What's with women attacking men for saying most of us aren't attracted to obese women? Why do men seem to accept when we're fat but women actively deny it?

JudgeJudysBigSister · 2025-10-14T14:42:48+00:00

The majority of women that use Bumble have this mindset, best to avoid that app altogether these days, it’s finished.

You also need to understand that collective woman logic somehow makes complete stupidity feel official. Easier to blame a man than to take accountability.

Anaphylactic_Cock · 2025-10-14T14:42:01+00:00

Ahh yes, my first ever post here and I've been instantly permabanned from other subs just for joining this one.

I'll wear it as a badge of honor

pearl_harbour1941 · 2025-10-14T15:07:21+00:00

The psychology of it is somewhat convoluted, but I'll try to explain it:

Women (generally) score higher on Trait Neuroticism - the inability to ward off negative emotions. Once a negative emotion is felt, women are less able than men to put that negative emotion aside and replace it with a positive one.
Many women have a negative self-image of their own body, or at least some part of it.
Women are more likely to employ emotional reasoning - if something feels true, it must be true.
Women have a higher in-group bias than men (i.e. women side with other women more often)

What this means in practice is that if you say anything negative about another woman, the woman you are talking to will take that as personal insult, and one that she feels is saying she (and all other women by default) is/are fundamentally flawed being(s).

It's then a human reaction to attack what you perceive is threatening you. They lash out at you.

"I like women with thicc thighs"
(woman self-reflects that she hates her own thighs)--->(spirals into negativity)--->(feels like she's a bad person) --->(your statement made her feel like that)--->(attacks you)
"MISOGYNIST!!"

You can't win, ever.

il_nascosto · 2025-10-14T14:45:53+00:00

lol it’s because they’re fat too! Hits too close to home.

Alive_Reaction_5489 · 2025-10-14T14:50:35+00:00

You just need to look at fat female's insta post of how her friends comment.

Downtown-Campaign536 · 2025-10-14T14:53:41+00:00

This is not your fault. This was basically just some unhinged women screaming at the weather man because he said it is going to rain and it is raining on a day they wanted it to be sunny.

You were the bearer of bad news. They would prefer to live in fantasy land.

Women need to understand that their weight is as important to men as a mans height is to women.

But, fortunately for women your weight is something that you have at least some control over. You can diet, and exercise.

Their minds have been poisoned by the body positivity movement...

Which would be a great movement if it were for people who say... Had acid thrown in their face, or an amputee, or have some sort of disease / disfigurement... But The movement is specifically and almost exclusively for obese women. Not obese men, not short men, not disabled people, or disfigured people... Just you know... Women that can't put the fork down.

krackedy · 2025-10-14T14:43:22+00:00

Those women wouldn't survive a day on gay apps where "no fats/no chubs/hung only/etc" is so commonplace haha

MyFeetLookLikeHands · 2025-10-14T14:56:49+00:00

bro, answers simple: it’s obese women, or women that see themselves becoming obese, making those comments lmao

UbiquitousWobbegong · 2025-10-14T15:23:23+00:00

This is actually a complex social phenomenon that happens for multiple reasons, but I'll simplify it by saying that women act with an in-group bias to protect each other from certain judgments. It's not as selfless as it sounds, but it is a common reaction you will see.

I'm morbidly obese. Recently lost 120 lbs, got about 100 more to lose. Obesity is complicated mentally. None of us want to be obese. We usually are that way because we're dealing with an eating disorder that can be very difficult to fix. So putting it plainly that this big problem we're already struggling with is also blocking off this whole other area of life can be hard to hear. It's the truth, but the truth hurts.

I'm in my mid 30s. I've been struggling to get my eating habits under control for my entire life. This is the first time I've had real, lasting success. It's a really hard thing to do for some people. Telling her that obesity is the problem is recentering this giant mountain right between her and what she wants. She probably already knows she needs to climb it. But being reminded of it sucks, and some people will lash out at the person who brought up these negative emotions, even if the real problem comes from within.

