Men don’t really want to date fixer uppers and they do absolutely care about the woman’s personality

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-05-10T13:47:17+00:00

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses. They’re usually dating fellow high powered execs.

i know 2 high powered execs both have trad SAHMs. If you have a 5 million dollar house and a company that lets you write off leases on $150k BMWs as business expenses what use do you have marrying someone with money? Both married some sweetheart before they struck business gold

CainPrice · 2019-05-10T13:45:50+00:00

Women's personalities are kind of like women's appearances.

Men can appreciate a wide range of women's appearances. It takes a really, really ugly woman before a guy won't get hard. Heck, there are entire porn sites devoted to fat women, milfs, big tits, small tits, every race imaginable, every kind of sex imaginable. Whatever's out there, some man finds it hot.

Same with a woman's personality. As long as a woman isn't stupidly unpleasant to be around, some guy will have her. Men appreciate a wide range of women's personalities.

On the flip-side, most women tend to prefer a specific type of man who looks and acts a certain way. Men who deviate from what's attractive are fighting an uphill battle and banking on finding a woman who's an exception or a woman who's willing to make an exception due to his other attractive or valuable traits.

This also creates a situation where any given woman who's not at the bottom of the barrel has a choice among at least a few men, while most men count themselves lucky to have a woman at all. So most men aren't exactly picky if their woman's personality isn't perfect.

At the end of the day, men don't need some kind of high-achieving, intellectual, confident, ass-kicking female personality in their partner. A woman being pleasant to be around is far more valuable and is her most important personality trait.

toysjoe · 2019-05-10T15:47:06+00:00

Depends on what you mean by fixer-uppers.

Kinda overweight but willing to go to the gym? I could work with that.

Don’t really know how to cook but willing to learn? I could work with that.

Not very affectionate but receptive to feedback? I could work with that.

Long string of shit relationship choices and a defiant attitude that men are the problem? I can’t deal with that.

Have a kid? I definitely can’t fix that up.

You’re very facetious for lumping every problem together and saying “men don’t want to date fixer-uppers”.

2stoned0jaguar9tre · 2019-05-10T13:38:55+00:00

Thats bullshit. I enjoy talking to a woman with personality and intellect. I do not like talking to a brick wall.

Blonsomio · 2019-05-10T13:35:39+00:00

Women will definitely date fixer uppers, but those are usually "bad boy" types and not incel types.

BirdManBrrrr · 2019-05-10T15:22:42+00:00

Why do I feel like you gender swapped everything here?

Women want fixer-uppers in that they want to tame some wild stallion of a man into some domestic beta.

I quoted a comment by spacewhiskey on a prior 50 shades thread:

An average girl tames an Alpha playboy, she brings him to heel despite his desire to dominate her and he one by one caves to her every demand, giving up his player lifestyle, his sex dungeon requirement for their intimacy, his fear of commitment, his mommy issues, his stance on kids. She gets out of him everything he swore he would never give: normal sex, marriage, a big house to raise a family in and fatherhood. He submits to her.

This is known, women will bang men who give them tingles all the time while thinking they can subdue him long term. This is likely damn near every single women's erotic fiction fantasy ever.

The hot mess women with a lot going on are usually single

Wrong. If she's a hot enough mess, she'll have some thirsty dude chomping at the bit to date her. She's hot, after all.

If a woman isn’t providing utility to a man’s life, he’s not going to date her

Wrong. Male thirst is real, why do you deny this?

The fact that men are so picky about who they commit to

Wrong. Male thirst is real, why do you deny this?

The fact that men are so picky about who they commit to, tells me that women need to be more than “not fat and nice” to get a man. I don’t know why this advice is always given to women by men.

A lot of women are 1. fat 2. not nice and especially 3. both. It's not a hard bar to hit yet most women can't/don't, and--despite male thirst--complain endlessly about where the good men have gone or why they can't attract their preferred mate. Of course women need more than "not fat and nice", but how about starting with the basics, eh?

IME fat women are usually the bitchiest for some inexplicable reason.

exit_sandman · 2019-05-10T17:25:54+00:00

women need to be more than “not fat and nice” to get a man. I don’t know why this advice is always given to women by men.

Because so many women already fail at that?

