Bottom fell out after divorce

AffectionateAd6060 · 2025-08-09T14:20:13+00:00

I'm one of the anti meds if it is going to lead to you being on ssri's srni's for the next decade.. For a month or two or three.. Go for it.. That's my take regarding that.

myxyplyxy · 2025-08-09T00:55:56+00:00

I am also in the middle. Thought i was getting better, but now empty. I cant still not able to do all the recommended things: hobbies, gym, self improvement. But keep trying to move forward. I wish there were local groups for us. They seem hard to find.

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2025-08-08T21:40:43+00:00

Brother, I’m almost 3 years divorced and this spring/summer was the first opportunity I’ve had to grieve and process. Did EMDR which ended up being a double edged sword. It gave me some uncomfortable truths about my ex and has caused me great.

Equanimous-Fox · 2025-08-08T18:19:54+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to say: all credit to you for doing the hardest part and seeing what’s really going on inside and saying it out loud. Most people bury it. Naming it is progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

From my experience, recovery/grief after divorce isn’t a linear and it’s not about hitting milestones. It’s more about getting used to a new version of yourself, one you’re still figuring out. Some days will feel lighter, others heavier both are part of the process.

The pain you’re feeling isn’t a sign you’re failing. It’s your body’s feedback. It’s showing you where the ground under you is shifting, and that’s uncomfortable, but also where growth happens.

If you can, make space for both: the small moments of ease (even if they’re brief) and the discomfort. Neither lasts forever, and both are part of what’s reshaping you.

You’ll likely notice that it doesn’t just “get better” once and stay that way. It’s more like tides - better, harder, better again - but over time, the lows won’t cut as deep, and the highs will feel more real.

You’re not broken. You’re in the middle of becoming someone new. And that’s worth holding on for.

krazykanuck · 2025-08-08T15:13:32+00:00

If your best friend has n the whole world was going through what you are currently, what would you say or do for them?

johnlrobbie · 2025-08-08T12:50:36+00:00

My sister says this happened to me because during the tumultuous years of the divorce you’re constantly in fight or flight even if it doesn’t feel like it all the time.

Now that it’s over you are subconsciously recognising for the first time in years you are truly safe. And you breakdown and cry because you’re unable to do that in fight or flight even though your body wants to all the time.

crager34 · 2025-08-08T12:36:54+00:00

Probably most men here have experienced that.

probebeta · 2025-08-08T08:32:57+00:00

Time will fix things but also try to have small wins every day. That helps. For me it's been getting in better shape, improving my place, renovations, work, and ... actually dating 🤷‍♂️. It's maybe not for everyone but it's a way to meet new people, have some fun, sex, will take your mind off things.

SteveSan82 · 2025-08-08T06:24:44+00:00

I felt free and enjoyed the peace.

Become_Pneuma · 2025-08-08T04:13:20+00:00

Go to the gym and lift heavy to exhaustion, and get yourself a girlfriend 10 years younger. I promise that if you do these things you will be ok. Head up, brother… go live your life however you see fit. You are free now.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2025-08-08T03:57:29+00:00

Yes. It's different for every man, but that feeling of total emptiness happens to most. Some sooner, some later. For some, over extended lengths of time. Others, only briefly.

Keep on truckin'. The road does eventually even out.

Sad_Beautiful9183 · 2025-08-08T03:49:13+00:00

I think you're normal.

It's very common for our minds and bodies to take on only what they can handle, in order of importance. You had a goal to get through the divorce. You did it!

Behind that goal, this next season was waiting.

You're not broken.
You're not doomed. You're human. Even with divorce being the necessary choice, it sucks. It's a loss. This is grief you're feeling.

Grief demands a witness. Connect with others...other men, preferably. I promise you're going to make it through this, as well.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-08-08T03:31:12+00:00

First of all, you need to get control of your emotions and life. You should use this time to focus on BETTERING yourself. Get counseling, join a social group, sports league, get a hobby, learn a language, go travelling. Do something. Self improvement is the key. You cannot control everything around you but you can control your own destiny. I know it is cliche, but you are FREE. FREE to do what you want, when you want and how you want. Think of it like when you got out of high school. You had dreams, the future, and ambition. Now here's your second chance, except you are wiser, smarter, and hopefully have better financial resources.Good luck and hang in there.

