Just found out my wife has been recording me since she met with a lawyer

Prudent_Sympathy_442 · 2026-06-12T17:35:46+00:00

Man that sounds insanely stressful. I wouldn’t try to figure this out on Reddit alone, especially if recordings might get dragged into custody or divorce stuff. If you’re in Missouri, Bardol Law may be worth calling just to get a real family law opinion.

EmbarrassedAge7612 · 2026-05-01T16:22:48+00:00

My ex would do the same when we talked about support and property. It was ruled that she couldn’t use anything for property settlements because her tone was combative and it was basically entrapment.

Lord-Dogbert · 2026-04-23T22:40:11+00:00

I recorded my wife knocking it out with my best friend. I suspected something was going on, that would be the third time, and final. I set up my Android tablet with an app that recorded sounds. It worked perfectly and I played the recording back for them when I got home. They were both shocked that I was watching porn in front of them, was like hmmm, sounds like you two. Have a good life and get out of my house.

chaosflamez · 2026-04-22T18:54:08+00:00

As someone who is contemplating filing for divorce, I was suggested to begin recording conversations with my wife (I live in Michigan which is also a one-party consent state). My wife has tried to make me leave the house and if I didn't, would call the police to have me removed. When asked how/why they would have any reason to remove me, she said she would tell them that I hit her or our cats. I told her that's a complete lie, and she said she didn't care and would lie to get what she wants to ruin me.

I can see your position as it sounds like she's baiting you to do something and have evidence against you, all without you knowing. It sucks all around. I'm just trying not to get arrested for crap I didn't do.

fredjutsu · 2026-04-22T12:15:54+00:00

Being black in America, I learned from a very young age to be a forensics expert and record everything.

I've never deleted an email, bank statement or piece of official mail ive ever gotten. Helped me catch all sorts of lies and completely avoid the "angry black man" narrative my ex and her lawyer (both white) were trying to play.

Didn't even need to hire a lawyer, that's how badly I was able to destroy her credibility for the judge without even needing to go to trial. it was about $30k worth of evidence gathering and mapping that I did myself and got some if that back.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2026-04-21T18:40:18+00:00

Sadly, Missouri is a one-party consent even in one's own home, which is completely ridiculous in my opinion. That somebody can be recorded inside their own domicile without notice or consent is a massive violation of privacy, in my opinion.

Well, you can't be talking to her anymore except via lawyer/email/text.

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2026-04-21T18:14:34+00:00

To be honest this is one thing you should do too to protect yourself. You do not want to trust her seductiveness in what gets recorded or what is shown to others.

Try to keep all talk short and to the point, using texts, emails or lawyers as much as possible and verbally defer to them. Treat this like the biggest stakes business deal you will ever be in and be professional. Your future and children's future rest on it.

Get your paperwork in order and try to get as much info from banks and such as your can while you have access. Also weigh the cost of things in money, time and frustration. If I fought over splitting a few thousand in a bank account, items from the kitchen, or furniture it would have cost me 10k-20k plus months or years extra of courts. With that in mind if you have things you feel are worth having such as house or time with/custody w children make sure you fight appropriately.

Make sure you get in the mindset that she is openly treating you like an enemy and treat it as such. Keep in mind this was likely the plan for years if not longer until she decided to pull the trigger on this.

Ok-Isopod7359 · 2026-04-21T16:45:42+00:00

Head games. Check out and don't engage. Being as boring and predictable as possible is the only winning response.

Smooth_Discussion367 · 2026-04-21T01:52:15+00:00

DNA test the kids, then find a lawyer

training2020 · 2026-04-20T23:18:48+00:00

Bro why did i know exactly what your abbreviation was to describe her😆😆🤣🤣

DEVICEGRIP · 2026-04-20T17:09:59+00:00

Hide your assets as much as possible. Maybe a trust. See if you can file first and use the silver bullet technique to take custody of the kids. The courts tend to believe the one who reports first. Women are never held accountable for false claims why should guys.

Concernedcitizen0106 · 2026-04-20T11:19:48+00:00

47!? Bro that’s wild

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2026-04-19T18:42:15+00:00

Now you record her and make it absolutely obvious.

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2026-04-19T16:28:45+00:00

Your STBXW is now just an adversary and you need to go gray rock. You need to record everything also, and should have been doing it.

nutscrape · 2026-04-19T15:17:43+00:00

I would be cautious given this, for a few reasons

If you get angry or do other things she can use the recording against you, for restraining order or other s. I know someone that got angry at cheating, said some angry stuff, and that text message is being used to f*** him over 5 years later.
You don't want her knowing what's going on inside your head. Talking to a lawyer, therapist, or friends. What's your planning and thinking about. She might learn things she could use against you in negotiation. Eg if She only wants the kids 30/70, but finds out you're willing to trade alimony for more kid time, she'll play hardball on something she would have been willing to give away.
I would check for her doing illicit recording in private spaces too where it's only you. Think of a safe space to have those conversations.
Even a legally useless recording about cheating or other stuff that doesn't matter legally can still be useful outside of legal context or be selectively edited. It can be shown to friends, family, kids, child protection Services, etc , for reputation sabotage.