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-05-10T14:04:10+00:00

it’s always brought up that men are willing to take on fixer uppers while us evil wahmens aren’t.

Really? Because it seems to be the exact opposite. Unless I'm not understanding what a fixer upper is.

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses.

He will if she's hot enough and dont demand alot of gifts/money from him.

They’re usually dating fellow high powered execs.

Is that why rich old men date/marry women half their age? Seriously?

The fact that men are so picky about who they commit to,

Men really arent.... unless it comes to looks.

Unless you're talking about r/ChoosingBeggars then their pickiness leaves them upset.

Anthony1881 · 2019-05-10T14:59:16+00:00

Why waste so much energy, do you own thing and you may or may not meet someone along the way. You will be true to yourself rather than morphing into someone you are told you should be to be enough...you are enough already. Pay no mind to those who think otherwise!

mydikishomofobik · 2019-05-10T15:10:07+00:00

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses. They’re usually dating fellow high powered execs.

I don't know why people on the internet are always saying men want women who have the same jobs that they do. That's demonstrably false. Men do care about women's personality, but they generally like women who nice to them. They aren't hypergamous like women are.

Now I know I don't really care about a woman's job or socioeconomic status. But I'm not a high powered exec and maybe I'm just a weirdo. So I looked up a couple of male fortune 500 CEOs to see what their wives do. And, in many cases, its hard to find much info about their wives. That suggests that most male CEOs aren't married to other female CEOs or to women who have high-profile careers (otherwise the wives would have lots of info about them online, wiki pages, etc.).

Instead, most of corporate executives' wives seem to be homemakers. Rich men are more likely to have stay at home wives cause they can afford it. Middle and lower class couples are the ones that need 2 incomes to maintain a certain living standard. Rich executives don't need their wife to work to help pay the bills.

Barneysparky · 2019-05-10T13:55:22+00:00

Almost all young people either chase after or date people where it's not in their best interest to do so. As we gain life experience we learn that similar values and healthy relationships are much more important then how hot she is or what car he drives

Most people learn this in their early 20s, but there are still guys who in their 50s buy hot cars to attract the margin of women left who are attracted to that.

When you are not looking to settle down why not have the hottest girl or guy you can? It's not like you're going to be eating breakfast with them for the rest of your life. It's simply not the same thing as finding a partner.

Don't marry someone you wouldn't go into business with.

Barneysparky · 2019-05-10T13:45:57+00:00

Whenever a discussion comes up about unconditional love, it’s always brought up that men are willing to take on fixer uppers while us evil wahmens aren’t

Bullshit. For generations women have always married up. These days about 30% of partnerships have some degree of marrying down, but those don't last. Many in "I earn more than him" relationships were caused by her career taking off and his not, or him losing his job.

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses.

What the fuck are you talking about. I see it all the time. What I don't see are female high powered execs dating anywhere lower than them on the org chart.

geyges · 2019-05-10T13:39:41+00:00

not fat and nice

Wouldn't it be unusual for someone to 1) Take care of their appearance, 2) be a good person and 3) be a "hot mess"

Like in what sense is someone a mess then? If its professional life, I couldn't give a single shit. If she's basically a robot in terms of emotions, or is over-dramatic, then yes, it could obviously be a problem.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-05-10T13:34:54+00:00

Men dont pick women in their potential careers and earning potential. They don't see women as "fixer uppers".

nevomintoarce · 2019-05-10T13:34:01+00:00

Pareto principle. Top 20% men have options and want a smart, possibly rich chick to build a family. Remaining 80% just want reliable pussy and no drama. They dare not aim higher... yet will still be frustrated in even these modest ambitions.

The way women interact with the 80% is depressingly relevant to this sub. The creme of humanity doesnt congregate at the “sexual” “”strategy”” “””debate”””” subreddit despite the delusional pretensions of all the would be AMOGs strutting and preening around here

[deleted] · 2019-05-10T14:00:29+00:00

Depends what you mean by fixer upper really. Can't C your V without more info.

Bntt89 · 2019-05-10T15:52:14+00:00

Is this really a contentious thing? Is it surprising that guys want an attractive partner who is attractive and interesting too? Also can you explain how guys are picky with personalities? Tbh just because you fit and nice doesn't mean you dont have to work on your personality, this may work on men with no options and no choice but when you do why would I choose one women when they are all the same?

czerdec · 2019-05-10T15:54:59+00:00

The fact that men are so picky about who they commit to, tells me that women need to be more than “not fat and nice” to get a man.

