Discussion: Why do men want submissive women and then complain she doesn't voice where she wants to eat?

sublimemongrel · 2017-06-01T00:34:29+00:00

Because they apparently want submissive to mean on their terms only, not when it's inconvenient for them.

prodigy2throw · 2017-06-01T00:35:22+00:00

You're thinking of two different men

ppdthrowawai · 2017-06-01T00:41:02+00:00

A submissive woman would happily go where you suggest. Saying "wherever you want, honey!" And then telling you all your choices are shitty is not related to submissive behavior. Wheres the problem OP?

cxj · 2017-06-01T07:25:50+00:00

I have a very submissive gf. We just recently had a conversation about her speaking up more because I am fine leading the ship (which is what she point blank said she wants and values in me, even though she pays for everything) but I want her to be happy with the direction. She's just a nice sweet girl who doesn't care that much what we're doing as long as it's with her, but there are still some things we've done I know she's not thrilled about but doesn't want to be a complainer. It's just hard to sell her that she's projecting her delicacy onto me, I'm fine with her saying she'd do something else or go somewhere else as long as something is going to be good enough, which it is with her. Part of it is that she really truly does hate making decisions, lol.

This is the crux of it. Redpillers, despite their worship of sociopathy, really want to be able to make the girl happy. Most guys do. They just lack the communication skills (I can relate) to get the shy, sweet girl to spit her opinion the fuck out. I actually think "not being able to make the girl happy" is second only to dead bedrooms in discouraging relationship issues for men. There is a discouraging number of girls for whom nothing is ever good enough from any man.

goatismycopilot · 2017-06-01T01:51:45+00:00

People on this sub must eat out at restaurants pretty frequently. This topic comes up pretty regularly.

czerdec · 2017-06-01T08:29:46+00:00

If you're not complying when your dominant instructs you to voice your preference, how are you a submissive?

wattwatty · 2017-06-01T01:43:15+00:00

Edit: Ignore the case where she complains about your choices.

Yeah, but that's the actual problem.

The most common scenario is that neither one knows where they want to eat and want to push the decision off on the other one. Both people being a little kinder to one another would go a long way, but if you have the guts to pick a place, it oughta be respected.

OfSpock · 2017-06-01T00:56:53+00:00

Because they actually want someone who is in charge of everything (or at least 95%) but manipulates them so they feel in charge without having to do the work.

Hence the "Women should automatically respect all men as a default position".

trpobserver · 2017-06-01T02:22:34+00:00

I dont even know what submissive means anymore

Taleofpurple · 2017-06-01T00:35:26+00:00

Its more of that when we give a suggestion they say no but when we ask where they want to eat then, they say any or don't know... Reaaaally annoying. Doesn't break the relationship or anything but damn did it get on my nerves.

void_magic · 2017-06-01T02:35:23+00:00

Submissive in the bedroom, not incapable of being a human being.

Eastuss · 2017-06-01T09:21:58+00:00

I personally never wanted a submissive woman but noticed I had to make her submissive for things to move forward.

Usually the scenario is:

Where do we eat
Her: I don't know, choose
There, it's been long time.
No, I don't feel like to.

And that for most choices, because I have to choose what she would choose if she wanted to take the decision.

HitchensTwoPointOh · 2017-06-01T10:06:48+00:00

there is a difference between submissive (i.e. open to multiple options when making decisions, not complaining or holding it over your head when she doesn't get her way, etc) and being an annoying piece of shit that literally never has input when asked what she wants to do, but then still complains about the outcome. Most millennial girls are the latter.

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-01T13:20:44+00:00

[deleted]

officerkondo · 2017-06-01T16:16:44+00:00

Scenario is: You ask her what she wants to eat You suggest something She says ok and you go out to eat. Done.

Here is my scenario, although my wife doesn't play this game of "i don't know/I don't feel like it", which is just a passive-aggressive annoyance.

Man: Where do you want to eat?

