Male and female dating hedonistically negatively effects both sides and it's hypocritical to think one is better than the other

mar-uh-wah-nuh · 2025-10-12T00:30:08+00:00

You know what, I agree. However, I don't think the vast majority of people fit into these stereotypes, so I don't really think either has a significant impact on dating culture.

Avast_Lion · 2025-10-12T00:59:37+00:00

Are people assuming that 4 dates makes a committed relationship? This was certainly not the case for my grandparents or my parents, who went on dates with multiple people until they decided to "go steady." Where I live on the US east coast, the idea that having dinner a couple times makes you boyfriend and girlfriend is a weird recent internet phenomenon.

Popeoath · 2025-10-12T05:25:12+00:00

Neither of the two are better but the second is avoidable simply not putting out at the drop of a hat.

It is very hard for men to avoid the first due to the general lack of options available to men alongside the general ease for a woman to be like that (a lot of men simply cannot do the things described in the post).

Plus nobody shames a woman for avoiding the second but there is endlesss shaming for men avoiding the first.

half_avocado33 · 2025-10-12T00:33:43+00:00

What's wrong with avoiding virgin men? I mean shaming is bad, but avoiding is neutral. You don't shame them, you don't take them, you just don't have sex with them.

StealPantera · 2025-10-12T00:35:10+00:00

The premise here is that exclusive relationships do not provide pleasure to women...

stars33d33 · 2025-10-12T01:14:38+00:00

Yeah toxic dating is gonna give you karma , it’s just selfish behavior. Also with the rise of STDs and STIs lying about how many people you’re sleeping with puts people in health risks

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Independent-Mail-227 · 2025-10-12T15:14:46+00:00

Male and female dating hedonistically negatively effects both sides and it's hypocritical to think one is better than the other

Most men cannot physically "date hedonistically". There's no both sides.

SexCrispies · 2025-10-12T15:33:05+00:00

You can date hedonistically by being upfront about your intentions, commitment, emotional investment, etc. But i agree, an OPTIMIZED hedonistic dating strategy will deceive and manipulate to better achieve goals.

What i don't get in your argument, is the talk about the boring beta she marries or the wife he puts all effort in. That is not part of hedonistic dating anymore. Same with orbiters or friendzoned guys. They have been rejected and she is not sexually or romantically dating them. They are offering to be exploited for some attention. Orbiter/friendzone dating strategy is what is hurting people. Stop doing that.

Insulting people is not part of hedonistic dating.

-Kalos · 2025-10-12T17:44:54+00:00

Those people deserve each other

eye_of_gnon · 2025-10-14T00:32:22+00:00

What you're describing is the natural state of humanity before civilization where everyone maximizes their reproductive chances without regard to morality. This is why every society above hunter-gatherer has 'family values', attempted monogamy, etc.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-10-12T01:33:45+00:00

Spot on the first 3 points for guys. Only dudes who don't get laid are the ones who actually slut shame women. I'm a total slut as a man so I'm not one to ever shame how easy or often a woman gives it up.

Baby momma thing can't speak much for. And as for my vast experiences with women, pretty accurate from my anecdotal experiences.

weenieandthebutt · 2025-10-12T01:31:12+00:00

Playing women and giving false promises is plain sociopathic behaviour, just make your intentions clear.

That said, not many people excuse men for playing about just to get laid but for whatever reason it's socially acceptable for women to have their fun with the fuckboys, hot guys, street thugs etc but then settle down with the beta guy whom they're not really into.

Tylikcat · 2025-10-12T02:52:01+00:00

This isn't how a hedonistic lifestyle works in my experience, but some kind of red pill fever dream of it, written by someone who has had no contact.

I slept with a lot of guys. I was always totally upfront with them about whether I was seeing anyone else. Hell, sometimes I'd hang out with more than one of them (or a couple of them, and another of their lovers, or whatever). I eventually married one of them. (Far from the first one who wanted to marry me.) And sure, I eventually left him, but that was after a dozen years. Most of us chose long term partners from the same pool of folks we slept with. This whole alpha beta thing is some weird hallucination. (It sounds like some crazy insecurity thing - even if you eventually find someone who loves you and wants to marry you, you want to believe that she's settling? Way to undermine your own relationship! If you find yourself thinking stuff like that, do try counseling? And maybe marriage counseling, but settle your own stuff, first.)

This whole stringing along guys? Yes, I knew there were guys who were interested in me. I tried to discourage it. And if they brought it up I overtly set them straight. Most women I know do the same. (It also turned out that there were a number of guys who were interested where I didn't know they were - quite a few showed up to audition after I left my ex - and others who were interested whom I don't remember even meeting. Weird.)

I also debauched quite a few relatively inexperienced geek guys. Women don't tend to fetishize initiating virgins the way so many guys do, but a significant minority enjoy the process. Mind, I had my pick, and chose the ones who struck me as promising*. Of course the most entertaining debauchings were when my girlfriend and I took sweet young geek guys on together. Left them in little minds-blown puddles.

*Decent looking, decent hygiene - but most importantly, open minded and willing to learn. There are few things more annoying than a virgin who is convinced that they know everything and that they have to be in charge. *plonk*

InkAddict718 · 2025-10-12T02:01:50+00:00

It’s not hypocritical. Promiscuous men are desired. Promiscuous women questions paternity and studies show promiscuous women are statistically more likely to cheat and divorce. Men and women are not the same. More at 11

N_Count_Council · 2025-10-12T01:37:00+00:00

Sexually explore with numerous women you don't plan to ever take seriously so you put in the bare minimum, then save all your real effort and commitment for marriage material when that comes along.

Have multiple "situationships" with women who are convinced that things may progress into an actual relationship, even if you know it won't for most of them. Give vague answers when confronted with the "what are we" and see how far you can keep getting away with it till your forced to give a straight answer, by which point you can blame them for assuming things incorrectly (plausible deniability).

String along women you know you don't really like but who obviously seem to like you so you can get laid. You'll smash and pass then ghost if they get annoying.

Avoid or insult women for having lots of sex.

If you end up with a baby mama or multiple, blame them for being crazy and pushing you away, then find a new side chick potential baby mama.

It me

Title	Male and female dating hedonistically negatively effects both sides and it's hypocritical to think one is better than the other
Author	DietTyrone
Upvotes	29
Comments	124
Date	October 12, 2025 12:20 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1o4b3wf/male_and_female_dating_hedonistically_negatively/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/male-and-female-dating-hedonistically-negatively.1563901 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563901

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