You should probably look at the kind of woman a plumber, truck driver or accountant marries. Not all men make choices like the top 0.1%

Emervila · 2019-05-10T16:45:58+00:00

I see a couple of things which I consider you need to re evaluate

Your example of high execs is not really valid: Top 20% male do not follow same rules as the "average guy" bc their SMV is not the same. Yes, most people will marry the same level which is the best idea but men will traditionally be more willing to marry down than women bc hypergamy and liberal ideas to go always up, nowadays women mostly marry up or better said trade up.
If a woman isn’t providing utility to a man’s life, he’s not going to date her: this is partially true, we all trade, we give and expect to receive but one thing is a fair trade and something really different is fraud like you can't deny a wild hypergamy is toxic for men when being totally used for resources or sex.
Commitment is not only related to "what a man wants" nowadays laws are complicating things for both. To commit there must be balance otherwise men won't do it bc nobody enters a long term pact for losing goods and resources.

Finally not just men but also women need to make an effort to get a good partner, is not something you "deserve" it's something you work for

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-05-10T21:54:31+00:00

I think this is pretty much true, but often times men compromise their principles and women get the wrong idea (that being a fixer-upper is ok) because many beta / low game men will (against their better judgement) settle.

Honestly, I'm willing to "settle" on looks in an LTR (I'll take a 6-7 vs. a 8-10) but not on personality and especially baggage. A 7 without crazy wins over a 10 full of crazy any day.

WiseMonkeyGoodMonkey · 2019-05-11T00:51:23+00:00

If a woman isn’t providing utility to a man’s life

Does she grow me as a human being and make me happy. Does she make my life better with her presence? Does she make me/make me want to be a better man? Is who she is worthy of everything I'm going to give to her? And is she going to remain that way?

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses.

Men date down in terms of educational and fiscal reality all the damn time. Personally I have literally never dated anyone who made near what I do. And that includes my ex-wife. I just don't care about that when looking for an LTR, and you'll find most men are in the same boat. You are seriously projecting here.

Men don’t really want to date fixer uppers

What men don't want is to date someone they have to fix. IE someone completely broken (however each individual defines that). We are not here to carry a broken woman across the goal line after a lifetime of shitty and ultimately self destructive behavior/decisions.

hot_soup19 · 2019-05-11T04:49:41+00:00

Personality is second.

I'm an unfortunate incel so I ranked all the women I see in my daily life. All the young good looking ones were at the top. The older ones, or the fat ones were at the bottom.

Then I considered it in 'marriage' terms, and I realized I would choose the mid 20s one over the other ones around the same age even though she's a major butterface because she doesn't have major whore signs. I think she'd be loyal essentially...but even that's not really personality, is it?

Actually, it went further than that. I realized that it's the women that I respect that I consider marriage material, and that was only about 4/10 of them. Of the 4 most attractive, I thought 3 of them for sure were not marriage material because they're whores, and the 4th I don't know at all....and that one I ranked #1.

For Women I think we rate them off of :

Looks
Loyalty
Personality
Respect

If we're looking for the total package.

For Short term we don't care about 2 or 4

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses. They’re usually dating fellow high powered execs.

I used to work at a top 1%er country club. All the wives are gorgeous, it was the most beautiful subset of women I've seen in an organic setting - Unless you want to count the daughters. I suspect they were SAHM often, but you can go to an Ivy League school and become a SAHM

mydikishomofobik · 2019-05-11T08:27:36+00:00

According to bloomberg's analysis of U.S. census data (https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016-who-marries-whom/), male ceos are most likely to marry female elementary or middle school teachers.

1 reason why male ceos don't usually marry female ceos or execs is that male execs outnumber females by a large margin.

On the other hand, female teachers outnumber male teachers by a big margin, especially in the lower grades.

But this also shows men's lack of hypergamy. Male ceos who make lots of money don't mind marrying elementary/middle school teachers who make a lot less.