Woman: I don't care.

Man: pick up the car keys Ok, let's go.

Woman: Where are we going?

Man: You don't care.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-06-01T00:29:27+00:00

Because such men's ideal woman is one which is internally contradictory, and thus doesn't exist.

I don't blame them tho to be honest, I will admit myself that my idealized partner starts to fall apart when I critically analyze it also. Tis the nature of being human.

MagicGainbow · 2017-06-01T00:23:43+00:00

Their is submissive and then their is helpless/lazy.

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-01T00:26:42+00:00

Idk, I've never had an issue about it. If she doesn't suggest anything, we go where I want to go.

trail22 · 2017-06-01T03:20:49+00:00

yeah its not just submissive women.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-06-01T09:42:26+00:00

Some men don't want a submissive female, they want a partner who will make a decision or offer an opinion worth following. In my case, the above scenario would go like this:

He asks me where I'd like to eat
I offer a suggestion
He either accepts or declines said option
We leave, or I offer suggestions until he picks one...but normally we just go with my first choice since I know which restaurants we both enjoy

It's not difficult to reach a consensus on eating out or ordering a pizza or seeing a movie. I don't get this concept of being so frickin wishy-washy that it aggravates your partner. 😒

Hillary_For_Prison · 2017-06-01T11:59:09+00:00

Your edit doesn't align with most of male experience.

When we ask a gal where she wants to eat we are taking her desires into consideration. It's a matter of politeness and not us submitting to her.

Once asked, she can either offer suggestions or defer to us. If she offers suggestions we will take them into consideration. If she defers to us (typical) she can then either accept our decision with grace (atypical) or bitch and moan about every place we suggest (typical). It's the bitching and moaning that bothers us.

Understand something, we don't mind an objection or two: "I had Mexican for lunch and Thai sets my stomach and ass on fire." We do mind when she shoots down reasonable and more mainstream suggestions, especially without offering any ideas of her own.

When a guy takes his girl friend or wife out to dinner the goal is mutual enjoyment. He asks her input to make sure he's not creating a situation she will find unenjoyable. When she offers no suggestions but just picks apart all of his suggestions she's shit-testing him in a way he simply cannot win by making the evening unenjoyable for him and herself both.

Merger-Arbitrage · 2017-06-01T14:48:13+00:00

Most people in general seemingly have no clue about what they actually want or don't want.

My approach with my wife: think of 2 places we haven't been to recently and ask her which she desires more. 4/5 times she'll have a slight preference and we'll do that. If not, I choose. Win-win in all cases.

[deleted] · 2017-06-01T15:14:17+00:00

we want women who either know where they want to eat, or don't care and go with your choice.

Mostly, we dont care either.

What we do not like is the girl who complains about your choices. that is the example we see very often.

What you are describing would not be considered particularly submissive, nor would it be a problem.

AutoModerator · 2017-06-01T00:22:26+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

theiamsamurai · 2017-06-01T02:25:32+00:00

I don't want a submissive woman, I want a woman who's into me.

IIHotelYorba · 2017-06-01T03:31:00+00:00

It's fine with me. I like doing whatever the fuck I want and having her fawn over me while I do it. The reason I bring scenarios like this up is actually to point out that all women who really liked me did this. When a woman really likes a man, she becomes FAR more submissive. She deeply trusts and wants to experience him and she can't do that by running or and doing whatever she wants. She tags along with him to as many things as she can. Frankly it's far more of an issue to have the discipline to NOT see her all the time, because then she'll become your girlfriend.

The first girlfriend I had right after I got into pickup (yes I totally made that rookie mistake) was the perfect example of this. We met and started fucking right away. Then when I met her friends and different dudes that had been trying to get with her, they would all talk about her like she was this insanely tough and opinionated girl. I would just look at them because I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

This was one of the things that helped form my opinions about different ideas I'd started to see from RSD (which would later become popularized as TRP ideas, and by people like Rollo Tommassi etc.)

radioactivities9 · 2017-06-01T04:10:57+00:00

I prefer that my bf decides where to eat most of the time. I hate deciding.