RealUSMC · 2026-04-19T15:09:38+00:00

You need to be very careful from here on out. The fact she’s recording conversations right after seeing a lawyer means she’s being strategic.

Assume everything you say and do could be used in court. Keep conversations minimal and stick to text/email when possible so there’s a clear record.

I’d also start protecting yourself a bit more like cameras in common areas of the home (where legal) can be helpful. Not saying anything will happen, but once things get contentious, situations can get twisted and allegations like domestic issues or parenting concerns or even child abuse can come up. Having your own documentation can protect you.

No more verbal offers or emotional conversations, handle everything through your attorney.

Bottom line: this isn’t the same dynamic anymore. Treat it like a legal process, stay calm, document everything, and protect yourself.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2026-04-19T13:26:13+00:00

Why offer anything? Don’t offer anything. Pay as little as you can.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-04-19T13:08:58+00:00

Dont sweat it.

Recording will have limited uses.

Unless you threatened physical violence, threatened the kids -- ie, something that cops/CPS would be interested in, it's all a nothing burger. Even if that WERE the case, your retort in court could be -- if she felt threatened why didn't she call the cops. Why didnt she leave the house, etc. Divorce sucks - but its generally not "this" type of a gotcha game.

My ex thought us emailing each other "divorce settlement drafts" (between her and I) were binding - and/or she could bring an email to court to show that - at one point - I agreed to XYZ. They aren't. Its all smoke and irrational women behavior.

ToughPill · 2026-04-19T12:12:30+00:00

Went through similar. Recordings at trial have limited uses. Particularly they are useful for impeachment. If you are asked “did you say X” and you say “I never said that” they can then play the audio and show you lied just now. They can’t really bring them up outside of a very narrow context though. Unless you say something crazy like you were having an affair, you hate your kids and never want to see them, you want to kill her, you have a hidden bank account etc. it’s not that big of a deal if you were just trying to discuss settlement options.

Once a civil divorce case is open your lawyer can send communications with “for settlement purposes only” at the top which can’t be used in court because people have to be able to negotiate and not be afraid that them taking a position in negotiations could be used against them at trial (“you were willing to accept 35% custody in negotiations that fell through, therefore judge should give you that rather than the 50% you are entitled to…”)

I’m sorry you and your kids are going through this.

khaddir_1 · 2026-04-19T12:10:36+00:00

I think it’s so weird that these women expect you to casually converse about the bad things they gonna do to you. You gonna take half my 401k and I’m supposed to just laugh it off. Crazy

CART_Mechanic · 2026-04-19T10:49:55+00:00

Just be careful and calm in your interactions with her. She could be recording you to build a silver bullet case. If you lose your shit and yell or argue with her, it can be enough for her to claim "I don't feel safe when he loses his temper". And then you'll be staying at the local motel.

TobeRez · 2026-04-19T08:45:13+00:00

Put her phone in the microwave for 10 seconds and when she realises that it doesn't work anymore, just say you moved it a while ago and it was hot, there must have been an app running or something.

Edit: Don't do it.

crayzeejew · 2026-04-19T06:10:06+00:00

Any settlement conversations would be considered confidential and not usable in court. But, yeah...divorce sucks so be more careful with what you say or do around her.

_Luminary__ · 2026-04-19T04:57:32+00:00

Your wife is a straight up predator..

10 years your senior.. Made sure to get pregnant not once but twice just before reaching 40.

She only saw you as her retirement plan right from the beginning.

QuoteDisastrous5224 · 2026-04-19T04:57:22+00:00

did you delete these voice recordings of your conversations or not?

o2thegizzo · 2026-04-19T04:09:15+00:00

If she’s recording you, then she’s probably also trying to read your emails , mail, and anything she can get. Try to kick her out of the house. You stay, she leaves. Avoid interaction. Avoid anger. Grey rock her. And if she hasn’t filed yet, you do it ASAP.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2026-04-19T04:07:12+00:00

Find out if you live in a one party state or two party state in respect to recorded conversations. In your home, you have some expectation of privacy. Setting up any type of recording without the other person's knowledge and consent in a two party state could be more damaging to her.

I set up an old cell phone and use an app to use it like a ring camera. She's been gone over six months, so by law she isn't even a resident in this state. I set it up to make sure my kids get home since I work an hour after they get home from school. But, I also live in a one party state so there is that going on my favor.

Gattsama · 2026-04-19T04:05:45+00:00

Sorry for the drama brother. The main thing to keep in mind is it doesn't matter what she says, or how much she smiles, or even what she does. In the end. All communal assets and debts will be split 50/50. That's just how the system works. It doesn't matter who paid for what, who said what, who did or did not do something, etc.

