What helped you heal?

regertsrus · 2025-05-03T14:33:55+00:00

The thing that let me heal 3+ years after leaving a pathological liar and cheat, after countless false cps reports, false police complaints and umpteenth order of protection and violations, are my kids. Who finally understood what happen, why i left and why their mommys family go through me to see the kids. The truth set me free. I am still pending trial for all the lies and deceits. But the kids coming forward and letting me know what mommy and umpteenth boyfriend were doing and planning behind the scenes really put me on solif footing. The courts did nothing about the lies. Not even a slap on the wrists. Eventually i had enough and put everyone on notice that no agent of courts will be given access to my kids on my time and dime (requested by my kids). When the judge threatened to enforce another round of forensics (this time expanded to include the extended family) she turned to panic and her lawyer said they will sign 50/50 custody if i sign a waiver of child support (in case i ever take more than 50%). In my state i the moneyd spouse pays child support in 50/50 split. This was a glorious moment. I said no problem done deal and sarcastically commented "i thought child support was for the kids?". This latest bit reall took all the pain and suffering out if the picture completely. She went from 90% parenting to 50% and i took it without lawyers, against the grain and court guidance. My advice to any man is to stand your ground. They are your kids and your job is to answer all their questions truthfully despite the courts mandate to hide the truth. This is how the courts drag this out for years and escallate to hundreds of thousands. By making the father believe a pathological x liar has a right to lie with impunity and the truth is the undesirable fact. Time infact was on my side and completely against her. She has lost everything and soon enough my property will be mine again as soon as custody case is finished

Then-Alps8928 · 2025-05-03T01:10:24+00:00

Meeting someone else. Someone else way better in every way than your ex. Date only when you're ready...Have fun with it. You know what you want and don't settle for less...

roshi-roshi · 2025-05-02T01:34:41+00:00

I’m still healing. I have to remember the sadness comes and goes. I’ve gotten into some bad habits but immediately stopped others and I’m not depressed anymore. It’s all new. I worry most about my boys. But they are doing fine. For me, routine is key. Write it down if you have to and follow it accurately. I’m still working on that a year later. I’m hoping the sadness runs it’s course and I can just live for a while. And be put together and strong for my sons. Of course I never wanted this for them, but there’s nothing I can do to change things. I have got to accept that things are different now. And be the emotional anchor for the kids. My wife isn’t and cannot be. But if they have one parent that has it together, they do ok.

Evari · 2025-04-30T23:18:12+00:00

Recently went on my first post separation holiday with the kids. It was just a couple of days exploring a city we'd never been to but doing it without her was like a breath of fresh air. There was no judgement, no nagging, no criticising, no fights in the airport about how quickly we should get to the gate. At one point I took a wrong turn and we walked down the wrong road for a bit, when I realised I felt my body tense up in preparation for the judgement and to be called an idiot, but the kids didn't care they were enjoying exploring.

The whole trip really gave me a new perspective on what my life was and what it could be going forward. Still a long way to go on this healing journey but some big steps were taken on that trip.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2025-04-30T18:33:09+00:00

First thing you may start to enjoy is the freedom. No one is going to second guess all your decisions, or tell you that you can’t do something, or tell you the “right” way to load the dishwasher, dress the kids, etc.

Chris_Chilled · 2025-04-30T18:24:13+00:00

For me it’s was finding things I was passionate about and kind of burying myself in them and going to the gym regularly!

No-Marsupial1823 · 2025-04-30T14:07:10+00:00

You’re doing great my man!!!! Don’t forget that. Everyone’s situation is different and no one is perfect. Keep going. Your new life is just beginning.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-04-30T11:40:03+00:00

Therapy, but not just therapy…being 110% honest with myself about my role in the failed marriage. Not hiding behind her issues or how she showed up. Being open about growth and change for myself. Not focusing on the past once I got there and only focusing on the future for myself and how to navigate future relationships better, how to set better boundaries, how to be patient and all of things that make us better men and better partners.

Any-Dare-7261 · 2025-04-30T08:45:31+00:00

The best thing about leaving and losing your home and kids and dreams etc? The leaving part.

Caeolian · 2025-04-30T07:59:23+00:00

What helped me heal was the fact that I could start over and create something new with this new space. It felt like a huge gaping void in my life at first, but I soon realized I could get back out there and discover new things I like and get reaquainted with things that I used to do before I met the ex. It's a chance to reconnect with you again. Also, if you're up for it, it's another chance at running into someone who fits that space.

