Why do so many men here keep demanding empathy ?

caption291 · 2025-08-29T20:57:58+00:00

You cannot expect anyone to force themselves to date someone that they are not attracted to, who lacks social intelligence and social skills, who is socially awkward and riddled with anxiety and other issues.

You think a part of the problem is that men lack social intellience, social skills, riddled with anxiety etc...

Let's assume that's correct. Are you genuinely going to tell me you can't think of a single reasonable thing society could do that could possibly help men improve in terms of social skills, social intelligence and anxiety?

I think it's very easy to think of things like that and the reason you can't see it is because you don't want to solve the issue you're just looking to dismiss it.

I think people who lack empathy for men(or any group really) tend to focus on the most extreme potential solutions to problems because they don't want the problems to be fixed even in a reasonable manner so they become blind to reasonable solutions and focus on unreasonable solutions to make people trying to solve the issue look bad.

Popeoath · 2025-08-30T00:12:48+00:00

For me it's less about "wow that sucks man, you have it terrible, hope the world gets better" and more about people just not making dumbass assumptions about dudes who struggle in dating, are sad about it, or notice trends regarding why guys like them are in that situation (ex. people responding "it's because of your toxic personality" even if the dude didn't insult anyone or demand sex or make absolutist generalizations or anything).

And also not being unfairly judgmental towards guys who break gender roles and don't approach or whatever due to social deficiencies or offputting looks or traumatic experiences (unless they feel the same way about women who don't).

Basically I want people to be neutral over negative. And feel that people who can't manage that have no business bitching about lonely guys being negative right back.

kongeriket · 2025-08-29T21:17:43+00:00

Yeah, you are given empathy. Lots of it.

Any concrete evidence for that? How many women are involved in advocating for issues specific and exclusive to men? How many women donate $5 or more per month to any organization anywhere that is specialized on an issue that is specific and exclusive to men?

You can have a ton of empathy for homeless people without giving all your monthly earnings to them or without inviting one after another into your home.

Yes, but by the same token, you absolutely cannot claim to have a ton of empathy for homeless people if your contribution to the wellbeing of homeless people is zero.

I donate around $5k per year to men's specific organizations. I also run an all-male group (face-to-face, none of this online BS) and I cover between 60 and 80% of the expenses for the activity (the rest is covered by a good friend of mine). I can definitely claim that I have at least a few kilograms (if not a ton) of empathy for men. See how this works?

Nobody is requiring women to date men out of pitty or to give most/all of their monthly earnings to homeless men or any of that extreme shit.

What is required is non-zero empathy. And, apparently, that's already too much to ask.

And then y'all upset when finally men figure this one out, internalize it, and then start acting accordingly. Funny how that works.

Logos1789 · 2025-08-29T21:49:38+00:00

It’s reasonable for men to advocate for empathy, because society constantly pushes it as a virtue that is seemingly almost always only applied to women.

It’s about demanding proof that men aren’t being gaslit about the existence of that virtue, as opposed to it truly only being women’s self-interested advocacy.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2025-08-30T05:26:58+00:00

Like why should women even "care"?

Men regularly get told that men should care for women, just because its "the right thing to do," with no concern for their own benefit or interests.

If that is a true moral standard (i.e. universally applicable to all human beings), surely asking women to care for men because that's what decent people do is valid, no?

Personally, I'm very happy to make "it is in the interests of your sex to care about the interests of the other sex" arguments instead, but I'm not going to tolerate a double standard where men are faced with a deontological demand to care Just Because Its The Right Thing To Do, but women are basically allowed to only care when it works for them to do so.

Yeah, you are given empathy. Lots of it.

Please excuse me while I collapse in laughter over this.

This is bullshit. "Loser" men are treated as basically getting what they deserve, as pitiful at best and potential murderers at worst, as having done something to "deserve" to suffer or as being genetic detritus that "should" be removed from the gene pool.

I mean, look at all those "anti-bullying" initiatives for LGBT-identified kids. No one has ever started something specifically for social-loser boys who get bullied in school (i.e. nerds, the kind of boy who is most likely to grow up to become a romantic failure), despite those boys being more likely to be GBT in the first place. The bullying of such boys is treated as, at best, negative-but-inevitable-and-impossible-to-stop.

Look at subreddits like IncelTears. It is not a subreddit for criticizing blackpill beliefs, it is a mockery subreddit. It is basically bullying losers for being losers, rationalized by feminism. And stop pretending that "incels are a threat to women's rights" - people don't respond to genuine imminent threats with mockery. Not to mention, if incels are small portion of men and there's no "incel crisis" or "loneliness epidemic" then that only further undermines the threat narrative.

Nerdy/'spergy/loser/incel (neurologically they're all the same thing or deeply linked) males are systematically denied empathy.

Because empathy isn't about coddling people you feel sorry for.

