Question 4 all. How do you feel after sex with someone you care for, love?

Tugallois · 2020-06-26T06:09:54+00:00

I feel sleepy usually.

Plenty of men want to cuddle after sex. Plenty of men have sex with girlfriends and wives they love. Don't overthink it and don't make the mistake of assuming everyone is like the people here.

PollaTronante · 2020-06-26T05:54:42+00:00

The men on this sub are, to put it mildly, not always the best dating partners.

SherbertBacon · 2020-06-26T06:18:59+00:00

How do you feel after sex with someone you care for, love?

Love sex is very different from casual sex. Casual sex does feel like "masturbation with another person," maybe a little more intimate because you still (at least I do) have some kind of a connection. But when it's someone you definitely love, it's significantly better, and "post nut" is just basking in waves of dopamine and oxytocin. I don't feel disgust with a woman I sleep with casually, but I do feel a sort of empty void, dissatisfaction, and avoidance.

Having had both, I feel casual sex is easy, boring, and more expensive than just rubbing one out, so I tend to put my efforts into finding love rather than dividing my attention.

ihaveathingforcats · 2020-06-26T06:11:08+00:00

[deleted]

NarniaFox · 2020-06-26T06:18:48+00:00

After sex I feel as if all my good feelings towards my husband are intensified, I feel the connection and I want to touch and kiss him. I asked my husband and he says that it's similar with him and I can feel it too, as after sex he likes to cuddle and say how beautiful I am or how lucky he is.

So...I guess it's different in LTRs and also guys here aren't the ones who you'd like to date anyway.

PollaTronante · 2020-06-26T05:59:03+00:00

To answer your question, I don't feel a difference in my feelings for someone after I have sex with someone. Generally, most men don't feel disgust after sleeping with a woman for the first time. I'm thinking that you've been hearing from men who have a general dislike and disrespect for women as a whole, especially for those who engage in casual sex... despite engaging in the very same act themselves.

gunbusterxl · 2020-06-26T10:46:50+00:00

You have to realize that reddit, and more importantly r/ppd, attracts a certain demographic. It's a niche sub, on a niche website. No one here represents a majority anything. Not gender, race, background, ect. So don't think "all guys think like that" just because a bunch of TRP and MGTOW members said some shit.

saladfingers4141 · 2020-06-26T06:04:59+00:00

Sleepy

rosmaskinen · 2020-06-26T06:03:43+00:00

I feel very relaxed in my vulnerability, which makes the thought of post nut clarity terrifying.

Workaholiconew · 2020-06-26T06:48:46+00:00

How do you feel after sex with someone you care for, love?

An increase in the bond between us
A satiation of my sexual needs, well duh
"FINALLY!, I can think without being interrupted by my sexdrive"
Sleepiness.

Pehz · 2020-06-26T07:41:51+00:00

Context: I'm a bisexual guy with a bit of a feminine side, but not as far as a stereotypical effeminate gay.

After the orgasm wears off (and a bit during it), a lot of times my mind goes to the pleasure of my partner. I know I enjoyed it and got what I wanted from it, and if it were up to me we'd just crash and snuggle. But I also know that orgasms don't always match up like they do in fiction, so I take the next few moments trying not to ruin it for them. I don't want to be too selfish, so I try to satisfy my partner enough that they can be as happy as I am.

As for how I feel towards them, I guess my mind is suddenly racing, to say the least. It's like a lot of my energy was being spent on suppressing my thoughts to enjoy the moment, and suddenly my thoughts are turned back on and they all just flood in. But the content of those thoughts isn't much different than any other moment that I'm happy with my partner. It's hard to describe what all my mind goes on about, but it's certainly nothing akin to "alright this toy is boring now, can I sleep?" But I imagine this might just be my deeply loving spirit.

I have, however, had sex with a girlfriend whom I was at the time looking for a way to break off with. I enjoyed the sex very much, but it was simply one of the few things we enjoyed together. Right after the climax, I still cared about her, but the rushing thoughts had a minor mix of guilt over leading her on and not breaking up already. But even then, I still cared about her and didn't lose respect for her doing the deed with me. But maybe this is because there was no reason she deserved to lose respect, because she wasn't desperate or whorish at all (prudish, if anything). She was quite shy about sex for the first 3 years of dating, so I was mostly proud that I was able to give her experiences that weren't negative (compared to being pressured into sex at camp), and get her to be more comfortable about herself and be vulnerable.

