Marriage minded people, how much do you worry about “divorce rape”?

reluctantly_red · 2019-06-23T03:44:44+00:00

Never marry a woman who makes significantly less than you and there's nothing to worry about.

[deleted] · 2019-06-23T07:45:58+00:00

> manosphere is denouncing marriage and the divorce courts. A good number of men refuse to settle down because of this fear.

It's a very valid fear though.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-06-23T00:26:11+00:00

My bigger fear has always been emotionally damaging any children caught in the middle.

Texastentialism · 2019-06-23T00:26:10+00:00

We ain't got no money. So, not much.

I worry about him dying much more than I worry about us divorcing.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-06-23T00:25:48+00:00

i am married and my husband will be able to divorce rape me within the next 5 years. it never occurred to me to worry about this and i still do not. i married him to give to him with both hands and i continue to do so. if he screws me out of half then thats life

MrHerbSherman · 2019-06-23T00:50:42+00:00

I would never marry without a prenup, marriage law is outdated and it reflects something that marriage used to be, not what it is now

shoup88 · 2019-06-23T02:27:10+00:00

We’ve only been married a year. If I were worrying about divorce already, that would not bode well. I believe that every person has the right to get a prenup and would never fault anyone for pushing for one. But if you spend any significant amount of time worrying about divorce I’m not sure marriage is right for you.

PennnyLame · 2019-06-23T00:46:14+00:00

I make far more money and he could leave me and 1000% get alimony. I literally never worry about it. I create final destination horror scenarios for every room I walk in so I am not immune to made up fears but this one doesn’t concern me.

xKalisto · 2019-06-23T08:55:21+00:00

While I would get half my husband's shit in divorce I would be utterly screwed in future. So even though he has the money, I, as a SHAM, am in the vulnerable position.

He'd have to completely flip out and beat me or something for it to be worth it. I have super chill life with him.

poppy_blu · 2019-06-23T12:13:26+00:00

If I were do it over again I’d get a prenup. Not because I don’t trust mr blu to be fair, I do. Because the biggest issue in the divorce industry is greedy lawyers. I can’t tell you how many couples I know who split amicably and “had it all worked out,” and 6 months later they’re at each other’s throats trying to screw the other person over. What happened? The lawyers got involved and convinced them they were wronged and the only way to fix it is to take the other person for all their worth.

I’m sure someone (male) is going to reply to this comment and say “men don’t do this, women do.” True men are less likely to try and take a women’s assets but they have their own ways of extracting revenge through the divorce process, eg dragging their feet, lying about circumstances or assets, etc.

And of course I don’t mean all men. Has to be said here, sadly.

wekacuck · 2019-06-23T01:40:51+00:00

I don't really think anything of it at all. The whole half-our-shit thing doesn't seem unfair to me. If the marriage imploded "things" are the least of my concern. You hire a lawyer to take care of that shit. I'm not much of a materialist.

Frankly, it seems like she's got more than half my shit as is so...

The only manosphere thing that ever grinded my gears was the idea that one of the kids might not to be mine and I would nevertheless be forced to pay child support. But I'm pretty sure they're all mine. And I don't really care anymore.

Nobodykers · 2019-06-23T11:31:09+00:00

The manosphere still doesnt realize women around 30 and younger make more money than men now? As a man it's not divocre rape that scares me. Its falling to short on being attractive. On the other hand, beta bucks bullshit doesnt really work when she makes as much. So when a girl likes me or any guy here, its because she thinks you are attractive

jkonrad · 2019-06-23T14:40:11+00:00

Prenups work. Estate planning works. Having money before marriage works.

You need to understand, the RP contingent is full of guys who realize they’re not qualified for LTRs. That they cannot sustain the attraction of quality women, if they can even attract one in the first place. If you read TRP or track the manosphere at all, you’d see this struggle is very real for these men. It’s weak men becoming a little self-aware and acknowledging women don’t want weak men.

Most of the anti-LTR sentiment is from these guys. It’s not a principled, logical choice. In fact, many of them would like very much to be in an LTR. So it’s a “well fine — I didn’t want to be in an LTR anyways, so there!” type of reaction.

Most of the whingeing about marriage “dangers” is BS. It’s always some “fear” of divorce, or “Where have all the good women gone” or some other nonsense... anything other than the plain truth that they’re simply not ready for an LTR.

IRunYourRiver · 2019-06-23T01:02:18+00:00

I should have worried about it more than I did 16 years ago.

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2019-06-23T01:01:31+00:00

I met a traditional Asian chick. In her culture, women marry once. It is either a good marriage or a bad marriage, but it is what it is. There is no divorce. True, she lives in America, but her roots are very cultural.