Basic civility, common decency and refraining-from-mocking are not fairly described as 'coddling.'

Seriously, since when is refraining from being mean to a particular kind of person 'coddling' them?

Males in general are denied any coddling in our society (unless they're members of Pet Minority groups). Romantic failure males are given outright hostility by default and hence, you perceive refraining from being hostile to them as a kind of 'coddling.'

You cannot expect anyone to force themselves to date someone that they are not attracted to

Agreed. And several other commenters in this discussion on the side of men have also agreed to this! You've literally got several men who answered your post making it very clear that they do not believe women owe them sex or love and do, in fact, just want basic civility, sympathy and consideration for their plight. You can be nice and understanding to someone without fucking them!

who lacks social intelligence and social skills, who is socially awkward and riddled with anxiety and other issues.

So, with this passage here, you're basically proving that this sentiment of yours is nothing more than bigotry against neuroatypical (of the autism spectrum variety) men. "Social intelligence"/"social skills" are synonyms for neurotypicality, and "socially awkward" is just a symptom of Asperger's.

And i'm saying this as a man myself.

In other words, you're putting yourself out there as a "superior" and "better" man. You're indulging in that School Bully part of your Lizard Brain, to flaunt your "better-ness" over your inferiors (driven of course by the dopamine a man gets by proving his superiority). Wave that pretentious tail-feather as much as you like, but keep in mind: this is the internet, and white-knighting on the internet will not make any woman want to touch your penis.

WebNew9978 · 2025-08-29T19:38:34+00:00

Well for me personally, getting empathy and sympathy for a nonexistent romantic life is the best case scenario. I never had a chance to have one from the very beginning. Women don’t want to date a universally ugly autistic guy like me. And like you said yourself, I can’t force them to do it. So getting endless supply of those two things is the best case for me.

Also it’s the fair to say the creation of the red and black pills was due to people not caring about them. So they found something that did and lo and behold, people don’t like it.

DellOptiplex7080 · 2025-08-29T19:29:45+00:00

As a sort of meta point, I don't think people should expect anyone to care about them in the future tbh. Not whether it's good or not to have empathy, but rather the way we're going.

BigMadLad · 2025-08-29T19:42:40+00:00

The way you phrase empathy shows you don’t actually have empathy at all. You immediately jump to what can you do with it as if it’s meant as a transaction, when just saying positive words of affirmation you can go very long way. The point of empathy is to turn down the temperature of the room so guys don’t go insane and feel like the whole world is against them. Most women don’t have empathy because they don’t view these men as people, and perhaps they are right because the few times they do give empathy because these men never experienced that they assume it’s romantic interest and bother them. If the whole world was more empathetic and actually communicated that empathy. I would imagine there would be far less incels because even if they are involuntary they would feel listened to and understood and not go on killing sprees because they feel the world hates them

Trancetastic16 · 2025-08-29T19:52:53+00:00

Simply to understand how an average man’s dating struggles inevitably leads to more difficulties socialising and social exclusion in general, and open their mind to possibly giving average men more general social grace in platonic/community ways, to help balance it out because they are usually given less on average than women.

With young women being more highly desired, a young woman trying to join a stranger’s group at a social event is more welcome than not, a lone man with the same personality trying to do the same is not welcome more than is.

Of the groups that want sex but can’t, Autistic men have the highest virginity rates compared to Autistic women by a wide margin.

30% of Gen Z women are Bisexual but 63% of women won’t date a Bisexual man.

Non-binary males and Transgender men aren’t welcome at “Women, Trans and Non-binary” groups.

Etc.

To understand and empathise is the first step to being aware of one’s social bias against men, including women’s in-group bias and men’s outgroup bias for women, and how we should be encouraging more egalitarian attitudes in general friend and community socialising and this will also help average men be less socially excluded and able to meet more romantic prospects in general because of that.

Clean-Luck6428 · 2025-08-30T08:14:00+00:00

Because they’ll vote for Trump

If you want men to care about women then you got to care about them. Dunno what you tell you.

You get what you give in life.

OtPayOkerSmay · 2025-08-29T20:59:43+00:00

Because it is often said that women are the more empathetic sex, though reality paints a different picture.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2025-08-29T19:16:43+00:00

Even though I participate in the discussions around dating mainly for fun and shits and giggles, as a happily married man, I care more about the rights side of the discussion. In that case, women's empathy for men's systemic problems is very important for getting the critical mass and political will to solve those problems. In our current political climate, people are much more willing to listen to a woman who says men have problems than a man who says the same.

BashFish · 2025-08-29T23:54:23+00:00

i think most are just at the bargaining stage. they want sympathy not empathy, imagining that if they can convince all the girls to check their privilege, that would completely reform the sexual market

some just get sick of listening to the girls have too juicy a steak

Past-Shoulder-631 · 2025-08-30T01:24:31+00:00

You should have empathy to all humans by default. Lacking empathy means there’s something seriously wrong with you

meisterkraus · 2025-08-30T01:43:03+00:00

You clearly don't know what empathy is.