Female ceos, on the other hand, are most likely to pair up with male ceos.

dicklord_airplane · 2019-05-12T16:20:37+00:00

You're right. I think all the guys who say that men only care about looks are still young and don't have enough relationship experience. I felt like that when i was younger because i was horny beyond belief and because i placed women on a pedestal. When i was attracted to a woman, she seemed perfect in every way! Now i can much more easily separate my feelings of lust and attraction from rational judgement. Hot girls are just hot to me now.

[deleted] · 2019-05-10T14:52:09+00:00

It's all about identifying with reality correctly. Women tent to round themselves up (lie) so that they can get with a higher quality guy and feel like they are getting a way better deal and thus making them feel like the princess they think they are. Lol. But guys will be ok getting a woman that is exactly in their level.
So it's all about the math.
Physical looks. Ones with ones. Twos with twos. Threes with threes. Forest with fours. Etc. etc. Personality: ones with ones twos with twos threes with threes fours with fours etc. etc. Problems: Ones with ones twos with twos threes with threes fours with fours etc. etc. (Is the picture getting clearer) Women need to address hypergamy and call things even and correct before complaining about guys.

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xoxuv · 2019-05-10T16:23:57+00:00

men are willing to take on fixer uppers

That's true. Those are beta men, which make like 80/90% of the male population.

I think men judge women just as hard as they say women do.

That's true. Those are the alphas. The only men, women care about, when talking about "men".

You don’t see high powered execs dating waitresses.

That's bullshit. Any high powered men will prefer any hot waitress over any less hot anything else.

They’re usually dating fellow high powered execs.

Only if they have nobody else on their circle, which mean that they are betas, no matter how "high powered" they are.

MrHerbSherman · 2019-05-10T16:29:19+00:00

I mean the thing is, as a guy girls make a big deal if you’re “dating” her

When really you might just call it that to make her happy and it’s not any different from how you treat a plate

Like I’ll gladly tell some girl I’m “dating” her while I see what happens, why not, what does that actually require me to do for her? Nothing

[deleted] · 2019-05-10T18:45:45+00:00

If you consider "a bit of sugar to come home to" as some kind of utility, then yup, guilty as charged

RoyalAugur92 · 2019-05-10T19:55:24+00:00

Somebody get that guy who took in an older, uneducated homeless woman just so he wouldn't have to worry about her cheating in here so he can slap this silly girl down.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-05-10T19:58:57+00:00

If you believe this, you’ll close yourself off to serious dating until you have your life together and ducks in a row. Women buy into this because they don’t feel comfortable dating if they are a train wreck.

If they let go of this inhibition a lot of them find husband material men out there happy to be with her if she’s nice like half the time. It’s just most modern women feel it’s too brazen or gauche to say “yeah I’m emotionally a mess and unemployed but want to be taken care of anyway.” So they actually push away suitors at this time.

Being attractive helps a lot of course.

rathyAro · 2019-05-11T01:52:27+00:00

Both men and women are willing to date "fixer uppers". The common trait here is being low quality. Without conscious thought the low quality person (either gender) sees someone with positive traits they find attractive and negative traits that make then attainable and they want that person. You see this with nerds all the time "I don't want some bombsell, I would rather take the cute, quiet 7/10 girl". The bombshell is not in their reality so they don't even really want it anymore. Its just very normal, very logical people dating towards their level otherwise everyone but the elite would be single.

Rumptis · 2019-05-11T01:53:30+00:00

I mean I’m an emotional masochist....... I love projects and being seen as a savior. It’s fucking unhealthy dawg.

grand_tiremaster · 2019-05-11T02:30:53+00:00

OP, I know of women who are grade A b-words and they're getting wifed up. They're b-words, but they are attractive, so I guess that evens it out?

decoy88 · 2019-05-11T11:02:11+00:00

Desperate, really super horny men do.

The type pf guy that sees every interaction with the opposite sex as either a step forward, or a step backward to getting pussy, any pussy, thinks this way.

If he has one singular focus, putting up with her other shit in theory seems doable. The projection comes from assuming every thinks like he does.

Title	Men don’t really want to date fixer uppers and they do absolutely care about the woman’s personality
Author	azngirl7689
Upvotes	71
Comments	223
Date	May 10, 2019 1:27 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/bmyafc/men_dont_really_want_to_date_fixer_uppers_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-dont-really-want-to-date-fixer-uppers-and-they.255838 https://theredarchive.com/post/255838

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