I am not a selfish fucking sociopath like her dad? I am not going to do weird shit and have babies with other women. She has literally nothing to worry about from me because I am boring AF and easy to please. I just want her, and her to smile and enjoy my company. And I am a funny, witty, wise guy. If she breaks this bond with me and decides to ride the CC or whatever, she has made her choice and I know that choice isn't me. It is her. She has a lack of character. Right now she is a 30 y/o virgin and waiting for marriage, so I honestly don't have much fear.

So no, I don't worry about divorce rape. And even if I do get divorced raped, I know I have awesome friends, a great job, massive savings I don't tell anyone about, and a very good carefree life.

NalkaNalka · 2019-06-23T02:47:01+00:00

No, why worry about things like that. Life comes with surprises and you just have to deal with them. Besides, nobody died it's only money. I can always make more.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-23T01:49:41+00:00

I have a pension, he does not, so he would be more likely to divorce rape me, but we’re old so he can probably just be patient and wait for me to die of natural causes.

wekacuck · 2019-06-23T00:25:43+00:00

The prospect of emotional turmoil bothers me. I'm sure when in the situation the financial stuff would factor into it and exacerbate the pain, but the fact is, divorce was once really rare and now is much less rare. I just don't see the point of marriage in such times.

I am in fact actively perplexed and confused as to why people every day continue signing up for something that assumes a lifetime commitment, which is governed by separation laws that presume the breaking of a lifetime commitment, but which modern people (ungendered) treat as merely a long term but ultimately impermanent commitment.

I don't want to say that I think I'm smarter than these people, but...like literally I kinda am.

Willow-girl · 2019-06-23T02:20:29+00:00

At my age, if I were married, I'd worry more about one of us developing a serious illness that would wipe out our joint assets. Or developing dementia and needing nursing home care (again, bye-bye, retirement savings!). Or getting sick or hurt and not being able to afford the necessary care, but not being able to get assistance, either, as long as the other spouse was still working. (My man's brother actually had to divorce his wife when she got sick so she could get on Medicaid and obtain proper healthcare. Sadly she died while the docs were running tests trying to figure out what was wrong with her!) BTW, this is in America ... the situation would of course be different in countries with universal healthcare.

flyinghorse1 · 2019-06-23T08:30:20+00:00

I've got nothing to 'steal'. I've got no debts but also no real assets either (just a motorbike and a kick ass book collection). I'm also lucky to be from a country that doesn't do alimony.

the_sea_witch · 2019-06-23T11:35:14+00:00

I don't get why alimony is a thing in the US. Child support is one thing alimony is another. Men need to lobby for law changes. Many countries have automatic 50/50 shared custody in cases of divorce.

MagicGainbow · 2019-06-23T14:17:34+00:00

If you look at my profile its happening to my gf right now, he did fuck all and contributed nothing and he gets half of her house which was supposed to be her nest egg, shits unfair, wont catch me doing it.

katymarx · 2019-06-23T14:43:16+00:00

I'm not marriage minded but I do live in a community property State and ive seen some guys absolutely hosed in divorce. We don't have alimony but it doesn't matter. I have done well and no one is taking half my shit. Plus I have tended to make poor choices in relationships and broken hearted people want to hit you where it hurts the most.

LeJacquelope · 2019-06-23T00:39:02+00:00

My wife is an entrepreneur like me and we made this money together. Also, I hate the term "divorce rape" ffs. It's right up there with "toxic masculinity" in the world of stupid terms.

kittykasbah · 2019-06-23T00:36:07+00:00

The thing with betrayal is, it never comes from the enemy.

Imho, divorce settling should follow a very simple but inflexible principle

Whoever initiates the divorce forfeits any communal property to the other party

The less this rule is flexible, the better the results will be.

Also, alimony and child support are to be abolished, and the main policy for child care should be alternating custosy on a 50/50 basis.

Anything else should be either on a voluntary basis (or a common agreement) or the result of a criminal court ruling for child abuse

canadianmastiff · 2019-06-23T06:17:50+00:00

I never even imagined it in my wildest dreams and the real painting of the scream 😱 comes close to my final reaction. I suffered at the hands of my x-wife’s, extremely dark, malicious and extremely wealthy family. They went to court for every dime spent, and challenged everything. Finally my X agreed to walk away from the lawyers, and have a no contest divorce, however she had to push her father to sign two documents on the divorced that he would no longer pursue me after. $65k and counting in returning my house to habitable and $55k I’m legal fees. That’s a lot of money for me, like a house deposit...

wtknight · 2019-06-23T02:10:16+00:00

I don't worry about divorce. My wife is from Asia and I'd have to treat her pretty badly or cheat on her for her to want a divorce, I think. I don't worry about her cheating, either, as we have a pretty good marriage, sex life and overall friendship.

zayelion · 2019-06-23T04:21:47+00:00

Divorced guy here, trick is your behavior. Even if it doesnt work out dont be a jerk so much as that she thinks you need to suffer for it. My view now adays is if we have kids, you can bloody well have half. I dont actually care.

