What is the incentive for successful men to tell unsuccessful men it is easy to date?

PurplePillDebate-ModTeam · 2025-06-08T14:57:47+00:00

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Zabadoodude · 2025-06-08T07:54:09+00:00

Many good looking guys don't realize how good looking they are and just assume their dating experience is the norm. I have a friend that looks like a male model, but he's insecure about being on the shorter side, so he thinks he's average and his experiences with women are the norm.

Also, many of the guys that obsess over how they are just too ugly to date really don't have terrible genetics. There are people who are truly fucked by their genetics, too, but there are far more that are mad they are just average, and not Chad. There are plenty of average guys that manage to date, and average guys can become above average with fitness and style, making it even easier.

capsaicinintheeyes · 2025-06-08T09:02:57+00:00

i don't know that it's incentive so much as obliviousness

make_da_stand · 2025-06-08T09:15:15+00:00

They don’t do it maliciously. They just don’t understand how much easier they have it. It’s like how most rich kids don’t get that they have a leg up in society. They live in a bubble. Some are able to step outside of it and see reality but most don’t

Popeoath · 2025-06-08T07:09:47+00:00

They simply think it's true. Because people are severely overlooking that the bars for both looks and neurotypucality are rising.

The former due to social media/dating apps, and the latter due to all the feminist upbringings and creepshaming making even properly approaching a woman nigh impossible if you don't have innate subconscious knowledge of nonverbal communication and smooth verbal skills (alongside the ability to seamlessly flirt/sexualize things so you aren't just seen as a friend).

Men who don't have these issues don't notice them at all, but they are very massive obstacles for the men who do have them.

BobtheArcher2018 · 2025-06-08T08:16:17+00:00

I think a lot of people are skeptical that less successful guys are really aiming at women in their own league or of similar mate value rank. There is widespread suspicion that a lot of guys are doing the same thing they accuse women of doing: aiming only at members of the opposite sex who are out of their league and then complaining how impossible it is to get a date or relationship etc.

There is also suspicion that less successful men are aiming at and expecting too much casual sex when most sex happens in relationships, most women don't want that much of it, and casual does seem to be more the province of a smaller group of high sociosexuality people who probably are better looking than average--i.e., it's not for YOU. Get over that.

caption291 · 2025-06-08T08:07:36+00:00

The actual subconscious incentive is signalling genetic superiority by telling others how easy it is for you to do something that's hard for them.

The whole reason it's framed as if it was "help" is because even the people doing it know full well that they would look pathetic if they just bragged directly so they hide behind the plausible deniability of "helping".

Ylduts · 2025-06-08T06:53:55+00:00

I just want to help out other men. If they can take what I’ve learned and accomplish more, that is a success.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-06-08T07:04:13+00:00

Because some of you skull-shape measuring blackpill MFs just need to get out of your own way.

Ragazzocolbass8 · 2025-06-08T07:27:26+00:00

It's just flexing in most cases.

It's also uncommon for individuals to develop the empathy required to put themselves in other people's shoes, in the current hyper-individualistic climate, which is why certain populations are unable to acknowledge their privilege (gender, wealth and pretty privilege being the most egregious) and keep victimizing themselves to gain influence, unaware of the larger context.

OffTheRedSand · 2025-06-08T06:51:20+00:00

because it is not as hard as some men made it out to be. is it easy? i don't think so. but it's not so fucking hard that some dudes be late 20s with not even a first kiss yet.

now i'm not judging shit happens but clearly the men who "struggle" are doing something wrong and weither intentional or unintentional it's making them not date and that's not the case for most men.

most normal men date, go out, aren't virgins, had their first kiss. are they getting laid every weekend? maybe not but the way some men claim dating is like becoming a millionare is just unrealistic, and isn't the experience of most men.

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KayRay1994 · 2025-06-08T12:14:31+00:00

How successful you are doesn’t matter. What matters is dating advice generates money. Fact is, anyone can pretend to be successful online and give any advice they want as long as it generates content, and unsuccessful men are the largest consumers of that content

anonymousppd123123 · 2025-06-08T12:31:31+00:00

If your face is ass ugly and thats keeping you from getting laid why wouldn't you get surgery?

CerealExprmntz · 2025-06-08T13:12:37+00:00

I don't think most of them do that due to any incentive. They're just giving their opinions based on their personal experience.

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-06-08T13:42:22+00:00

Naturals have the ultimate double edged sword. They don’t know why they are successful so they can’t see the field for what it is, but it also leaves them super susceptible to sabotage in LTRs when game becomes Legendary mode.

