Our society lives on women's unpaid labour

shelballama · 2021-04-23T11:07:00+00:00

Aren't there's studies showing the avg married woman's happiness, life expectancy and pay decrease with a husband/kids, but a man with a wife/kids increases in all those fronts?

There is a LOT of mental labor that goes into even just having a partner to plan for, cook meals for, etc (if that's how the relationship has been established)

There is a lot of stress in basically being your partner's maid/ secretary/ chef, which is why it's so important that regardless of the division of labor, your partner be self-sufficient, competent and empathetic. They should be able to and willing to contribute the same.

SoybeanApocalypse · 2021-04-23T06:20:01+00:00

How can it truly be considered support on their end if all you're getting is a roof over your head and maybe access to their insurance if they have it? What about retirement and investment savings? Support my ass

myoklife · 2021-04-23T13:28:34+00:00

LEGIT.

I work in academia. No academic is bringing shit to the table. You make under 50k a year until your forties and that's if you are lucky. In grad school it's more like 20k.

So you'll see 40yo male postdocs in academia, making 40k a year and never leaving the lab meanwhile their wife not only takes care of the kids full time but also has to be the primary breadwinner cause Dr here can barely cover rent.

Just peachy working with these postdocs and hearing them complain about how their wives are always in a bad mood. Meanwhile he would've been forced out of academia and sent right to industry 5 years ago if he hadn't had his wife literally doing everything for him!

Edit: thought I should clarify this is a real story from a job I had in Boston, where 40k really isn't shit and the Dr had a consultant wife and two little kids.

ANOTHA ONE: double edits? On a friday? Cause I just thought of another hilarious version of this story. This time it was a technician in a lab. Techs make the same as postdocs but generally have a bachelors or masters. So again this tech made 40k a year in Boston. When I was leaving he was preparing to have a baby with his girlfriend (not wife!) of 6 years. She was unemployed, no insurance, literally just had medicaid. Their plan was for her to be a stay at home mom aka full time unmarried slave for the baby and daddy. And he wouldn't even marry her so she could have his insurance (the one good perk of academia). Idk how that turned out. But it sounded like a complete shit situation for the poor forever girlfriend.

Willow-Lucky · 2021-04-23T13:30:21+00:00

Why didn’t the older women in my life teach me this?? If a man were to hire a surrogate, a nanny, personal chef, laundry service, tutor, personal assistant, chauffeur, etc to do all the round the clock crap it takes to make him a family/home, it would be more than just the rent & bills!! After 13 years, I’m only just now realizing my worth in an abusive relationship 😰

shinyjewels · 2021-04-23T03:40:13+00:00

Men who don't do shit at home have no idea the emotional and mental labor it takes to keep a household running. The salaries of most men wouldn't even be enough to pay for the labor that their wives/girlfriends perform for free.

eatchickpeas · 2021-04-23T04:05:38+00:00

if men want cooking/cleaning/therapy/child care/chores done then they should hire these services out and actually PAY a living wage. if a woman wants to do all these things because she wants to take that responsibility, if she doesnt work and lives at home then fine but i hate HATE how thats treated as the default. that a man can work a 9 to 5 then expect the world and more from his wife. as long as hes paying rent and the bills then he will expect his wife to do 5 different jobs at the same time and shes supposed to be HAPPY and QUIET when doing it

queen_beastmode · 2021-04-23T03:42:48+00:00

During divorce negotiations from a decades-long relationship, I insisted what I felt my life had been worth. He had the gall to say, “I disagree.”

I told him he doesn’t get to disagree with what my life is worth. (He expected to walk away giving me nothing — no support, no home, and even had the nerve to suggest that my half of retirement be used to pay for some of his debt).

I put my foot down and took the house. He can eat a dick.

RabidWench · 2021-04-23T06:16:20+00:00

I remember once upon a time, the ex was in charge of all the bills and on multiple occasions just forgot to pay electric or gas or water. He had the bare minimum brainpower required not to get angry about it, since he was supposed to have done it.

I wound up in charge of all the utility payments because I wasn't inclined to have a household with 2 kids and no water all day until they could get out to turn it back on. Just because we may not manage family and social shit doesn't mean we don't still wind up organizing their fucking lives for them.

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-04-23T12:53:04+00:00

And being freaking therapists. By the time you divorce, if you do, women have made more than any profession on Earth.

R_U_Pennybags · 2021-04-23T10:36:23+00:00

My mother just found out that she basically will get nothing from social security being a stay at home mom. Here’s the real kicker, we had a family business that she ran every single day and broke her back to run. The female CPA they had told them decades ago it would be best to put that business in my father’s name. Therefore social security can’t help her because it looks like (for decades) she earned nothing while she busted her ass to care for a family and run a business.

Now, my father is a HVM and also worked a full time job and after work and on the weekends came home and worked at this business as well. He will always provide and support my mother (lucky for her). So... Why is she worried? Well they have always worked hard but didn’t invest much and his retirement, pensions and social security keep them afloat financially. They have always been responsible with money and never lived above their means. However, If something happens to him, she’s screwed either way. All of his residual money monthly, which helps to support her, would be gone and she will be left financially destitute at over 60 years old.

Ladies, I IMPLORE you to either read up, research or get investment and financial advice to secure your bags for later in life if you are SAHM or in a similar situation.

relationship_reddit · 2021-04-23T13:25:02+00:00

I would never be a stay-at-home mom again. I would rather work to earn just enough to pay the babysitter than stay home.

Bravenpeace1384 · 2021-04-23T13:20:33+00:00

I was a SAHM for 10 years. I got divorced from that LVM man after 15 years with 4 kids. I didn’t get shit but minimum child support in the divorce even though he makes a lot of money and I was starting from scratch at 32. He won’t help me with anything outside of child support. Bought himself a new house/truck/vacations but I asked for help getting groceries when I lost my second job bartending at the beginning of the pandemic and he told me it “wasn’t his responsibility to buy me groceries” I did everything for him when we were married. He couldn’t even schedule his own appointments. 7 years in I was in the hospital for a week and I had to instruct him over the phone how to use a wash machine for the first time. I get bitter sometimes because he doesn’t have to worry about his retirement but I would divorce his ass every day for the rest of my life if I had to. And I learned a very important lesson that I am passing on to my kids. NEVER put yourself in a position to depend on ANYONE in a relationship.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-04-23T14:21:08+00:00

Economists actually calculated the price of a housewife

Value of housewife = Husband’s income – Wife’s income + value of husband’s household services.

https://economica.ca/an-alternative-method-for-assessing-the-value-of-housewife-services/

https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0112/how-much-is-a-homemaker-worth.aspx

There's a pie chart but I can't attach the image. The link is here

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-04-23T14:55:58+00:00

Also we also gave them career counseling, stylist, nutritionist, therapist etc. 🙃 that were crucial to their career development 🙃

seashellsupplier · 2021-04-23T18:49:24+00:00

This! I have been showing a lot of these posts to my mom and she has slowly opened up to me. I love my dad, but he‘s a LVM and has been able to have a great career because my mom is such a devoted wife and mother. I used to be so mean to my mom until I realized she is permanently stressed and has been doing the work of two adults for years! It has helped motivate me to to better at uni, I want her to feel like she can leave my dad without worrying about pension and money, since I feel that is the biggest thing stopping her.

Title	Our society lives on women's unpaid labour
Author	OrangeyPanda
Upvotes	2530
Comments	58
Date	April 23, 2021 2:20 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mwl14u/our_society_lives_on_womens_unpaid_labour/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/our-society-lives-on-womens-unpaid-labour.761716 https://theredarchive.com/post/761716

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