Just add up all the communal assets, divide by two, that's what you each get in the end. How that division occurs can be worked out individually however.

Let's say for example, you have $200,000 in your retirement account and she has $100,000 in her retirement account. You sell the house for $300,000 of profit. You have maybe another $50,000 in assets scattered around.

So your total assets are $650,000, each get $325,000. You can divide that up any way you like. You can each keep your retirement accounts and just split the house unevenly, it doesn't matter. You can also have one party take on more debt as long as it balances out.

Despite any claims to the contrary, or what her lawyers or friends tell her. She's not getting more than 50%,, she's also not going to be able to keep anything of hers that's communal either. It's all getting divided.

In my case, for example I worked and she didn't. But we owed taxes that year of about $45,000. That's communal debt, I gave her half the debt( mine you she still made out like a bandit).

Any assets that you have prior to marriage that were not made communal, you guys do not have to split. So let's say for that $200,000 retirement account. If $100,000 of it was made prior to marriage, you get to keep that in its entirety. You only owe on the part that occurred during the marriage.

If you're both retaining lawyers, there's really no need to even directly talk to each other anymore. Just add everything up, try to figure out what would be a good split for everyone, call it even and you're done. If you can't work it out on your own or in mediation, then a judge will order it.

Sad_Poet_7232 · 2026-04-19T03:43:49+00:00

Judging by your name, we are in the same state. Im a little over a month in from filing for divorce after finding out my wife of 16 years was seeing another man from work. On top of that, she is trying to take my kid from me via a smear campaign. I am simply asking for 50/50. One of the very first things I did was get a recording device and have recorded every single interaction with her or my child. It has been the single greatest purchase of my life. I cannot tell you how much evidence I have against her now in just one month's time. I have her on recording admitting to being physical with me, her admitting ive never been physical with her or our child, more or less admitting shes only doing it for child support, etc. Now that you know shes doing it, use it to your advantage. I would even start recording yourself, as if she slips up, she's certainly not going to just give you the file. Put your foot down and fight for your life because she is already gathering evidence. You need to start doing the same.

bk2747 · 2026-04-19T03:20:48+00:00

The woman you divorce is not the woman you marry. Shes not your wife anymore, she’s not your buddy, not your pal, nor your friend. There’s nothing left between the two of you. She hates you, her only goal is to screw you over and take as much as she can. Stop talking to her, stop telling her what you have going on, she’s the enemy and you need to navigate accordingly.

You’re making every textbook mistake that men make during this process. Offering her money without an attorney present, cordial conversations, talking about money in general, again she’s not your friend, she’s officially a stranger and someone who’s after you! I need you to lock tf in. Get with your attorney, fight tooth and nail for everything you’ve built so far. Fight for your finances, your home, and your children, do not just walk in there and get steamrolled on some “I love my wife” bullshit, she doesn’t even like you! Her only goal in life is to steal from you and run off with the next guy.

At 47, she’s planning to retire from this divorce, reason she mentioned the $401k and retirement. Do not let this happen. Fight for primary custody as well, she can pay child support too.

Don’t be a door mat, don’t be a case of stairs, do not become another statistic of a man that got “cleaned out” in divorce.

Zee_WeeWee · 2026-04-19T02:40:57+00:00

“Due to you recording me without my consent, I’d be more comfortable discussing this through an attorney”

bluephotoshop · 2026-04-19T02:36:33+00:00

Never tell her your plans. She’ll attempt to thwart them.

DarthDad25 · 2026-04-19T02:33:55+00:00

Keep all interaction calm and respectful. That’s the way it should be, regardless of if she is recording you or not. You seem like a grounded and smart man. Keep your head screwed on extra tight because divorce brings out the absolute worst in people.

The only concerning part- stop drinking. Stay away from it. It’s not going help anything, only risks more issues. You don’t wanna turn to that path.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-19T02:22:04+00:00

My ex did the same set up spy cameras. Would also record me on the phone and take pictures of me sleeping on the couch claiming I was passed out.

Only ever loved that woman WTF? FML.

mesi130 · 2026-04-19T02:16:57+00:00

Recording you without your consent in privacy won’t be held up in court. Don’t make anymore offers to her. Let the lawyers handle it. Obviously tell your lawyer she’s recording you. Hopefully attorneys will talk and it will stop

Several-Eagle4141 · 2026-04-19T02:11:28+00:00

Does she know you know? If so, play it off completely. Give them zero evidence and extensive investigation bills to deal with

Title	Just found out my wife has been recording me since she met with a lawyer
Author	Michigan_is_too_cold
Upvotes	69
Comments	80
Date	April 19, 2026 2:08 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1spg60o/just_found_out_my_wife_has_been_recording_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-found-out-my-wife-has-been-recording-me-since.1578304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578304

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