Need help formulating a response

Hsoltow · 2026-01-07T21:16:21+00:00

Leave her on read, shit drives them nuts.

rightwist · 2026-01-02T00:26:21+00:00

Yeah definitely don't say anything like that,.my man. Definitely not helpful in forwarding any outcome you want.

What I'm hearing is you got a lot of emotions to pack up, and if I read between the lines correctly, your STBX already packed her emotions pretty thoroughly. Stop sweating over the petty stuff, the huge underlying issue is unpacked emotions. Pack. And do it fast.

TheBKing1000 · 2026-01-01T16:33:52+00:00

Use the whatever person imogy. I found this wes helpful

rb5775 · 2026-01-01T16:18:31+00:00

She will equate your unhappiness with her being the winner. Don't give her the satisfaction. Grey Rock.

Putrid-Detail-2933 · 2026-01-01T15:47:25+00:00

Go Grey Rock. Only respond when absolutely necessary, even when you do following the BIFF communication guidelines.

If you haven't heard of either definitely worth looking up and practicing.

Best of luck

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-01-01T15:08:14+00:00

No kids? Blank her completely.

If you have kids, only respond to things 100% kid related.

It's tough not to respond, but it helped me turn the corner for my mental health.

She is going to expect you to still be at her beck and call. Don't give her that, take the power back.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-01-01T07:21:58+00:00

No contact is your best bet right now.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2026-01-01T04:55:30+00:00

If a communication does not require a response, don’t respond. Period. If a response is required, keep it absolutely neutral, concise, and stick to the facts. No exceptions.

You can’t afford to be weak right now, and she doesn’t deserve to see your emotions.

Gattsama · 2026-01-01T04:52:19+00:00

As others have said. You don't need to respond at all, remember what she declared was that she is no longer your wife. Legally. You're still married, but from here on you two are separate.

Look up Gray Rock, that's how you want to respond to everything. Every interaction going forward you are emotionless. Save your actual feelings, be they good or bad, for someone else.

BaronVonOppoLock · 2026-01-01T04:24:51+00:00

Don't respond.

kidkangaroo · 2026-01-01T03:55:37+00:00

Don't do anything... Let silence speak for you.

zeds_questioningtbm · 2026-01-01T03:43:47+00:00

nice & neutral: thank you; same to you
…
i am sorry she did that to you

Cultural_Pin3252 · 2026-01-01T03:07:32+00:00

Nothing. Just don’t respond.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-01-01T02:05:08+00:00

Don’t expect a happy new year wish. If you get one hmmm

Familiar-Cobbler4567 · 2026-01-01T01:37:28+00:00

Whatever you do don't do what I did beg her back you will only be prolonging the inevitable once your spouse has divorce on their mind unfortunately it will never go away until it happens.just know we all are going through this and we have each other in this community to shield each other and lift each other up for support. Stoicism is your best method don't delay the grieving process sorry for your loss best of luck God speed.

Reverend0352 · 2026-01-01T01:20:01+00:00

I’d respond along the lines that you’re worth it happy new years

Nearby-Car4777 · 2026-01-01T00:41:53+00:00

A lot of us think there’s a perfect reply that will suddenly make them realize the impact of what they did. It will never come. They're already emotionally somewhere else.

AccomplishedTwist831 · 2026-01-01T00:30:46+00:00

Be also emotionally prepared for if she doesn’t say anything.

If you do respond, respond kindly. And not because you like her but because anything that you say can be used in a court of law. For example in a situation with kids a response that seems like you may suffer debilitating depression going forward could be another piece of leverage in a custody battle. “The father has demonstrated in his own words that he anticipates that he will lack the mental health and emotional capacity to be trusted as the primary custodial parent. It is in the best interest of the children, and the decision of this court, that…”.

Anything that you are recorded saying or texting can be used against you. I always give the most bland responses. If I can keep it “yes”/“no”/“thank you” then that’s all I’m gonna give because that’s all of the ammo her lawyers are gonna get. Remember, you’re no longer communicating to your wife. You’re communicating with your EX who is communicating with HER LAWYERS…therefore every text you send is a text to her lawyers is how you should look at it. It’s more ammo for them.

