Q4ALL: Growing up, what were the indirect lessons you learnt when it came to dating, love, and sex.

Tomatoccino · 2019-12-11T02:30:11+00:00

Boys are only after one thing.

He won’t respect you in the morning.

Looks are #1.

SqueaksScreech · 2019-12-11T02:45:16+00:00

You will be degraded for having sex. Doesn't matter if you're married or not.

People will judge the fuck out you and call you a slut for wearing a short skirt, dressing like the guys and hanging with the guys, wearing makeup and looking boom af in it, losing weight, gaining a little bit of weight and finally having small but slightly bigger titties, if you breathe.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-12-11T03:04:47+00:00

Oneitis exists, and it has nothing to do with physical appearance. I saw men in absolute love with girlfriends who ... well, left me scratching my head
If you’re considered beautiful and feminine as a girl, the Halo Effect will negate most bad traits. Especially where men are involved
Men should always open doors and pay for dates, up until a relationship is established
Girl game is the most effective game out there, and too many girls aren’t being taught it. Or are being taught the autistic The Rules/FDS version
Despite what incels think, things like charisma/status/sense of humor/style can boost a guy beyond what his pure looks based SMV/RMV is
Regardless of your gender, being kind to beings “below” you is an incredibly attractive trait - animals, babies and small children, service providers, etc. Men see it as a “relationship material” trait in a girl, and girls who have a crush will likely develop deeper feelings

Texastentialism · 2019-12-11T01:50:36+00:00

No matter how much a guy likes (or claims to like) a girl's personality, sense of humor, etc., he'll go for the hotter girl 100% of the time if he can.

Water finds its level and people tend to get with their equal. Not necessarily "looks match" but also in terms of status, popularity, background etc. Star football player dates star cheerleader, leading man and leading lady in drama club date each other, etc.

Guys lose respect for girls they have sex with. Even if he loves her, some part of him feels like he's degrading/ruining her by having sex with her.

Guys cheat.

SunflowerBurst · 2019-12-11T02:48:46+00:00

That no one would ever love me romantically because I was a loser. Some of the adults who sent these messages were not kind.

rizzyraech · 2019-12-11T03:02:10+00:00

This may have just been me, but I remember I had this realization when I was younger that you NEED to view your partner as a friend, not just "dating material" "the one" or whatever. Realizing I should be as comfortable around my boyfriend as my best friend was a game changer for me. Before, I was so worried about maintaining an image of what I thought he viewed as perfect girlfriend material. If I couldn't be friends with him, why the hell would I be okay with living with him or having sex with him the rest of my life?

The other thing that sticks out was that relationships are rarely "forever" or "the rest of your life". I'm not saying that while I'm in a relationship, I've already given it an expiration date or I'm looking for something else. I would love for it to last forever! But people and circumstances change, and once you accept that, you stop looking at your relationship in rose colored glasses. It makes it easier to accept how things are, instead of getting hung up on how things should/could be. Of course you should still put work in if whatever is causing distess in your relationship can be fixed. But recognizing when its better to walk away instead of using a bucket to pour out water on an already sinking ship will save you a lot of time and heartache. In other words, enjoy the time you have together, but accept that it may eventually end.

Cighz · 2019-12-11T12:42:08+00:00

Bullies get the girls and their respect. The girls have no problems finding excuses for it because they sincerely don't see bullying as inherently bad.

Twiteena · 2019-12-11T03:59:14+00:00

I observed that:

Pretty girls get treated better than plain girls every single day of their lives. By adults, by children, by other women, being pretty makes a HUGE impact.

Some women are dominant and bossy and there are certain men who find them intoxicating and they pair up. These same women will claim to be submissive wives when married but it's delusional.

Men don't have best friends like girls do so they use their girlfriend as a proxy best buddy and this is the person they tell everything. They can finally show their true selves and cry. That is why it hurts them so much when you leave, and why they find it so cruel.

Whoever loves the other person less has all the power.

azngirl7689 · 2019-12-11T22:51:09+00:00

Men are after sex don’t give it too soon

People lie, watch their actions

Have standards and a spine

QueenCousland86 · 2019-12-11T02:43:45+00:00

The number one thing I learned was was to never, EVER do shit just because "that's what you're supposed to do."

