to date. Delete.

From there? I would go out with any woman who wanted to go out with me.

From there? Weed out the drunks, the pill poppers, the pot heads and the princesses.

And then weed out the “rescue me” girls. The ones with horrible financial problems.

Took a few years, but I did eventually meet wife version 2.0

stent00 · 2025-01-18T17:14:03+00:00

No offense but looks at stats for asian and short and what women's preferences are. Might wanna stay dating your own race. Women in general are picky as hell.

tyveill · 2025-01-18T17:03:17+00:00

All I have to say is dating apps will really kill a man's self esteem. The worst thing you can do after divorce (that I did and learned from) is to jump right into dating apps and assume the matches you are able to get are any indication as to the women you can attract. Dating apps work for women who want a hook up, and if you're a top 5% super attractive man you can score regularly. For the rest of us, you have to find women through common interests and possibly social media and take your time building a connection. You can attract much higher quality women this way.

SelectionNo3078 · 2025-01-18T15:39:54+00:00

Work out. You don’t need drugs or insanity. Just be consistent and you will get into decent shape.

Every woman I’ve spent time with since separation and divorce have loved touching me.

I’m short and definitely losing hair but I’m smart and funny and go out a good bit to things I really enjoy

Have met women irl at street party/festivals, art openings and bars (not dance/pick up clubs)

I’m finding that I really want a casual GF that I see 1-2 times a week

My career has been stalled out during the past two years and it hasn’t even mattered and I’ve met women that were smart funny accomplished who just liked me and wanted to have fun times together.

YMMV.

Work out daily. It’s the key to all. It will build your body mind and heart

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-18T15:15:14+00:00

You will want to get yourself on TRT at your age and hit the gym. Get your diet and sleep in check. You will want to hire a coach to show you how to train and diet. Get jacked and get yourself an 8 pack. Women don't care about money (especially at this age). They either have their own career or are getting a nice paycheck from their ex. Women LOVE a challenge and want a guy who other women will be lusting after - that means in really good physical shape. Nothing else matters no matter what they say. The older we get the guy that stays in amazing shape has less and less competition and is the unicorn they all fawn over.

Steer clear of the apps. I promise you no quality woman is on that meat market. You will have plenty of women approaching you at your gym/grocery store etc once you put on about 20lb of muscle and get to 10% bodyfat. They will not be asking you on dates like we do so learn what female choosing signals. Most won't be up to your standards for a long term relationship and that is perfectly ok, plenty of them will still make great friends.

Do not have sex unless you know you want a serious long term relationship and you have vetted her as being quality. Women get attached after sex and low quality women will waste your time. money and energy and bring chaos and drama into the awesome life you have created for yourself. Even FWB are an investment and bring drama (ask me how I know lol).

Make no mistake though keeping her around is much harder than finding her. You will have to make compromises and invest a significant amount of your money, time and energy into the relationship. If she is not giving you kids I would say it is not worth it for any man. Even the best pussy in the world gets boring after smashing it on the regular for 3 months. And if she is not giving you kids and the pussy is boring what else is she bringing to the table?

pmbrenner91 · 2025-01-18T15:14:07+00:00

dating apps we're awful

i slid into those dm's on Instagram

happily remarried

CaliDude75 · 2025-01-18T15:13:56+00:00

Stop being desperate and simpy. And don’t freak out if you don’t have a date every night. I had a series of dates and short-term relationships until I met my current GF, who I’ve been with 9 months.

Self-improvement is never a bad thing, but do it for yourself, not for anyone else. And absolutely don’t tolerate disrespect, lying or being taken for granted.

AggieDan1996 · 2025-01-18T15:08:31+00:00

I just lived my life. I was already doing the gym thing. I got into therapy, though. But, I focused on what made me happy. Granted, I'm a nerd so that included a 4k TV, Xbox series X, tuba, gaming laptop, and joining my church choir along with the Knights of Columbus.

And I used a Catholic specific dating website. That along with purposeful dating was the key. And I made it obvious I was a complex, fucked up person, with kids and a rich life. I was mid 40s, bald with two kids and a terminal case of RBF. Now, I wasn't beating them off with a stick, mind you. But, I had enough interest that I was turning women away that I felt weren't a good match.

Know your worth. Be confident in that and the women will come.

Character-Golf2930 · 2025-01-18T14:33:59+00:00

I appreciate all the great comments on here. I stumbled across this and it was exactly what I needed at just the right time.

BaldieGoose · 2025-01-18T12:45:37+00:00

Man you described me almost exactly.

I started eating clean, tracked EVERYTHING, and worked HARD at the gym 5-6 days a week lifting HEAVY. Within one year I was getting plenty of dates but the 2 year mark really paid off and started to see the gains explode after a lot of fat loss and bulking back up.

I also got serious about my career after some coasting and doubled my salary to well over $300K.

