The ultimate shit test: withholding sex

MattyAnon · 2015-03-22T13:40:29+00:00

I actually went through this a few years ago with my current LTR. She was pissed about something stupid.

Her: well maybe you just won't get sex for a month.

me: yes I will

Her: ummmm, well it won't be with me

Me: maybe not, but I'll still get sex this month.

So that threat lasted about 20 minutes

Edit: wow, more questions then I expected.

Just to clarify, seen comments about her calling my "bluff", I was not bluffing. I was a cocky bike rider and I was quite frankly surprised she even went there. she said she would dump me if I cheated and I just laughed and told her to do what she needed to do. After I laughed she didn't speak at all. There has not been another "test" like that ever since.

It saddens me that this even happens to guys, specially you young guys. If a girl has a medical issue that's one thing, but don't let a someone control you by dangling a carrot (pussy) in front of your face. Being single is better then being made into someones bitch. No dread game, no bluffs, make it very clear what you will and will not tolerate and walk away if need be

[deleted] · 2015-03-22T15:20:27+00:00

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[deleted] · 2015-03-22T16:53:28+00:00

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RBuddDwyer · 2015-03-22T12:32:02+00:00

When faced with losing her provisioning and support she finally puts out. It's like we talked about a few days ago:

When a woman says "I love you", what she means is "I need you". When a man says "I love you", he means "I am firmly committed to you".

cR3dd1t · 2015-03-22T12:20:38+00:00

My wife withdrew sex one day. She just didn't let me touch her. The reason was that I didn't like that she and her brother made fun of me. That was rude and I made my displeasure clear to her. Her reaction, simply withdraw sex. Now, I am not a great badass, but I am not bad either. After my first attempt got a rebuff, I didn't touch her at all. Didn't even look at her. Didn't take her out for dinner or for any outing. And after a week, she got horny. Very horny. And literally begged to fuck her. And I did. But I took my sweet time to warm up.

Yespleasexx · 2015-03-22T14:59:20+00:00

My wife does this a couple times a year. As soon as I know she is giving me this shit test I straight up tell her we are having sex tonight. This forces her to say yes or no, and she can't build up the excuse list as the night goes on. If she says no then I just happily say okay I am going to make other plans then. I start limiting conversations to children related topics only, going to the gym in the evening. Continue to tell her we are going to do this tonight and if she continues to say no, make sure I show that it makes absolutely no fucking difference to me what so ever. This usually only last a couple days but on the odd occasion that it last longer there is always one final withdraw shit test.

She has a friend who has not had sex with her husband since there 4 y/o twins were born. She will calmly says something like "you know most couples don't have sex every couple days... Maggie has not had sex in almost 5 years with her husband..." My response is always the same. " I feel sorry for maggies husband... If i was in that situation I would have filed divorce papers after 6 months... It's a good thing we are not in that type of relationship" Then I will usually walk out of the room and leave the house.. go to the gym, bar, golf course. There has never been a single instance this has happened that the night didn't end with my dick in her mouth.

bat_mayn · 2015-03-22T16:09:30+00:00

Using sex as a weapon is spousal abuse. There really isn't anything else to say beyond that. The spouse isn't entitled to sex, but if their partner is intentionally withholding it to control or manipulate their spouse, it's abuse.

No man should just accept being manipulated like that, period. Just walk away.

anjkh · 2015-03-22T15:55:15+00:00

Recently a FWB and I were getting into it, and she suddenly dropped a "I can't do this anymore without a compromise". She's approaching the wall, so I understood the message, chuckled at her and got off her. "Compromise? I hear that's a boring town. I'm going to (my town)". Put on shirt, giggle on the way out and hear hamster yelling at my back. Laugh off shit test, call another plate, life goes on.

DRMMR76 · 2015-03-22T11:56:37+00:00

Note that she knew exactly how unhappy he was with the lack of sex and yet she refused to change until he passed her test.

