How NOT to Day Game

HumanSockPuppet · 2018-04-20T21:40:15+00:00

You're still using bitches as a measure of your worth as a man. This is why you seize up. Because in your mind, bombing an approach makes your worth go down. So you'd rather be squarely at zero than risk going into the negative.

Don't talk to bitches with any expectation other than having an interesting conversation. And don't just talk to bitches you want to bang. Talk to uggo bitches. Talk to little old ladies. Talk to dudes. Practice your socialization skills with strangers. Eventually, you'll feel comfortable treating women you're attracted to the same as everyone else.

Walk before you run.

itiswr1tten · 2018-04-20T18:10:47+00:00

This is a classic example of what is termed a "victim puke". You're barfing out self loathing without a discernible purpose or lesson learned. Let me help:

Hating yourself is not self improvement
Recognizing that you are a loser is step zero, not step one
Acknowledging failure without attempting to learn from it is as useless as coming here to cry about it

So, if you want to fill this giant emotional black hole and stop repulsing sexual prospects, figure out these things:

What are you good at, and how can you maximize it?
What do you not like about yourself, and how can you break the cycle of obsessing about it?
Understand what your actual mission in life is RIGHT NOW (I.e. What's the next thing you must accomplish, not "do it immediately")

With less self loathing you'll free up head space. With more head space you can reflect. With reflection you can create a plan. With a plan your actions will be congruent with your mission. Congratulations, you'll be much less of a loser at this point. Good luck

OChero · 2018-04-20T17:36:15+00:00

If you go through life without taking risks, you'll never have any rewards. Sometimes you just have to dive in without thinking, and realizing after the fact that you're still there, unscathed. If you think you'll lose, you'll lose. If you move and think like a victim, you most certainly will become a victim.

Let this be a message for all the new Red Pillers, if you don't seize the moment, it'll slip by and the whole world will spin without you. It can be scary, I know, but if you don't do anything with your life nothing good will come out of it and you'll be left as an unfulfilled empty husk of a man at the end of your road. Losing feels bad momentarily, but it'll be nothing compared to the overwhelming regret you'll feel later, just know that.

Thotwrecker · 2018-04-20T19:25:31+00:00

You just need social experience. Think of it like lifting. Your social muscles are weak as fuck because you've never pushed them to grow. So you suck ass with women, just admit it, I suck dick with women.

I suck at socializing with women. I can't even go talk to them at a convention where they are literally there to talk to me. Be honest with yourself (as you are doing in this post). Audit your skills.

Then every day if you actually grind on this, the same day everyday you lift, you will improve. Talk to 3 girls a day and push at least 1 conversation into flirty / sexual territory every day. Without fail, everyday, do it.

You'll be good at this in a year.

buttgoogler · 2018-04-20T17:49:52+00:00

Transfer your rage into motivation and you'll be good, trust me. I've been there.

Shaney96 · 2018-04-20T18:37:02+00:00

Keep fucking going man. One baby step at a time. After reading The Book Of Pook, I thought it'd be all so easy and fun, since that's how it is reading that book.

What I found is that you'll get so fucking angry at yourself, so anxious and self-berating, that you'll end up just having to do something that gets you out of your comfort zone, and you'll suddenly feel a little bit of pressure lifted.

The thing is to actually take baby steps with women. Maybe it's holding eye-contact with one girl until she looks away. And that could be your goal for the end of the weekend. Next it could be to address a cashier by her first name: "have a good day Maria" or something of the sort.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to be stopping HB9s on the street and saying "excuse me, I just had to stop you as I thought you looked really cute", as that shit takes practise, and the guys who can do that have gone through plenty to achieve such confidence/game.

ViperG · 2018-04-20T22:09:21+00:00

You are taking rejection to heart. Aka letting a women that says no to you create emotional turmoil or affect you.

When I'm trying to pick up chics from a bar or whatever it is, my go to ratio is 10 to 1.

