What are everyone on here's thoughts on paternity testing?

CptHappyOrange · 2023-02-26T08:27:13+00:00

Well, if you do it purely for health reasons, I see no problem in it. If you do it because you fear that your wife/gf cheated on you, the lack of trust already signals a few red flags regarding the relationship.

That being said, I can totally understand why even a completely faithful woman would still be offended if you requested to know whether the child really was yours or not. You are basically accusing her of:

-cheating -being so reckless that she didn't even use protection during the act -lying to EVERYONE'S face, including the child's, that they're your offspring, for her whole damn life -being an absolutely evil person, because only an evil person would do the shit mentioned above.

There was a post on r/TIFU I believe where the guy requested a paternity test because the child had some features that weren't neither his nor hers. Dude didn't read up on genealogy much, rushed to the conclusion that she cheated. She agreed to the paternity test, and one day the dude came back home to find out that his wife left with the kid and on the bed laid the paternity test: the child was 100% his.

Eh, in any case, if you really can't sleep at night because of worry, do it in secret. Is it immoral because you are going behind your partner's back? Yes. But you're possibly doing more harm than good by being upfront about it, so unless you get over your fear, you do the test in secret... if you can live with it.

I_eat_sand_everyday · 2023-02-26T05:33:09+00:00

Ironic how the men always bitching about false allegations are the same ones who can’t comprehend how any woman could possibly be offended by this if she hasn’t actually done anything wrong.

Your generalized ideas about women you heard from complete strangers outweigh the partnership you feel with the person CARRYING YOUR CHILD?? Yeah even faithful women are gonna be pissed.

tinyhermione · 2023-02-26T13:33:42+00:00

I think you should get a paternity test if a girl you are just hooking up with gets pregnant. That's just common sense when you aren't exclusive.

If you are married or in a serious relationship? You don't. Same way you don't put a tracker app on your husband's phone. Serious relationships don't work without trust. If you suspect your partner of cheating or just can't trust them, you should consider ending the relationship instead. Or therapy for anxiety. Depends on if the reason is the other person acting in an untrustworthy way or if it's just a you thing.

Paternity fraud is very rare. Studies tell us that 96-99% of children are listed with the right father. That's including all children, not just children from committed relationships. Like children of teenagers , off and on long distance relationships and just hookups. For married/serious couples paternity fraud is way less likely.

If I was married to a guy and he asked me for a paternity test? I'd think we weren't ready for children and it would make me reconsider the whole relationship. If he thinks I'd cheat on him and then lie about it, what are we even doing here? Having a baby with someone is a huge trust exercise. If you don't trust each other to start with, it won't work. How am I supposed to trust him then to be there for me when I'm pregnant and helpless, if he doesn't trust me at all?

xvszero · 2023-02-26T18:08:22+00:00

Seems pointless. Accidentally given the wrong baby? This isn't a Hallmark show. Most hospitals use id bracelets and such now.

SweelFor- · 2023-02-26T21:04:17+00:00

Seems great for insecure people in terrible relationships

DreamieQueenCJ · 2023-02-26T14:45:19+00:00

I understand the mentality of "if she has nothing to hide" and I agree with that saying. But I think the feeling of not being trusted by your partner is heart breaking. To accuse someone of cheating when they didn't and would never, to challenge their love...to demand a test just proves how convinced you are that they are cheating.

To me, it would most likely break something between my partner and I. I would do it to appease him but just thinking about it makes me feel cold and I honestly don't think I could stay with him in the long run if he can't find it in him to trust me.

It's like a man with an insecure girlfriend who has to reassure her all the time that he's not cheating. Wouldn't it get heavy in the long run? Mistrust hurts.

TheGlitteringLady · 2023-02-26T18:48:26+00:00

You can do genetic testing without a paternity test. They don’t even have to be born yet for that.

RealRussShackleford · 2023-02-26T05:20:02+00:00

I mean, if it makes you sleep better at night…. I really don’t care one way out the other about paternity testing, but I will state that the hilarious numbers that RP guys claim exist for paternity fraud are insane.

According to them, 5% of American fathers are unwittingly raising someone else’s baby.

ooooobb · 2023-02-26T14:37:43+00:00

I think it’s okay if everyone talked about it before they got pregnant/ very early into the pregnancy and you don’t just spring it on them right before / after the baby is born.

Signing a birth certificate is a legal contract to that child and the other parent. I view PTs similarly to prenups, it’s only really suspicious if you bring them up out of no where. I think it’s both totally fair if you don’t want to sign the birth certificate without testing first and for them to be offended and not want to date you anymore. Set boundaries and expectations early to hopefully mitigate frustration later.

baiser_vole · 2023-02-26T05:23:01+00:00

I think it is somewhat like prenup. I'm pro-prenup. To each their own. I won't demonize a guy for not wanting a prenup, cause I simply don't care to be in a relationship with everyone. It is just an incompatibility.

No-Assistant-2592 · 2023-02-26T12:59:36+00:00

People are irrational, their needs are irrational. A kid is a big fucking deal, and emotions around having one are usually high. As long as they're not weird about it, asking for a paternity test isn't a big ask. It doesn't mean that they suspect that their partner's cheating. Is it ideal for someone to worry about it, not really. But people aren't ideal and if you can't deal with a man being anxious about becoming a father, then you probably have some weird ideas about men's emotions and how much they're allowed to express them.