Since you can move anywhere I'd say go somewhere very urban with lots of young hotties preferably immigrants because your average Karen boss bitch these days is gonna never be satisfied. Miami, NYC, etc. The apps SUCK but they unfortunately are the only way to find attractive young women these days and it's a numbers game. You need to live somewhere with hundreds of people on there.

Lastly, read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It will change your life.

qmriis · 2025-01-18T11:27:57+00:00

Get jacked, swipe right on everyone, pursue the cute ones.

500+ matches when I quit.

40, bald, > 6ft, fighting fit

Being attractive helped find my wife. Being an emotionally intelligent partner is what keeps her.

You want a catch of a woman you need to be a catch of a man.

CharlesDanceFan · 2025-01-18T10:15:15+00:00

I’m incredibly average looking. In fact I would say that I punch well above my weight considering the huge flaws I have (flaws that have been perpetuated by social media)

I’m short and bald for example.

However I seem to do well and land myself some attractive women

Here’s what works for me

I work out every day and my physique reflects that. Personally i don’t thing women care about this as much as men however it gives me confidence which is a good base to start from

Updated my wardrobe and added a skin care routine. You don’t have to look like you’ve just come off a catwalk in Milan however don’t be rocking that style that got you some pussy back in the early 2000s

I have an abundance mindset when it comes to opportunities with the opposite sex. This is the game changer IMO. It allows you to be a bit more cocky and take risks when communicating with women. I find that women go for guys who push the boundaries a little. They love drama after all.

Dating apps have given men more opportunity for encounters than in any other time in history. Ignore the doom junkies in here who tell you that they are pointless. If you look semi normal and can communicate well then you will do some damage lol

Fyfel · 2025-01-18T07:19:41+00:00

I was 39 when my ex and I separated. I had no job, dead broke, heaviest weight I’ve ever been, and it was early 2020 right as Covid first hit.

Now I’m 42, best shape of my life, great WFH Account Exec job, my current relationship is nearly 2yrs long and going strong we met on tinder.

Dating apps still work but you really need to curate your profiles. Checkout YouTube for ways to make it standout.

I’ve met some great people through the apps but not everyone is looking for the same thing at the same time. Understand everyone has different preferences and ideologies so don’t take anything personal.

Melynthos1492 · 2025-01-18T07:13:41+00:00

Travel to SEA ;) particularly if you can speak Khmer, Cambodia is super poor makes Mexico look like Paris. You can use your money and get much better options.

bahlahkee · 2025-01-18T06:49:08+00:00

Money

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-01-18T06:10:56+00:00

Confidence and emotionally intelligent humor

Looks have nothing to do with it.

Jake_Barnes_ · 2025-01-18T05:33:16+00:00

“I’m an average looking Cambodian-American”

Lol for some reason this made me crack up. Idk why, just was unexpected, honestly thought it was going to read average joe. But instead a very niche ethnicity. And to answer your question, put your energy into your work. Specifically seeking out dating can backfire if it’s not the right time for that. Let it happen on its own.

Gattsama · 2025-01-18T05:27:59+00:00

A man needs to be fit. Physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. Physical fitness means working out but also eating right, personal grooming, dressing well, seeing your doctor and dentist, not smoking, etc.

Women are NOT the prize or the goal. You do these things for yourself. If you are a fit man, you don't have to worry about women. There is no shortage of women (good ones yes lol). They will find you and make themselves available if you are fit.

As for MGTOW. That's a philosophy, not a lifestyle. Some go monk (no women) some have a wife and kids. It's about learning the nature of men, women and society then making an open, honest, and informed choice about what you want. It's not giving up on women or family. That's the your own way part.

Let me add, that 50% of the problems in your previous relationship move forward into your next one. IF your goal is to find a women, you will find a women. If your goal is to find a good women, you will find a good women. But you need to know what you are looking for and why BEFORE you start. That means seeing boundaries and walking away from a lot of women. With the understanding that you are OK alone, even great, if you can't find what you are looking for.

You need to dig through a lot of shit to find the rocks, lots of rocks to find the gems, and lots of gems to find the diamonds. And what being fit really is about is 1) being qualified for that rare good girl when you find her, 2) know how to find her and not settling, or accept what you can get.

You might find you just care less about women as you become more fit, and ultimately find your mission. However, there is no shortage of women and friendship, companionship, intimacy is fairly easy to come by. Long term commitment love is still rare...

ColSolTigh · 2025-01-18T04:39:57+00:00

Wearing a suit. Walking around where women tend to cluster. Sparking up casual conversation.

whiskeytango13 · 2025-01-18T16:39:25+00:00

Dude.... move to the phillipines

Title	For average looking guys out there who successfully started dating again after divorce was finalized, what strategies worked for you?
Author	idiskfla
Upvotes	25
Comments	46
Date	January 18, 2025 4:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1i3znw4/for_average_looking_guys_out_there_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/for-average-looking-guys-out-there-who.1541121 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541121

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