10 women will reject me and 1 will say yes. Is it always this ratio ? fucking no way. Do i get laid every night I go out... fucking no way. Do I take home the 1st girl I approached that night? Happens once in a while you get lucky.

It takes guts to approach a women and even more guts to take rejection and keep going. What I do? I laugh when i get rejected. not a nervous laugh, or a loud laugh, i legit think its funny every time I make an approach and get shot down. Do I care? no. Is approaching exhilarating and fun? hell yeah it is. Do I care about the outcome anymore? no not really. Getting laid is fun and I can make it happen. Just gotta say hi to X chics per day.... no problem. there's a billion of em. You're going to be buried or cremated in 50-80 years maybe sooner. nobody around you gives a fuck and if they do, they'll be dead soon too. So have at it have fun, fuck as much as you want (safe) and then go die one day and hundreds of years later people will be fucking and dying all day and night long it doesn't fucking matter. Life is short, welcome those rejections while you still can get em before you're dead.

PsychedelicDentist · 2018-04-20T18:24:28+00:00

I think meditation would be massively beneficial to yourself

Cantloginhere · 2018-04-20T19:52:24+00:00

The only thing wrong with you is you have social anxiety, your post screams it. On the plus side it sounds like that's the only thing left you need to take care of.

So focus on that, read some ways to get that in check, there are plenty, NLP, meditation, baby steps etc. Do some reading write out a plan, commit.

Give yourself 2 or 3 months to nail it. You can't change who you've been most of your life because some guy said just 'dgaf'. Takes time and effort to reprogram your brain.

swimminginblue · 2018-04-20T17:20:31+00:00

Just keep working at it man, put yourself out there, it gets better. Good luck

frooschnate · 2018-04-20T17:38:10+00:00

6 months of clarity at 32 and ready to be a master.

miller211 · 2018-04-20T22:25:32+00:00

you have the most important thing in your corner: the ability to look at yourself honestly. and even there you may be too hard on yourself.

But if you have that ability then you have the ability to adapt and grow and inevitably win.

A lot of people who claim to be TRP only have the cojones to share their successes and bang-em-up stories. You are transcending them with visceral testimony. Keep keepin it real.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-04-20T19:36:48+00:00

You are failing because you can’t stay confident and interesting when approaching an HB4, so obviously you can’t approach HB7’s - especially since their SMV probably crushes yours.
Learn to talk to ALL women without trying to get numbers or close them.

DarthRoacho · 2018-04-20T18:04:19+00:00

There's a lot of kicking yourself in the head in your post man.

You went to a writing convention. I would imagine it's filled with interesting people. Yet you eyefuck random women you likely overestimate, eat lunch alone like the high school loser you used to be, and fail at the shit you actually forked over extra money for (probably a mistake in its own right, but fuck it)

How about next time...And I know this is a radical thought...Next time you go to a social situation you try to have some fun? Talk to people. Get to know them. Interact. Share lunch. Fuck man, this entire post screams desperation and lack of abundance. That does not come from somebody who swallowed the pill.

Chill the fuck out. Have fun. And until you're Alpha Jedi Master level who can fuck strangers from a distance, get to know people. Just a thought, but it might rewarding in its own right.

Idiot.

physicalbitcoin · 2018-04-21T00:56:20+00:00

It's good you wrote up your negative experiences. It takes a kind of strength to talk about bad times publicly.

You could join a meetup.com group for writers, or some local FB groups. FB groups helped my social life a lot.

Now you've got that off your chest, I would go on AskTRP and ask them to help you strategize. I'd lift even harder and start playing an instrument, maybe bass.

If you're thinking about women too much they will sense it.

[deleted] · 2018-04-21T13:25:57+00:00

I was scared-- scared they'd loudly reject me

Rejection is always better than regret, always.

Nice article about rejection and regret

Another I learned: "The answer is always NO if you don't ask."

Remember these two phrases, then just start talking to the girls.

edit:added link

AEGONS_ASS · 2018-04-21T14:43:19+00:00

I was scared

Everyone is, including the guys who have great game.

