FDS Strategy: when he asks for polyamory, you kick him to the curb

Before I fully engage with this rant that I've been pent up with for the past several days, I must disclose that I have been in a polyamorous relationship. Several, in fact. My most notable polyamorous relationship was a male-female-female triad which lasted for just under 3 years. We all lived together, and it was hell. I was also once involved in a large (2000+ member) polyamorous community, which, of course, heavily overlapped with the BDSM community (so you can imagine what kind of absolute charmers are involved).

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Ladies, when he says "polyamorous," you block his number and you run like hell. I am 100% confident in saying that polyamory is completely antithetical to the goals of Female Dating Strategy. Sure, it may seem like the new "woke" relationship style and he may lull you in with pleasant sounding things like a jealousy-free relationship, sexual "freedom," and this fairytale land where love is infinite and each person loves and is loved completely different, but I implore you to look beyond these promises and see them for what they truly are: empty promises. Here are some of the reasons why polyamory is complete bullshit, and the reason why literally no HVW should be participating in it:

Polyamory only works if you're PickMeisha

I can confidently say that the traits of a high value woman are completely incompatible with the goals of polyamory. This is due to the fact that polyamory relies heavily on negotiation, fidelity and loyalty to the "polycule" above all, and a simultaneous paradox of non-possessiveness but discouragement behaviors which compromise the integrity of the polyamorous relationship(s). In other words, do what you want and we don't care unless it upsets the relationship.

At first glance, a reader unfamiliar with FDS is probably thinking "that sounds awesome! I get to do whatever I want!" Make no mistake: no you cannot. In fact, by entering in one of these complex, overly-egalitarian arrangements, you have significantly reduced your ability to compromise to your benefit. Instead of compromising with a HVM, who always has your best interests in mind and treats you like the Queen you are, you are left compromising with everyone who touches the polycule. Should you have inserted yourself into a relationship where the construct needs a whiteboard to delineate, you could possibly find yourself negotiation with your husband's girlfriend's second boyfriend's girlfriend on whether or not you should move away to get that lucrative degree. Instead of being a primary focus in a marriage or otherwise committed, long term relationship, you are now 33% or less of a bargaining power.

In order to cope with this, women involved have to egregously compromise in order to serve the polycule. No one gets the freedom to chart their own destiny. These relationships are a perfect recipe for complacency: they cannot adapt well to change and they do not foster an environment of growth. You are stuck where you are, because in order to satisfy everyone, all of you must give up pieces of yourselves for the relationship's survival. Say goodbye to your dream wedding and starting a family: all of these things now are able to be changed and compromised upon by whoever in the polycule (or their "met amours") can guilt you the hardest. The only kind of woman who can survive this kind of lifestyle is the one who would ride or die for a man: you have to be PickMeisha to survive compromising your soul away.

Compersion, or, Pavloving yourself into feeling happiness when he sticks his dick in Karen

It's exactly what it sounds like. "Compersion" is effectively the opposite of jealousy, and in polyamory it is described as a sense of happiness when your partner is experiencing happiness in a relationship that's not your own. Feeling happy when your partner is happy is, of course, not anything new and honestly should be expected in any relationship, monogamous or not. Your HVM should be experiencing happiness when you get that promotion or when you set a new PR at the gym.

The massive problem with compersion is that it simultaneously eliminates the incentive for HV male behaviors and guilt trips women into celebrating it in lieu of condemning it. In FDS, we are very well aware of male sexual nature: competition is at its heart and is the main driver of high value male behavior. Everything we do and teach in this subreddit is to activate the desire to compete. The tactics explained in this subreddit do not work for polyamorous men. This is because they have been reinforced that their women are happy for them when they sleep around and dote on other women. There is no need to compete, there is no need to better themselves, there is no need to provide value, comfort, safety, or prove that he can provide. Every behavior, good or bad, is rewarded.