Yesm3can · 2023-02-26T09:36:52+00:00

I fully support it. There are so many tests done during pregnancy nowadays anyway, so it would not have been a problem if it was just about the test.

For some future dads though, the problems seem to be already happening/cultivating long before the birth itself. And I don't know how much even a '99% DNA match' results can help them with their state of minds.

Midnightchickover · 2023-02-26T14:17:11+00:00

I think I fall somewhere close to the middle, but it does sow a lot of distrust into a relationship and can be a striking relationship-killer, especially with a child.

The problems occur often due to people’s irrational fears and reactions to suspected infidelity. Which is pretty common, but oddly enough most people are fairly monogamous and don’t commit infidelity as often in the beginning of a relationship. It can if a relationship is deteriorating or one which was never built on trust or growth.

Paternity test can be good for genealogy, risk factors for possible hereditary diseases or complications. In fact, I found a few years ago, they aren’t just for people to prove the fidelity of the mother. It can actually be used to detect some fetal complications or impending conditions. Obviously in the cases of deaths with regards to Social Security and inheritance apply.

Oftentimes, RPillers jump straight to the infidelity part to protect their status and not providing for a child that isn’t theirs, but if they aren’t the father…the biological father or sperm donor can claim paternity and custody of the child, which can and does happen. To the rate RPillers claim is over longer past five thousand, but it can happen. Though, the rate is fairly minuscule and in most cases the request of the paternity test typically falls back to known father in over 90-98% of these cases.

Again, this looks bad on both parties, not only the woman. The women are often seen as “reckless, conniving whores,” even though the man could also have committed infidelities himself, look past the warning signs of a possible cheating partner, and was not judicious enough to not avoid having a child with a woman he does not trust, know very well, maintained a rocky relationship with, had unprotected sex without the intention of children, was aware she had other partners, or had a vague relationship with.

Are there cases where women commit infidelity and hide that fact from the father? Of course, but the discourse around that single element and a man being stuck to support a child that’s not his is just not as common as they like to believe.

GloomyHousing2657 · 2023-02-26T23:21:32+00:00

I honestly think that the government should do Peter it’s testing automatically alleges the baby is born.

banjocatto · 2023-02-26T18:14:04+00:00

This is one of the things RedPillers are right about.

I use to think it was a bad idea because the idea of the government collecting everyone's DNA irked me (still kinda does), but fathers deserve to know and do the children.

meisterkraus · 2023-02-26T14:40:05+00:00

It should be mandatory. I know several men you have gone through prenatal Freud. It is devastating. Everyone has the right to no for sure their kids are actually Thiers. Women get this by default.

Different-Item-7994 · 2023-02-26T16:44:36+00:00

You already screwed up if this becomes an option you're considering. You most likely already chose the wrong partner. Both parties should be willing 100%. But chances are you screwed up and it won't be mutually accepted. These tests should be mandatory in the hospital setting at birth just to save the family court process and burden.

hari_hbp · 2023-02-26T05:09:06+00:00

I'm for it but it's always hilarious to see women defend "not taking the test".

TREVONTHEDRAGON · 2023-02-26T23:51:44+00:00

If your upset about about a paternity test or a prenup your probably a woman and you need to be avoid by all men at all costs. Exredpill is just a group for women to try and get men to do what they want them to do and a bunch of people who tried to apply it in the most extreme way possibly. How can it be redpill to suggest a paternity test will be funny when people here say “condoms don’t you trust me I’m so offended”

JonF1 · 2023-02-26T17:13:19+00:00

Get one if you feel unsure?

WWhiMM · 2023-02-27T04:37:52+00:00

Seems fine and good to me.
It shouldn't be some intolerable insult to your character for someone to suggest you've been cheating. People cheat, it's not uncommon, it's hurtful and mean and unacceptable, but it's also a relatively normal human thing to get emotional and fuck the wrong person. Usually it doesn't lead to pregnancy, but shit happens.
So, to me cheating doesn't seem like such a big deal, whereas paternity actually does seem like a big deal. Paternity is such a consequential thing to know, and such an easy thing to check. Why wouldn't you?
Ok, you should trust your partner... but if I were the one birthing the child, for a few hundred dollars I'd want to double check I didn't accidentally fuck a stranger in some dissociated fugue state and lose my memory.
That's my own cultural hangup though. If blood relation is less important to you, I get why you wouldn't bother.

Temporary-Sea-4782 · 2023-02-28T17:42:05+00:00

I found out in my 40s that I was an affair child. Mom, bcf-birth certificate father, and bio dad all deceased. I get no answers and no closure. Testing should be mandatory. The tech exists and the scale will bring down the costs. I totally get that women have the feelings expressed here, it screams insecurity and distrust in a primal way from a certain point of view. However, for the sake of agency of decision making, and the fact that this tech is available over the counter at this point, I do see mandatory paternity testing as part of the icky things of adulting…same category as homeowners insurance, estate planning, and living wills.

Title	What are everyone on here's thoughts on paternity testing?
Author	better-call-mik3
Upvotes	9
Comments	118
Date	February 26, 2023 4:26 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11c593r/what_are_everyone_on_heres_thoughts_on_paternity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-are-everyone-on-heres-thoughts-on-paternity.1153300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153300

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