Next_Influence_7650 · 2025-10-14T14:43:30+00:00

Nobody really wants the truth

Icy-Image1264 · 2025-10-14T17:47:47+00:00

Young woman here, I’ll tell you something. Women have the privilege of delusion, men don’t. That’s precisely why obese women are called “curvy queens” and obese men are called “creepy incels”. Yes, most of the time is due to women’s ‘sorority’ and due to an era where it’s not socially acceptable to even comment on a woman’s eyebrows. However, men play an important role as well.

Statistically and biologically speaking, men don’t tend to be as picky and demanding in the physical sense as women tend to be. The average man tends to find the average woman attractive, the average woman tends to think of the average man as a genetic failure. Therefore, and with the help of social media, even women objectively BELOW average tend to think that they’re more attractive than they actually are.

The sad reality is…not even obese women want obese men. They all want a healthy, tall, athletic Chad. So, the next time y’all encounter an entitled woman living in delusion…tell her the truth. Remind her how she’d rather die than even glance at guys her own level. Trust me, she’s gonna thank you one day.

heyitsagoodusername · 2025-10-14T14:43:36+00:00

i usually just warn the chef when they arrive

Former-Dragonfly2226 · 2025-10-14T15:58:18+00:00

When you realise that western women’s beliefs are purely emotion based a lot becomes clearer.

NullIsUndefined · 2025-10-14T14:45:59+00:00

I think women have a more intense feeling of negative rejection perhaps. Since other women can get so much attention easily

The obesity rate is really getting out f control. Not just US, much of the developed world and much of the developing now, including India.

So there are going to be some vocal obese women having a hard time emotionally dealing with it.

I think men are more problem solvers and if they are fat they know they need to solve the problem, not complain about it

Best_Ad_2240 · 2025-10-14T17:25:47+00:00

Most people cannot stand an ugly truth but seems men have much more experience with rejection. You can tell a man he's ugly, short, out of shape, dresses poorly, or has poor communication and he'll at least understand even if he doesn't like it. Women try to lift each other up even if they still reinforce their own stereotypes. You tell a man he's dumb for trying to date someone doing OFs and he'll accept it. Tell a woman she shouldn't date while pregnant, you'll have a mob trying to justify it.

Tumor_with_eyes · 2025-10-14T15:42:18+00:00

Why do you care what a herd of cows have to moo about?

76% of all Americans are fat. Women, are “extra” fat in general.

You are allowed to have preferences.

Thing is, women love to feel like victims when a man’s preference goes against their own delusional beliefs that they “deserve” the top tier men, despite being morbidly obese. They love to gas each other up into delusions of grandeur, believing that having a womb alone is all that is required to be “beautiful.”

Let them live in their delusion. It shouldn’t affect you, only you, should affect you.

onefleece · 2025-10-14T21:38:56+00:00

Yeah, it’s the delusion that being 180+ under 5′4" suddenly makes you a "thick" and not just objectively unhealthy.

They attack men for stating simple reality because the body positivity movement is really just a desperate attempt to mandate attractiveness and avoid personal accountability.

eye_of_gnon · 2025-10-14T23:36:03+00:00

Fat girls want to lower beauty standards instead of improving themselves because that takes work. Simple as.

DullSpark98 · 2025-10-14T23:48:06+00:00

That’s how women compete, by sabotaging those that are or can pose a threat intrasexual competition. You were advising the fat lady to make better choices. That directly conflicts with her competitors motive.

desultorythought · 2025-10-15T00:05:02+00:00

Hey, I am a woman and I’m fat. I want to commend you. I needed to hear something like that.

I was not raised to take care of myself, and not to care about myself. So living, let alone trying to be healthy, didn’t even register in my mind.

I absolutely would’ve loved, and still would love, someone telling me honestly that sort of advice.

TRUTH is kind and loving and caring.

I despise people who say all the fat people should jump up and down in California until it breaks off into the ocean. I also despise people who lie to others to avoid hurt feelings when the truth is the most loving thing.

So, regardless if some people serve you a pile of hate in response, it’s because they refuse to admit the truth. The ones of us who can admit the truth NEED someone to say the things you said to encourage us towards healthier lifestyle choices.

