I no longer envy married people. Too many are involved in miserable marriages.

ManchurianCantaloupe · 2020-04-03T20:04:54+00:00

I'm in my mid-20s and watching my friends start to panic and get engaged to people they are absolutely, objectively not compatible and happy with is fucking mind-blowing.

Meanwhile, many of my friends in their mid-30s are in the process of getting divorced. Or are openly miserable but refusing to call it off because.. reasons?

I'd much rather never be married than get married and inevitably end up divorced.

jewdy09 · 2020-04-03T20:22:50+00:00

I read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft in January and it made me question every relationship I know. I have a unique view into people’s marriages because I clean their homes. I have been working for most of my clients for 10-15 years and most of them have been married for much longer than I have been working for them. I know who still has sex and who have a hard time spending time together. I see what kinds of gifts they give each other and how they respond to various trials. But, I obviously don’t know everything and that book made me realize how easy it is to hide abuse and how often women just endure it silently and how even if she does reach out how most people will naturally tend to minimize her complaints.

2020-04-03T20:36:56+00:00

This is the truth too few people are talking about. Everywhere on Facebook and Reddit women are trapped in TERRIBLE RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN WHO TREAT THEM AS MOMMY MC BANGMAIDS. Marriage is no longer enviable.

siberiansummer · 2020-04-03T20:37:33+00:00

That's what I see. I know two genuinely happy couples, the rest all have issues and constantly complaining about their SOs. I was with my ex husband for 10 years. He was lazy, unambitious, and let me take care of everything including the bills while he was "laid off" every year for months at a time. I was young and in love and would just pick up a second job. Spent my 20s working like a slave, getting my education and had two kids on top of that. Barely saw anything and had any fun. Once I realized that I was literally being taken advantage of I started losing all the respect for him. I left 3 years ago and my life has been getting better and better. I was supposed to start shopping for a house if this pandemic didn't happen. I don't have to answer to anybody. I don't have to listen to his stupid reasoning and arguments on common-sense topics that he believed he was right about no matter how wrong he was (he was impossible to outargue, it was exhausting). I don't have to see money disappearing from the bank account for any of his "necessities". I can stay out all night if I want to. I had a bf after my marriage just to realize it was all the same bs and you have to deal with a new set of issues cause you know nobody is perfect. It's just plain old aggravating. When I decided to completely stop it was so freeing and awesome I don't ever want to look back. Now it's me time :)

Ms_Tilly · 2020-04-03T20:16:15+00:00

I'm so happy to approach 40 as a happily single woman.

2020-04-03T20:33:58+00:00

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2020-04-03T21:32:52+00:00

Ha I'm under 25 and I had a abusive relationship in high school he took advantage of me in many different since then I only had one relationship that was decent and it ended short. I been single since and I do feel lonely at times but there so many moments I had where I feel lucky to be single and refusing to settle for less again. You only live once! DON'T WASTE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE ON SOMEONE NOT GOOD FOR YOU. I realize what I really regret is wasting my time with him. Time I couldn't never get back I wasted 3 years being abused, upset all the time and being miserable and I was a kid and wasn't even married to him thank god!. It's pretty common regret for a lot of people, like for example, you don't regret getting a education and degree you probably regret spending all that money and time on that degree and you have job at the end. Just like relationships you regret spending years on a person and in the end it's a broken relationship.

jeanneeebeanneee · 2020-04-03T21:43:50+00:00

I can count the number of happy, functional married couples I know on one hand. And I know a lot of married couples.

Myself, I'm divorced (2 years now, after a 7 year long marriage and 1 child). And in no hurry to get back into another relationship. I talk a lot to a coworker of mine (or I did, before we all got sent to work from home in early March). She got out of a bad marriage and went straight into another shitty relationship with a lazy, underemployed alcoholic. Now they own a house together and she feels stuck. I hate it for her because she's a great lady and I really like her, but talking to her really does make me feel certain that I'm making the right choice by staying single. I don't need any more of those kinds of problems.

TheSatanicVegan · 2020-04-03T23:22:54+00:00

The Coronavirus has exposed a lot. I've always wanted to get married, but I'm not in any kind of rush... in my late 20s. I see SO many posts of people beginning to HATE their SO. I've seen articles that lawyers are expecting divorce rates to go up due to stay at home rules. Men are becoming abusive or more abusive and I'm just over here like- my cat is awesome.