Gravel_Roads · 2025-08-29T19:20:08+00:00

I think it's a product of isolation.

Most people, when they're isolated, eventually engage in what you'd essentially call "bargaining".

"If only people understood my pain, they'd want to help me" is a hope/wish that many people have, because as social creatures, we don't do very well when we're completely alone - even working and making art is harder when you have no one to show your accomplishments to.

Unfortunately, it also gives you tunnel vision, and you forget that OTHER people are also struggling - you aren't uniquely failing, and everyone else isn't magically doing better than you.

These guys have power fantasies about a sweet, loving women magically seeing/feeling their pain, and coming over to stroke their hair and tell them "you can rest now, I'm here".

I think everyone has had thoughts like this. Most "normies" can recognize that everyone has needs, and we're nt unique. But the longer you're isolated, the harder it is to remember other people might struggle. So you assume EVERYONE is doing better and just... REFUSING to help, when really we're all just hanging on as best we can.

Lumpy-Butterscotch50 · 2025-08-29T19:02:29+00:00

What you describe is sympathy, not empathy. Empathy means fundamentally understanding their perspective.

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DGenerationMC · 2025-08-30T00:48:18+00:00

"The fever, the rage, the feeling of powerlessness, that turns ~~good men... Cruel~~ people into bargainers."

James_M_Croft · 2025-08-30T01:06:33+00:00

I dont understand either. It is futile. None cares if a man suffers or not. I guess it is just a way to use your time.

weenieandthebutt · 2025-08-31T11:08:10+00:00

Literally nobody is asking for pity sex. That would be degrading in itself.

All men want is just a bit of understanding and empathy that doesn't devolve into mockery or derision. Men are always framed as these "vile misogynists", "predators" or "adherering to toxic masculinity" when all they're trying to do is get by in this fucked up, disposable world.

Two main examples are, "Loool look at this fragile insecure incel who acts like his height is the problem" and "the reason you're lonely is because they can detect your misogyny and bad personality".

Intelligent-Insight · 2025-09-01T00:25:37+00:00

You cannot expect anyone to force themselves to date s

Why not? You could expect someone to force themselves to hire someone they don't want or to provide service for someone they don't want to provide a service for. Why are you surprised that men are demanding empathy, but not surprised when other groups demanded empathy or anything?

Logical_Breadfruit49 · 2025-09-02T03:40:42+00:00

I have never desired empathy from women. What I desire is empathy from other men. Red pill men are hard to find in real life, because of cancel culture, so we have to look online to find like minded brethren.

The red pill is more a way for men to congregate and analyze the problems we face in today's day and age. It is not about garnering the sympathy of women. It would be foolish to expect women to empathize with us on this.

AndreWattson · 2025-09-02T18:35:09+00:00

I dont think they demand it they just might wish for more to be showed. Of course no one is guaranteed to get any from anyone for any reason. It is just something that people hope to get from others when struggling with anything.

Alwaysnthered · 2025-08-30T12:41:25+00:00

Oh the hypocrisy of being the gender that advocates for empathy so much, unless it’s men’s dating issues.

In that case: fuck men, right?

Women conflate empathy with entitlement when it comes to men’s issue, and paint men as the bad ones.

It’s female social manipulation 101.

IcametoMOG · 2025-08-30T14:47:12+00:00

I feel like it might be 2 different things, so 1) I feel like men r taking a page from women because they see women getting everything. Like women complaining has worked for them and so guys see that ok if they complain and demand xyz and get it then if I cry 24/7 demanding shit I’ll get it too.

The other thing it’s like just for consistency. Like if im pro having empathy for all groups and I can acknowledge that 1 group of ppl might face very unique issues relating to the group they r a part of (like saying black ppl might deal with negative stereotypes that other races dont or getting that women might be sexualized more than men), and that we should be empathetic to the struggles that these different groups of ppl go through, then by extension that should also include men and our issues too. But if we don’t get that, then it’s like ok y preach empathy but be selective with who gets it?

At least that’s how I understand it. Tbh me personally I don’t think we should whine about this particular type of shit just cause for guys I feel it’s undignified. Like girls can do it, girls can post a video of themselves crying and whatever but for I’m a guy I’m like bruhhh 😭😭😭 y would u do this to urself type shit

Title	Why do so many men here keep demanding empathy ?
Author	AggressiveRabbit1530
Upvotes	0
Comments	121
Date	August 29, 2025 6:54 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1n3fxib/why_do_so_many_men_here_keep_demanding_empathy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-so-many-men-here-keep-demanding-empathy.1560830 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560830

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