AbysmalDescent · 2025-10-14T15:11:16+00:00

It's manipulation and heterophobia, and it's very common. Women will often attack men for this preference or make false comparisons to women's obsession with height in order to validate toxic expectations or hard gender roles. It's just about controlling men and their sexual preferences.

They will rationalize the obsession with height by saying tall men are more masculine, which is an entirely arbitrary social construct that they are just perpetuating, while attack men for not being attracted to obesity(even though they often are not attracted to fat men either).

They disregard that obesity demonstrates a significant commitment to a sedentary lifestyle, poor health, poor diet and poor habits. They disregard how it is also visually unpleasant and hides a lot of the features that would otherwise be unique to a healthy female body. They disregard how demonstrates a form of resource overconsumption, and because men have historically been expected to be resource providers, this also often signals a greater burden being placed on men to provide more resources. They disregard how it coincides with old age, as older people generally have slower metabolisms or exercise less, and therefor coincides with higher risks with fertility.

The craziest thing is that there are still men out there who would date obese women, and treat them better than most women treat men who are short.

This dynamic is only the way it is, with any preferences from men being attacked and tabooed, because women are the privileged gender, and because we live in a gynarchy.

Kuato2012 · 2025-10-14T17:25:53+00:00

I did enough online dating back in the day to see the long lists of women's dating preferences. "If you're under a certan height or income threshold, don't even message me!" Those "don't message me unless" lists can be over a dozen items long.

So I can't make myself give a shit if there are men who, quite reasonably, aren't interested in women who don't take care of their own health.

TeeJee48 · 2025-10-14T17:55:52+00:00

The funniest thing about this is the self-reporting nature of it. You know it isn't the attractive women getting upset over your comment.

The_0bserver · 2025-10-14T22:12:35+00:00

They've been coddled too much. With being able to talk shit with no actual backlash whatsoever.

medicalballer · 2025-10-15T01:41:22+00:00

As an overweight woman, no longer obese, these women who ask questions like that are fishing for the “you’re not obese” “it’s them not you” comments. They don’t really want the truth.

StandardHelp9493 · 2025-10-14T19:05:53+00:00

Yes, I just had a similar experience re: marriage on another reddit sub, confessions.

I think the narrative here is we should be glad a woman wants us at all, and the fact that one would reject a woman based on her visual appeal is a monstrous manifestation of the "male gaze." Or something.

It is basically of a piece with the overall shaming of men's sexuality. Men are visually attracted first. It is an immutable characteristic. So attack it as a "social construct" only a neanderthal would defend.

I have noted among many leftist men, particularly academics, some (not all, but some) strikingly homely and unpleasant wives. It is as if it is some sort of "flex" for them, a trophy wife dynamic except they are signalling their virtue by committing to such a beast.

Just my thoughts.

Specialist_Most_7338 · 2025-10-15T11:01:26+00:00

Funny how they shame us for finding fat women unattractive, and yet they have zero qualms when it comes to body shaming short men.

Such vile hypocrites.

NinjaMon1022 · 2025-10-14T16:27:15+00:00

So clearly she's the type of person who thinks she is perfect exactly the way she is and people will/should love and want to be with her just because, but she can be judgmental to everyone else.

outhouse_wholesaler · 2025-10-15T02:19:54+00:00

Because losing weight is hard and requires self reflection discipline. It’s easier to just bash men.

PersonalDouble1706 · 2025-10-15T02:24:49+00:00

That's the biggest gaslight women do. I see alot of men liking obese women some men doesn't prefer them so what alot of women dislike short men wich is far more hateful because it can't be changed.

Ok-Consideration8724 · 2025-10-15T10:34:48+00:00

But then they’ll say that us men need 6ft, 6 figures, and 6 in atleast before they talk to us.

Ill_Situation_6564 · 2025-10-15T14:57:50+00:00

When a woman doesn't like fat men, it's a preference.
When a woman doesn't like short men (!), it's a preference. (even though height is genetic, not a choice)

When a man has a preference, it's misogyny.

