Q4M: Love or respect?

Feeling_Ad_1034 · 2025-04-26T16:16:31+00:00

At first I’d like option 1 but over time I’d prefer option 2

Both sound undesirable though.

growframe · 2025-04-26T17:56:07+00:00

Is this dating specifically? Woman 2 sounds like she could be a good friend.

Dating wise, neither

idontliku · 2025-04-26T19:06:28+00:00

But she is often disrespectful towards you.

Often is the key word. Funny you put that in there.

Barely-moral · 2025-04-26T17:21:19+00:00

Assuming all other traits are equal.

I would rather have someone that is appreciative and respectful for a LTR, if I was interested in a STR then passion is more important than respect.

I want actions, not feelings. Someone that appreciates me and respects me is more likely to take the actions I want.

wtknight · 2025-04-26T16:13:20+00:00

I'd rather take the "respectful good friend" kind of "love", so the second woman for me. As long as we are still having somewhat regular sex I would not be that bothered by the lack of passion.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-04-26T16:02:36+00:00

You must have respect or desire and love will wither. So I assume that some part of the first woman does respect me, but she needs to learn how to behave. There is some hope there. I'd go with that and try to change her behavior or leave.

But if you really mean that the first person actually does not respect you at all but somehow desires you and loves you, then I'll take option two.

NockerJoe · 2025-04-26T16:09:25+00:00

The first one 100% of the time. I don't know why someone would pick a relationship with absolutley no emotional energy by choice.

United_Iron369 · 2025-04-26T20:39:51+00:00

In a utopia, I'd go with option 1. But in real life, option 2. Men can handle falling out of love, but absolutely not disrespect.

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wtknight · 2025-04-26T16:13:30+00:00

I'd rather take the respectful good friend kind of "love", so the second woman for me. As long as we are still having somewhat regular sex I would not be that bothered by the lack of passion.

Zabadoodude · 2025-04-26T16:26:19+00:00

Since I'm forced to choose one in this hypothetical, then the woman that respects and appreciates me. But in reality I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman if I didn't feel like there was both passion and respect.

onetimeuseaccc · 2025-04-26T16:36:20+00:00

The first one but I doubt someone who really loves you would be so disrespectful

classicslayer · 2025-04-26T16:37:40+00:00

The first one because her "disrespect" isn't really malicious if she does in fact love you. It's like a woman calling her man a loser and she doesn't plan on leaving or cheating.

BearSpray007 · 2025-04-26T17:05:22+00:00

Terrible choice really, but I would rather have respect than love. There’s no point in knowing (or believing) that someone loves you if they’re always disrespecting you and making you feel disrespected. If someone is incapable of treating you how you deserve to be treated, how they FEEL inside is irrelevant.

Dertross · 2025-04-26T18:43:22+00:00

I'll take the love, as long as the "disrespect" is only for legitimate ( as I see it ) reasons and not meaningless hen pecking ( i.e. you didn't read my mind and do house chores exactly when I wanted you to! )

If the 1st option includes henpecking and inane, nonsensical nagging, I'll take option 2.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-04-26T19:52:44+00:00

It would depend on how much attraction id otherwise have, because if there wasn’t much there wouldn’t be much point in option 1 and I’d choose option 2.

AidsVictim · 2025-04-27T00:41:13+00:00

Option 2.

Option 1 has a good chance of becoming emotionally abusive over time. I've dated women and see it happen with other men where women excuse their emotional or verbal abuse of their partner by saying they're in love. You don't disrespect someone you love to that level.

Option 2 may not be as "exciting" as option 1 but it's a healthier and probably more fulfilling over the long term relationship; probably the only one that's really viable for a healthy LTR/marriage

I think men will tend towards 2 more often and women towards 1; most women want more "excitement" in the relationship, they want emotional highs, and they want excuses for bad behaviour. Guys will more likely be happy with a relationship that's just stable, assuming sex is still on the table.

Kreeps_United · 2025-04-27T03:54:10+00:00

A woman who loves you deeply with passion and a strong emotional connection? But she is often disrespectful towards you.

That's not a thing. If a woman doesn't respect you then she doesn't love you. At most, you fulfill a few of her needs.

just_a_place · 2025-04-27T04:14:55+00:00

The 2nd option.

Love without respect is not love. So, in both of your scenarios love is lacking. Therefore, you're really asking us of we want respect or no respect. The choice is obvious: We want respect.

If the choice is between love and respect it will always be respect, because you cannot have love without the respect. Any dork that chooses love over respect is in fact choosing the definition of the Blue Pill - a delusion, a false sentiment, a fairy tale, a lie.

wardenferry419 · 2025-04-27T09:41:30+00:00

As a man who has been with his wife for over 20 years, my wife is neither strongly connected to me nor overly disrespectful, some disrespect is expected over time, very much like the second choice. Maybe I would like to have a passionate partner for a change even if there is a significant increase in disrespect. Especially after the last dozen years where she acts as if sex does not exist.

Mysterious-Device392 · 2025-04-27T12:54:51+00:00

In a normal world? Neither.

With a gun to my head? option 2.

MalePsychopath · 2025-04-27T17:10:30+00:00

Option 1 sounds like an abusive relationship with a BPD woman and option 2 sounds like an arranged marriage. I’ll take the second one.

kvakerok_v2 · 2025-04-27T20:08:47+00:00

Respect. There's nothing more unreliable than a woman's feelings.

Fik_456 · 2025-04-27T20:34:24+00:00

You can slowly melt her harsh exterior and she will be all "Oh my baby boy!" Lovey dovey like.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-04-28T08:57:43+00:00

Define what "disrespectful" is to you. Because this sub often understand disrespectful behavior to be: she doesn't do what i want. She doesn't change her life to cater to my insecurities.

In that case, i'd choose the "disrespectful" woman and deal with my insecurities. I am a freedom loving person. I don't require people to do what i want.

Fichek · 2025-04-28T13:47:36+00:00

Would you like:

A perfume that smells like shit or
A piece of crap that smells like the best perfume

And why?

awakening_7600 · 2025-04-28T19:28:41+00:00

Two because there is a selfish aspect to love in that they want you spending most of your time in their presence and doing things for them.

Respect means that they honor you as the person you show up as in their life and that the time you may offer them they consider strongly valuable.

akticker · 2025-04-30T07:43:59+00:00

I’d much rather be respective

James_M_Croft · 2025-05-12T22:00:40+00:00

Number 1 because she seem like she has one positive. She would be likely to give sex in a satisfactory way.

The number 2 may respect me, but I just assume it means "Respect" and "Appreciation" in womanese,, which means just being less of a burden, but still enough of a burden to make everything else seem like heaven in comparison to being around her.

And if being around a burden is a must, I rather have to deal with the burden that at least will satisfy me sexually.

Now if you meant "Respect"and "Appreciation" in English, meaning, being someone who would actually not add nor take from your life. I would take her.

abaxeron · 2025-04-26T18:40:49+00:00

A woman who is never disrespectful to you and is appreciative of all that you do? But you don't get the sense that there's much passion or love.

This, 100 times in a row.

Passionate obsessive yandere is for hookups.

Title	Q4M: Love or respect?
Author	Windmill_flowers
Upvotes	0
Comments	97
Date	April 26, 2025 3:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1k8g4gj/q4m_love_or_respect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-love-or-respect.1550707 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550707

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