Men that were cheated on- How on earth did you ever regain your sexual confidence?

Jeanclaudegahdam · 2025-08-30T15:46:07+00:00

Going raw in some girl I just met. Then realizing there is literally a billion women with fire pussy and a better attitude than my ex.

DeepAnt8165 · 2025-08-30T05:04:43+00:00

Get Viagra. That helps big time

Apart-Garage-4214 · 2025-08-29T23:42:37+00:00

I didn’t.

KendhammerJ · 2025-08-29T18:06:12+00:00

I was pretty terrible at sex during my marriage, but it is something you can learn. I was in a similar situation. No real experience, married a girl very young. Married 12 years, and she left me for her co-worker. I read books to have better sex and many of the girls I sleep with will tell me it is the best sex of their life. Check out Sex God Method, Multi Orgasmic Man and She Comes First. Also learn to make a girl squirt

ArizonaSpartan · 2025-08-29T16:47:29+00:00

This sounds like a classic Mr. Nice Guy syndrome judging by your wife’s response. She also hit you with a low blow, which while possibly having some truth, she is using that to justify her behavior and lack of principles.

Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy, workout, find a masculine hobby, stop watching sportsball all weekend, or if you don’t, find a sport you can watch 3-5 hrs a weekend, be assertive, and decide what your goals are and make progress towards them everyday. If you don’t “like” any masculine hobbies, try them before you decide hey aren’t for you. You probably also want to read Wild at Heart by Eldridge and Own Your Past change Your Future by Dr. Delony.

As far as Ms. Next Woman, do 2nd paragraph and you’ll be fine.

And NO PORN.

I didn’t have this specific issue, but am a former nice guy who reformed, I can diagnose this at 100 yards. I chose to divorce because of her problems and lack of growth out of those. Now have single women eyeballing me at church, store, and at events. And picked up a few more masculine hobbies - hunting, fishing, lifting, and shooting. Confidence in and out of the bedroom will come with self improvement.

DBFool2019 · 2025-08-29T14:27:45+00:00

Sorry you're here, OP.

I’m leaving her. No questions asked. But that doesn’t solve what she’s done. I feel like I failed as a man

Once this is done, you will start getting back to yourself again. Don't listen to her reasoning, she did it because she is a low-quality partner with shit boundaries and she wanted to. These assaults on your manhood is just her being an infant that can't own what she did due to poor character.

Best of luck. you are going to have an opportunity to rewrite your story.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-08-29T13:39:04+00:00

You move on. Leave the ex behind along with all of the problems that she brought on to you. Go into your next relationship with a fresh take. Don't assume that this next one will do the same thiing to you. Women cheat. Bottom line. They all have their reasons. When I was younger in my 20s, I used to worry about all that "ish" about her cheating and all that devastating betrayal. Now that I am almost 50, was married for 20 years, together for 23 years, I could care less. If a woman is going to cheat on me, then she is doing me a favor. Why am I going to waste my feelings or effort on her? Move on. My ex said all the same stuff like your ex for the whole 20 years that we were married and it didn't shatter me. My ex did that to break me and mold me into something that I wasn't. So the failure in your marriage to her doesn't reflect a failure in you. She was the one that cheated on you. She failed YOU. She failed the marriage to YOU. She said all of that to justify why she was cheating on you. Its all projection. So stop blaming yourself and find a better woman.

Imaginary-Tie-5724 · 2025-08-29T13:17:25+00:00

First girl I was with was a lot more experienced. I had no idea what I was doing. I tried to talk through what to try or how to do what she might like, but she was not having that and wanted me to just DO. I tried awkwardly and she cut off sex after two months using a pregnancy scare as an excuse and started cheating. I was already nervous about performing, and it absolutely killed my confidence with it. I still struggle with staying out of my head during, especially if I'm on top.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2025-08-29T11:52:12+00:00

You're asking US, but your third sentence tells you exactly the next step.

If you own a late model Porsche (and you are neither a mechanic nor a degenerate racing driver), do you park that bitch under a shade tree and attempt your own repairs and maintenance?

Of COURSE you don't! Unlike Ferdinand's old models, these new ones have sensors, doo-hickeys, and all kinds of complexity. Sure. You can go diving in with your Dad's Craftsman tool set from nineteen-dickety-doo. You probably won't make it to the track. But even if you do, you ain't gonna pass inspection. If you do? You ain't finishing that race.

Because that's what your mind is. A fucking 2025 GT3 while all of God's creatures are putting around on bicycles and skateboards. The monkeys and apes have Kia Sorentos, but I ain't seen a gorilla or chimp invent the double-basket air fryer, lever-action 45.70, or a Makita cordless drill. YOU, my friend, are the apex machine on this rock!