The difference between you and guys who get laid is dead simple: they make the decision to push through, and eat shit if they have to.

I've been in your position, and it is painful. Your fear of approaching will leave you dead and lonely. No one on earth can do it for you, but yourself. Have some integrity and push through - and make the decision to take action next time.

Alchemist_XP · 2018-04-21T17:38:56+00:00

What you need to do, is go out to a bar one night, and don’t even try and pick up. Tell yourself, alright let’s see if I can get every single girl in this bar to reject me. Then go in and say whatever the fuck you want to the ugliest girl you can find. Go up to her and literally say “blah blah blah what up”... if you want! Let her do her rejection thing and then move to the next one! Get pumped about that rejection! It’s what you want right now. Take that rejection and make it your ducking armour, make it the tool that will never get you down, it can never hurt you! After this night, specifically trying to get rejected, you will go home with the sense of accomplishment merely because you approached girls. Not only that, you will see how ridiculous it is to get worked up over female rejection. Honestly even if a girl rejects you, you likely made her happy as fuck because you approached her. She will actually still put you up higher because you’re at least one of the ones with a set of balls big enough to approach her! Anyways, from one newb to another, dive head first into that wall of rejection... it’s the only way you will plow through it.

yumyumgivemesome · 2018-04-20T20:46:12+00:00

If you are at all like me, then I recommend following the seduction and pua subreddits/forums. Find strategies in there that don't make you cringe, that feel natural for you to pull off. And then commit. Those forums get terrible reputations, but what they do is give you a game plan to execute when opportunities arise. That means there is one less thing you have to think about and, consequently, one less opportunity to talk yourself out of doing it. They truly helped me get out of my shell. I'm still awkward as fuck (need way more practice/experience/self-improvement/etc^10), but so very grateful for how far I've come.

Specifically, a decade ago I found some kind of 30-day plan to practice becoming increasingly outgoing with almost zero emphasis on gaming women. It was 90% about engaging with fellow humans on a more natural level. Look for those types of things.

Try not to fret about the stories in here by comparing yourself to those potentially fictional guys. Sounds like your biggest competition is yourself. I have no doubt you can already be better than that guy before the end of tonight. And better again by the end of tomorrow. Focus on that.

bilabrin · 2018-04-21T00:04:27+00:00

You have a bad approach mindset. Have a mindset of giving and lack of expectation. Have fun and when you get rejected remember your successes and reset your mood.

zaferhimself · 2018-04-21T16:02:50+00:00

Take cold showers man, it helps with approach anxiety, that is what you have.

I believe that you see the worth of yourself because you have a mission. This worth can't be damaged by some bitch blowing you off because it was built as a result of huge fuck-ups and much effort.

S-Blaze · 2018-04-22T01:17:45+00:00

Plus all the advices that you're given here, pretty sure it would help tremendously to stop porn altogether. I tell you that from experience.

Gozsayin2 · 2018-04-22T05:01:54+00:00

Approaching is by far the worst. I've always hated having to approach and I still do. No matter how much I say rejection is better than regret I still hate it. That said you have to suck it up man, it's the only way. I've found that after the initial approach everything becomes alot easier and woman are either for or against u at this point.

Sir_Distic · 2018-04-22T19:09:35+00:00

Step 1: Talk to every woman you pass by. Just say "hello" or "hi" or"I like your hair" "How are you?" ANYTHING. Supermarket, on the street, walking to your car, at work, whatever.
Step 2: Start talking to everyone. Males, females. Simple things but personal to them. "I like that necklace" "Nice purse" etc. You can say it and keep walking.

One lady was a mid-30's black woman wearing an emerald green shirt. The color looked really good on her skin tone. So I told her "I like that shirt. The color looks really good on you." and kept walking in the supermarket pushing my cart. She stopped and thanked me with the biggest smile. She watched me pass while smiling.

Doing this in the supermarket the first time boosted my mood that when I was at lunch I asked the waitress for her number. She shot me down. I felt no sting of rejection, My mood was sky high.