I guess to summarize: no, my post-nut clarity doesn't involve losing respect for my partner or detesting them, as my spirit is simply too loving for that. I do have thoughts in those moments, but they're quite dependent on the situation of the person/relationship, so I wouldn't put any more focus on them than the thoughts they'd have at any other time. Personally, I'd offer the advice that you could always just ask your partner what they think about you, though maybe not as pillow talk as it could ruin good snuggles. Hopefully that answers some of your questions.

Douglas0327 · 2020-06-26T09:28:01+00:00

Sleepy.

ImbeddedElite · 2020-06-26T12:29:24+00:00

Gunna actually answer your question since nobody else is:

Lust, to men, unfortunately is mistaken a lot of times for love. Testosterone really gives us tunnel vision on being with a girl and having sex with her. But once that feeling is released through orgasm it’s like...idk, imagine going from the horniest you’ve ever been in your entire life, to the least horniest you’ve ever been. Like, from that time where the one dude you’ve always wanted was giving you some play and you’re thinking it might happen tonight, vs. the time where you were sick + you were on your period + you were feeling bloated, etc. That’s what it’s like for dudes after we cum. Not with those physical feelings attached, but just as far as sexual arousal goes. That’s why we go limp after an orgasm. It’s not because we physically can’t, it’s because sexual arousal for us is turned completely off. Like a light switch. No matter how horny we were seconds before, and no matter who we’re with. It could be the hottest girl we’ve ever seen, doing our specific kink right in front of us. Doesn’t matter.

So tbh, what women feel like is men “tricking” them into sex, is us (most of us) realizing the way we legitimately thought we felt about you isn’t real. Like you said, it’s not really something a woman can come close to understanding which is why there’s all this animosity when it comes to hitting and quitting. Not that guys shouldn’t handle it better a lot of times, but that during the courting process we usually really feel the way we say we do.

What it ultimately comes down to is the average woman not understanding just how much sex and sexual arousal play a part in a man being attracted to them. It’s the reason why a girl who’s lower in attractiveness can get a get a guy that’s way higher than them. After sex, the clarity is understanding “damn, I don’t actually wanna be with her, I don’t actually think she’s a match for me, she’s just another random girl”. It’s hard because women usually know how they actually feel about someone they’re sexually attracted to (unless he’s hiding a part of his personality). Guys don’t.

And it sucks! For him and her, it’s not something a guy wants to feel. And obviously it’s sucks for her way more, but it’s honestly not something we can help. And i honestly don’t know a solution. As a guy, I can only think of two options. Sleeping with guys (after X amount of dates of course) until one’s feelings stay the same for you after sex. Or not sleeping with a guy until you’re as sure as you can be that he actually loves you (and for all the girls who’re about to say that’s what they do, I’m talking possibly 1 year+, not a couple months).

It’s unfortunate but it’s biology.

2020-06-26T06:50:00+00:00

There's no disgust between me and my partner after sex. We're usually exhausted and prefer to collapse beside each other rather than cuddle, though. Sometimes we give light cheek kisses and say thank you for the awesome orgasm. Sometimes we hold hands, or reach for the water bottle.

We usually feel closer afterwards, once we're clothed and doing something else (usually making food lol). More kissy, more sweet to each other.

petrichordium · 2020-06-26T12:11:58+00:00

There’s rarely any bad feelings even for casual partners that i am attracted to, but i have very little sexual shame and honestly all my inter gender squabbles have to do with the finnickiness (and poor incentives) of the female drive, not hating on sex when offered. Sex is the most direct expression of love for me, zero irony.

I DO have major post food clarity tho. Like especially for meat. I feel like I understand exactly what is going through the heads of those poor megachurch pastors who can’t kick their rent boy and meth habits, but it’s not sex that makes me feel that way; steaks do.