This is another reason to never get married. Forget the divorce rape, lawyers, alimony, child support, etc.

Her vows are a lie. Whoever you already married, are thinking about marrying, or that "unicorn" you haven't even met yet who you'll end up thinking is different. Her vows were or will be lies. She will knowingly and deliberately subject you to anguish, misery, and stress in order to achieve some made up goal in her head. It doesn't matter what that goal is, how important it really is, or even how easily you can pass the test. The only fact you really need to concern yourself with is that she did or will pledge to not do that and yet does or will do it anyways. Because her vows are a lie.

If they have no moral problem constantly putting a man through pain in some never ending quest to ask "how can I depend on you to be there for me?" I have no moral problem with answering "I won't be. You don't deserve it.". Some of you might think that because they are genetically disposed to seek out the strongest mate, that shit testing is just fine and dandy and that our only issue with it should be passing. That we're all just apes following our ape brains and that things like ethics, morals, right and wrong are all pointless contrivances. Well I disagree. Shit testing, especially in the context of marriage, can very often be downright unethical, cruel, and even evil. The shit testing described in OP's post falls into this category. What if the husband would have fallen into depression and killed himself? What of her vows? What of all the so-called love she claimed she had for him? She tortured him. Plain and simple. She knowingly induced pain with callous and wanton disregard for him in any way, in complete opposition to her vows and her own so-called humanity. That's wrong. There is a such thing as right and wrong, and what she did was wrong. Period.

The woman who deserves marriage is the woman who can match your ethics with ethics of her own. Meaning the woman who deserves marriage is the woman who doesn't shit test. And as we all know, that woman is a make believe creature known as a unicorn. Don't get married.

Linrraba · 2015-03-22T12:08:25+00:00

Do you have any follow up to this dude's story? If I were him,after hearing that from her, not only i'd not enjoy sex with her anymore but i'd divorce the shit out of her.

GayLubeOil · 2015-03-22T17:49:05+00:00

I personally dont belive in being a victim. If she wants to play little games withholding sex thats fine. Im going to start playing my own little games. Guess what ill win every time. You know why? Because women have a far lower stress threshold then men, thats why they cry at work.

So if your wife isnt fucking you disapear on a couple of Saturday nights. Maybe meetup with some ladies. Its really your choice how far you go with this. And when shes stressed the fuck out from the game, tell her that she's the one who made you start playing.

Tarnsman4Life · 2015-03-22T18:46:38+00:00

Never stay with a woman who refuses you sex; unless you just split her cunt in two the previous night she had better be willing to meet your needs if she wants to maintain an LTR. My main plate is going through some "Hormonal" issues; she doesn't like taking the D when shes spotting or bleeding. But you know what? She's never even questioned sucking me off when things like that come up.

A woman who withholds sex from you because she can is not worth your time. A woman who uses denial sex as some kind of a punishment should be kicked out of your bed. I make it very clear; I am a man, a sexual being and I expect sexual release in a relationship. If your not willing to fulfill that as your part of the relationship bargain your not worth my time.

chivalry_augustus · 2015-03-22T13:17:55+00:00

Women don't want a man for whom things are scarce, this applies to wealth, to options, to sexual access. Why are people so surprised? Can you honestly tell me that you were the guy who wanted to hang with the fat, useless slobs at school, or the guy who wants to associate with the timid, weak losers of the world, whose primary achievement in life is winning the sperm race? No disrespect intended if any of those things apply to you, I'm just saying that people are attracted to attractiveness. Ultimately, a lot of what is said here amazes me because a) it's very simple and b) despite it being simple, I was utterly blind to it before.