TurnupKingWhite · 2025-10-14T15:56:33+00:00

Because women have been coddled and told they’re perfect. We also know how women don’t like accountability, so if they own up to being fat they know it’s their fault and they don’t like that. You metaphorically held up a mirror to them and they don’t like that. They want it to be men’s fault and problem that they don’t like fat women. So basically she’s not wrong for being fat the men are wrong for not liking fat women. It’s perfectly fine for women not to like short men even though they can do nothing about it and short men aren’t entitled to women liking them, but you’re disgusting as man to not like a woman simply because she’s fat.

Cwash415 · 2025-10-14T18:19:24+00:00

this is the result of the media portraying every woman as "beautiful" , they were told that no matter how bitchy or obese you were, they are gorgeous no matter what ...but when they encounter men who say otherwise they dont know how to process with that information, so they respond with aggression, i actually use to like bumble a lot but i stopped using it because they put too many pay walls on it smh

Godi22kam · 2025-10-14T20:40:20+00:00

Family feminist cultural roots. Employing feminist women and giving feminist women a voice is what increasingly marginalizes men. When men truly understand women's goal of marginalizing men, laws will be passed to defuse these absurd laws, creating a more just ecosystem for both genders. Until then, the marginalization of men will continue until men awaken and break the chains of feminism that affect jobs, professionalism, social life, and marriage.

2muchtequila · 2025-10-14T21:32:47+00:00

Making fun of someone because their fat is bad. That's asshole behavior and should be called out.

Not being attracted to someone because they're fat is a personal preference.

Recognizing that being obese might make dating more difficult is simply reality.

For a LOOOOOOONG time calling fat people names was tolerated. Hell, Married with children made it a running joke. How can you say things like that behind my back? Well, I'd say it to your face but my car's only got half a tank of gas. Women especially were under intense pressure to be thin so being fat was look at as a failure.

But the pendulum swung the other way and most people now feel mocking fat people is cruel and shitty behavior. Which is good, we should do better as a society. Hopefully making fun of men's height eventually gets the same reaction making fun of a woman's weight does.

However, some people also feel that accepting people are fat and not mocking them because of it should also mean that you accept they're fat and be attracted to them. Which, some guys are attracted to bigger women and good for them. Being fat doesn't mean your a bad person or undateable, it just means your dating pool is going to be smaller.

People don't like being told there's something wrong with them. If they hear a person say the reason they're having trouble dating is their fault, they may take offense to that. It doesn't matter if it's accurate, it hurts their feelings and the response some people have is to lash out.

Visual_Buddy_4743 · 2025-10-15T00:20:23+00:00

Even crazier when fat women feel entitled to a fit man. It takes a lot of work to stay fit in America.

Chris00008 · 2025-10-15T04:49:52+00:00

They know that the real root of their insecurity and body dismorphia is other women, so they project it onto men.

There isnt a fat girl alive who hasnt been piped down by some Leroy. The problem is that other women will shame her for being with Leyroy.

Women are witches.

tezzawils · 2025-10-15T06:15:23+00:00

Women give other women advice they wouldn't follow themselves to reduce competition.

EnormousPurpleGarden · 2025-10-15T06:28:42+00:00

What do you expect from a Bumble sub? Bumble's motto is "Putting women first. Always."

Maleficent-Donut6766 · 2025-10-16T00:17:34+00:00

I remember back when Tinder was still pretty popular I'd match and get told-off for asking for additional photos of the person I'm talking to, because I needed to confirm they actually looked like their profile pics on the app (and also to avoid catfish because a ton of gay men used to pose as women).

I'm not exaggerating, 9 out of 10 of the chicks that would eventually agree to meet in person were always older/noticeably fatter than their photos assuming it was the same girl. That's not even counting the much uglier women that were clearly abusing filters on their photos I'm talking about the girls that would use pics from when they graduated highschool but were now a good 5 or so years older than when the photo was taken and had gained significant weight.

If I ever even brushed the topic during the meetup they'd go off on me, it got to the point where I'd check on them from a distance and then walk away without confronting to avoid the hassle because other times if they wouldn't get angry they'd actually start crying in my vehicle and I'd have to drop them off immediately and call off the date.

To this day, I never forgot this one girl I stopped the date early and dropped her off directly at her place because she did this to me and her last words to me were basically: "I'm glad I didn't meet you when I was younger and skinnier because you wouldn't have deserved me".

