How to deal with some guys trying to poach you specifically when they find out that you have a bf?

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-07-27T11:01:16+00:00

Just maintain your boundaries and stop interacting with them. As long as they get a reaction, they’re still going to think they have a chance to change your mind (which does happen with some women).

insertcredit2 · 2021-07-28T08:59:11+00:00

The issue with saying "sorry but I have a boyfriend" is what some men hear is "I'd love to fuck you but I shouldn't because I'm seeing someone"

If you put up a boundary that a guy thinks he can overcome then he'll try to overcome it. You're much better off saying that you're not interested/you don't find them attractive.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-07-27T08:25:17+00:00

If they keep persisting after you say you have a bf you have license to be rude

TheInvestor7 · 2021-07-27T13:06:37+00:00

WORK/SCHOOL - Threaten with HR or report directly to HR after they're being annoying for some time.

STREET - Say you call the police.

SOCIAL SITES - Say you report to police as internet stalking. It's a crime in most countries nowadays.

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-07-28T05:40:29+00:00

They know what's up, tell them to fuck off.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-27T08:06:45+00:00

I found out that after communication very clearly my disinterest in them, there are generally two things that help. Ignoring and avoiding them or just getting very rude. They're shitheads, I'm not sure that there is any elegant way out.

LeJacquelope · 2021-07-27T09:40:02+00:00

Even TRP is not pathetic enough to suggest men keep pursuing a woman who says she has a boyfriend. How low do you have to go to persist past that point?

alialahmad1997 · 2021-07-27T10:00:09+00:00

Its ok to be rude after you said no and they insisted

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-27T22:32:13+00:00

I call him out very very loudly in a public place.

Honestly I'm not a bitch if I get asked out once. It's more of a "sorry Im married" show ring off

Or when I was single it was "sorry but im not interested/not looking"

But when they persist I project my voice loudly and say "oi the fuck about the word no did you not understand?!" thay generally causes them to flee.

If I'm alone (walking the street at night) I just ignore and run to the nearest place with people.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-08-01T00:23:11+00:00

There are sociopathic men out there.

I knew one guy who was a sociopath and probably a textbook misogynist too. When women said they were taken it seemed to anger him somehow and he'd escalate the aggression. One time, we were in a store and she said she was married (she was quite young looking) and he said "Really. You're married. REALLY." His tone was somewhere between argumentative and combative. It was fucking unreal. I just wanted to be away from the situation, and him, if I were being honest.

I'm like "Dude, married or not she's not interested. Let's fuck off."

But he wanted to go back into the store and persist.

In any case, some guys can NOT take no for an answer and they need to be shut down.

Sometimes a guy will speak up and say "Dude, she said she has a boyfriend/spouse now step off."

That's usually when the bar fight happens.

Yep, some guys are indeed fucked in the head.

I just used to take "I have a bf" as the nicest possible rejection and move on.

Advice:

- Stop talking to them. Tell him to Fuck Off. FIRMLY. "You need to Fuck Off."

- Get on the phone and get a friend over there. He should hear you do this.

- If your friend didn't pick up, he doesn't know that. Say "Okay see you soon."

- Tell bar/restaurant staff or club security staff the guy is being a problem.

- Do not leave the place alone. Stay around others despite an urge to flee.

- If it's a mall / food court ask someone to get security for you.

- Saying "I don't know you! Leave me alone!" really loud in a crowd - draw attention.

- If it's an establishment and they do nothing for you, put that on social media.

Truly dangerous men, I think are rare, but they are out there. A man who doesn't respond to requests to desist could have any number of problems that could make him dangerous. He could be "just a jerk" or he could be dangerous. So, caution is advised.

And this from a Red Pilled guy no less...

Sadly, not all men are fucking normal. And a rare few are actually quite dangerous.

nemma88 · 2021-07-27T10:25:59+00:00

'I'm not interested, thanks'.

Walk away and stop talking to them. They'll probably try the old 'I was just trying to be friendly! >=| ' but just let it go don't engage.

funlightmandarin · 2021-07-27T10:42:38+00:00

If he doesn't take a no for an answer, I let my boyfriend respectfully handle it.

Artlovenbeauty · 2021-07-27T14:05:55+00:00

I’m a free agent now, but when I was married, I would calmly smile and say, “now, why would you want to be with someone who would cheat on their man?” And walk away.

Smiling and walking away has gotten me out of so many uncomfortable situations.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2021-07-27T08:48:54+00:00

If they’re being this disrespectful, point out why you wouldn’t date them every time they get pushy. “No John, I couldn’t kiss you with that beard, I wonder how much bacteria is in it? Are there any cornflakes in it from last year?” Or “when you getting that unibrow sorted out?”