Get more comfortable approaching anyone and everyone. Then you can work on hitting on them.

This helped me a ton. Try it.

red_matrix · 2018-04-20T19:01:42+00:00

(Serious) Do you still watch porn? Do you masterbate a lot? How often do you lift weights? What is your diet like?

Something is mentally holding you back: sounds like you don't respect yourself. The more you do this, the more other people will notice and act accordingly.

Hellsteelz · 2018-04-20T19:03:48+00:00

You're way too harsh on yourself mate. The negativity you have in your head and when approaching needs to be eliminated asap.

I reckon that is holding you back the most and working on that will give you some success with women and sex.

grewapair · 2018-04-21T02:36:54+00:00

57 years old and I've day gamed my whole life. I'm a natural at it. I'm also ugly as shit.

It works. The women know you want to fuck them, but it's fun to get attention. But a word of warning.

There are always women looking to use guys. The older you get, the more women are looking to use men. They'd rather have Chad, not you, but while they're waiting for Chad, you, and primarily your wallet, will do.

The uglier you are, the more desperate the users know you are, so you'll be an easier mark. That's ok, you're just practicing with them, but be careful when it seems to work better than you imagined. A 7 knows she can do better than a 3. And she isn't going to keep making excuses to her friends about your great personality. She will however, make excuses for the black eyes chad gives her.

So practice, practice. Say anything funny. Seriously anything. Some woman will be bored enough to let you, and will actually enjoy it. Don't worry about how ugly you are, they're all bored and many of them will be happy to talk to you. Mostly, to figure out how to use you, but just get the practice, that's all that matters.

DeeLad29 · 2018-04-20T19:28:42+00:00

I know the feeling man. Early stages of TRP seem to be the hardest. The feeling of emptiness, disappointment and the lingering regret after passing up a perfect opportunity to approach.

3d_truth · 2018-04-20T20:17:47+00:00

Look how useless all that reading has served you. It has amounted to mental masturbation. You know what will make yourself feel better? Approach some girls. Make it easy on yourself. Get drunk and go a place where there will be easily approachable drunk girls. Like the smoking area of a gig or something.

RaughKee · 2018-04-20T21:13:30+00:00

Stop trying to open women sexually, you just aren't there yet. The lack of ability to do that gets in your head and you feel like a complete failure and it ruins the rest of your day/event/week ...

How about making it a goal to just strike up 3 random conversations a day, with anyone. Practice that a bit until you can actually talk to people and be social. Once you've got that, then consider making one of those conversations flirting with a woman, don't be outcome orientated you're just there to practice talking and flirting.

Once you can actually flirt, then start to worry about the outcome, next steps, escalation, etc...

kellykebab · 2018-04-20T21:37:09+00:00

To be honest, I think you should have just focused on your career advancement and proper networking during this event. If your game is weak to begin with, a professional conference is not the ideal venue to start practicing pick up anyway. You mostly gave yourself a bad time by letting your sexual desperation interfere with your job. Try to separate the two realms in the future and you'll be less likely to flail when meeting with an attractive industry peer.

OneAngrySir · 2018-04-20T19:17:38+00:00

Don't talk to women with the intent to fuck. Talk to them with the understanding you're DTF so she probably is to... You're already behind in the game of getting laid off that is your sole purpose. Talk to them for any progressive reason other then sex and by the end of the conversation you will have openers to getting some alone time. Don't feed her confidence and she will jump your bones.

[deleted] · 2018-04-20T19:31:41+00:00

Don’t overthink it. Follow the 5 second rule, if you see an attractive lady then immediately approach. I use the same lame opening line of “Hey pretty lady, I lost my puppy, would you help me look for him?” It’s playful and clear, the dumb ones will start asking about the dog and the smarter ones with interest will smile. The bitchy ones will just say no. Have a script and practice it until it is second nature. Don’t overthink it and don’t try to reinvent the wheel. It’s a numbers game.

fartt123 · 2018-04-20T20:45:13+00:00

I have found that being comfortable standing alone to be the solution. I am a very social person; I open very easily but my middle and ending needs work. What I found out was I am as most people are very uncomfortable standing alone when everyone is talking; so I engage in useless conversations out desperation of being seen alone. Now what I do as I said earlier is I in the middle of the crowd stand alone and try to relax. Hardest thing to do in this world. But after couple of time you start to relax. Now if I engage it's not out of need. Face your worst posible fear and you will have no boundaries.