Jeepwave13 · 2025-10-16T01:08:32+00:00

Yasslighting. Always goddamned yasslighting.

aBlackKing · 2025-10-15T00:59:49+00:00

lol I wouldn’t care about them.

Reality doesn’t care if society accepts obesity. Obese people are going to have increased risk of cancer, heart disease, kidney damage, stroke, dementia, type 2 diabetes, liver disease, and other health issues.

It’s ok to have preferences.

TK_421_Do_You_Copy · 2025-10-16T04:28:26+00:00

This is why most of my friends are men. They don't sugarcoat sh!t and will usually give sound advice (after a bit of ribbing or joking around). Men, in my experience, have far less drama than the average group of female friends. Also, my male friends have better k/d ratio's than my female friends and have no qualms about playing some Dying Light at night. 😄

girlbunny · 2025-10-16T15:11:18+00:00

I believe the basic problem is that a lot of women grow up being told that they are princesses, and in the media princesses look a certain way. That way is skinny AF with perfectly symmetrical features. Any female who doesn’t fit that mould is immediately treated as “less than” by the other girls/women. This, in turn, makes them feel as though they aren’t good enough, and that feeling is what makes them turn on others (usually not in their personal group) who dare to bring up something that reminds them of this feeling. Note: a lot of the backstabbing can be disguised as helpful, friendly comments. Like telling someone how beautiful they are and that “any man would be lucky to go out with you” (especially when the woman involved has a grating personality to boot!)

Think of what you see being shown by the media as “the norm” in high school. Backstabbing females and clueless sports-oriented males.

While I cannot blame these women for feeling badly because of the negative treatment they get from their peers, health professionals, teachers and more, I CAN blame them for not using their brains to see that not everything someone says is something to take offence to.

I am female. I am obese. Part of that is health related, part of that is my own fault. A cross between bad diet and bad health reducing my ability to exercise properly is never a good thing! I own it, because it isn’t someone else’s fault. Other people can only make me feel badly about myself if I choose to give them the power to do so. Who has the time for that crap?

Ironically, my husband was one of those people who do like the look of extra weight on a woman, so my weight was not something that caused too many issues with getting into a relationship.

Don’t take her diatribe personally. It really sounds as though she already knows she needs to lose weight, but she’s in denial.

gracii_bloom · 2025-10-18T11:44:16+00:00

As a woman I totally agree with you and I’m sorry you got blasted in the comments for being honest. I’ve definitely noticed that some tend to praise other women for being obese and there’s nothing wrong with uplifting each other but I’ve never seen that happen for men. Not gonna lie, I’m fat right now and I know I have work to do to get back to the weight I should be but unfortunately a lot of other women don’t think that way and they instantly get defensive when you suggest weight loss. Also it depends on how you suggest losing weight. I know you were respectful with your suggestion but a lot of times other guys aren’t, they are so mean for no reason and vice versa, women can be very mean to larger men.

liltrex94 · 2025-10-14T15:58:32+00:00

Woman here. I'm pretty slender and athletic, all of my serious partners have been a bit on the larger side I guess. It is a preference. Don't get me wrong, they are still active, strong and healthy, just not ripped or slender. Couldnt date a 'gym bro', (sorry if that sounds derogatory) because I don't go to the gym. Just swim and do at home workouts. My ex also Swam a lot but wasn't obsessed with fitness, we swam together and did lots of hiking and outdoor activities together.

Now, after my introduction. I honestly don't know how to answer your question. None of my friends that are women are obese, I guess we all kind of have similar interests in being active. We also hike and camp together, I am sure that would be a struggle for us if any of us were obese or out of shape. We are feminists btw, but not feminazis.

I think the media and social media has a lot to do with it. The word 'thicc' became a thing over the last few years. I understand that there are certain medical conditions that some people cannot help that makes it difficult for some people to lose weight. That sucks for them, and I certainly empathise. But that is such a low percentage.

I think that may have something to do with it, we don't know anyone's full story. But I have noticed it a lot more over the last few years of social media.

