Being shy as a guy is definitely the worst possible trait, right?

xvszero · 2021-09-07T18:06:37+00:00

You're right, no one is going to "pull you out" of it. But you don't have to see it as some permanent, life defining trait either.

Me, I'm super shy. Or was, anyway. I couldn't approach girls when I was younger, I never once just like, went up to a girl and started talking to her and had that turn into anything but a friend. I'm married so I'm not trying anymore, but I probably still couldn't really meet people IRL (thank god for Internet dating.)

WITH THAT SAID, I did come out of my shell some over the years. I started doing things that kind of forced me to be less shy. Found some local communities and started going to IRL meet-ups, things like that. Honestly, I'm still often the guy who just hangs at the outside of the circle and doesn't have a lot to say, but I push myself to get involved more.

And obviously everyone can't do this, but I became a teacher, and let me tell you, becoming a teacher changes you. You can't be passive as a teacher. The kids will eat you alive. You're forced to become a more dominant personality.

It sucks, but a truth of life is that no one is going to save you but you.

azucarleta · 2021-09-07T19:30:35+00:00

This post isn't the work of a "shy" person, exactly.

I invite you to unpack and breakdown this label "shy" into smaller component parts. "Doesn't like small talk," for example. "Doesn't know how to start a conversation with a stranger," another example. Anyway, make a list of things that are true about you that fit under the heading "shy."

Then, make a new list that included on it is this post. "Posting very private things is OK anonymously," might be how you would portray it. That's kinda contrary to the concept of "shy," at least a little bit, right? Try to think of other aspects about that you are or seem to be a little contrary to the concept of "shy" and don't box yourself into this.

Then think how you can maximize those aspects of you that are not "shy." Start relationships anonymously, for example, if anonymity helps you open up and socialize. The only big pitfall I would advise you to avoid is alcohol; lots of "shy" people are less shy with use of alcohol, but of course this can be a healthy elixir for some and a positive poison life-ruiner for others, so beware.

buckyandsmacky4evr · 2021-09-07T21:21:19+00:00

No way, I married a shy guy!

PsilosirenRose · 2021-09-07T22:48:37+00:00

Shyness is definitely not the worst possible trait.

Worse traits: abusive, entitled

Inareskai · 2021-09-07T18:11:31+00:00

It's funny, every guy here insists that the trait they have is the 'worst possible trait'. Hate to break it to you, but you can't all be right.

Also, you then list yourself as ugly, so like... which is it? Would your shyness not be an issue if you weren't 'ugly'? In which case, it wouldn't the shyness that was the main issue.

So here's the thing, shyness is fine, not being a model or w/e is also fine. The chances are, you're just quite introverted and would come out of your shell with some close friendships and you probably look pretty normal. Even the guys who come here saying they're 'hideously disfigured' are usually normal looking. You've clearly got a lot of negative self-talk and negative thoughts/perceptions about yourself.

The reality is, plenty of shy normal people establish friendships and relationships. Some people are just shy and don't need to be 'pulled out' of it.

LadylikeElectricland · 2021-09-07T17:38:18+00:00

Idk if shyness is the worst possible trait. You could be a raging racist, a sadistic rapist, a psychopath who kills babies for pleasure, you could torture small animals and steal from the elderly.

So yeah, while your shyness won't help you to be the life and soul of every party, it's okay. Sun shines for you too!

(PS. There is a school of thought that says those quiet, introverted guys are good lays...)

Different-Equal8422 · 2021-09-07T20:17:00+00:00

It’s not that women dislike shy guys. I think it’s more that shy guys don’t take the initiative to approach women

bjorknbeanz · 2021-09-07T18:23:03+00:00

The worst possible trait is being whiny. When you are a whiny complainer it makes people immediately dislike you as they will reflect back to you your own self perception which is that you are a loser of some sort.

softnmushy · 2021-09-07T23:22:57+00:00

Yeah, shyness sucks. I pulled myself out of it, but I was pretty lucky to be able to do that.

I suggest you get treatment for social anxiety. And try to be more social.

Women are taught to be passive, especially when dating. So it’s totally up to you to initiate the dating process. Just like it’s up to you to get dressed in the morning, find a job, eat healthy, be careful with money, etc.

just_some_dude_blah · 2021-09-08T04:36:14+00:00

Dude, I completely understand you. Im the same way. Im gonna try and get help by seeing a therapist. I suggest you do the same.

honey-bundy-88 · 2021-09-07T18:09:56+00:00

As a man you shouldn’t be expecting anybody to be pulling you out of anything. You’re not a child, no one is going to hold your hand and teach you how to navigate the world. Life isn’t a movie. There is no manic pixie dream girl waiting around the corner to inspire your brooding young mind and usher you into manhood.