Silly_Field · 2020-06-26T13:01:06+00:00

I’m a woman and I’ve had sex with someone before and then entirely lost all feelings for them - I thought I was romantically attracted but it was all just physical and once that was over I was confused as to why I had liked the guy in the first place (he was lovely, but we were not compatible even on a FWB level. He really annoyed me).

This has only happened to me once, though - I’ve been careful to try and work out whether I actually like someone since then.

I think for most people the way you feel after sex depends on the sex, the person you’re with etc. A lot of the men who post here are not well adjusted people - I wouldn’t take the comments all that seriously.

wtknight · 2020-06-26T13:35:26+00:00

Men who get "post nut clarity" are just looking at the woman who they are with as an advanced masturbation tool. For women, just imagine that you had a sex toy that could give you the best orgasms that you could imagine and how you would feel about it afterwards. You wouldn't want to "cuddle" with it, I would think. And that's how men feel about women who they have sex with but don't love. They are awesome masturbation tools, but once they are done with using them, then those men have other things they'd rather be doing.

As for myself, I don't believe in sex with someone who I don't love because I don't want to actually be that close to another person who I don't have feelings for.

SqueaksScreech · 2020-06-26T16:02:09+00:00

I feel tired but happy. I literally cuddle them if I have the chance.

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Workaholiconew · 2020-06-26T06:44:23+00:00

How do you feel after sex with someone you care for, love?

Happier to be with them. Sex is the best feeling I can think of which do not has to do with psychoactive substances, and the post nut clarity helps link this good feeling to a woman's image/presence. I believe it is a way to guarantee a bond.

fear the guy doesn’t care about them anymore.

Well if the guy is there for satiating his sexual need and nothing else. Well, yeah, they probably do not care about others. But it is like eating, you can eat to satiate your hunger, or you can eat to make something else like construct bonds. Depends on his view of his company.

From what I’ve read so far here guys feel the same after, just don’t care for intimacy anymore and may lose respect for the woman they were just with right after.

Now that is a HEAVY exaggeration. Most men here are just looking for satiation. True, but respect and whatnot is not into question. We just have no reason to construct bonds as it would only lead to costs and risks we are not interested in.

The men I’ve asked which are basically two don’t have sex but they tell me the exact same thing guys here are saying they feel, the difference is they feel it after porn, so the post nut from porn and from sex is the same only one boosts the ego of the man more even if their partner loses value in their eyes immediately after.

I doubt a man would talk about that in such manner. Most men are not interested in 'boosting ego's. More like 'satiating a hunger'.

The idea that someone that I love would feel disgust towards me for giving them exactly what we both wanted makes me so sad.

Disgust? was him that drunk? I think you mistake men's capability on wanting something else that is not sex with disgust. MEn who look for sex for sex's sake just become indifferent to their partners because they have other more pressing things to think or do. It is not disgust (at least, not most of the time. There is always those drunken moments when you kind of really regret the previous night)

ivy176 · 2020-06-26T07:31:05+00:00

Huh? Random clarity from porn? I don't get it.

My fiance and I have been together 4.5 years and it really depends on the sex and other circumstances as to how I feel after sex. If it really turned me on and I had a good orgasm and we've been very loving towards each other lately then I'll feel close to him and have a warm glad feeling. Same for him, he feels relaxed and close to me. He doesn't lose respect lol. He just wants to lie there and hug/kiss.

If the sex was rushed or we're really stressed then we'll still feel close but not euphoric or anything. It all depends.

Neither of us do casual sex. I just asked him if porn ever made him feel content or whatever and he said no, jacking off never made him feel that and he just did it to get it out of the way. He said he didn't lose respect if a woman had sex with him quickly, but he did if she wanted to have unprotected sex when they hadn't been together long (which he declined). I'd feel the same way.

OXOzymandias · 2020-06-26T07:57:55+00:00

I dont know

HappilyMrs · 2020-06-26T08:28:44+00:00

Only ever had sex with my husband. Afterwards varies between being really just ready for sleep, or emotional cuddling. But there's always a sense of peace and contentment, like everything is good between us, even if we both just turn over and sleep

GrandmaManson · 2020-06-26T09:05:40+00:00

I always feel super close to my partner and I just want to cuddle and melt into him. And I’m 100% sure he feels the same. I’m also his first sexual partner that isn’t casual.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-06-26T10:27:47+00:00

The nuance is hormonal.