Obesity can be caused by a number of reasons. It could be a health condition that is unmanageable or manageable. Or it could be an addiction to food and laziness.

I as a woman wouldn't defend the latter. It means they lack motivation and will bring nothing positive into a relationship. They have not been able to work on themselves, and therefore can not offer you anything positive. It is okay to be a bit chubby, but I would never get involved with any man who is obese. Like I said, my partners have all been a lil bit on the larger side but I would never consider dating a man who is obese.

I think women get away with it more because they put makeup on, use filter etc. But when you meet them (if doing online dating) then it is okay to say no to a catfish.

But thinking long term, if they aren't going to make a change then you are going to spend the rest of your life taking care of someone that doesn't value themself enough to look after themself.

If they cannot love themselves enough to care about themself, they will not be able to love someone else and be a good partner.

ETA all species of animals, including humans have gone with survival of the fittest. We are attracted to healthy people so we can have healthy children, and to be looked after by a healthy mate. A lazy mate, means a terrible upbringing for your children.

Alive-Culture8601 · 2025-10-15T14:27:08+00:00

Because Feminism said that looks shouldn't matter. That's why. Turns out, it matters far more than anyone could image. It's the inability to accept that their lives are determined by other people's opinion. It's the illusion of independence. They want you to conform to their standards, but they also believe that they don't have to conform to others', because that is toxic. That's the truest form of inability to accept that you have to conform to others to gain benefits. You could even say that they're entitled to you. Ironic, for people telling others that men aren't entitled to women's bodies.

MiddleGroundChr · 2025-10-17T17:10:34+00:00

Because accountability burns bro.

IsThisDecent · 2025-10-19T00:03:40+00:00

Can you share your comment verbatim? What exactly did you say?

Women are more sensitive about weight because there is so much focus on our appearance. Men have way less pressure to look conventionally attractive. Not saying the pressure isn't there, it just isn't like with women where your appearance plays a major factor in how people in general perceive your worth.

I'm fat and I truly don't care that lots of men aren't attracted to me because of my weight. But depending on the phrasing, being told I am not getting matches because I am fat might annoy me.

As I said I myself am fat, which I don't hide in my profile, and I get hundreds of matches, so there is a probably a factor independent of her weight that is making her profile less appealing, a possibility you don't seem to have even considered.

Tricky-Mistake-5490 · 2025-10-16T16:55:23+00:00

Most women are ugly.

The ugly are envious that pretty women got lots of money or financial support.

That's all.

Material_Phone_690 · 2025-10-15T02:22:39+00:00

I remain curious why so many men hate fat women, though.

Sufficient-Berry-827 · 2025-10-14T15:30:13+00:00

I'm assuming she posted on a bumble sub because she was asking for advice to make her bumble profile more inviting?

If that's accurate, then it's because your comment was unnecessary.

If she posted her profile asking for advice, she's asking for tips that would make her profile more inviting - things she can fix right now.

She knows she's fat and she's on dating apps. She doesn't need you to comment on her fatness - believe me, she knows. She already knows that, she likely understands that, and she's either already working toward that goal or choosing to accept her weight and find someone that is attracted to her body as is.

She doesn't need anyone to comment on her weight unless she is specifically asking: "I am trying to lose weight - any advice?" Or, "I am on a weight loss journey, should I wait to date until I've reached my goal?"

If she didn't ask that (or something along those lines that specifically include her weight as part of the problem), then your comment was unnecessary.

The way you framed it and what the situation likely was are two very different conversations.

Complex_Ad_7346 · 2025-10-15T15:18:53+00:00

There was nothing gentle about how you talked about that girl bro.

I’m sure YOU think it was gentle, because you have a hard time understanding how tone is conveyed through text.

You should work on your communication

Title	What's with women attacking men for saying most of us aren't attracted to obese women? Why do men seem to accept when we're fat but women actively deny it?
Author	Anaphylactic_Cock
Upvotes	556
Comments	124
Date	October 14, 2025 2:37 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1o6h9kz/whats_with_women_attacking_men_for_saying_most_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/whats-with-women-attacking-men-for-saying-most-of.1564102 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564102

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