Be attractive, don't be unattractive really used to piss me off when people said it on here. I was like "OMG WTF" how the hell do I do that, etc. But, eventually, attractive behaviour becomes something you understand even if you don't always portray it. I tend to look at it now as - what's the worst thing that could happen to me in this situation? How would I feel if that girl started begging me for money, then tried to trick me into giving her money, then tried to seduce me into giving her money. Of course, I'd despise her weakness and want her to get the hell away from me. So, you see, not being a beggar isn't revolution, it's common sense. In fact, the whole of this sub tends to focus on common sense that I have simply ignored, or else failed to internalise, before. The question is, how did I fail to see it before?

absolucion · 2015-03-22T18:02:13+00:00

One of my favorite double-standards in LTRs: you have to respect a woman's wish not to have sex with you but she doesn't have to respect your need to find sexual satisfaction.

Jamtastic1 · 2015-03-22T20:35:08+00:00

Lack of sex is actually one of the reasons I am divorcing my wife. There are other factors at play, but I just couldn't figure out how to beat her shit test (if this is actually what it is).

NeoreactionSafe · 2015-03-22T13:32:00+00:00

Here's a tip...

If you are by default a person who has things that capture your interest then you are mostly busy doing what you want to do anyway.

Women Charm to gain sex access and emotional access (Love) from a man they see as above her.

In pretty much every relationship I was ever in the women were always wanting sex because they wanted access. (they felt lonely)

The Beta mistake is in wanting sex as a type of "approval".

Sex is a reward given to a woman who demonstrates Charm.

No Charm, No Sex.

Don't reward bad behaviors.

Sex validates a woman as being desirable. If she isn't Charming you shouldn't even be thinking about having sex with her. It should actually turn you off.

Betas seem to get erotic excitement by upside down situations.

wisdom_is · 2015-03-22T13:42:39+00:00

That is so harsh to know that women will intentionally make a man suffer in that way while proclaiming they love em. Makes me view men that also manipulate women in a positive light.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-03-22T17:13:28+00:00

Men who go through this sort of misery eventually start to come to TRP conclusions after they've suffered enough abuse.

Or they blow their brains out. Or they become emotionally neutered like my father and nothing bothers them. Or they live lives of pain and desperation. Sometimes all three.

DRMMR76 · 2015-03-22T13:02:31+00:00

I think my wife is currently doing this to me, withholding sex. Background: We had a blow out two months ago and the sex dried up which led me to here and MRP. Prior to TRP, she told me to my face that she isn't withholding sex from me as punishment, she just doesn't feel like it. It made sense, she's still reeling from our fight and oh BTW, pregnant and, then, in her first trimester. Understandable-- morning sickness, soreness, etc.

Now, she's well into her second trimester (horny phase for most women) and I was practicing some amused mastery, "So now that you're in your second trimester, are you more horny?"
The look on her face was like the cat that ate the canary. She sheepishly said, "Nope, not at all." My wife hasn't ever lied to me that I knew of before this point (she probably does, yeah, yeah, AWALT) but I could tell she was full of shit. I didn't press it, I found out her "tell" (think poker, movie Rounders) when she lies and thought that was more important.

What I had suspected is she started masterbating again. I was out of town for a bit and her mother stayed with her. When her mother comes in town she hides her sex toy that's stored in her nightstand. When I came back her mother left had left a day prior to me arriving, so I looked and it was still there. My hamster just said, "maybe she forgot to hide it." I needed some hard evidence, so I took it upon myself to position it so if she did use it, I would know.

So since I'm always around at night, she doesn't have the opportunity to jerk off but Saturday I was away all day. When I got back I checked the drawer. It was so obvious she used it. Like it was almost thrown haphhazardly back in from a fit of passion.

Yep, she's withholding sex. My hamster says maybe she's getting more tingles now that I've started implementing RP/MRP. I'm still new and I have much to learn and think I'm just getting out of the anger phase of unplugging. Let's hope so, this might be a step in the right direction.

bigcitytruth · 2015-03-22T17:20:20+00:00

You can stop the withholding from spiraling out of control by containing it early.

