I'm an 18 year old guy. I understand I'm young but I'm facing a deep internal battle. To start, I come from a child of divorced parents so I’ve already been exposed to the legalized theft, harassment, and kidnapping of children from men today from the duluth model, no fault divorce, and the horrific misandry of family courts. My parents divorced when I was young and to speak of it realistically, it broke me. I was only 6 and my mom basically kicked my dad out of my life and took everything. Even though I was so young, I really knew what it meant. I was also exposed to parental alienation from my mother and I hate to admit I onced believed everything she said but not anymore, especially with her feminist, leftist view points.

My whole upbringing, I’ve struggled with a lot of shit and most of it concerns women. When I was 9, I got a brutal concussion that made me need 6 years of therapy just to function like a normal human being. From middle school forward, my interactions with women have been disastrous. In 8th grade, I developed a crush on this chick who had several guy friends. I was already getting profusely bullied and when she told her friends about my confession, they joined the party, too and I had to leave the school. I was extremely depressed and considered suicide at only 14. My best friend through childhood was a woman a year younger than me but when she moved away almost 3 years ago, it all changed. After we began dealing with fighting based upon our romantic endeavors, she became the good girl on the block to the crazy, feminist, fat chick with dyed hair and claimed I was manipulative and that I sexually used her from her sending me nudes on her own accord while she was drunk and irresponsible. Thank god she didn’t say assault or I would’ve likely had a felony at 15.

My relationship with my mom can best be described as strained. We’re polar opposites on our economic and worldviews and she’s also a feminist. She indirectly admitted to me she favors my younger brother which I have speculated for years because he’s much like her which makes me concerned for my brother’s future. She also married again to an Indian guy and they started a business and had a kid together who is now my 2.5 year old half brother. I really hate my stepdad because he thinks he’s a know it all for having a doctor’s degree and he’s also a micromanager of everything. When I don’t follow his rules, he becomes quite malicious. He’s thrown things at me before, yelling so loud our neighbors can hear him outside of the house, and we’ve come close several times to throwing the gloves off and slugging it out. My dad even gave me the invitation to run away to his place if need be which I have considered on some occasions. The only thing that stops me is for personal reasons and conflicts with my mother that would never be worked out if I did run. I never did ask for my mom’s new husband in my life and I hate how that my mom did so without my permission. If I knew what was going to happen, I would’ve said no.

Dating’s been a mess, too. I'm been very limited in my sexual experiences. I’ve been rejected, ghosted, or even insulted in total by roughly 20 girls. Only 2 girls have ever given me the time of day romantically wise and they both had their own issues with one of them being polyamorous which I’m strongly against. The thing that I’m mad about is that I didn’t have a true father figure in my life nor mother who could teach me this kind of stuff or a friend or brother too I’m having to do find my own learning path for this.

Recently, I had my last straw. To cut a nasty story short, I know this chick who I used to be friends with her boyfriend and we began chatting but she refuses to date me because I’m younger than her. Of course, you may ask why I would want to get involved with her so quick and it’s not that I want to be exclusive but more than anything, I hate being in the friendzone and consider it a sign of disrespect. Anyways, moving forward, she’s 20 and I’m 18 which really isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, especially with me being more mature than most adults from my tough upbringing. She also was dealing with drinking issues and depression. I began chatting with people I know about this where I realized she was using me to be an emotional punching bag and someone to give her attention she otherwise doesn’t get in her regular life. Even though I dodged a bomb with her damaged goods, this infuriates me.

I'm starting to lose hope in my dream life of actually being with a woman who loves me and understands me. I also think I need to possibly give up on my aspirations of being a father to children. I've seen what happens when all of this goes on with my dad. I also have pretty traditional relationship beliefs many women have found me repulsive for. In college, I've rarely come across a woman even worth considering dating. I feel lost and sometimes quite lonely and sexually deprived.

I don't know what I need to do with this. I just feel that the luck I've had will continue to do so.