How does 50-50 work?

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2024-06-19T12:06:23+00:00

50/50 isnt enough time with the kids. Anything less and you are just the fun Uncle at that point. You can't just expect your ex to take care of the kids and she deserves time to pursue her goals as well.

Stop working so much and be the parent you wanted to be when you had kids.

50/50 is the minimum and you should be thankful she isnt fighting you for mote time.

Personally the way this is written seems to be a bit selfish and petty and yet you try and paint your ex in that light. You need to reevaluate what is important.

Own-Lock737 · 2024-06-19T04:15:06+00:00

It doesn’t

Opening_Sprinkles_60 · 2024-06-18T23:52:45+00:00

I have a decent relationship with my ex wife. We agreed to live close and have the kids attend the same school system. I alternated custody every other week then changed it to every two weeks. Now my youngest just graduated high school and I’m glad for 50-50 because I have a close relationship with my kids. I refused to be a dad that only sees his kids every other weekend. My ex also was ok keeping them longer when I had to travel for work. It’s been hard but worth it for me. Also, I didn’t pay child support. I had a good lawyer that help write the divorce paperwork so that child support wasn’t necessary. My ex agreed with the terms. The courts love child support and can be resistant to parents that choose to keep the government out of their arrangements

trivertx · 2024-06-18T22:02:49+00:00

International travel is hard. Do you have family that can help watch? Your kids will want time with you. I have 50/50 but not the travel like you have.

Reflog1791 · 2024-06-18T17:23:06+00:00

How much $ does your stbx make? If you are supporting two households it is reasonable to take less than 50/50.

There are very good reasons to get 50/50 but I object that anything less makes you a failure of a dad. I have 3/7 days and I have plenty of quality time (more time than my excellent married father).

Let’s say the CS is $1000 per month with 50/50. It is very likely it is still $1000 a month with 40%.

I’m simply objecting to the consensus here that dad has to bust his ass at work 60 hours a week and do half the child rearing.

She wants the full CS? She can step up and do the majority of the child rearing.

I golf 3 or 4 times a week, work 40 hours a week, pay my ex $800, and am the happiest most energetic dad you’ve ever seen when I have my kid. Just my 2c don’t take it personally guys.

The one risk is she might be able to relocate kid. Every other facet of it works great.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-06-18T17:16:21+00:00

I see you're getting good feed back and I want to reiterate that you should NOT settle for less than 50/50.

Cut and past job from another comment ive made on reddit:

50/50 NO MATTER WHAT. TIME is the ultimate commodity now. You can always make more money, social events, ect but you can NEVER make time. No one looks back on their kids childhood and says "I should have worked more during your soccer games and recitals and days with me!"
Hand offs during the school year are on school days. I.e. She drops off Monday and you pick up Monday after. Avoid swapping on weekends if you can and in person if you can. Time away from your ex is huge - out of sight out of mind. If the kiddo was off (holiday/break), you would pick up. More later.
There are day options - 2-2-5-5, 3-3-2, 7-7, ect You'll need to figure out what is best.

a. 2-2-5-5: Parent 1 has them every M/T, parent 2 every W/Th, parents alternate F-Sa-Su (Good for young kids, kindergarten age though gradeschool/Jr High)

b. 2-2-3: Parent 1 has them M-T, Parent 2 W-Th, parent 1 F-Su, parent 2 M-T, parent 2 W-Th, Parent 2 F-Su (repeats)

c. 7-7: Parent 1 has them M-Su and the parent 2 has them the next M-su. (Good for older kids)

d. 3-4-4-3: Parent 1 has them M-W, Parent 2, Th-Su, Parent 1 M-Th, parent 2 F-Su (not great as one parent gets all the weekends)

PLANS, and others, HERE: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/
That said, whatever plans you get, when a parent days start they are PICKING UP. The reason? When your kids get older you DO NOT want to have to drag a kid into your car to go to moms when they dont want to go. It makes you the bad guy. And if you cant get them? Well mom will be up in arms accusing you of trying to cause problems. ALWAYS make them pick up (and you pick up) because if a kid doesn't want to go the pick up parent will have to deal with it.
Right of first refusal (ROFR): If a parent is unable to watch kid(s) for a determined amount of time (can be whatever you agree on) the OTHER parent gets first crack at watching the kids, over say her mom or her getting a baby sitter. From what Ive read anytime over 8 hours or from 9pm to 8am seems to be the most fair. Asking for ROFR because the other person is busy for 2-3 hours is just going to cause more drama, AND limit what you yourself can do. Worth noting that there WILL be times either her or you DONT call when you should but unless its chronic a court really isnt going to give a damn. You'll need to document a ton to show its not being followed (i.e. she has her mother watch them every night after 6pm-11pm because shes out but that 9pm+ time you should have).

