Dating becoming too systematic

phillipsheadhammers · 2019-04-04T04:08:14+00:00

I have never once worried about my SMV; I don't know what CMV means; and I don't go into a date with expectations.

I just go into it with the hope that we drink, laugh, and maybe end up in bed, and that I'll want to see her again tomorrow.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-04-04T04:07:53+00:00

A lot of people on this sub and reddit are a bit delusional. 98 out of 100 guys in the real world have never heard of MGTOW. These niche subs and followings aren't what the average person out there is following. Dating is still a thing for most people. Yes, are the incels, mgtow, feminist etc. rising but it is still a huge minority. Romance is not dead. Now if we keep seeing this trend continue then I would have a conversation about this in 10 years.

tylmin · 2019-04-04T11:17:17+00:00

Sounds like your typical "get off my lawn" post.

It used to be people got married out of high school and started pumping out kids right away. Is that really what you want?

Trust me, adulting is not as fun as it seems, enjoy your youth.

Truedemocracy4 · 2019-04-04T13:25:10+00:00

The average person doesn’t overthink dating like us farts here.

That being said there are definite shifts due to dating apps, the economic mobility of women, and social media. Dating is less now about courtship and more about who cares less until a relationship is formed. Dating someone for 1-2 months and them talking to numerous other potential suitors is table stakes now. Women no longer need a man to provide a good lifestyle for them

That said it’s not all doom and gloom. People know their smv now, and can respond accordingly. People used to actually spend time wondering if they were attractive or not, now you know. It’s also easier to meet people outside of your social circle. If you’re at the top of your social circle like myself this is a relief

People this shift helps - those looking for casual relationships. Attractive introverts. Those in communities (ex: homosexual) that previously had riskier courtship but now thanks to apps is safer. I’d argue that plain Jane average women are better off as well as top 20% men.

People this shift hurts: blue collar men, career focused but otherwise not physically attractive women, average dudes, people looking for relationships and long term commitment

Interested to hear thoughts

Gravel_Roads · 2019-04-04T11:06:04+00:00

The more deeply ingrained in a system a person is, the more likely they will be to demand systemic behaviors. The stereotypical "club girl" or "University Girl" or "generic girly girl" and their counterpart "club dude"/"Universty Dude"/"generic jock" all tend to be part of a very specific subset of people who date for recreational purposes. It's something they do outside of their social groups, and seek it out the way people "seek out" going to restaurants or movie theaters.

But not everyone are from these environments. People who don't flock to the "Generic Popular Traits" tend to be far less systemic in their interactions.

This is kind of why I'm so baffled why so many Red Pill dudes recoil at tattoos or women who don't dress like Barbie dolls -- people who dress according to counter culture are the people who are... counter culture, and thus aren't as likely to have generic "systemic" expectations.

Have you ever dated an artist? Or a farm girl? Or a writer? I met my first gf during a tabletop RPG game lol. She was really creative and funny. I know a few other people who met through cooperative online gaming. Because they both value gaming, they valued the same traits in one another, and they love playing games together. This, for them, is romantic. No "looksmaxxing" necessary.

This is why so many people are dating within a pre-vetted social group -- it's an environment where the social currency isn't "working out" or "making money" so much as "group cohesion" and "pro-social behaviors" (ie, both men and women in my social groups tend to enjoy cooking, and will bring dishes to dinner parties ect, which is considered very classy and admirable).

tl;dr

The deeper you are in a system, the more things will be systemic. The more you look outside of a system, the more likely you are to find non-systemic environments.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-04-04T13:49:48+00:00

The main problem is people don’t really know themselves or what they want so they end up treating relationships like fad diets and then wonder why they don’t work.

Edit: more words.

RedLeg13 · 2019-04-04T14:29:43+00:00

Age has taught me that there is nothing new under the sun. Everything is borrowed from the past. Technology has sped up everything and made the world smaller, but the lessons from the past are still here. What really is a kick in the kishkas is when you realize that your parents were right about a lot of things and they have been there and done that before you were a glint in your dad's eye. Stick to the tried and true. Live with rigorous honesty. Be true to yourself. Seek improvement in all aspects of your life. and most important of all, love without fear.

TRP8myfeels · 2019-04-04T16:18:08+00:00

It is what it is.

It is as complicated as you make it, it seems like the more you struggle the more complex and detailed a person tries to get to solve the issue.

People who have little or no trouble probably would tell you it is simple.

I say you make friends, you push it with those friends till they are no longer comfortable then you pull back and enjoy that level of engagement with them. Always be looking for new people, always be cutting the worst out of your life so you don't get overloaded.