Testosterone blocks our judgement, but endorphins leave us in a rested, aware estate. You can then imagine exactly how post nut clarity occurs.

Oxytocin release is more powerful in girls than males, so we don't get that attatchment rush that much. However, we, exposed for longer periods to prolactin, develop that defensing, nurturing instinct that makes us want to take care of a woman and children. Oxytocin is a one night thing, prolactin is a weeks thing.

So, if we haven't developed a bond with you, but we actually like you, post nut clarity will probably leave us happy, convinced that you are indeed someone lovely to be with.

If we don't really like you, but we are horny, we will have sex and then suddenly go back to the clarity and realise (again) that we are not that into you. This is powerful shit, we can literally fuck women we are disgusted about and then feel haunted by it. I even once threw up after sex with someone I really didn't like.

If prolactin has taken hold, we are in love, and everything is fine, post nut clarity will do nothing but reinforce the love high. This is the best outcome :)

A little tip: oxytocin is released with love, hugs, kindness AND PETS. Hugging, holding hands, playing with pets, having this "feel good" state where you are loved and accepted, releases oxytocin in us.

Willow-girl · 2020-06-26T11:52:26+00:00

Dizzy, if I stand up too quickly?

theguytheguy1000 · 2020-06-26T12:03:46+00:00

Usually I get really giggly then shit myself, my GF thinks it's hella cute.

she loves cleaning up my shit.

diraclikesmath · 2020-06-26T14:08:12+00:00

There is a logical basis for a guy wanting to distance himself after sex. Part of it is conditioning you to see him as a perishable sexual being. Emotional vulnerability and neediness takes away from what really matters to a guy which is avoidance of dead bedrooms. Also women like warriors. Warriors don’t cuddle in an undisciplined manner bc they don’t live in the moment more than they have to.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-06-26T14:32:32+00:00

I usually always want to cuddle, and spoon, and pet on a woman afterwards. It's like relishing a little more in a luxury. Just the feel of her soft skin moving with you, just eating up your every touch like it's bliss. It's very satisfying. I love women, you're like drugs to me.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-06-26T15:06:00+00:00

I don't want to be touched, I don't feel like cuddling or kissing, I don't feel talkative beyond the "did you like it? Yeah? Good". I don't think it is a psychological proccess but more like physiological reaction. I just want to smoke and eat something.

It is not that I hate women or something like that, it's just that I'm not feeling it after, like if I had a lot of physical touch and I'm not confortable with it anymore.

My fiance wants to cuddle inmediatly before, wants me to hugh her becouse it makes her fer confourtable and I obligue, but yeah I didn't do it with women before her.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-06-26T16:16:24+00:00

I dont feel anything special after sex, I just want to chill

TheGirlGetter9000 · 2020-06-26T19:51:02+00:00

After sex I really feel nothing lol. My LTR gets really cuddly and clingy so I indulge her. But it just takes away all sexual urges and thoughts and I mostly just feel blank.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-06-26T22:22:56+00:00

I have trauma related problems with emotional detachment

After guys exhaust their body & mine from a lot of sex I always want to leave

Even when I promised them I would stay

No matter how much I like them

atreethatkeepsgrowin · 2020-06-26T23:42:14+00:00

I do not relate whatsoever to feeling regret after sex. I feel like we were just open and vulnerable with each other and experienced a sublime connection.

ldonnawho · 2020-06-26T06:29:06+00:00

Sex with the guy I love is completely different. There isn't some weird put down at the end of it or any devaluation that occurs. In fact, he's happier and much more susceptible to advice after sex.

For me, the feeling after casual sex when I did have it is simply nonchalance. I never understood women that actually fell for guys, most dick isn't good enough to keep me attached.

Title	Question 4 all. How do you feel after sex with someone you care for, love?
Author	ihaveathingforcats
Upvotes	11
Comments	88
Date	June 26, 2020 5:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hg1z8t/question_4_all_how_do_you_feel_after_sex_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-4-all-how-do-you-feel-after-sex-with.699064 https://theredarchive.com/post/699064

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