a. make a list of people you're ok with transporting your kids because it will happen - dont name specific people just "uncle(s), Aunt(s), Grandfather(s) ect so you're both covered.

b. this is done so a holiday/break day you dont have to do a pick up and some randos home
DO NOT Agree to cover joint child care costs during 'anytime' its needed. ONLY agree to cover your costs (baby sitter, after school prg) on YOUR days. Otherwise she can get a baby sitter from 3pm-8pm every night she has them and suddenly your paying 50% of child care on her time.
Figure out your holidays and swap time. 8-9am is good. Figure out of you both want 1-2 weeks in the summer to have the WHOLE week. Same with spring breaks on alternating years. Put in that you'll have the option and if one party does not make use they DO NOT get make-up/swap time later. Use the break time or lose it and it goes back to a reg schedule. You'll have to look at a calendar but try and time your weekend to line up with Fathers day and hers with Mothers day. They are the same every year and it is a pain in the ass to swap on an off weekend for those days as they are emotionally charged.
Put in either party can contact the kids at the other parents when they want, at a reasonable time, and without the other parent interfering. If your kids are older also note that parent communication to kids on the other parent time can include games online (i.e. xbox love, psn, ect).Z
No corporal punishment. (i.e. hitting kids as a form of discipline)
Depending on custody one parent might have primary decision on school/dr/therapists/religion. Push for co-decision making.
Notification from one parent to another if the parent gets a new Job/address/phone number/primary email (better yet establish WHAT email(s) you'll officially use)
A right to attend any and all events and activities appointments conferences and extracurriculars on both parents days. You dont want to get screamed at because you showed up to your kids softball game on her day.
NO COMMUNICATION THROUGH THE KIDS (i.e. Mom told me to tell you [important thing that should be documented in an email])
Morality agreements are rarely enforceable and courts dont really care. I have no one introduces kids to new partner until they have been dating 6mo but i dont know what they are doing and they could just lie and say they were seeing them for that time and its only been two weeks.
I put in no co ed sleep overs (for when the kids get older and start dating, I dont want to be a grand parent yet).
My state will not allow the non-custodial parent (someone is always named primary) to move more than 35 miles away from the primary (generally where kids are registered for school) without the primary signing off. Moving further away can make the state re consider the 50/50 time (i.e. mom moves 100m away, dad now gets 80/20 as driving a kid 100m to school is insane). If your spouse is primary and staying in the home you can try and put something in saying they cannot sell until your youngest is X age, so they stay in their school district BUT the other party would need to agree.

Depending on how much your spouse did does, expect ZERO help from her and from her family on ANYTHING. Its time to start to become familiar with your kids Doctor, dentist, teacher(s), counselor(s), and anyone else they see/talk to outside of your home. Start volunteering at the school and get your butt to any and ALL appointments. You're allowed to be there even if its on the other parents day.

This is all I could think of off the top of my head - all of the BS above was a borderline fight for me to get and cost like 20k.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-06-18T16:04:35+00:00

I do mon-mon which works well. Lets the kids establish a routine and settle in and allows me to travel for work on my off weeks.

If she’s giving you 50/50 without a fight I think you’re crazy to fight her on it. Aside from the time with your kids it’ll reduce or possibly eliminate child support.

The other angle here is if you push back on 50/50 I can guarantee she will use it against you with your kids “look kids daddy didn’t want to spend time with you”

I get you’re busy and work a lot but your children will only be children so long nobody ever looks back at their life and says oh shit I wish I didn’t spend all that time with my children it’s usually the opposite.

spacebarH2O · 2024-06-18T16:02:11+00:00

Piggybacking on this question, I had a question of my own. Say you have a structured arrangement (Say 2-2-5-5), but you have occasional trips that require flexibility with the schedule, say an extra day or two here or there. Is there any legal way to structure that flexibility in, or are you essentially at the mercy of the ex-spouse to be flexible?

