So uh… What do women want again?

RealRussShackleford · 2022-02-07T12:11:21+00:00

The secret to women is that women are people and they all like different things. Once you get that, then you learn to stop taking a rejection or a bad date personally, and things get much easier.

smurfsm00 · 2022-02-07T13:04:18+00:00

Women are not a monolith. They are individual people. We all want different things. So if you approach women as fully realized people who are complex and unique, you will go MUCH farther in building important & lasting friendships & relationships with them.

Take me for example: I don’t give a shit about money or ability to give me expensive things or gifts. I value someone who I can have a connection with & great conversations with. Someone I never get tired to see & be with. Someone who values who I am on the inside. That is probably the most important thing for me. I also like kindness, openness, good humor, friendliness, etc. Someone who is a truly good person. Those are the people I like to surround myself with, and the man for me is someone who has all of those qualities in spades.

I haven’t found the right man for me yet. I am 44. I’m fine being single. But I’d love to have a great love one day.

I think the better answer for you isn’t to the question “what do women want”, but “what kind of person do YOU wanna be?” Consider that question without assuming you HAVE to be rich/financially solid all the time, “manly”, standoffish etc. Pretend there are NO RULES for who you “have” to be in order to find a great woman for you, and just examine who the best version of your unique self could be. And if you like all the qualities in that best version you’ve imagined, work on getting to that point. Your character is far more important in the long run than superficial qualities like being muscular or whatever the fuck. Just be AWESOME. like an awesome, good dude. Who is uniquely you.

That’ll absolutely get you great friends and the right women for you.

Oh and ps to address a red pill type of perspective: I’ve dated a good number of guys. Well, hooked up with rather than dated. I’ve been on the bad end of unrequited love a LOT. But I have never, not ONCE, blamed the guy for this. So it’s important that you don’t blame women if they’re not into you as much as you’d like. The answer is always to look at yourself and whether you have some personal improvements to make. And again: I don’t just mean exterior shit. The problem is usually interior shit. As someone who’s dated a lot of guys, looks-wise they’ve all been incredibly different. Most don’t have traditional good looks. But they all had a SPARK of something great in their personality. Work on what makes you spark. Good luck 😊

Darklillies · 2022-02-07T14:04:56+00:00

women arent a hivemind. you can never figure out what 'they' want because there is NO 'THEY'

bee_ghoul · 2022-02-07T14:14:08+00:00

So uh…What do men want again?

DrunkUranus · 2022-02-07T14:52:39+00:00

Most women prefer men who see them as fully human, not just fEmAlEs who need to get tricked into a relationship...

You don't see that on studies because they don't ask about it, but it's pretty often lacking

Maddzilla2793 · 2022-02-07T13:16:57+00:00

Well for starters, what background do you have in research? And do you understand the limits of qualitative studies? And collecting data via surveys and focus groups?

Second, we aren’t all the same, we are humans. We all want different things.

sleepy_sunflower · 2022-02-07T12:58:43+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Fufi44 · 2022-02-07T16:46:10+00:00

Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE.

WOMEN ARE NOT A MONOLITH. You are going to have to deal with each individual woman on an individual basis to find out what THAT WOMAN WANTS.

I swear to mutherfucking god, this bullshit right here is why men think that women are soooo confusing and crazy. Because you hear and believe that ALL women think one thing, then when you deal with a woman who thinks the opposite of that particular thing, you think SHE is being contradictory when in reality what’s happening is that she just happens to not fit some stupid stereotype.

My god it’s almost painful to watch sometimes. YOULL NEVER FIND THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION ‘WHAT DO WOMEN WANT’ BECAUSE EACH WOMAN IS AN INDIVIDUAL.

Sorry for yelling but goddamn.

2022-02-07T13:30:35+00:00

There is no way to know unless you ACTUALLY get to know a woman. Not every woman is the same. If that were the case, there would only be a very, very, VERY small percentage of men in relationships and 10/10 those relationships would be polyamorous since millions of women are only going after one type of guy. But that's not the case at all!

there no study in existence that will give you the answers for all women because they aren't a monolith, just like different men life different types of women and different qualitiesin those women. The are men who prefer chubby, women or bigger women, men who prefer small mousey women, men who prefer tall women, etc. Same with looks! Not everyone is attracted by the same look. And you must be VERY clear about this because there is a big difference between someone being attractive and actually being attracted to them. A general consensus can say that a man is a attractive... but that doesn't mean all of those women are physically attracted to him in any way. Looks and physical attraction are subjective. And, tbh, a lot of projection from RP because this is only being stated and perpetuated in one place and it's not in reality.