Seems simple.

carrawayjames · 2019-04-04T13:04:36+00:00

I agree. We are no longer in an age where dating is no longer complicated. It's way too complicated now.

CyJackX · 2019-04-04T15:45:48+00:00

How is it systematic and rigid? If anything it seems vastly more flexible. Communication technology and cultural norms have shifted so you can pursue far more arrangements than you could in the past.

The things you point out, being aware of how attractive you are and what you're looking for from other people, seem really basic. Being aware of your odds and wants does not seem rigid and systematic. And even then, you claim they take up too much energy to enjoy life. These are not things that take much time to know...

GridReXX · 2019-04-04T19:31:27+00:00

No one in the real world talks like this.

rovad_ · 2019-04-05T21:01:41+00:00

Idk why everyone in the comment section is overanalyzing it. The reason you have to looksmaxx and obsess about your smv is because the game is slowly losing its "rules". We're gravitating towards an "anything goes" approach, i.e. more primal sexual game. When anything goes, the comptetion gets fierce, and men have to work hard and be careful if they want to not get burned. The more primal the smp , the sharper you have to stay to even compete.

The guys who either dont want to compete or know they cant compete will be the ones to go mgtow or incel route.

LeadInfusedRedPill · 2019-04-04T04:58:14+00:00

If you spend all day reading TRP then yeah, you won't live through any actual experiences. Part of TRP does include actually not reading TRP.

Go outside lol

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-04-04T04:50:14+00:00

To which particular historical era are you referring that didn’t require systems of matchmaking?

If anything roles becoming amorphous has confused people.

kandyapplez · 2019-04-04T13:44:26+00:00

romance isn't dead lol. i love seeing all of the couples out frolicking, holding hands, kissing in the park now that the weather is warming up! its really sweet

Nevidimka- · 2019-04-04T11:07:31+00:00

I actually like the idea that you can orchestrate love - by carefully polishing your SMV and choosing your strategy - more than I like the idea that love is just something that happens. I'm not the type of person who gets lucky all the time, with most things in life I had to work for it. If love was just something that happened to you there's a chance I would've been lucked out. Now I have the best partner I could wish for because I learned to play the game and played it right.

HalfysReddit · 2019-04-04T14:44:11+00:00

We're in the best age for dating, you just believe some false idealized narrative of how dating used to be.

First of all, for most of human history dating didn't exist. Marriage was an economic decision and romance wasn't a real consideration. Marrying for romantic interest is a relatively recent phenomenon.

Now on top of that, you've been lied to about how dating used to be. You think of dating in the 1950s as probably working the same way it did in movies of that time period. You probably think of ice cream floats and trips to the beach and drive in theaters. You probably think people were more wholesome back then.

What you don't think about is that all the people that are using Tinder nowadays, were just cheating on their partners back then. What you don't think about is that all of the people who are getting divorced today would just stay together and die miserable back then. What you don't think about is how you are objectively more free to do what you want than you would have been back then, but that with that freedom comes the daunting responsibility of making a decision.

If you compare real life to movies, of course it's going to suck. If you honestly consider what life was like back then though, it doesn't take long to realize that we've got things better now, even if we did lose some other legitimately nice things in the process.

AutoModerator · 2019-04-04T04:00:49+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

decoy88 · 2019-04-04T22:06:00+00:00

You say “systematic” I say “efficient”

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-04-06T14:27:18+00:00

romance is dead and it should be. it makes you see red flags as only flags. not to mention the feeling of disillusionment when it wears off.

it's dead and that's a good thing.

rockbottommale123 · 2019-04-07T04:58:46+00:00

I like men who are their authentic selves... teehee

TheSuperStink · 2019-04-04T04:15:53+00:00

Yep. I don't give a shit about any of this and have had no problems dating or getting sex.

You can only analyze so much, but them in not autistic.

2019-04-04T04:54:15+00:00

Advertising thrives on distinguishing yourself.....regardless of the shallowness of the distinction.

analt223 · 2019-04-04T13:55:38+00:00

Everything is becoming to systemic. Blame social media and the massive amounts of data it generated to manipulate us

DesignerDebates · 2019-04-04T04:49:47+00:00

As you’re making an affirmative claim, this has been flagged as CMV. All top level responses must attempt to challenge OP’s view.

Title	Dating becoming too systematic
Author	BeyondAnyPill
Upvotes	36
Comments	178
Date	April 4, 2019 4:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b97zcy/dating_becoming_too_systematic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-becoming-too-systematic.256433 https://theredarchive.com/post/256433

Comments