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FlavFal · 2019-06-23T00:38:27+00:00

Never really thought about it.

I'm pretty sure we're in a common law 50/50 marriage already but I don't have much to lose so it's not a problem.

In case of marriage, I'd say we'll probably go with the standard 50/50 marriage. I doubt he will ask for a prenup and I won't either.

I come from a richer family, but he has better career prospects. Hard to say which one would suffer financially the most in case of a divorce down the line.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-06-24T05:45:28+00:00

Child support is its own separate animal. You are liable for child support whether you are married or not. Child support is a function of having children. Married men do not have to pay some kind of “enhanced” child support.

As far as marriage goes, get a prenup. Ideally, each side has their own lawyer. Less than ideally, each side at least has a full and fair opportunity to have their own lawyer, even if they choose not to. Ideally, the prenup is fully executed at least 30 days before the wedding “planning” even starts. Less than ideally, the prenup is fully executed at least 30 days before the first dollar is actually spent on the wedding. You want to avoid arguments like, “He threatened to cancel the wedding if I didn’t sign, so I didn’t want to lose all that money we [had not yet] spent.”

Prenups have to be balanced and fair. No, “husband keeps all his money and income, period, no matter what,” but “wife’s income and property is up for grabs.”

No spousal maintenance (it’s not called alimony anymore).

Everyone receives property they own title to 100% individually. All other assets owned jointly to be split according to a pre-determined method.

All services and property given to the other spouse during the marriage, unless agreed by both parties to be a loan or for future credit or value, shall be deemed an unconditional gift.

Know the difference between a merger clause and a disclaimer of oral representations. Insert a disclaimer in your prenup. A merger clause will not save you against a claim of fraud in the inducement. You want to shut that door shut.

Lastly, prior to getting married, form an irrevocable trust with its sole asset being a 100% ownership interest in an LLC. If you own a business or real estate, have that business run out of the LLC. Pay yourself a reasonable salary, but the rest of the net income is to remain in the LLC, which again, is owned by the trust. This allows “assets” to accumulate essentially under and inside the trust during the life of the marriage. Upon divorce, for as long as this is disclosed during the marriage, and this arrangement is not used to funnel marital “income” from the individual’s hands into the trust ... then the trust simply retaining income instead of distributing it currently to the individual’s hands does not make such income (earned by the LLC that the trust owns) “not distributed” marital income. So, even if the prenup were to be invalidated for some reason, absent fraud or any other valid basis for veil piercing, there is no avenue available for a divorce judgment creditor to attach the assets of the trust..

TheChemist158 · 2019-06-24T06:51:25+00:00

Married woman here.

We have a pre-nup which forfeits alimony, and I have no intention to have kids.

I don't really care if some men don't want to get married. It's a personal decision and they shouldn't have to something they don't want. My husband wanted to. I make the same as him, and I don't plan on having kids (certainly not sacrificing my career for any) so I don't foresee any of that being an issue.

Triadfamilyties · 2019-06-24T10:20:09+00:00

I'm not materialistic and date the same. Property wasn't an issue in my divorce so no I can't say I'm scared of it.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2019-06-24T14:51:29+00:00

It's the worry over the possibility of divorce in the first place that gets me. I'm just another data point in the statistic of men that were raised by single moms - furthermore, one that has married and divorced three times in her life.

The lack of growing up with an idea of what a healthy relationship between husband/wife looks like along with the (statistically higher) risk of divorce from being the son of a divorcee worries me that I'll live out a repeat of what happened to my parents.

Especially as I do want to have a wife, children, etc.

Do I lose sleep over it? Not as much as I did. I'm too busy with school to worry about dating for the moment, but it is something I think about at the back of my head. On the bright side, I know a lot of how I don't want a relationship to play out so maybe I'll be able to avoid the whole divorce thing.

[deleted] · 2019-06-24T20:26:57+00:00

then don't marry.

marriage isn't for everyone.

if you can't hack it and are scared of the implications of that kind of commitment, don't do it. it's really that simple.

daniellederek · 2019-06-23T01:06:21+00:00

If you truly love each other why complicate things by involving the government?

In days of yore a wife would come with a sizable dowry. That isn't the case any more. Routinely women of marrying age now come with substantial debts on the average.

alilabelle · 2019-06-24T03:48:39+00:00

Not at all because I will never marry a man without money

Title	Marriage minded people, how much do you worry about “divorce rape”?
Author	ColCrin
Upvotes	25
Comments	161
Date	June 23, 2019 12:19 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c3wssl/marriage_minded_people_how_much_do_you_worry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marriage-minded-people-how-much-do-you-worry-about.255174 https://theredarchive.com/post/255174

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