"W-w-well, I don't FEEL like an apex anything. I got CHEATED ON!!." you may be saying to yourself. Will Smith, Jude Law, Dennis Quaid, Robert Pattinson, Scottie Pippen, Justin Timberlake.... They have everything you'll ever want. In terms of athleticism, looks, and achievements? A few are everything we'll never be.

And guess what? They got cheated on JUST LIKE YOU. Those men had money, power, and fame. We see how things turned out for them. So my second question to you? What makes you so much better than these guys and the rest of us? Why are you so unique that being cheated on is a reflection on you (and you only) instead of yet another reality of female nature + state-sponsored removal of consequences. Guess what else? Men cheat too. And it has fuck all to do with their woman, most of the time. You are not special in this regard. None of us are. We're all the same in this regard. You could be everything you could imagine. You will be cheated on.

Is too much of your validation and reason for existing based on a woman or "the hole"? This is a problem. If you did not get those terrible issues properly addressed, then you were in NO position for dating anyone. These issues were just lying dormant.

What are you doing to address yourself so that your existence is not justified by something as ephemeral and mercurial as a woman's whims? They will let you down every time. But what you build on the inside? That shit stays forever and won't fail you.

ETA: I'm terribly sorry about the abuse you suffered. Though you can't let that define you, it will always be a part of you. When you build something to be proud of (a better you), THAT'S what defines you. I can't wait to hear how you you moved forward and started realizing your TRUE worth (and not what the hole deigns itself to "bestow" upon you).

Own_Maybe9468 · 2025-08-29T11:40:04+00:00

You dont. Confidence comes from within. You can find escort and online dating, but they only boost your ego temporarily. Maybe stop seeking validation, accept you will be single for life, and you dont need to have sex to be happy. This is what I am doing. If it comes, good. If not, it is okay too.

Cool_Cat_Punk · 2025-08-29T03:45:18+00:00

Highly sexed women are just not wife material.

You think you've won the lottery.... but you would just be wrong in thinking so. Unless you're a swinger or whatever.

My confidence is knowing who I am at this point. Pussy unto itself means nothing to me.

shozzlez · 2025-08-29T02:07:15+00:00

Why should I lack confidence? I’m not the one who sucks.

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2025-08-29T00:46:49+00:00

By the time I divorced my ex, I had reached the point that her infidelity and such said a lot more about her character than anything about how I performed sexually. I had gotten involved with an absolute smoke show during the process, but she had her own problems. I ended up punting her out too.

My last GF in 2019 was odd. I now understand the dynamic was anxious attachment on her part with fearful avoidant attachment on my part.

These days, I have three things to pour into: my career, my children (one is soft-launched), and taking care of my elderly parents. My free time is extremely limited, and though it wasn’t her fault, I resented my GF for the amount of free time she took up.

My sexual drive disgusts me, distracting me from the things in life I think are important. However, that has diminished for me now that I’m in my early 50s, with the big head firmly in control.

Unlike my best friend and little brother, I have no desire to either walk a mile over broken glass or screen through barrels of excrement to find the gold at the end of the journey.

JonathanApple · 2025-08-28T23:13:29+00:00

Get a Viagra script and let loose.... Have fun with it :-)

Sex was almost non-existent for last 10 yrs or so together

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-08-28T21:17:52+00:00

That's just one woman. My wife thinks the worst of me, but you get outside the house and find plenty of women who find you quite interesting and attractive. Plus, women eventually get bored with anything, it's not really about you, just novelty and the cycle will repeat. Don't overthink it.

Reflog1791 · 2025-08-28T19:48:29+00:00

Go to the gym and get buff.

AdequatelyfunBoi2 · 2025-08-28T19:08:50+00:00

I’ll let you know when or if I ever do.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-08-28T18:41:21+00:00

You look at your ex for what she is: someone with flawed character, a liar, an abuser, and trash.

ElFrijole · 2025-08-28T17:25:11+00:00

I was cheated on 5 different times and stayed to work things out. Now that I think back I should have left after the first time. But I was very heavy at the time and now feel that I lacked the confidence. The bedroom was dead for years. So to make a long story short I left it's been over a year got a subscription blue chew and had a few dates to test it out and built up the confidence. Met an amazing girl who treats me amazing and don't need the chew assistance anymore. Hope everything works out for you. Your not the things she says and you deserve better.

CaptJaxParo · 2025-08-28T16:20:56+00:00

Ruminating insults. They are there from your childhood and they are there from yesterday. We all have to face them. Either you are too slow. You miss the ball. He dropped something. You were late to work or you're not as good as the affair partner

Easier said than done but if you focus on positive things positive people and fill yourself with that. There's no room for negativity. Get out there be around successful and healthy people and become a successful healthy person.