A good support system goes a long long way. My best friends helped me deal with a lot of the pain I felt. I would've had a much harder time going through things alone.

One phrase I used that became a mantra in my life is, "This too shall pass." I know it's cheesy and very much so a cliché but it's true. Time will heal that wound. Just trust the process and try to learn as much about yourself as you can.

Good luck out there. You WILL get through this.

THX1138-22 · 2025-04-30T02:27:56+00:00

Find a new purpose in life. Before, it was your marriage. That’s gone. Find something bigger than you that you can believe in and dedicate yourself to it. A man needs a purpose.

Read Men’s Work (Connor Beaton) to begin this journey.

Better-Pizza-6119 · 2025-04-30T02:12:54+00:00

I took up dancing, meeting a totally new set of people. I also gym, cook , run. Also going for therapy.

Reflog1791 · 2025-04-30T02:06:56+00:00

Gym and golf

IceCreamMan1977 · 2025-04-30T01:30:11+00:00

there is always someone who has it worse than you.

This is beautiful and very stoic.

Also: you get another chance. You’re still alive and you are here

MistakeIndependent12 · 2025-04-30T01:15:27+00:00

Therapy, running, weights, and good food/cooking at home.

Betterbythedaycoach · 2025-04-30T00:36:28+00:00

Spending time with my kids and doing things that brought them joy. Their joy brought me joy.

Working out. Especially boxing.

Projects. 6 months after divorce was done, I got a new house. I redid as much as I could on that place. I enjoy that type of work but it was a great productive distraction.

Friends and family for sure.

Reminding myself all the time that I deserved much better.

Physical-Aside-5273 · 2025-04-30T00:22:30+00:00

What helped me heal was going to the gym and running.

itoocouldbeanyone · 2025-04-30T00:20:22+00:00

Therapy, my own space, non toxic company of others, and cuddles.

fewdo · 2025-04-29T23:37:42+00:00

I take time to just realize that I'm enough. I made my bed, I'm enough. I vacuumed, I'm enough. I'm walking through my new place, no arguments, no criticisms. I just take a breath and enjoy the quiet.

As for how to want to date again... That's an ongoing project for me.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-04-29T23:36:33+00:00

I will leave you with this one tidbit. Sometimes you think that you are alone and all of this crap is only happening to you. You're not alone. It happens to more divorced men than you think. I have always stayed positive in my life and Lord knows that I should be the last guy on this Earth to be giving advice, but remember, there is always someone who has it worse than you. Count your blessings. I endured 20 years of marriage in a mental and physically abusive marriage and it was my ex-wife who was the abuser. The only good that came out of it was having my two boys. They are the reason why I didn't give up. They are the reason why I am who I am today. Be a Father to your kids. Stay strong and always be there for them.

Eric_C_Productions · 2025-04-29T23:25:56+00:00

Well, you should be celebrating your new found freedom. You have an opportunity to start your life again. Change up your life. Maybe do things that you aren't accustomed to doing. Take a risk, talk to people outside of work. Pick up a hobby. Maybe you had a list when you were married of things you wanted to do in your life. Here is a chance to make good on that. It is easy to get down on your situation but try looking at the positive aspect of life. You are divorced, free, you have kids who look up to you, you may have more money in your pocket, and you have an opportunity to start again. The future is endless. Hopefully you attained some wisdom from the marriage so that you don't repeat similar mistakes and avoid meeting someone like your ex-spouse.

What helped me heal? Friends and family. My kids. My jobs. My hobbies. My freedom. My divorce.

BreakGrouchy · 2025-04-29T23:23:58+00:00

Judo 🥋 or find a BJJ School near you .

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-04-29T23:16:39+00:00

I’m hoping time will heal. I live under the same roof with her currently with 3 kids, she mentioned disorder in August 2024. We agreed to ride the lease out, up in June, and tbh honesty it hasn’t gotten easier for me. Actually worse in my situation but maybe it’s because im still here.

I’m on meds. I love my kids. It’s a tough ride we will get through. Everyone’s time line is different of course.

Title	What helped you heal?
Author	aarongdl
Upvotes	16
Comments	33
Date	April 29, 2025 11:08 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kb1s66/what_helped_you_heal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-helped-you-heal.1551012 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551012

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