But I 100% agree with another poster! You need to ask better questions. There no way on earth you'll be able to know what every woman wants, so ask yourself what kind of man you want to be! When you figure that out and work towards it, the women you're look for will narrow down because not everyone will meet your standard and you'll eventually become more selective about who you let into your space by actually getting to know them and seeing what you can have in common or if there is any compatibility.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-02-07T14:19:31+00:00

Women vary, and there is not some consensus about the hierarchy of valuable qualities that women prioritize.

Of course there is overlap in what all people want. People value love, loyalty, commitment, honesty, integrity, compassion, compatibility, stability, communication skills, sense of humour, confidence etc.

These are all desirable qualities in both men and women.

Your best bet is to become a good person. Be a well rounded guy. Take care of yourself, have passions and interests, develop your listening skills, learn how to care for and connect with others, work on your self esteem and mental/physical health. And from there, finding a partner will come down to compatibility and what she is subjectively into and what qualities she prioritizes.

Because there isn't some checklist of qualities you need to have that will guarantee you attract women. People are different and even if someone seems perfect on paper, that doesn't ensure that you're going to have some strong connection with them. Sometimes a person can seem awesome, but there isn't that connection or compatibility. Which often matters more.

There will be some women who do value income more. Especially women who come from low income backgrounds or who lack education, empirically they're more likely to prioritize a financially stable man and accept other tradeoffs that many come with that relationship. Whereas a woman who is financially stable on her own will not need to worry so much about the income of her partner if she already lives in financial abundance- she will be able to prioritize other qualities.

And yes, of course women care about attractiveness. Of course people want a partner they're physically attracted to. And that doesn't mean this dude needs to be the height of attractiveness in order to attract a partner or approximate some universal male ideal, but yeah, men and women alike want to be with someone they're attracted to.

WannaBeA_Vata · 2022-02-07T15:32:46+00:00

IDK about other women, but I want large pockets and a trustworthy and thorough news source.

Meat_Vegetable · 2022-02-07T15:35:25+00:00

As a guy who did fall into the redpill long ago and crawled out of that idiot pit with effort, women are not a singular group. What does this person who happens to be a woman want, we are all individuals and we all have different wants and needs.

Until you think like that you'll still fall victim to redpill idiocy.

TRPYoungBloke · 2022-02-07T14:24:31+00:00

Women are all different and all have their own preferences. But, on a balance of probabilities, a woman is more likely to be attracted to you if you are actively pursuing self improvement (appearance, style, income, mental health).

_Terrible_Advice_ · 2022-02-07T15:36:37+00:00

Stop worrying about the studies. Focus on individuals and surround yourself with those you get along with.

tomowudi · 2022-02-07T16:14:27+00:00

If you want a universal rule, you need to think of women as people.

All people want the same things.

We want to feel safe.
We want to feel useful.
We want to feel desired.
We want to feel understood.
We want to feel comforted or contented, depending on whatever we are feeling now.

All people want these things, but the tricky part is that different people require different things to feel this way.

For example, some people like to be told what to do in order to feel safe. It reassures them to be given direction.

Some people like to do the telling. It reassures them that things will be done in a way that they associate with success.

And this isn't a hard and fast rule, people will feel reassured from both giving orders and taking them, depending on the situation.

The only way you find out what is reassuring for someone in different contexts is to spend time getting to know them. Learning their personality - that's all we are doing in relationships at the end of the day - we are learning how to relate to someone.

When you are looking at data, you are looking at clusters of traits around a single data point - which when looking at studies about women it's typically the clustering of traits of female human beings in very specific regions or cultural groups. And the environment people find themselves in, such as their culture/family traditions, in part shapes what they are familiar with. And people tend to feel safe around the familiar...

Except when what is familiar doesn't make them feel one of the above 5 things. People that grew up in unhealthy relationships or abusive environments, for example, tend not to be comforted by what is familiar. For example domestic violence victims will be terrified when their partner starts to act nice, because they associate it with the calm before the storm. That is a generally true thing about that population which is not always true because individuals are different from the groups we can link them to in various ways.

So part of your confusion is because you are trying to think of women as a single, monolithic group, and they aren't. They are people, and rather than trying to make yourself appealing to the entire group, you should instead be thinking about the kind of people that you want to spend time with, wether or not you want them to touch your penis.

Because at the end of the day, no matter who your partner is, you will be spending less time having sex than you will be dealing with the many discomforts and traumas that life will impose on you both. So instead of thinking - who am I going to want to fuck for the rest of my life if I am stuck on a dessert island with them...

Think about who you want to be stuck on a dessert island that will help you survive, that will make you feel comforted and desired, and that you can simply be yourself around? Who is going to like you for you even when you are trying to figure out how to open a coconut with a rock because you haven't had anything to eat in 3 days?