When it first happens, she says for example, "I'm really tired tonight, let's just go to sleep," do NOT whine or respond like it affected you, and especially do NOT cuddle, kiss or give her any affection at all. Just say, almost cheerfully, "No problem! I'll get myself off here next to you if ya don't mind" and openly fap it while she attempts to sleep. Get really into it. Hell, even bring out a laptop and watch porn while doing it, right next to her in bed. Don't give her any attention, don't look at her or touch her while doing it. 90% of of women will get horny and "jealous" of you not giving her attention and she'll either help you finish or jump on top of you. If you do this EVERY time she denies sex, the behavior will eventually subside and she'll rarely do try it again. If she falls into the 10% camp and actually falls asleep, that's your cue to leave her place in the middle of the night. She's nexted.

foldpak111 · 2015-03-22T12:22:31+00:00

You don't want to have sex with me? I can walk out the door and approach the first 20 attractive women I see, ONE OF THEM WILL.

brotherjustincrowe · 2015-03-22T16:57:46+00:00

If she's pulling shit like this, it's her who's failed. Hard next. No man should have to put up with this kind of manipulative bullshit.

Unless you married her, in which case you already failed a major shit test as it is.

demetrios3 · 2015-03-22T21:00:20+00:00

If she's withholding sex there's a good chance she's getting somewhere else.

itwasntme19 · 2015-03-23T01:38:36+00:00

this is why marriage and serious relationships suck. we are meant to have variety. we're only obligated to be the best version of us, and enjoy doing it. women today are very different and it's rare to find a good one to be honest. so if a girl withholds, punish her,replace her. they have to be good enough for you, not the other way around. be demanding of them and they will never try to pull something as retarded like that.

Roughknot · 2015-03-23T02:53:10+00:00

I was in a similar place as the poster from /r/deadbedrooms

After lurking deadbedrooms for a long time I was going to end the marriage and was sifting through deadbedrooms putting together an exit plan when I found TRP. The turnaround was 180.

By being that close to the brink made it very easy to take the pill. To this day I still have my exit plan and keep working on it because I think I'll need it. However this abundance mentality of walking at a time that suits me is probably the only thing generating desire. For clarification I've told her if I'm not happy end the marriage but I have told her that I have an exit plan.

She has the Sword of Damocles hanging over her head now after I had it hanging it over mine for so long living in fear of her emotions.

[deleted] · 2015-03-23T13:05:50+00:00

Your life as a man can become really miserable without basic knowledge such as passing shit tests and dread game.

This. Once you become a Dread/Shit test master, you're life become simpler.

30303030303030 · 2015-03-22T13:24:56+00:00

Her explanation made me feel cold and empty inside: She wanted to test how far she could go.

women and children have that in common

In an exclusive LTR, withholding sex is a very serious shit test.

If it's only an ltr then it's not a problem, you drop her like a bad habit and that's that. Unless you are beta, then you suffer. In marriage however, different story. I don't remember when it changed, but back in the day, in marriage, there was no possibility to say no to a husband, you couldn't rape your wife. Nobody here is willing to rape women but when women knew that was not an option, they weren't using it as a leverage.

That changed though and they know they can control us withholding sex. Women, on average, don't need sex as much as we do.

theDarkAngle · 2015-03-22T14:06:16+00:00

It's so funny to me how people on this dumb ass site think OH MY GOD RED PILL SO LAME! Meanwhile everything we say is true. But that's what happens in a feminized society, being a goddamn, unfiltered man is a demonized thing, without being understood. It's like being a fucking Jew in Nazi Germany. No critical thought, just pure hatred without understanding. The masses are fucking retarded. They think they're so smart and advanced, too. It's laughable.

havelbrandybuck · 2015-03-22T16:17:52+00:00

Silence and withholding attention is a greater tool than withholded sex.

beerthroway · 2015-03-22T18:27:02+00:00

My assertiveness, to see how much shit I can put up with before I take measures?

This is an important lesson to learn as a man, specifically when leading others.