J412h · 2018-04-20T23:10:33+00:00

Here’s a way to practice talking to women that you find attractive; go to the grocery store and find the hottest woman there and tell her that she looks very nice today. That’s it. No asking for number (yet) the purpose is to see the reaction that that comment elicits. Most women will eat that shit up. After several weeks of that, you’ll be much more comfortable just talking to women, getting a positive response and the knowledge that you just made her day. The next step is obvious, start a conversation and then eventually move on to asking for numbers.

Casanova-Quinn · 2018-04-20T23:21:07+00:00

I told myself repeatedly, "Rejection is better than regret." It didn't help.

It's a good (and true) phrase when thinking about the big picture, but it's not a great motivator when you're out in the field. I think it's because there's the implication that you WILL get rejected. It's not a helpful mindset when you're trying to man up and approach.

I find it better to tell yourself something like "Just talk to her and see what happens". It's open ended, there's no assumption of outcome. Treat it like a fun experiment.

alexander_the_groovy · 2018-04-21T00:08:56+00:00

Forget about getting laid for a while. My advice would be to start a hobby where you're surrounded by women so you condition your brain. I highly recommend any form of social dancing. With dancing you a) Learn a cool skill b) Meet lots of women and c) be close to them (touching, holding hands etc.). Pick a style that fits your personality and music you love. As for getting down on yourself, meditation and mindfulness help me break these negative thought loops. The problem is you identify with your thoughts so much. You think they are you. But they're not. Realize that you are literally addicted to thinking. It's your ego's way of surviving. With meditation you practice the skill of observing thoughts and not getting caught up in them.

Spamallthethings · 2018-04-21T00:10:46+00:00

Did you go to the convention to advance your authoring goals or pick up women? It seems like you went in there with one mission, tried to split your focus, and as a result completely bombed.

Focus on one thing if you can't multitask. Have a plan and stick to the damn plan.

PGKTA · 2018-04-21T02:30:20+00:00

I appreciate you for posting this, my last experience like this was a few weeks ago. I can relate to the feeling of knowing what you think you should and want to be doing. You end up not doing anything but being in your head the whole time and watch your self get into a deeper and deeper mood.

But since you're new and somewhat socially inept at this point these are the things you have to experience to get to where you want go. The fact that you know what you are doing is the start of your brain rewiring itself just remember that as you gather more experiences.

Solic · 2018-04-21T04:24:54+00:00

it seems you need guy friends you can lean back to when you go to new places. Encouragement and being able to share embarrassment if rejected with a friend or friends takes huge load of stress pressure. Hardest part? making that close friend as an adult imo.

hotlinedubai · 2018-04-21T13:08:24+00:00

https://youtu.be/ztDEnvNFlRw

fischbrot · 2018-04-21T17:31:29+00:00

hi bro

word of advice: the moment you go to that convention FOR YOU ignoring the pussy, (easier said than done) ....

nuff said

pretty sure other men here can explain more elaborately what I mean.

parfiant · 2018-04-22T07:33:31+00:00

Simple cure... talk to girls that aren't intimidating to get the ball rolling. Or even talk to the guys there, to open up your mood. Going in to any place and immediately putting yourself in the most uncomfortable position and over thinking it is extremely self damaging. Your punishing yourself for not being able to run before you can walk. If you are not good with woman, it's time to get off your high horse and work on the basics with less intimidating women. Unattractive women don't motivate you to feel an urge to talk to them, but they are not intimidating for that very reason. Time to work on the basics...