At the same time it would be a disaster to date somebody while you still have these insecurities but then dating them of could also fix the insecurities

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-08-28T14:10:38+00:00

You just get back out there. The first time I had sex after my divorce was not good. Nerves got the best of me. It wasn’t until I met my wife now, that I realized it definitely wasn’t me that was the issue. I had and continue to have the best sex ever with her.

Sometimes it’s not about the music but having the right dance partner.

ShaunyP_OKC · 2025-08-28T12:29:39+00:00

Man it just takes time and I say this as someone who slept with an astronomical amount of women post divorce. It didn't matter how many of them were into me and enjoying it, there was always that fucking voice in the back of my head telling me they were faking it or just pretending to enjoy it to manipulate me later. Often times these were first date hookups too, so that made no sense.

My situation is maybe different as my ex wife was a cake eater who never stopped screwing me, even as she cheated off and on for almost the entire 11 year marriage. Hell we were sleeping with each other 3 times a week, right up until she left me and ran away and married the other guy.

It just takes time and try to remember that she's just one woman and really her opinion doesn't matter. Yes I know you loved her deeply, so you place greater weight on her opinion, but she is really just one woman. Remember that.

AzrykAzure · 2025-08-28T12:23:48+00:00

Even if all the things she said about you were true in her mind: that even makes her more horrible of a human. It is a defence mechanism to turn her weakness as yours. She has to turn you into a piece of garbage to be able to live with herself—her ego is trying to save itself.

You are leaving and reflecting and this is what a strong man does. Your ego wants to take responsibility for her cheating because you are strong and able to take that burden. Feel these feelings but know they are not true and believe in yourself again.

Bagman220 · 2025-08-28T12:19:48+00:00

I think it really depends on how they cheat on you or how they react. Were they having a secret love affair? Was it just hook ups? And how did she treat you afterwards? Did she cry and beg for you to stay or did she treat you like shit, did she make you feel small or meaningless?

Women cheat for many reasons, so do men it’s not black and white.

For me it wasn’t the physical act of cheating, but the fact that one of my kids wasn’t biologically mine. You can’t come back from that.

Also, a little external validation from other women never hurts in regaining your confidence.

congo_sire · 2025-08-28T10:26:08+00:00

people cheat for a myriad of reasons, and none will have anything to do with you. women, esp, will find all the ways to blame you than take accountability. it was never abt you.

ProposalExcellent655 · 2025-08-28T09:39:09+00:00

I feel you man, I was sexually abused as a teenager, serious mentally damaged. I went on to kind of feel normal but never sexually, I couldn't get it up and crap, so nervous and didn't ever want to make the girl I was dating or whatever uncomfortable so I didn't necessarily care about sex. It wasn't until I met my wife that she filled me with confidence and I had a great sex life, feeling confident and secure. That was shattered when I found out she had been camming online and now I'm separated, getting a divorce and I feel like I am back insecure, wouldn't know how to approach a woman again. I hope it changes but right now just doing counseling and trying to heal me from not only that but my childhood too. It's a struggle but I know it's possible. Just don't give up and know the right person will come along and change your outlook and life but always remember to be comfortable with yourself, that's why I say do things for you and before you know it, you won't have nearly as many struggles as you do today, in the present time. At least that's my plan, goal and something I have to look forward too. I don't think that ever truly goes away but if it's with the right person that truly loves and cares about you it'll be an amazing experience. Don't be ashamed, just know you are courageous and brave and a warrior. It's not easy but nothing in life that's worth anything is easy.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-08-28T09:31:54+00:00

I had a solid run before I got married. I'm already in good shape. Just had to just off the old skills through a few first dates and I was back on my game.

Everything still applies. Women love confidence. A majority of them don't want a white knight. They want confidence, someone to lead, and someone to tell them the truth. Basically, don't give a shit about them and they seem to love that as well.

Legitimate-Error-633 · 2025-08-28T07:13:03+00:00

I went on a health binge: proper food, gym and exercise, lots of water and sleep.

If you keep doing that, there will come a moment that other people will come to you and tell you that you are sexy and confident. That’s when you know… you’re back.

The mental aspect, still figuring that out.

Title	Men that were cheated on- How on earth did you ever regain your sexual confidence?
Author	Internal-Degree-8663
Upvotes	30
Comments	35
Date	August 28, 2025 5:26 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n23ugk/men_that_were_cheated_on_how_on_earth_did_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/men-that-were-cheated-on-how-on-earth-did-you-ever.1560692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560692

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