Shyness itself is not a bad thing. Being so shy you practically border on being Anthropophobic is something you’d probably need to work on with a therapist. It’s one thing to not like being the life of the party, it’s another thing entirely if the thought of social interactions makes you not want to get out of bed. Bettering yourself does not mean erasing negative traits, it just means you learn how to better deal with them. If you know you’re prone to being shy and you want to change that, start small and set little goals. Maybe you make it a goal to greet everyone you pass by on the street or make eye contact with your waitress. No one is expecting you to go from wall flower to the main character. Any 180 change you make with that mindset is not going to be sustainable because you’re repressing a part of who you are.

vcreativ · 2021-09-07T21:36:29+00:00

Shy on its own is fine. When shy continues to get in the way of things you want to do and affects your life negatively then there's likely something else going on.

Loud people can leave bad impressions. And no one would call them shy.

nobody ever pulled me out of it

It's worth finding out where your shoelaces are so you can pull yourself up every once in a while.

23 and still the same as I was when I was 6.

In what regard, specifically? This seems quite a sweeping statement as it stands.

atman714 · 2021-09-07T23:32:17+00:00

I don't think so. However, you probably would want to find a girl who isn't the type to make you so hard on yourself for being an introvert. I'm an introvert and I've dated both introverts and extroverts. While I like how extroverts can sometimes pull me out of my shell and get me to do more social things, I also got the feeling (which was later confirmed) that my way of life was boring to them. My current girlfriend is more introverted like me and it seems to work better.

MicahMX700 · 2021-09-08T02:48:33+00:00

I don't know I must be in a different situation because most women have approached me before mainly because they could tell I was shy. Go to why I should mention that these are with the heart more so the type of woman to approach first, rather than wait on me to approach so there's that.

princessbubbbles · 2021-09-08T03:05:35+00:00

My(F) husband is very shy and, well, he's my husband. He was really shy but participated in the same college activities I did. He became part of my friend group and then we started dating. We're both likely on thespectrum, too (we just haven't pursued daignoses). It isn't a death sentence. It's harder to find friends in general once you're out of school, a place where you are kind of forced to interact in some capacity. If you are part of some sort of club or hobby-based group or you go to the same establishment regularly at the same time (coffee shop, local cards&comics store, library), you will have a better chance at meeting and developing relationships with interesting people who will enrich your life, and possibly date you.

medlabunicorn · 2021-09-08T04:54:35+00:00

Being shy isn’t bad unless you’re so shy that you shut down if a girl approaches you. You need to be able to have a conversation, even if it’s just about your area of interest

RedPillDetox · 2021-09-07T19:01:10+00:00

Well, it's not about being shy in so much as it is about chasing women and making your move.

If you don't chase women and make a move, then yeah, you're massively dependent on the chance of a woman chasing you and making a move, which usually doesn't happen.

Venustarr_777 · 2021-09-07T23:27:45+00:00

Have you tried subliminals?

qwertyuiopasdfghjkt · 2023-07-14T19:33:44+00:00

Yes, it's absolutely the worst. Society. People expect from guys to be confident. That's an absolute bullshit. People judge you only by how sociable you are. So if you're shy, then good luck to not be made fun of, saying something to the public. I'm that kind of person. I have social anxiety. Only my close friends understand me and appreciate me. And that's why being a shy guy sucks. And that's why I say a big "fuck you" to the society. Obviously, there are good and understanding people out there. They don't make fun of you for your stuttering. They cheer you up, even when some people try to make you look bad. And that's why those people are truly a gift from heavens. Sadly, there are a lot of scumbags in society.

NewStartup2021 · 2021-09-08T01:36:00+00:00

Depends how attractive you are. Being shy is fine if you’re good looking

piratepig18 · 2021-09-08T01:23:42+00:00

At least you’re honest with yourself about how you look although I’m sure getting you looking better wouldn’t take long. 6-months of hard work and doing the work necessary and being disciplined. If you want to start after you read these comments.

DonutSwitch · 2021-09-08T15:22:52+00:00

There's a difference between shyness and social anxiety.

And women do think shyness is cute.

andrew-shovlin · 2021-09-18T19:16:59+00:00

Im shy and I can confirm it's bad. A gf once unironically said you are so shy it makes me dry when you don't say what you want.

Uh ok what am I supposed to Do? Hit a button and be very expressive all of a sudden. Come on

Naus1987 · 2021-09-07T20:37:21+00:00

You need a good wing man. Being shy isn’t too bad if you got a good extrovert looking out for you!

My biggest annoyance as an extrovert is when people don’t want to listen to me, lol. So I like to empower those who support me, but I cut off those who flake.

Temporary-Fail-2535 · 2021-09-08T14:26:06+00:00

Worst trait is beeing useless. Mans value is defined on his achivements not traits or look.

Title	Being shy as a guy is definitely the worst possible trait, right?
Author	KindKitten25055
Upvotes	31
Comments	99
Date	September 7, 2021 5:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/pjrp35/being_shy_as_a_guy_is_definitely_the_worst/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/being-shy-as-a-guy-is-definitely-the-worst.1067507 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067507

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