Don't get married "because you're supposed to."

Don't have kids "because you're supposed to."

Don't make him pay for your shit "because you're supposed to."

Set your terms and your boundaries, find what you want, and fuck tradition. Anything else leads to resentment and unhappiness.

OfSpock · 2019-12-11T03:28:38+00:00

People pleasers aren't really people pleasers, they always end up chasing after the bitchiest person. Who has no respect for them. Nor does anyone else. Nonetheless, people pleasers still want their own way and will try passive aggressive ways of getting their own way.

I'm pretty sure I've never met an actually submissive person in my life. No one likes that, they just use manipulation to get their own way without taking blame.

geyejoe7 · 2019-12-11T06:28:21+00:00

women value looks more, the younger they are
women seem to have a weird choice in men they are attracted to
some women you "don't touch" (hotties, club goers, thots, sluts)
some women really are out of your leauge
hypergamy works both ways (normal girl and successful good looking guy / normal guy and super good looking and nice girl)
sometimes you really don't "click" with someone, even if there is legitimately no reason
falling in love with someone that you wouldn't normally date happens

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-12-11T08:54:30+00:00

1) A sharp, good sense of humuour tickles people's brains like nothing else. Connecting with people using sense of humour makes them gravitate towards you like nothing else. Make a women laugh and think and she will simply want to be around you more often.

2) Women value potential and they are willing to put time and effort to put with you while you try to develop that potential. This may work for or against you.

3) Instinct comes first. Every single story I have heard of a woman trying to conquer a man has started with "I just saw him and I liked him". Now, if you are a fat, balding piece of shit, the chances of you being in a woman's sights are lower.

4) Confidence comes second. If you are the guy that owns the room, they will flock to you.

5) Women cheat as much, if not more, than men. They get away with more because society still gives them the benefit of the doubt. This is changing.

FatmanSlim93 · 2019-12-11T16:41:03+00:00

A lot of women back in high school/early college thought that sleeping around was empowering and what they wanted. Turns out most were not down for it and got really depressed and started drinking heavily. Sad thing is it got worse when a lot of the same dudes sleeping with these women refused to date a “hoe”. Lot of them didn’t do so well after that. It’s fucked up cause the dudes who dumped them went for women that were less “hoeish” and the women got left in the dust.

By the time they realized they wanted a relationship most dudes that actually wanted one had a gf or didn’t want to be with someone who slept with a lot of dudes. It was super fucked cause half of us were miserable that we didn’t really have any options to date because the dudes wanted to be selfish. The good news is that at 26 most of that petered out and now they are back to dating the dudes they were fooling around with back in the day. If there’s anything that I’ve seen on PPD that’s been true in real life, it’s that people who sleep around get with people who’ve slept around.

pngmafia97 · 2019-12-11T02:16:38+00:00

People date for compatibility, they are not looking for the “ideal person” who is the smartest, hottest, kindest, etc. They just want to be with someone who understands them deeply.
A well executed push and pull of high interest and perception of scarcity is intoxicating and highly effective at getting people to attach to you.
Don’t daydream and create idealized expectations of what something/someone can become. You will be disappointed. Go with the flow, don’t force your expectations on someone else. If you’re gonna transcend your will to power, play like Pavlov not like a dictator or a frau.
There’s no such thing as one soul mate. There are many people you can build a life with, you have to choose everyday to be with them. It takes active participation to continue to grow together; there will never be effortless love.
People who don’t care about your pleasure are not worth fucking, ever.
For females, an orgasm a day makes them a much more pleasant person to be around.
If you get her to cum before you put your dick inside her you both have way more fun.
Never act disgusted by a sex partner’s genitals.
Always swallow and suck gently after they cum. They love it.
Males should preserve their cum and not ejaculate so much. It’s a waste of life force, drains their testosterone, and honestly they fuck better if they are less trigger happy.
Men mostly like anal because of how dirty and satisfying it is that a girl would let them do that, it doesn’t actually feel better than a pussy. So much of sex is ego.

churnthrowaway123456 · 2019-12-11T13:04:21+00:00

The number one thing that I learned is that niceness is actually really, really important. Women don't like assholes, they like assholes that treat them nice.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-12-11T23:22:42+00:00

Women don’t date down. Noticed this in college as part of the Greek system. Fellow frat bro’s had no issue dating GDIs. Sorority girls would only date their equivalent fraternity or better (not even worse frats)

Bright_Itempas · 2019-12-11T05:28:35+00:00

Men are weak. They are reactionary and lack the type of honor and moral compass we need in a pro-social species.