If they won’t accept a no, maybe they’ll accept truly being unwanted from a verbal sense. They’ll stop because it will chip away at their ego and they won’t enjoy it.

superlurkage · 2021-07-27T15:06:20+00:00

This is why law enforcement, security services, community watches/organizations and shaming and were invented. Make use of them

Orange_Paisley · 2021-07-27T19:33:16+00:00

This is one of the situations in which I feel it is appropriate to ghost. If you’ve already told them you aren’t interested/have a boyfriend, you’ve done your part. If they don’t want to listen, simply stop talking and avoid.

Crusty_Jizzsock · 2021-07-27T07:59:44+00:00

You really shouldn't talk to them anymore, it's a sign of very poor moral character on their part. If a guy sees you this way then he will always see you this way and even if you bring him in line with behaving appropriately, he is still thinking of how his moment is going to come. It's not going to be an honest relationship.

You don't need to create a scene or anything, you can barely be cordial associates with people like this. I know guys like this, even other guys think they're pathetic and warn each other because nobody wants a person like that around their gf/wife.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-07-27T09:59:46+00:00

Some men are just mentally slow or they see it as a challenge because they themselves had their relationship destroyed by some weirdo. I have my husband and myself all over my profile on FB, and literally I will have men that try to message request me to talk to me , I just ignore them all ,don't reply , dont feed the ignorance, anybody that knows my husband in real life they don't approach me however I keep a really hot pic of him and myself on my cell phone , anybody that watches me will see my man on my phone . Lol

this_feeling · 2021-07-27T08:21:48+00:00

not gonna say anything the other comments havent said, but there’s no reason you need to go out of your way to get it through their heads how disrespectful it is. no one who truly cares about you would want to put you in that situation

also i think you are better off saying nothing than telling them off. you definitely arent failing your bf by doing so, but i think id rather my partner just not engage at all, attention is partly what they want

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PirateDocBrown · 2021-07-27T09:45:13+00:00

Looking at it the other way, women love it when they hit on me and I tell them I have a gf. As if enticing me to cheat gets them extra points.

Hmm, maybe the fact that some other woman has chosen me, means I've already passed a test, and am a good prospect?

87AudreyHorne · 2021-07-27T10:12:42+00:00

Just ignore them

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-07-27T11:25:24+00:00

Back before I figured out women I mostly missed a huge IOI from a woman I was trying to hit on.

We worked at the same place and we're sitting together. She had an engagement ring on my very young self didn't even notice. She takes it off and puts it in her purse saying she only wears it as a way to get rid of guys she's not interested in. Yes I missed that as an IOI to me, my very young BP brain thought just oh that's smart. Hell she might have been engaged, but I took her at her word.

Anyways the point of the story is that saying you have a BF means jack divided by shit. You could be testing how much we are really interested, he could be just a fwb that you forget about 3 drinks in. If you end up having a real bf you love and are serious we lost some time trying that's it.

I personally won't have sex with a married cheater but "boyfriend" isn't a clear thing. Women saying that they have a bf almost reflexively is a thing.

Edit: Just recalled. Girl I lost my virginity to? Had a bf.

JameisBong · 2021-07-27T18:55:22+00:00

Men are socialized to "try harder". Next time just let them know you were born a man and your plumping is still male, problems solved.

michael1962-01 · 2021-07-28T16:59:59+00:00

Me 2. That is the only correct answer.

Why would you tell a stranger that you have a bf?

Just tell- "sorry, i am mot interested in you"

heyitsjeape · 2021-07-28T17:17:00+00:00

Dumb question:

More people cheat (if you want to call it that) than anyone cares to admit.
Nobody will care about your boyfriend - someone they don’t know.
There is nothing for someone to lose by continuing to try so it’s not hard to see why they continue.

brianmcg321 · 2021-07-28T18:11:27+00:00

Ask them if they would like to talk about their lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Pilling_it · 2021-07-27T08:11:16+00:00

Usually this behavior is to get you once the relationship end by putting down the bf. Make it clear there'll never be a thing with you, and most should be stopping to talk to you. Beware of the reaction though.

Reisiluu · 2021-07-27T09:31:08+00:00

If you don't want to turn them down you should feel guilty. It's disrespectful to assume you would dump your boyfriend or cheat. Why would you feel bad about shutting down disrespect?

Just tell them that you would never ever date them under any circumstances.

cataza · 2021-07-27T16:29:02+00:00

Tip: just ignore what the woman says and do your own thing, whether you continue to flirt with her or ignore her, whatever the result is, it will be a life lesson.
Stop doing what other people say and learn to take responsibility for your action.
The more the woman being rude to you, the quicker you dodge the bullet.
That woman is just not your type.

Title	How to deal with some guys trying to poach you specifically when they find out that you have a bf?
Author	throwaceornotaceblob
Upvotes	4
Comments	74
Date	July 27, 2021 7:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/osieh7/how_to_deal_with_some_guys_trying_to_poach_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-deal-with-some-guys-trying-to-poach-you.794876 https://theredarchive.com/post/794876

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