Do I blow it all up?

silmarp · 2023-06-17T11:35:46+00:00

That is not so hard.

First you dissolve your marriage.

After the ink is dry you can expose her. As she told everyone how you are the bad guy you should friend the dude's wife and so you can make a post on social media with the truth and tag your friends, family, her friends and family and the dude's wife.

You can also chose other method or whatever. But that only after the ink is dry and you should file first and amicable. Always have a recorder when talking to her. She is amicable now but she might still divorce rape you like many others did. The law is nothing if you find a sjw judge on the other side.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-06-17T11:56:19+00:00

Having gone through this recently I would tell you not to confront her at all. Just get everything lined up, finances, living arrangement, you didn’t mention kids but go for 50/50 if you do.

If she’s anything like my wife, the second you confront her things will go nuclear instantly.
She’s going to need to justify and validate her affair and that means making you look as bad as possible. Expect a lot of accusations and and smearing you. Even though she’s laying the groundwork for that already it’s going to intensify by 10000%.

Don’t be me. Don’t be Mr Nice Guy. File first and get this garbage out of your life.

savage_cabbages · 2023-06-17T11:41:14+00:00

Take the high moral ground, seems like a good idea now but after it's done you'll still feel that same emptiness. Walking away with dignity, whilst it's the harder path will pay dividends for you in the long term from a mental health perspective. Divorce is admin, paperwork, let it go through and embrace being you.

awesomelybearded · 2023-06-17T12:50:54+00:00

Do it now, but have a plan in place. It’s basically jury an annulment, with such a short duration.

sicrm · 2023-06-17T13:55:08+00:00

I'm also not sure what my next move should be. Should I talk to my stbxw or his wife first?

you should talk to a lawyer first.

if you already have one, ask them.

everything should be planned out, and keep communication through lawyers. if you do have to talk to her for some reason, look up and stick to grey rock.

Internal_Reveal · 2023-06-17T15:27:51+00:00

Listen to Lose a Cheater Gain a Life and visit Chump lady's site for additional references, speak with a lawyer and follow both of these pros advice to the letter for the quickest and save yourself tons of pain as much as possible. Only disclose to OBS when your lawyer's advice you timing is everything here and getting her to agree now while she's in limerence is your best advantage. Learn and master bith grey rock and 180 methods and record every exchange with her and place security cameras in the house to protect you from DA or SA charges that's why the 180/grey rock is her kryptonite. Separate financial resources asap and move valuable papers to a safe or trusted person. Best of luck and get into IC for infidelity trauma too help not take your WW'S sins into future relationships

dnbndnb · 2023-06-17T15:47:36+00:00

1) lawyer up first; file first

2) protect all documents & finances

3) carry a VAR at all times in her presence

4) dissolution is best course if you can get it. Take advantage of her motivation immediately

5) gather as much evidence as possible

5) expose affair to all. Other wife deserves to know.

Ixz72 · 2023-06-17T16:54:55+00:00

I went through the exact same thing. Here's a piece of advice, that will seem difficult at first, but very satisfying in the end.

Do nothing. Sit back, relax and watch the whole thing blow up in her face (and believe me it will). Trying to convince everybody that she is the bad guy will put you in a negative light.

technazz · 2023-06-17T11:31:21+00:00

Work out a deal.. then blow it up.

captainchippsixx · 2023-06-17T12:25:22+00:00

Yes. Get ahead of her. Tell her family and your family. Blow it up. She needs to face the music. You could call the gym if it’s a trainer at the a gym. He’s married. Hell yeah. Give her the proof.

9 months! Start divorce tomorrow. Make sure your accounts are secure. Move valuables into storage or with family.

Watch strong successful male on you tube. Do it today.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2023-06-17T14:07:20+00:00

Been with my stbxw 8 years, only married 9 months.

She blamed me for everything, telling me and all of our friends and family that I was toxic and abusive.

So ask her why she went ahead and married you if you were so toxic and abusive?

Actually don't ask her. Start Grey Rock and finish the divorce as quick as you can. From now on it is all about meeting your objectives. And your one and only objective is divorce.

You got this brother. Sorry its happening to you. Stay strong.