It's up to women to uphold that moral compass.

Find yourself a man who makes you dinner - and then serve him first. (Also a direct lesson)

Always serve men first. To be with men is to placate.

Being pretty is a privilege.

Pretty also has to be upheld. You can't get lazy.

Presenting as feminine is a balance. People will respect you less but treat you better.

Children will tie women to bad men.

To carry a man's child is an honor and gift to that man. (Also a direct lesson)

Marry up. (Also a direct lesson)

Men struggle immensely with the Madonna-whore complex.

Men underestimate women. Almost as a rule.

2019-12-11T01:27:52+00:00

That the value of a man is exactly defined by what he can give to a woman.

TRP and the manosphere in general are reactionary as hell. We are not reacting to illusions, we are shattering them.

Barely-moral · 2019-12-11T02:25:45+00:00

Before 19/20 (the time period I consider part of "growing up") I can't say I learnt anything useful. All bullshit I had to unlearn during the bad times.

webernicke · 2019-12-11T05:33:15+00:00

Women are often attracted to types of guys that their parents won't like.

gimpgirl555 · 2019-12-11T06:43:36+00:00

Let's see...

- you fuck the guy as fast as possible, then you get him.

- if you keep fucking the guy, he will stay with you.

that's pretty much it. Back then women were told to not put out. Worst advice ever.

wtffellification · 2019-12-11T08:22:55+00:00

I guess what I got from my mother is that I should respect women

and what I got from my father is if you want women to respect you, you have to tease them playfully on a consistent basis

king_of_red_alphas · 2019-12-11T08:29:11+00:00

I hate how blind I was to the shit going on in front of me when I was growing up, but there were a few things I stumbled onto totally accidentally:

Girls love emotional spikes / danger / excitement and will bond with a guy who inspires them.

I was pretty much a delinquent kid, there were a few times where girls got crushes on me, simply because I did something illegal / risky

Girls love aggressive confidence especially when mixed with empathy for those who are weak / suffering.

I was a young camp counselor once, and a nerdy overweight girl got really sick. I guided her and her (cute) friend through the woods to the infirmary, while comforting the sick girl. The next day, I found out the cute girl wanted to "go" with me lol

Girls can get crushes on weird guys for weird reasons.

This is going to out how old I am, but fuck it - Even though I was a very shy kid, I was a decent break dancer in Jr. High. I was (briefly) considered 'cute' by girl in school. I only later found out just how many girls in school (from hot hood-rats to pretty square girls) liked me during this time.

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jackandjill22 · 2019-12-11T05:48:28+00:00

rus9384 · 2019-12-11T06:14:44+00:00

Too many to put it in a single comment.

simplythedevilxd · 2019-12-11T08:00:45+00:00

Literally found the red pill when I was like 13.

DisastrousMeaning1 · 2019-12-11T14:18:00+00:00

A lot of not good stuff that had to be unlearned. Mostly women like nice guys, women really get horny for nice guys.

decoy88 · 2019-12-11T23:37:51+00:00

Every woman is unique in her own way, and you gotta learn about her adapt to seduce her.

Justice4Jamal · 2019-12-12T21:54:43+00:00

Being an (average) young man is fucking miserable

There is a big difference between what women say and what women do. Yes, that includes Mother.

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-12-13T20:34:13+00:00

Dating is fun. Love changes. Sex is powerful!

Title	Q4ALL: Growing up, what were the indirect lessons you learnt when it came to dating, love, and sex.
Author	Mystery_Tragic
Upvotes	10
Comments	103
Date	December 11, 2019 1:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/e901wg/q4all_growing_up_what_were_the_indirect_lessons/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-growing-up-what-were-the-indirect-lessons.298746 https://theredarchive.com/post/298746

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