Kind of like a woman who is smoking hot in her 20s and falls off. There’s always a cost.

aslfingerspell · 2025-06-08T13:53:26+00:00

Lack of self-awareness. Some things are just easier for some people than others.
The simple human flaw of universalizing a personal experience. I.e. what you went through is not what others will go through.
A virtue signal against perceived immorality. Even for all of the "It's okay to be a virgin." and "There's more to life than sex." rhetoric floating around, there is still an underlying idea that women's sexual attraction is some kind of moral test, and that if a man can't get a girlfriend he must be some horrible, un-put-together man. "Virginity is wrong." has turned into "If you're a bad person, you won't attract women. Therefore if you can't attract women you must be a bad person.", which is technically a different argument but the same in practice. Treating virginity itself as wrong has given way to this "men are trash", "the bar is in hell" idea that only the absolute worst men ever could possibly struggle. I once wrote to a dating advice column about how to have sex, and people in the comments' section were assuming I was a porn addict.
People being unaware of current struggles. I know a lot of couples, but I don't know a single man who was successful in the post-college dating scene, especially online. Every couple I know met through work, college, church, or I only knew the woman when she was single. The 40 year old man who married his college friend just when dating apps were becoming popular didn't have to swipe through thousands of people for a single "conversation" which turns out to just be a scam or message she never replies to.
There is a pushback against sexism which has overcorrected into avoiding any generalizations about men and women whatsoever, making it difficult and even taboo for well-meaning men to understand the opposite sex. There is a kind of romantic sentiment in society that wants to see dating as just a passive thing that "just happens" "when it's your time" and you'll just "find your person eventually" because "it'll happen when you least expect it." There's an attitude in society that sees it as "overthinking" or even morally wrong to try to systemize dating, that sees it as wrong to think in terms of marketplace dynamics, evolutionary psychology, or game theory. This hits logically-thinking but socially-impaired (i.e. lonely autistic men, overrrepresented among lonely men) men the hardest, when even basic questions like "How do I become more attractive to women?" met with useless platitudes like "Different women like different things!" or "Just be yourself!" that are more concerned with being inoffensive than giving someone a direction to work towards.
Male hyperagency. The idea that men as a class suffer from any kind of systemic issues, or that any of their struggles might be the fault of other people is unfathomable for many people, seen as an "excuse" or some kind of alt-right fascist agenda. People don't want to consider things like sex ratios or women having unrealistic beauty standards for men: no, it must be that you have bad photos, that you smell, that you need to go to therapy, etc. A man's struggles must always be the fault of some insecurity he hasn't gotten over or flaw he's failed to fix: at no point is he ever interesting, fit, mentally healthy, successful, etc. enough to be worthy of love. The idea of "men's rights" is an utterly poisoned well in mainstream politics, and complaining about dating has become a right-wing-coded idea. The basic factual observation that criminals, drug addicts, and domestic abusers often have no trouble finding love while genuinely nice and safe college-educated guys struggle is seen as something only incels say.

SteveSan82 · 2025-06-08T06:58:41+00:00

Many of us were not successful before. If you do the work you’ll get women.

MikeRadical · 2025-06-08T10:13:46+00:00

It's never just that they're ugly though, I have many ugly friends with partners.

Goonerlouie · 2025-06-08T08:48:35+00:00

Because being unsuccessful makes no sense to me. Especially as you surpass teenage years. Even me, never single as an adult, very average looking, no friends or social circle who isnt in a LTR, clubbing maybe 30 times in my life, has still had a small handful of interest from other girls. It’s small, but considering I’ve never been looking it’s still come my way.

You have no excuses in 2025 to not be on a legitimate relationship focused dating app like hinge or eharmony. In the age of instagram you can worm your way into hanging out with a girl a million times easier than when I was 17 with limited social media and non-smart phones.

The pro-weight lifting or pro-mma mentality for young men is a million times more prevalent than when I was 18 about 15 years ago. Back then no one went gym or no one knew what ufc was.

The world is so much more connected and learning a second exotic language is so much easier than when I was a teenager.

So many fucking excuses from you lot

Vlad_The_Great_2 · 2025-06-08T11:26:04+00:00

The people that go through life without struggling are shocked that other people have to struggle. It doesn’t help that most men can get relationships. It might not come easily but most men do get into relationships eventually. I’ve also noticed that on topics like this where a man complains about his relationship issue or lack of being able to get a date, a majority of people will use that as an excuse to attack the poster and make wild assumptions of them. At the same time, anecdotally the guys I’ve met that struggle the most are the guys that legitimately don’t try at all or put any effort into getting a relationship.

petellapain · 2025-06-08T12:01:54+00:00

2 fold incentive. Goal 1 is to humble brag. Act like it's effortless which makes the person sound like they are desirable. Goal 2 is to keep unsuccessful men in the pool, which makes successful men look even more desirable by comparison

Title	What is the incentive for successful men to tell unsuccessful men it is easy to date?
Author	ReasonConfident4541
Upvotes	5
Comments	65
Date	June 8, 2025 6:41 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l65pq5/what_is_the_incentive_for_successful_men_to_tell/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-incentive-for-successful-men-to-tell.1554220 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554220

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