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T22:36:12+00:00

Consider beta blockers if your apprehension is that high when talking to women.

I use them for court dates where I have to fight with my ex over my child. I do not need them to speak to women as I am overly confident but they prevent the stress responses just the same.

I went to my doctor and asked for them after hearing Joe Rogan talk about them with his guests. They work like magic.

I use to have my palms sweat and my blood pressure skyrocket, where I could feel my pulse in my eyes. My eyes would be bloodshot, my gut would be turning like I wanted to puke, and ohhh the anger.

With Beta-blockers I am calm, cool and collected. I still get fucked every time I go to court even though I am a model citizen and a great Father but every single mom in the court looks at me like they want to ride my dick like a pogo stick.

Don't use them long term. Lift, get a nice haircut, and dress well. I'm sure out of the billions of women on the planet a couple million would sleep with you if you can stay out of your own way. Good luck.

notonlyplace · 2018-04-23T05:30:46+00:00

You have this idolized version of yourself, rather than being yourself

I have two jobs, know my mission, cultivate healthy male friendships and maintain hobbies. I have my shit together in every aspect of my life except women.

Going to a convention and scoring isn't easy, and it may never be easy for you, because is that what you truly want , as someone who is married let me tell you egging women isn't a dream come true, you seem to have prioritized other things besides fucking , I suggest online dating, girls there want to get hit on and find a man, women are convention that they are paying money for aren't necessarily trolling for dick , they got tinder for that

IAmSoFuckingREADY · 2018-04-24T09:02:35+00:00

Try to eliminate the reasons why you were scared. Go to a bar/cafe where you wont ever come again so you arent worried about your image. You need not invest practically any money in it. You have no problem leaving anytime.

This kinda stuff.

I feel ya 100% btw, had the exact thing only ~half a year ago and a similar approach. I think youre gonna skyrocket when you get the basics. Also theres a lot of awesome advice here that would have helped me.

redpilledcuck · 2018-04-24T17:32:29+00:00

Fast background: almost 32, swallowed pill last fall, started lifting/exercising five days a week, eating better, limited porn usage, gradually learning how to dress. I've read the sidebars and the suggested reading material (NMMNG, Rational Male, Models, Pook, Bang, My Secret Garden, Pimp). I have two jobs, know my mission, cultivate healthy male friendships and maintain hobbies.

You managed to do all that in 6 months? Holy fuck.

Elecktrozan · 2018-04-20T19:31:48+00:00

I've had this problem all my life (23yr), and it's the only thing holding me back. I'm still trying to build my confidence so this stuff stops happening. You are not the only one with this problem. Good luck.

NYCMusicMarathon · 2018-04-20T21:07:21+00:00

I am a loser when it comes to sex by anyone's determination.

Only yours Bub.

So not only was I forced to starkly confront what a rank amateur I am when it comes to the business, I was forced to examine my failure on a male/female level as well.

Stop this self derision.

Rejection is always better than regret

Yup.

I wish I knew you personally, I 'll bet there is one or two small things that need correction that is going to get your on a path / journey / quest you want.

Lambdal7 · 2018-04-20T20:36:31+00:00

You gotta crawl before you can walk. Today you crawled, next time you'll already be limping.

broscientologist · 2018-04-20T20:02:19+00:00

Are you seriously beating yourself up because a married woman wouldn’t flirt with you?

dumbkidaccount · 2018-04-20T18:22:19+00:00

why approach them and feed their fucking ego?

instead , boost your smv. give females clues .

You should wait for them to approach , if you do it yourself you seem needy

untonyto · 2018-04-24T08:31:50+00:00

All this self-flagellation is harmful. Be the prize and act like it.

RedPilledRoaster · 2018-04-27T14:14:16+00:00

You’re a little bitch. RTFS.

Title	How NOT to Day Game
Author	i_amtheice
Upvotes	434
Comments	85
Date	April 20, 2018 5:16 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/8dpa9l/how_not_to_day_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-not-to-day-game.49810 https://theredarchive.com/post/49810