This is why “Not All Men” should NEVER be entertained

simplicityduplicity · 2021-03-14T22:55:13+00:00

I’ve spoken about this before, and it’s so important to reiterate: don’t fall into the trap of comparative suffering. If you’re not being met with the same level of respect you’re giving, the same level of affection, the same level of adoration that you’re giving, cut it off. This video speaks volumes, because while not every single man is hitting/abusing/raping women, enough men are getting away with cruelty in its own right, and that’s not ok. The moment we stop accepting less than what we’re giving out, the moment we can begin to change this cycle for our sisters and daughters, our nieces, and all women everywhere. If it hurts, it’s not right. If you’re questioning it, it’s not right.

coldfoot23 · 2021-03-14T22:52:15+00:00

She ain’t spit nothing but FACTS

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-03-14T23:01:28+00:00

This is why I don't associate with men who don't hold other men accountable.

advice1988 · 2021-03-14T23:22:40+00:00

She’s speaking the truth 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Just because it’s not ‘that bad’ doesn’t make it OK, it’s shouldn’t be ‘bad’ or ‘ok’ full stop. The bar is so low, that by meeting ‘it’ , doesn’t prelude to ‘making it’ it’s the bare minimum at best and we shouldn’t be congratulating anyone for basic human standards and equality.

If women as a gender, stopped being impressed by things we deserve, by proxy of being human beings, the standard would have to be heightened to a degree that recognises the acute difference between a man who is being a basic human being & doing right by humanity and a man who actually wants YOU & is actually putting in effort beyond the usual human standard for the sake of loving you enough to want more for you.

Example :

a) If your man does the washing up, he is not doing it ‘out of love’ but to maintain the hygiene of the home and it’s his contribution, as an inhabitant of the home you both reside in, DESPITE your difficult day.

B) If your man gives you a massage and picks up your favourite cupcake because you’ve had a difficult day.

Massive difference which is the EFFORT & SPECIFIC EFFIRT that is for you and only you. No motives & no machiavellianism. Not because he thinks he get to fuck you after but because it’s not benefiting him and comes from a place of love and empathy.

What makes the difference, is an act of doing the bare minimum that they have to do for the benefit of both parties vs the act out of empathy done SPECIFICALLY for you.

It only people understood the difference between self interest and altruism.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-03-14T22:58:11+00:00

Preach ✊🏻 So very true. I’ve had a man say to me as I broke up with him for a catalogue of emotional abuse “but I never HIT you, I could’ve you know”

RikaRikaw · 2021-03-15T00:40:57+00:00

Doesnt do anything if I dont specifically tell him to do it, and even them he does it wrong He doesnt help around the house,or with kids, or with pets, yet still expect me to pay 50/50 for house and appliances expenses Doesnt do anything for me in bed or romantically, again, even if I ask for it, he does it wrong BUT AT LEAST HE DOESNT HIT ME, SO ITS NOT THAT BAD🤡

Kuanzhaixiangzi · 2021-03-15T04:51:36+00:00

I had an ex, who whenever I would complain about how he was treating me would say 'at least I don't cheat on you' and I would say 'so what!?!? That is the bare fucking minimum of what you're supposed to be doing!' Just because a man could be treating you worse, doesn't mean he's allowed to treat you badly.

missgirl649 · 2021-03-14T23:36:35+00:00

yup 100%. I've fallen into the trap of "well he's not THAT bad" or "well he's not like my abusive ex" so many times before with lvm and put up with things I shouldn't have because it wasn't the worst thing in the world. It doesn't have to be terrible and the worst thing ever 24/7 in order for you to leave. You can leave for any reason at any time, the person you're with doesn't have to be awful for you to expect and want more for yourself.

_differentmentality_ · 2021-03-14T23:13:30+00:00

Truth. Men benefit from other men being shitty because it lowers the bar for all of them. As a result, women settle for men who “at least don’t hit them” or “at least don’t cheat on them”. Women have to raise the bar by refusing to see the bare minimum as impressive.

Freecandyhere · 2021-03-15T00:59:48+00:00

Abuse in general as well. I was so unhappy with my parents that I was happy to leave and get married. I stayed married so long because it wasn't as bad as when I was with parents.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-15T01:32:41+00:00

Not all men are abusers and rapists but ALL MEN benefit from toxic masculinity and patriarchy. Men that don’t hold other men accountable for hurting women are accomplices and equally guilty.

afrodeasyak · 2021-03-15T02:10:56+00:00

Never settling

KMDMD · 2021-03-15T05:48:47+00:00

He may not have hit me, but the emotional abuse was worse, with the warden living inside my head. This man bought me things, did all the things I didn’t ask for, ignored the things I needed, and ran credit up on my soul he didn’t have the ability to pay. For reasons unknown, I gave up my sanity, my spirit, and my hope for us to strive for better. Okay, alright, and we’re way better than other couples we knew became goals. Never. The Fuck. Again.

dreamer3213 · 2021-03-15T09:05:53+00:00

My ex never hit me and said any mean words to me. But we also never connected on a deep emotional level that I was so desperately craving. Not good.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-03-14T23:55:10+00:00

Idk. I’m afraid of falling into the hands of an abuser so I have ridiculously high standards now (normal standards really)

breadandbunny · 2021-03-15T03:30:20+00:00

Very well said. Saving this.

zorua · 2021-03-15T08:05:34+00:00

How many times have we sat there while an mentally abusive partner takes advantage of us and we say "well at least they don't hit me, I'm really lucky!".

God no. Never again, give me the best of you or take a hike.

TriniGold · 2021-03-15T04:18:29+00:00

Well said!

PreviousAd9582 · 2021-03-14T23:40:50+00:00

So so true, I don't know anyone (including myself) who hasn't mentioned specifically or agreed with the sentiment that divorce is only necessary if he's being abusive or cheats. 🤦🏾‍♀️

TestAffectionate7868 · 2021-03-15T02:55:44+00:00

I had an ex LVM who would respond to me doing something he didn’t like with “this is why you’re gonna get cheated on”

lexigreay236 · 2021-03-15T08:10:06+00:00

Exactly this! I couldn’t have said it better!

karabnp · 2021-03-15T12:34:15+00:00

💯

Villanelloh · 2021-03-15T14:04:20+00:00

I would rather be single than be with a man who only does the bare minimum.

Apricot_Ibex · 2021-03-15T20:50:59+00:00

So insightful and full of painful truths. Imagine if women were celebrated just for not cheating on their boyfriends and not beating them. We're all being gaslit to grovel for crumbs, subconsciously knowing that the alternative is being terrorized in our own homes.

We just recently had a post about a woman praising her husband for "pushing the shopping cart" in the store, FFS. I don't blame her or other women because it's very hard to overcome this conditioning to be grateful for what amounts to the bare minimum or meaningless gestures.

HelloKalder · 2021-03-15T17:05:08+00:00

I wish I could post this in TwoX just to see the debate. It's all too accurate.

notallowed2havepizza · 2021-03-16T03:25:40+00:00

I appreciate CC as I have a hearing difficulty so that’s amazing. Back to topic, I’ve heard so many women who said I’m so happy he didn’t hit me/emotionally abused me while those type of men didn’t add value to their lives in the slightest, just dead weight.

Title	This is why “Not All Men” should NEVER be entertained
Author	baobab_trees
Upvotes	1185
Comments	42
Date	March 14, 2021 10:48 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m56f6u/this_is_why_not_all_men_should_never_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-not-all-men-should-never-be.751326 https://theredarchive.com/post/751326

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