Ex family.

FUMoney · 2025-10-01T08:54:20+00:00

Two prior comments concerning in-laws. These comments are the unvarnished truth.

To sum: you’re not blood. The in-laws don’t care what your “story” side is. Especially for an ex-wife, her family will rally to her side, and you will be zeroed out. Accept this reality before humiliating yourself with preemptive divorce explanations that no in-law wants from you.

And:

The hard fact is this: you are not blood. And of course they will favor their daughter, no matter what the true facts are. They can never, ever be objective.

Ignore them. Cut them out of your life. They don’t give a shit about you — you are not their daughter. Truth.

probebeta · 2025-09-30T23:09:19+00:00

There is no reason to not stay civil with her family, mainly ex parents in law, especially if you have young children. They know their daughter so don't worry about the drama with her. You just maintain your cool, casual conversation is ok. They might end up helping out with grandchildren. If not then I don't see the point of discussing them 🤷‍♂️

MR-Ozmidnight · 2025-09-30T22:26:19+00:00

That's easy I don't.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2025-09-30T21:21:20+00:00

I have two ex sister in laws. One is cool, and the other is not. I engage as per my preferences, regardless of theirs. Hoping to visit the cool one in the near future.

ThrowRA_14611 · 2025-09-30T19:11:03+00:00

I was really close with my wifes parents, we allways took them along when we went on holidays and they were a big part of my kids life. I never had a close relation to my parents and they never really were interested in their grandkids so i was happy that the in laws were in our lives. After my wife wanted to get separated I pretty much lost my in laws as well. They never reached out to me. I contacted them and asked how they were etc and it was pleasant but when I didnt reach out then we had no contact. After 7 months since our split the contact has gotten less and less. It is what it is.

HotCut100 · 2025-09-30T19:00:56+00:00

Ask them. I had members of her family reach out directly to me, and in no uncertain terms make it clear that nothing in our relationship is changing, despite her actions and choices. If they are trustworthy to you and have a good history, I say keep up the relationships. Good trust and friendships are hard to find as adults and especially as men.

You may have some difficulty like I did, where the ex doesn’t like you interacting with her family without her. My response was I am an adult and so are they and you can go pound sand. It pissed her off something fierce, but eventually she recognized that she lost all her power over me. That actually seemed to change our dynamic for the better, FYI.

SpaceRobotX29 · 2025-09-30T18:49:49+00:00

I might say hi or participate in minor small talk. I really have no reason to trust them.

funnyman6979 · 2025-09-30T17:29:49+00:00

I have nothing but negative points (disclaimer) my ex mother in law hated me and didn’t help our marriage. Tragically died later on in a car accident and I fear her more in death than life. Ex father in law was a good man, but thankfully there was plenty of distance I didn’t have to see anyone. Summary, aside from being a class act at kid functions, it’s over and collateral damage.

Huge_Mug776 · 2025-09-30T16:26:41+00:00

As my SBTX and I discussed our divorce plans, one of the things she has made very clear to me is that she wants me to continue to be a part of her family. I was not real certain how much I wanted to stay involved with them once we are done. But she mentioned our two nieces and she said to me, “you would not abandon those girls, would you?” And that hit me right in the heart. It felt like it would be selfish to leave their lives (not that I am all that involved in them since they live out of state). So I plan to try and stay involved where I can. There are some of her family members I could do without and I don’t plan to be around them.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-09-30T15:25:48+00:00

Part of divorce is losing the other family as well.

Long term its best to just go no contact. Sucks? Yes. But for your mental health you need to do it.

IAPiratesFan · 2025-09-30T14:43:31+00:00

My ex-mother in-law hugged me a week after the divorce was finalized and said “You’re still my son in-law.” My ex-brother in-law messaged me the day of the divorce: “You’re like a brother to me, my sister can’t change that you’ll always be my kid’s uncle. I know the two older girls think the world of you.” Ex-father in-law and his wife both blocked me on Facebook and last time I saw him he said “My daughter comes first, you’re nothing to me now.” (For context, ex’s dad ran off with some other woman while ex’s mom was pregnant with the ex.)

11 months later: my ex’s oldest niece got engaged this past summer. She messaged me and said she wished I was at the engagement party and that I’ll be invited to her wedding next fall. Ex’s second oldest niece invited me to her high school graduation party in June, she was so excited to see me when I got there she ran over and hugged me. The graduation party is the only time I’ve seen the nieces in the last year.

Her brother told me he didn’t invite me to his 4th of July party because he knew my ex would be pissed off if I came to it. She was mad enough I came to the graduation party 3 weeks earlier. He often messages me when my ex says weird shit about me. Most of the time she’s lying about me or wildly exaggerating events. Ex and her brother were really close until this whole divorce thing started last year, he was disgusted by her behavior and how she treated me.