BornBandicoot2515 · 2025-08-08T03:12:52+00:00

I’m with you. I feel and hear you. It’s rough. Plain and simple.

You gotta keep doing the things. We all do. Do physical activities. Stay as busy as possible. Seek as much human contact as you can. Be social or just get out of the house. Believe me I struggle as well with all the shit feelings and doing all the stuff I just wrote but I do know that I feel a little better when I do them even when I don’t want to.

Keep moving. Keep the flame alive that things will get better. This is the bottom. We may be here for a bit but the good news is we are at the bottom. So one day we will go up from here.

throwaway090012 · 2025-08-08T02:50:33+00:00

I feel this. I wanted my divorce and an 8 months out and I am really struggling. I have had ups and downs during this time. I think the key thing (and the major problem for men in general) is keeping strong and regular social connections… to men and women. Our society has made this more difficult. I think finding like groups like some have said on here will help. Keep doing all that other self care stuff too! Hang in there… I’m trying to do the same.

Known_Paramedic_2967 · 2025-08-08T01:56:54+00:00

I am miserable. I tried to cover the pain with alcohol and dating and it didn’t work. I now have very high anxiety, am lonely, worried, and worried about making friends. I am pure gloom and doom.

Bagman220 · 2025-08-08T01:44:18+00:00

I got full custody. I was running around buying 4 kids back to school clothes and school supplies. I’m drained mentally, financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I get some help from my family for a day a week so I can go out. But it’s just not enough, it’s a real struggle

Fluffy_Afternoon652 · 2025-08-08T00:17:08+00:00

I'm 1.5 years post divorce with terrible depression and anxiety. Isolated and lonely. I can't see the light at the nd of the tunnel. It's terrible.

RhinoKeepr · 2025-08-08T00:14:22+00:00

Find community and build relationships within it. Can be a parenting group or church or dungeons and dragons or storm chasing.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-08-07T23:19:19+00:00

Crashing out can be a good thing in long run. I finally did 1.5 years later and it’s lead to some major changes. Fill your life with social hobbies, getting out and around people really does help. Volleyball, pickleball, bowling, darts leagues or cornhole leagues are all great for that. Married dudes get yelled at for being in these leagues and you’re free to do what you want now

OkEmphasis5923 · 2025-08-07T23:04:48+00:00

Every guy who didn't want the divorce is wrecked afterward. But we can't talk about it because society demands men to suppress their pain and sadness otherwise we are branded weak by women and even by other men. Fortunately, there's many famous men (eg. Johnny Depp, Bill Gates, Kevin Costner, etc) who have openly talked about how difficult their divorce was on them and you can read their stories so you don't feel so alone.

EmCee311 · 2025-08-07T23:03:42+00:00

Imagine you’re on island alone, the only one can save yourself is you. Unfortunately for men, no one will come to save you. You have to fight for no one else except yourself. One day at a time, 1 hour at a time. It will pass, but you have to put in the work daily. Keep getting exercise and taking care of your body. The basics like drinking water and getting enough rest are crucial.

You got this brother, in order to see the light you gotta go through the darkness first.

thedude-1974 · 2025-08-07T22:51:56+00:00

It's severe depression and burnout.

Do *not* do anything harmful to yourself.

This *will* pass.

Take extra good care of yourself. Tell yourself it's OK to feel like absolute shit, for a while, a few months, maybe a little longer.

Your body keeps the score so if you take care of it, your sleep will improve, then your mood.

Force yourself to do things. Don't think you have to fix your head before you act. Do things when you don't feel like it and the feelings and thoughts will follow.

You got this.

CraigToday · 2025-08-12T13:44:25+00:00

I’m going through it now. Two years later.

Title	Bottom fell out after divorce
Author	fdana9191
Upvotes	31
Comments	38
Date	August 7, 2025 10:37 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mkecgz/bottom_fell_out_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bottom-fell-out-after-divorce.1559101 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559101

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