WinterMist44 · 2020-04-03T22:48:09+00:00

Even if they don't get divorced, they should. Married women are so miserable.

Skittleschild02 · 2020-04-03T21:55:02+00:00

I’m 35. My biggest fear is getting locked down in boring & loveless marriage because i followed the crowd. i am thankful every damn day that I’m happy & single. A lot of these men have psychological issues that I am not ready to deal with. I am not therapist, ATM, nor next on his list of concubines.

RadarFemef · 2020-04-03T23:52:42+00:00

It’s ridiculous to call marriage an accomplishment. Look how many married people are miserable! What a life is that to envy? I’m with you OP

99power · 2020-04-03T23:15:22+00:00

I’m quite young (compared to y’all) and gently learning to get over my jealousy for people in relationships/marriages. Understanding that it’s okay to trust my instincts about the emotional/mental deficits of men has made it easier. Understanding that people can be really good at pretending that their relationship are great is a bit harder.

ny-lady · 2020-04-03T22:41:32+00:00

Only people I know in a good marriage are my parents and some of their friends. They are all 60+ though. The rest, well...

Im a 40's lady and SO glad I never married!

sadcello · 2020-04-04T19:34:14+00:00

1 in 2 marriages end in divorce

3-7 husbands out of 10 are abusers, depending on your country

Happy, healthy marriages are one in a million

Choose wisely or don't choose at all

laylamiller · 2020-04-03T21:20:10+00:00

One of my friends is in a happy common law marriage but they were both each others firsts and never been with other people and got together at a very young age. They are about to get married now though. So don't lose hope.

Kompottkopf · 2020-04-03T23:43:40+00:00

Amen sister! I feel absolutely the same - this sub has set my head straight. It feels like a relief - like i finally do understand how stuff works between man and women and between women and women.

And it opened my eyes that I will never ever ever put my physical or mental health in danger just because I wish to be a mother some day.

Either everything fits and meet my standards or I will not put myself into that very vulnerable position of motherhood and instead enjoy my life to the fullest until i breathe my last breath.

And probably get a pet in the process that I can baby and spoil and love all I want.

invenereveritas · 2020-04-04T01:51:53+00:00

me too! it seems like women waste their lives on abusive assholes. i'm glad i've stopped desperately wanting a man. im totally content watching from a distance and not getting shit on and gaslit.

cici_sweetheart · 2020-04-04T06:39:15+00:00

The amount of Unsolicited DMs I get from married men makes me not envy marriage.

jetpatch · 2020-04-03T21:32:08+00:00

My aunt's husband worships her and is possibly a HVM.

Two weeks ago he gave her covid-19 because he wouldn't admit he had anything more than a cold so didn't self isolate, coughed over everything in the house. (Both now doing fine)

taylor232424 · 2020-04-03T21:23:04+00:00

I only want to get married because I want to have kids and I refuse to do it alone lol

AngieinWisconsin · 2020-04-04T00:27:21+00:00

As a typical divorcee I wont disagree....but The one in two marriage ending in divorce, is a bit skewed by people with multiple divorces. People where both are on their first marriage..the number is over 60%...just sayin..

Comicalacimoc · 2020-04-03T21:38:17+00:00

It’s because sexual attraction wears off between 2-7 years

__kamikaze__ · 2020-04-03T23:11:37+00:00

I had a crush on a married man and this exact realization is what helped me get over him. I learned they have a miserable marriage, and it made me realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side

2020-04-04T00:14:36+00:00

100%.

DrMcFoxyMD · 2020-04-04T02:47:38+00:00

This sub makes me thankful for my husband, but I completely understand where you’re coming from. SO MANY marriages should have never happened. Shit, I was married before and in a ten year let-down of a relationship. It helped me cherish what I have.

Title	I no longer envy married people. Too many are involved in miserable marriages.
Author	AlwaysSeekingChrist
Upvotes	603
Comments	108
Date	April 3, 2020 7:32 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fuetxv/i_no_longer_envy_married_people_too_many_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-no-longer-envy-married-people-too-many-are.692869 https://theredarchive.com/post/692869

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