Her mom is always happy to see me and she’s still like an extra mom to me, I’ve told her more about the woman I’m currently seeing than I’ve told my parents. She said recently she was so happy I’m seeing someone who sounds like she’s good to me.

I haven’t seen her dad and that thing he’s married to since last Halloween.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-09-30T14:43:13+00:00

They are good people except her and her sister. I had a good relationship with her parents, cousins etc. I will probably never contact them again, but my kids have a family and I will always encourage them to stay in that family. There's the occasional message from my mother inlaw which I do appreciate and always reply.

Mindless-Equal6160 · 2025-09-30T14:02:32+00:00

I have been married for 27 years just starting the divorce. I get on good with my inlaws I saw them as my 2nd parents. Now this has happened they said they will be there for me and I can talk to them . We only talk by text now and when they ask how I am I say not so good they change the subject. So from now I just keep it polite and say I am fine how are you . Also I know that my ex is there daughter and there loyalties will lie with her . But I think in the future the contact will stop all together. Maybe that will be a good thing. I think I need to put all of them in the past so I can move forward and heal

NewDay0110 · 2025-09-30T13:24:59+00:00

That is one of the strangest things to me about divorce. These people I spent so many holidays and good times with were my "family". My parents both died, so they became my only family. I feel dehumanized by what they did to me during the divorce. I haven't spoken a word to my MIL or FIL since. Last communication with them was when my wife broke that she was cheating, I texted them a few angry messages about "what the hell is going on?" since everyone seemed to know about this already. They never replied. But they did show up to testify against me in court to claim I was too crazy to have any parental rights.

I am pretty much alone now. What my in-laws did to me was such a mindfuck that I'm not the same person I used to be.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-09-30T12:47:21+00:00

Married for 20 years here. Blocked them all on everything. They never really made an effort to do anything with us anyways so not a real huge loss.

Boglehead101 · 2025-09-30T12:46:35+00:00

I’ll never have to see them again. I plan on leaving the country just to make sure.

Her family despised me, jury’s out on who poisoned who, she poisoned her parents and sister or vice versa.

Anyway the whole lot of them hate me, for what I’ll never know.

I paid all the bills, I’m not an alcoholic and I haven’t had an affair. I have no enemies outside of this lot of dysfunctional clowns.

Her father on the other hand was a total alcoholic narcissistic waster, he rubbed off on them all.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-09-30T12:40:15+00:00

She is estranged from her father, so I never had much contact. Her mother is a good woman and we are ok, as always, and I hope it will stay that way since my kids love her. I have no issues with her family, and we always liked each other.

But she's never going to invite me to extended family gatherings anymore so I probably won't see them ever again, which is a shame as they are all good people, and my extended lives far away so I saw her side way more than mine. What bs is she going to feed them why we divorced, I really don't know.

upvotersfortruth · 2025-09-30T11:27:52+00:00

If they were ok to you during the divorce, her side of course, then no harm. Easy enough to cut off if you discover some ulterior motive.

lowcarbbq · 2025-09-30T11:20:29+00:00

I look at them from my kids perspectives. Grandma aunts uncles and cousins. And I don’t want my kids to lose those relationships.

So I try to be neighborly. Best way to describe it. I know they are 100% on the side of my ex so there’s never going to be a friendship. But we can be good neighbors when interacting with our shared family tree.

Mangrove43 · 2025-09-30T10:49:30+00:00

No contact

fishingforthought · 2025-09-30T10:27:45+00:00

If you can be happy alongside your ex-wife and her new friends, then you should be able to have a relationship with her family. As time goes on, it might be less than less chances to be with or socialize with in-laws.

As for me, I was in a very long term marriage. I do not care to see that person be with that person or talk to that person. I only text and talk to a few of the in-laws.

Reflog1791 · 2025-09-30T10:23:47+00:00

I’m 7 years out from divorce hell. Eventually I came to the conclusion that although I wasn’t happy with them during the divorce, there was no universe where they would take my side, even if their daughter had an affair.

Once my life improved I came to realize that grandparents are a gift and I would be a fool to negatively impact their relationship with their grandkid over some standard thot ex wife.

It didn’t happen overnight but now we are on friendly terms. I can run into them without getting triggered or even thinking about divorce. If they do dumb shit like keep my kid an extra weekend on vacation, I let it go.

Result is a peaceful life and a kid who has a large extended happy family. So I would say be polite and accommodating. They aren’t gonna be around forever.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2025-09-30T10:03:09+00:00

There is no manual for this

Title	Ex family.
Author	TXxReaper
Upvotes	25
Comments	37
Date	September 30, 2025 9:53 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nu8zr5/ex_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-family.1563136 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563136

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