Compersion especially sucks for women because in polyamorous communities, you are expected to feel happiness when men sleep around and you are supposed to question any jealousy you feel. As you can probably imagine, combined with the hyper egalitarian negotiations going on, women in polyamorous relationship are encouraged to erode boundaries. You are supposed to feel happiness for whatever your partner does, and you are never to feel any jealousy. While jealousy, indeed, is the green eyed monster and is generally a negative reaction, a little bit of jealousy is a good thing. Jealousy, again, is what pushes men to demonstrate that they can provide. Jealousy can move a woman into establishing healthy personal autonomy and healthy boundaries. HVM are a bit jealous by nature: they SHOULD be feeling threatened at the thought of losing a Queen.

Gaslighting your way into unequal domestic contribution

Women generally get the short straw in polyamorous relationships. This is because, get this, sexism is alive and well, and the problems that we all know and love in traditional monogamous relationships are only exacerbated in polyamorous ones. I lived this firsthand for years: as I was the most "together" out of anyone in the immediate household or their tangential partners, I was the one consistently saddled with the housework, home repairs, car repairs, and other menial tasks. I've seen this play out time and time again in the multitudes of polyamorous relationships I've encountered: a very familiar labor division happens, where the women are (surprise, surprise) taking care of the men. Sometimes it's one particularly brainwashed woman into taking care of a household of grown ass adults. It's sad.

I told myself time and time again that love was infinite, that my partners loved me and cared about my needs, and I tried my hardest to feel happiness when my boyfriend was out at a swingers party with his other girlfriend without me while I caught up on laundry. Yes, I was this low-value once.

Increased risk of sexual abuse, trauma, disease, mental illness and unwanted pregnancy

It seemed like every few weeks another man would be "outed" as a rapist or abuser within the polyamorous community. The lifestyle, especially with its close proximity to the BDSM and swinger communities, attracts the lowest of low value men in search of infinite threesomes and no strings attached sex. And, of course, with the increased amount of sex comes the statistical increase of rape, STIs, and pregnancies. Polyamorous relationships exaggerate biological risk for women.

I witnessed firsthand what happens when a polyamorous woman accidentally gets pregnant. Here's a hint: it's not great. All of that compromising, hyper-egalitarianism, boundary eroding bullshit gets applied directly to the woman's pregnancy. It becomes all about poly co-parenting and inevitably results in the maternal and paternal relationships being compromised in favor of the relationship with the rest of the adults in the polycule.

Existing children didn't seem to fare so well either when polyamorous relationships became blended. Another polycule I was vaguely involved with (everybody has fucked everybody, I swear to god) started as a man and his wife and their biological kids. Now, the husband's girlfriend and her toddler from an ex-marriage have moved in, and at least one of the wife's boyfriend's have moved in. How are the original biological kids faring? There were four: all of the girls now identify as transgender, one of them has tried to commit suicide, and the boy is now seriously acting up.

An unexpected positive: the normalization of rotational dating

There is one sole positive that I can identify with the polyamorous relationship trend: they have established a bit of normalization for non-monogamy. I don't refer to the kind of non-monogamy that polyamorous people practice, or to the kind where previously agreed-upon monogamists are cheating on eachother. I'm talking about the extremely high value female behavior of rotational dating.

I'm 99% sure there's some resources on the side bar that explain this, but not all non-monogamy is bad. Keeping up a rotation of men while dating is EXTREMELY effective at eliciting high value behavior from men and ultimately finding a man worthy of marriage. I personally practiced this and experienced absolutely outrageous success: a post topic for another time. Having this behavior be a bit less stigmatized will help HVW in the long run.

TLDR - polyamory elicits and REQUIRES low value behavior from both men and women to work, will expose you to all sorts of risks, and will make you compromise away your life and dreams and potentially your children's life and dreams. So when Mr. Woke slides into your DMs and asks you about how you feel about "ethical non-monogamy," you tell that shitstain to take a hike.