It really shouldn't be a big deal to anyone, how can they fear a wrong decision in that regard, especially if there is no wrong decision according to the woman.

Wallstreet3 · 2017-06-01T04:25:33+00:00

submissive [suh b-mis-iv] adjective inclined or ready to submit or yield to the authority of another; unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants. marked by or indicating submission or an instance of yielding to the authority of another: a submissive reply.

This does not preclude a woman voicing her concerns, desires, preferences or the like.

Passive is different.

Temperfuelmma · 2017-06-01T06:11:29+00:00

Isn't that behavior a byproduct of being submissive?

Yep.

Why do men want submissive women and then complain she doesn't voice where she wants to eat?

Because being submissive doesn't mean being a literal child in need of a daddy figure in every aspect of her life. Having preference for food isn't really rocket science, shit that's pretty fucking basic but I don't ask what they want to eat anyway, I take them to where I want to eat but I'm just saying.

BPremium · 2017-06-01T12:14:31+00:00

Its the complaints that the choice isnt good. Guy makes like 15 suggestions, she rejects them all and tells him to decide. So, he does, and she bitches it wasnt what she wants. thats whats annoying

exit_sandman · 2017-06-01T13:05:17+00:00

Edit: Ignore the case where she complains about your choices.

Well genius, this is exactly what these complaints usually are about - that she doesn't have any ideas herself but shoots down each and every suggestion of yours. That's annoying as fuck.

badnews4u · 2017-06-01T14:06:16+00:00

the guy wanting submissive woman would not complain because he gets what he wants lets say. the other kind would. you are assuming they are the same and hence the thread you made

RockinSocksII · 2017-06-01T18:29:18+00:00

If I ask my girl where she wants to go, I expect her to tell me because I intend to take her there. If I want to go somewhere else, I don't ask. And that's not her being submissive, she just doesn't have a choice. I never wanted and I don't have a submissive girl. Last thing I need is my girl submitting to motherfuckers. Where'd you even get this idea?

OurThrownAwayDreams · 2017-06-01T22:34:53+00:00

Because submission doesn't mean not having a backbone or a functional mind. That's the distinction.

Submission means that the man makes the decision AFTER gathering opinions from her. A good captain listens to his first mate and evaluates her opinions before making a decision. A person making all the unilateral decisions is a dictator. At that point what's the difference between her and a sex doll? A pulse? A real warm vagina?

Personally I do believe that there are some push and pulls you can have with the captain/first mate relationship. If you apply it rigidly, it's going to end poorly for the both of you. However, someone has to make a decision instead of two people endlessly arguing back and forth or trying to make sure everyone's in lockstep. On big life decisions, someone has to take into account of how the other person feel and decide if a move is going to benefit the both of them or if it's only going to benefit one of them. Small decisions like where to eat, what to eat can go back and forth.

Be flexible, people.

super-commenting · 2017-06-01T23:27:12+00:00

You ask her what she wants to eat You suggest something She says ok and you go out to eat. Done.

If that's how it happened there would be a lot less complaining. What really happens is

You ask her what she wants

She says I don't know, you pick

You suggest something

She says no I don't want that

Repeat that last two steps several times

dicklord_airplane · 2017-06-02T17:20:44+00:00

you're talking about two different groups of men. men who want submissive women have no trouble making all the decisions. there are a lot of guys out there who do not want that sort of dynamic, but they get stuck with it because women can't seem to figure out what they want for dinner.

PaperStreetVilla · 2017-06-02T19:08:26+00:00

Two groups of men.

One want that, becuase they want to lead

The others want that, don't know how to lead.

Which one you're talking about shows your bias, not a commentary on men

JaggedYellowPill · 2017-06-01T00:36:53+00:00

Do men still ask women where they want to eat?

Comments