Life is fun and amazing, but it can also be a painful mess. In good times and bad, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, we all want someone we can trust that will care about our feelings. We all want someone we can trust will focus on helping us solve the problem, even if focusing on the problem means reminding us that we are missing some shit because we are too emotional, or malnourished, or because we are out of our depth. We NEED someone that will ask the questions that never occur to us.

For example, my wife is not very familiar with taxes. And yet because she isn't, she checked the forms I wanted to turn in very carefully, and she managed to catch some errors. She just asked the questions that I never thought to ask in my confidence and familiarity. And I had the wisdom to not dismiss her questions.

And so we both benefit from how we relate.

It all comes down to healthy relating at the end of the day, and that's the same regardless of the person's sex or gender.

https://link.medium.com/1sELLdWpsnb

MelissaOfTroy · 2022-02-07T16:07:43+00:00

This HAS to be a joke. Right? Right?!?

xvszero · 2022-02-07T17:47:51+00:00

There are like 4 billon of them and they all want different things. You will find certain trends among different groups and subgroups, but that won't really give you a clear answer when trying to figure out how any given individual thinks. And since dating / relationships involve individuals and not groups (usually, unless you're into that kind of thing) you should focus more on understanding the individual in front of you than in any group trends that may or may not apply to said individual.

There you go.

2022-02-07T20:57:32+00:00

Dude stop reading evo psych.

AutoModerator · 2022-02-08T01:16:13+00:00

Studies that show women don't value looks much tend to be surveying people's statements, but that often don't line up with who they actually become attracted to in rela life. Also women are very looks focused in online dating but men outnumber women 4 to 1 and online dating by its nature favors pictures. Most people still meet in real life rather than online.

When you put all the studies together, looks is the biggest factor in attraction, followed by personality, then status. And women have minimum standards for these three things for long term relationships. So you need some looks, some personality, and some status.

Women do have a drive to choose the highest value person possible in these traits, but there is a stronger drive for compatibility. So less attractive women will settle for less attractive men and visa versa and won't exclusively look for partners out of their league.

Also you almost never find a consensus among women about who is attractive and who is not, and different women have their types. And that consensus is further reduced when they know that guy for a long time.

However I suspect that less attractive people are less attracted to less attractive people than attractive people are to other attractive people. So there is probably a stronger tendency among them to either not date or look for people out of their league. But this makes it harder for other unattractive people, but not close to impossible if your standards are reasonable.

Naus1987 · 2022-02-07T19:40:50+00:00

Women basically want the same thing men want.

The important thing to recognize is that not everyone is “coming” from the same place. People value security, and someone struggling with bills might put more value on money.

Additionally, people are very irrational. They can say and do two different things. Throw in some mental illness and naïvity and you got yourself a guessing puzzle.

You can sus out a bit of what people are looking for by watching their actions. Their goals. What they want in life.

Women like men are individuals. We all have different wants. Treat people with context.

BlankImagination · 2022-02-07T23:46:54+00:00

I ask this question because it’s not exactly clear to me whether or not they have any preferences towards something or not.

Wtf? Women are people. Individuals. You can't paint them all with the same brush. You can't read about women and think you can learn what they want. You can't get to know one woman and expect that the next one you meet will have similar wants and needs.

2022-02-08T00:18:55+00:00

I want to die. That's it uwur

fynoddyree · 2022-02-08T01:02:42+00:00

Some men are obsessed with looks, others with brains or personality, others with income, some with hobbies. Same for women. We are as diverse and complex and there is no formula, each woman you meet will be different. Some women are horrible, some are extremely kind, some are shallow, some are thoughtful, some are selfish some are generous. As other posters have said, they’re people just like you.

I’ve dated a variety of different kinds of men and had to figure out what I wanted as I got older. When I was a kid/teen I thought I wanted a popular jock type because that’s what the movies said I should want. But I’m a shameless nerd and that’s who I’ve ended up engaged to. Some men I dated were funny but cruel, some were handsome but dull, some were less physically attractive but such good people or more than made up for it.

You cite studies like you’re trying to study a mongoose and if you can just understand it then maybe you could catch one. But that’s not how individual women are or a successful recipe for dating. Plus, women’s behaviour has been dominated by male policy in most countries in the world - of course women might want a partner with a higher income job if there’s no chance she could get one herself because of laws/restrictions/etc. She wouldn’t be able to live! But as things are balancing out more and some women enjoy lives closer to what men have historically had, you’ll see them act more ‘normally’. If you live in a society where you can get well educated and make decent money yourself, then you can look for actual love rather than a shallow relationship based on economic advantages and disadvantages. So more women have the freedom to look for love, not some kind of mutually toxic financial support system masquerading as a relationship.