ImpishDevilEmoji · 2024-06-18T15:39:20+00:00

I was wanting 70/30 with my ex initially but we settled on 50/50 week on/week off and I truly have no regrets. I love my week with my kids and I love my week without them. Regarding work schedules, I guess my thought there is that it is your responsibility to adjust your work to fit your circumstances to the best of your ability. Drop your side hustles and maybe drop the international travel if it can't be adjusted to line up with your week without kids.

Expatriated_American · 2024-06-18T14:54:45+00:00

How long are your international trips, and can you control when they happen? I’m on a 2-2-5-5 schedule and my ex is flexible about trading a couple days here and there when I have travel. But you could also trade off weeks.

DetroiterInTX · 2024-06-18T14:09:54+00:00

We did alternating weeks. Kids would switch after school on Friday—we would take anything they needed to the other’s place before they were back from school.

That was the theory anyway… kids always took bus home to my place Friday—even when they were switching to their mom’s for the week, because they preferred being at my place (I kept the home).

This seemed to work well for them, ages between 8 and 15. The thought was least disruption for them, and they are settling in to new routine over weekend, minimizing school impact.

Vipper_of_Vip99 · 2024-06-18T13:35:16+00:00

Look up a 2-2-5-5 schedule. Working well for my situation, it might for you.

Dr_Venkman_ · 2024-06-18T13:33:31+00:00

Check out https://app.custodyxchange.com/. Look at the 50/50 schedules and what works for you

mellowmaiellis · 2024-06-18T13:26:37+00:00

Have done 50-50 tha past 10 years. Initially it was hard but eventually you just accept it and it is what it is. Honestly now that my kids are bigger it’s kind of nice; helps that I get along well with my ex.

AproposWuin · 2024-06-18T13:03:02+00:00

Currently doing an exchange mon wed and Friday. I don't like it myself but the ex won't agree on a change. But the idea of 50/50 just means you legally are equal parrents. How you two work it out is up to you

mrk177 · 2024-06-18T12:50:29+00:00

The schedule depends on what you guys agree too, so it depends on what you work out. For me 50/50 means I have my kids half the week and she has the kids the other half. My days are Thursday - Saturday. She has them Sunday - Tuesday. Wednesday we each take a kid for 1x1 on time. It works well for us and the kids. I work full time and have a pretty demanding job and I still make it work. I always like to remember when I look back at what’s important I never say to myself “oh I’m glad I worked that extra shift”. I usually look back and remember the quality time I spent with my children. Good luck, I wish you the best.

pharmd718 · 2024-06-18T12:38:30+00:00

I have 50/50 custody and it’s been working well. Enjoy spending every day with the kids. However, my situation differs from yours. I have one job and a nanny to help. If you can make it work in spite of your heavy schedule, I strongly suggest you do. You can’t ring back the years. And yes, it does sound like she is wants 50/50 to have more time to herself. Who cares?! Let her go through her hoe phase and have her fun. You have your life and most importantly you play a major role in your kids lives

Sudden_Ad_4193 · 2024-06-18T12:26:13+00:00

Cut your side hustles back to every other week. That’s what I do. I only work my main gig during my week and extra gig during her week.

eyewasonceme · 2024-06-18T12:17:37+00:00

You have to come to an agreement with the ex to make 50/50 work, some people split the weeks up, some do blocks week on week off, it all depends how agreeable things are between you.

Here in Scotland residency is dictated by having 3 nights per week in the house, so doing a Monday to Monday wouldn't have worked for me as one week I'd have 0 nights and would be at risk of default going to the ex. To do a block week on week off you have to cover the weekends Fri, Sat, Sun, bonkers setup but you're on the hook for everything you might be chased for otherwise, even if you did more than the other person in hours spent with your children.

Some people might want to break up the week though and do 3 on 4 off 4 on 3 off type setups. It's all about working together and finding a solution that works.

If you're out the country lots you need factor that in for your availability for your kids.

Mynewadventures · 2024-06-18T12:09:08+00:00

You have three jobs where you travel internationally?

BS post.

Wise_Serve_3140 · 2024-06-18T11:16:30+00:00

Why are you working three jobs? Only work one

Title	How does 50-50 work?
Author	Beneficial_Town2403
Upvotes	6
Comments	71
Date	June 18, 2024 11:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dio16p/how_does_5050_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-does-50-50-work.1521929 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521929

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