If you're willing to put up with a lot, you're actually seen as weaker than a man who calmly knows his boundaries and has consequences already in place for when those boundaries are pushed. You have to decide beforehand what the consequence is going to be when those around you push on a certain boundary. These boundaries don't have to be context specific. It can be as simple as understanding how you're going to react to a feeling.

A non-context specific example: if you catch yourself feeling like those around aren't pulling their weight, have a consequence. Are you going to tell them what they need to do? Are you just going to stop and let them see you stop so they react and compensate? You don't have to know exactly what you're going to do, but I'd you have a clear boundary set beforehand (the boundary here is that you refuse to let others take advantage of you) then you can see it coming and have plenty of time to rationally decide the best course of action without getting emotional like the guy in the post.

Another boundary is determining how others are allowed to talk to you. There are plenty of boundaries a man/leader should have. They are effective. It may sound idealistic to discuss boundaries, but realistically, having boundaries is effective, and a leader wants results.

Having a long fuse does not make you seem like a better man. Putting up with disrespect makes you less respectable. Having a short tolerance for others pushing against your boundaries and not reacting emotionally but instead having clear consequences is what makes a good leader.

dr_warlock · 2015-03-22T21:31:27+00:00

What men don't seem to understand in the haze of infatuation is when a women says "I do", it means, "I do... right now". Any moment after that is subject to Briffault's Law. You cannot negotiate desire, and you cannot contract biological impulses.

2akurate · 2015-03-23T11:45:08+00:00

That test wouldn't work at all with me. Even when I love a girl deeply I remain on some level disconnected, I'm not jealous because I have supreme confidence in her attraction to me. I had this girl that would sometimes dance with other guys in a club when we had a small fight and I would see in her mannerisms that she was only doing it to get back at me. When she saw I was laughing and wholy unaffected she would come back like a kitten. I could see through her psychology as an adult can see through an 8 year old child's mind.

Men have to be older than their partners because they need those extra years of emotional game experience, we arn't used to the craftyness of woman and the games they play. But if you are 4 years older than your girl you will feel in control as you are wiser and more mature than her.

Philhelm · 2015-03-23T15:50:29+00:00

The shit test I hate the most is the threats of paying child support.

Me: "I'm displeased with _____." Her: "Well why don't you divorce me and pay child support?"

MattyAnon · 2015-03-22T17:16:44+00:00

I think one of the best things for a man is to have control over his sex drive. Its our biggest weakness and can get us into a lot of trouble. Learn to say no once in a while. When that sloot at the bar wants to fuck, and your dick is saying yes but your better judgment says not to, then listen to your better judgment. If your wife turns you down once in a while, act like its no big deal and learn to say no to her if you're not in the mood. Just learn to have some control over your sex drive and get the upper hand with the women you're with. If you go without for a little while, big deal, your dignity and self control and your future is worth more than a nut.

BlaiseDB · 2015-03-23T10:07:21+00:00

For a woman, this is the nuclear option.

SQQQ · 2015-03-23T19:53:05+00:00

well in my case she was withholding sex and i insisted that sex is inseparable part of the relationship. she continued to holdout and we broke up.

happened 2x with 2 diff girls. i wouldn't call em "winning scenarios" but sometimes u need to take a stand n b prepared to next em.

they later regretted their own stupidity, but by then its too little too late.

BlackHeart89 · 2015-03-24T13:56:51+00:00

I'm dealing with this chick who is aiming strongly for an LTR. Well fell out 3 weeks ago and recently started back talking.

We hung out once and didn't fuck... What? The shit tests have begun and they are flying in furiously. I fucked up with holding frame when she hit me back. I thought everything was good. You really can't give this bitches an inch. They'll try and take a mile.

After typing this out, I see I'll have to begin soft nexting her. Damn. What a waste.