But, as I say, some women will still be shallow, still be gold diggers, still fit the old tropes. Worry less about finding an ‘answer’ to women and focus on treating them the same way you’d treat the men you meet - get to know them, ditch the ones with shitty personalities and keep the ones who are decent people.

PostMoFoSho · 2022-02-09T22:45:58+00:00

It's almost as if women are individual people with individual wants and needs in a partner, so there's no one-size-fits-all solution to attracting women.

Confusing indeed!

But if it makes you feel any better, men are ALSO individual people with individual wants and needs in a partner. Turn about's fair play mother fuckers!

thom92Pf3105 · 2022-02-07T15:06:26+00:00

A guy that is financial stable during pregnancy. Thats it. Oh and if there is afford to a couple of travels that Would Nice too.

Cyber_Lanternfish · 2022-02-07T15:56:36+00:00

Simple :" woman mainly value income and earning potential in a man"
=> mostly right in poor countries (often having more patriarcal values and where access to income is just necessary for basic comfort) and mostly wrong in richer countries (still depend a lot on the culture).

distance00000 · 2022-02-07T14:55:02+00:00

These studies are like asking the fish how they get caught. They have no clue

You would be better off asking the fisherman ;)

Fufi44 · 2022-02-07T16:31:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PizzaSteeve · 2022-02-07T19:12:47+00:00

There's no such thing as "women" wanting something. These are individuals not some kind of an entity. There's a scientific term for the tendency to think about individuals with some characteristic (black skin, slanted eyes, cunts) as uniform and entity-like but I can't find it right now. Just try and leave this state of mind behind. It won't lead anywhere, only cause more confusion as obviously, some women will prefer a tight ass while others will be greedy and yet others will be looking for a soulmate.

We live in a culture where people are raised to behave in ways that are deemed appropriate for their gender and there is still a taboo against women who are as sexual/visual as their male brethren.

For centuries, ladies were passed from the custody of their father to that of their husband as though they were merchandise (look up Levi-Strauss, the anthropologist not the jeans). Male-bodied folks who wanted to grow their clans would look for youth and fertility over anything else. This is why scholars talk about the objectification of female-bodied people. I think all of us are attracted by tight bodies. It's just that ladies for most of history have lacked the power to express their sexuality freely.

It was not their place to hunt for tight assed guys, they existed to serve their husband's clan, stay sexually loyal to preserve his lineage (the 'slut' is born out of necessity to keep ladies sexually passive/non-threatening) and if she had decent parents, her parents would try to get her paired with a wealthy mate, who could provide for her and her children the best quality of life materially. That was the best they could do for her working from within a system where she was of similar value as cattle. Sure, things have come a long-ish way but tendencies remain. This is why it's still much more acceptable for girls and their parents to shoot for a well-off partner than to freely express their sexuality.

None of this stuff is biological though. Abandon the idea that gender roles are biologically determined. It will do you a lot of good. I used to read about "evolutionary psychology" too. But it is a pseudo science. Your time is much better spent studying philosophy or the hard sciences.

Mh882130 · 2022-02-08T01:01:27+00:00

Stop focussing on women. In fact just fuck all people and focus on yourself.

When you do that, the right women comes along.

The idea that we have to revolve our life and existence around someone other than ourself even our own children is horse shit fed to us by people more fucked up than we were.

This does not mean to be an asshole but really doing things for the happiness likeness or attraction of another is probably the worst thing you can do.

Gmed66 · 2022-02-13T04:04:09+00:00

Looks do matter a lot as a guy, the face is still #1. Then it's personality. A combination of those sets you up for success.

Life_Definition4840 · 2022-02-21T18:02:30+00:00

Idk the answer to this, but I'm a bit disturbed seeing many of them commenting that each women is a different individual and discrediting this question. Yes, every person is different, but there are more similarities than differences. Else, the whole academic subject of sociology gets thrown into the bin. If we are able to study the psychology of population based on their differences (genders, races, economical structure ect) we certainly can assume that there is a "THEY" element in this.

2022-02-23T21:43:19+00:00

So usually once a year all women on the planet secretly meet and discuss the nature of women. In this meeting we all collectively decide what women want and no women is allowed to express any kind of individuality after that decision is made. We usually decide that we only like tall rich white guys with a sharp jawline and we also decide that we strictly are only allowed to date the top 20 percent of men (it’s of course agreed on what kind of man that is).

Title	So uh… What do women want again?
Author	HorrendousHexapod
Upvotes	10
Comments	126
Date	February 7, 2022 12:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/smongl/so_uh_what_do_women_want_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/so-uh-what-do-women-want-again.1100572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100572

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