Because she’s not going to care that she made a soul-crushing decision. Unfortunately and sadly you feeling low won’t do a thing for her or change a thing. Women don’t care about that when it comes to divorce. Most women will initiate divorce, husband will express how upsetting it is (like I did), and the woman will be more concerned with how much alimony she’s going to get well, well before she gives a rip about her ex husband’s feelings.

Find an outlet that genuinely cares about your feelings. A good friend or a capable therapist. A Pastor or men here in this sub. Your wife is going to pretend to care at best because she’s no longer going to see herself as your wife. You being healed isn’t her priority. Taking what she wants in the divorce is now her priority and if that costs you your joy then she could care less.

My response would be “Thanks. You too.”

csmedo1994 · 2026-01-01T00:24:22+00:00

The only response is no response whatsoever. Read up on Gray Rocking. Master that technique.

KingJon85 · 2026-01-01T00:23:56+00:00

Silence. No emotions or feelings from here on out. No communication unless you have children then treat it like a business relationship. Look up "grey rock method" if you haven't heard of it yet.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2026-01-01T00:23:50+00:00

Oh man, I’m sorry to hear this! Same EXACT shit happened to me, but it was like 12/5 when she told me. My bday is 12/28. We were together for 10 years, and I was blindsided so I couldn’t even believe it. She was doing the no contact thing, and she was also my best friend and one of my only friends at the time, and she texted me “Merry Xmas” and I was so excited but then that was all. So I was upset because she ignored my response. Then she texted me “Have a good bday too” and I sat around for days and wanted to be ready for new years. This was 4 years ago now, 2022 is when she told me turning into 23.

I’m so sorry my man, your wife is fucking CRUEL! If I could go back there, I’d tell that guy “She’s NOT playing games, she’s not coming back, she’s not proving a point, she’s out with someone else, and this is why she told you before Xmas, so she could spend the holidays with him. And I’d bet this is also true in your case. When they fall in love with someone else, they will do anything to be with them and they just stop caring about you. It’s fucking cruel and twisted!

You’re better off without her my man, and it will take some time. Even if you wanted it, it takes time to get your bearings.

Life is what you make it. It’s been 3 years for me, and I’m not going to lie and say it’s amazing and a switch just turned. There are times when I just break down at how fucking unfair this has all been. I’m in the middle of a divorce appeal right now, and I recently got the transcripts and it’s shocking just how little she gave a shit about me at the end. It’s changed how I see things for sure. Please do not have a shitty year because of her. And I will say this too; even if it’s not the best year of your life, you will have good times and you will enjoy yourself. It’s just different and there’s some adjusting that takes place.

What you can count on is we will always be here, 24/7/365, as long as you can get here, we’ll be here to listen!

Have a good night and trust me, the future will be better for you! Happy new years!

nomohydro · 2026-01-01T00:14:45+00:00

I swear, social media has effed up so many marriages from false beliefs. Think they are all movie stars or Disney princesses.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2026-01-01T00:03:08+00:00

Well if you’re up for it have some with this ridiculous bs. Text HER at 11:55 happy new year. Put some dumb cat gif in there too. Idk. That’s all. She responds then thumbs up it. Done.

Up to you. Just a suggestion. The good part of getting and being divorced is you make all the rules and drive your emotional bus all the time. Don’t let anyone else drive that shit for you. You’ll get there. Stay awesome.

Intrepid-Scarcity486 · 2025-12-31T23:54:36+00:00

Uhhh, you don’t respond

Impossible_Mode_7521 · 2025-12-31T23:54:08+00:00

You ignore it brother and begin to move on with your life.

rowman_nahledge · 2025-12-31T23:40:29+00:00

Man fck that dont respond. She wants to say “happy” new yr? Pfft dont break and respond, let the silence be her answer.

Beginning-Town-7609 · 2025-12-31T23:38:46+00:00

Silence, ie no response may be appropriate.

Title	Need help formulating a response
Author	Ki55cumbag
Upvotes	10
Comments	32
Date	December 31, 2025 11:31 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1q0qbpm/need_help_formulating_a_response/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-help-formulating-a-response.1570127 https://theredarchive.com/post/1570127

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