Adventurous_Wrap_343 · 2023-06-17T14:49:50+00:00

I wouldn’t bother messing with the other dude and his life. It’s not your duty to expose him unless you have evidence that he maybe preys on his clients. Just swiftly and as quietly as possible end your marriage and protect yourself

S1lent_R1tes · 2023-06-17T17:51:30+00:00

Here's what I will say about telling his wife.

You need to be able to produce no-shit evidence, and be able to explain it concisely.

You also need to be prepared to be blocked, cursed out, whatever...

But.

If someone's wife hadn't reached out to ME like that through Facebook, then the ex-coworker my stbxw was banging would have gone to start his almost four DECADE LONG prison sentence for repeated sexual assault of a minor and I never, ever would have known that the affair was going on, and somewhere down the line my succubus of a stbxw would have taken me for everything she could get... Now I've filed and have more than enough grounds to ask for full custody of our children (one of which being the age and gender of the victim of his crimes).

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-06-17T15:31:47+00:00

A note about security tactics: Before she gets a clue about what you're planning, be sure all your passwords are changed, take photos of evidence, backup everything to a removable drive and store it safely somewhere. If storing in the cloud, use a strong password. Use a password manager to keep track of all these new passwords. Be sure you have copies of tax returns, bank statements, utility bills, and so on. In theory, she needs to turn these things over in Discovery. But it sure is a Hell of lot easier to already have it with you, especially if it's all in PDF on a USB drive you can just hand over to your lawyer. Saves a lot of time.

If she's tech-literate, you need to start getting paranoid and suspicious and alert. If you do everything on your phone, be sure she can never get to it. If you're using a laptop computer, clear your cache and browser history, remove passwords, use a browser that provides Private Sessions (no history), and so on. For me, it got down to the point that I changed my security questions. E.g.: some websites have a "I Forgot My Password" button. And if you answer some personal questions (such as "What was the name of your first pet?"), you can get in. Well, my ex used that feature to hack one of my accounts. So, I changed all of my security questions and passwords.

Jonger1150 · 2023-06-17T18:47:17+00:00

The first clue is.... "the gym".

That's her self-improvement phase.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-06-17T19:08:51+00:00

Why did u get married after 8 years together? Let me guess it was her idea

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-06-17T20:01:17+00:00

Fuck her and get out and concentrate on you. Give her nothing including thinking about her

WestCoastThing · 2023-06-17T21:33:11+00:00

Why is this even a question? The longer you stay the more it'll cost you.

Classic_Dill · 2023-06-17T23:40:37+00:00

So IMA cheated on ex spouse, and I’m going to give you this very important information, you most certainly must tell the affair partner‘s wife! That’s exactly how I found out about my ex-wife, his wife actually came up to where I work took me outside and broke it to me that she had caught them both together, I have thanked her several times! if I was his wife, I would want to know as well, and so would you, make sure to tell his wife! You’re not causing the chaos in his family after that, he caused that himself. But you better make damn sure! That you really caught her cheating.

If you honestly have hard evidence of her affair, I would definitely tell her family as well, however, you should probably wait until the divorce is finally over, divorces get really savage towards the end and women in particularly can be brutal! As you’ve seen, but after the ink is dry? Get out there take the evidence that you have and call the other guy’s wife and let her know and then call her family and show them the evidence if you have it.

occoptionplaya · 2023-06-18T01:51:49+00:00

Hide your assets first. Liquidate whatever you can and go on a spending spree and buy gifts for your blood family. When you're in a better place financially, dump this bitch. She may go nuclear and take you to the cleaners. The system allows for it. It's so sad, protect yourself. Get ready to pay short term alimony (maybe not since you're not even married a year). Then again, the system is 100% against the breadwinner.

Retying3043 · 2023-06-17T23:07:20+00:00

It’s common for the woman to change after marriage, even if you have been together for many years beforehand. She is showing her true colors. Get out now. The more years that pass while you are in denial, the more you will have to pay later. I know it sucks, but she is doing you a favor.

Title	Do I blow it all up?
Author	CLandMan1123
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	June 17, 2023 10:01 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14bn461/do_i_blow_it_all_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-i-blow-it-all-up.1222428 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222428

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