EDIT: After reading through the comments and thinking back on my successes and failures, once she starts witholding sex, go ahead and consider it a lost. At that point, whatever you say can't hurt you. You'll be better off telling her that you'll just have to fuck her sister than to suck up to her. The moment you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. You'll be having sex "up to" twice a month as opposed to every other day in no time. And as a bonus, she'll become more of a bitch.

ErasmusOrgasmus · 2015-03-22T16:04:31+00:00

I've dealt with shit test like this in years past. It was during a time when I had let myself go. Getting chunky, or not being as socially active, or just not being as good of a provider. I'm TRP all the way, but I think that this type of shit test is the females way of waking you up before she has to finally walk out. It's like a final grace period before the end.

Because God knows that since I got my physique together, engaged socially, and moved my career forward, I have never dealt with these type of shit tests again.

oldredder · 2015-03-22T16:43:16+00:00

I am thankful this has never happened to me. Only 1 woman ever "withheld sex" as LMR and I won't hold it against her. I cut all contact, no need to waste my time, but I get her situation. Her ASD is super-strong in a way normal women won't have. She literally was schizophrenic and would hear voices all day every day telling her she's bad and wrong and about everything, not just sex. Oh well. Fucked her once but it wasn't so good. Was hoping for a good time for 2nds but it wasn't to be.

JovianTrainWreck · 2015-03-23T03:45:28+00:00

"I do think that she was actually withholding sex as a test. Testing what? How strong my love was to not leave her anyway? My assertiveness, to see how much shit I can put up with before I take measures? I don't know"

Haha! Oh you silly rascals, trolling those poor subs like that, how naughty of you

There's no fuckin way that the concept of a shit test was just dangling on the tip of his tongue like that, the motherfucker was ^this close! Somebody unplug this motherfucker already if this is legit!

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-06-20T00:50:21+00:00

Her explanation made me feel cold and empty inside: She wanted to test how far she could go.

That's a bitch who needs to be taught to kneel.

bitches_be_crazy86 · 2015-03-22T17:55:35+00:00

Had a fucked up LTR going down. I fucked a bunch of other girls she found out and surprise surprise the moment that happened she was all over me again. That's when I learned that LTRs are just a tool women use to turn you into a pussy.

A hoe in an LTR or marriage can find a dude for fucking in 10 seconds. If you're married you have to support them. If they proove you cheated you're fucked legally so you have to limit yourself to only one supplier of sexual services and we all know that monopolies are good only for monopolists. Anything that comes out of their vaginas is assumed to be yours - you have to proove it that it isn't (and sometimes even that is not enough). You're her slave and she can punish you for pure amusment.

The more options you have the easier it is to score. It's a fucking ([in intended) chain reaction.

bluedrygrass · 2015-03-23T11:07:08+00:00

The matter is important, crucial even, and the thread started good, but you omitted the most important piece: how to pass such kind of shit test.

All that your thread says without it, is basically "this shit test is important, someone managed to pass it threatening divorce".

Since i don't think you think the only way to pass this shit test is constantly threatening divorce, put some example or toughts on other ways. I think most of us already know what those other ways are, but without writting it, the thread is useless.

Eppur_Si_Muove_ · 2015-03-22T15:12:22+00:00

I can understand abundance mentality and dread game if you are just spinning plates but I don't see how it works if you are in a monogamous relationship or marriage.

Can someone explain how this would work in that setting? I feel like it could give her grounds for divorce if you cheat on her. She would just say: "Well HE cheated on ME, your honor!"

Same for a LTR, she'd make you look like an asshole if you cheated on her (and I believe it does make you an asshole if you cheat on someone in a monogamous relationship).

I'm not arguing with what's being said here, I'm just asking for examples and an explanation as to why it works.

[deleted] · 2015-03-22T12:50:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	The ultimate shit test: withholding sex
Author	redpillbanana
Upvotes	491
Comments	258
Date	March 22, 2015 11:15 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2zw8cd/the_ultimate_shit_test_withholding_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-ultimate-shit-test-withholding-sex.30507 https://theredarchive.com/post/30507

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