Why is it considered taboo to state that a man's looks are #1 in dating?

softnmushy · 2022-04-08T03:08:32+00:00

I think it’s because we all want to encourage each other to look past looks. A lot of the things we say are aspirational.

ViolinistParty4950 · 2022-04-08T04:59:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Dahks · 2022-04-08T14:46:34+00:00

It's because focusing only on males paints the picture as if the problem were women because they're the superficial ones.

If you really wanted to talk about superficiality or the privilege of being good-looking, you'd talk about how it affects everyone in all contexts, from heterosexual/homosexual relationship to others contexts like job-searching.

pekkauser · 2022-04-08T16:57:02+00:00

Go outside and look at real couples. How many of the men are hot? Not that many.

RedPillDetox · 2022-04-08T08:14:18+00:00

Because 9 out of 10 times the guys that come here with that kind of rethorics are incels who promptly accompany that sort of logic with "it's over" and "women only go for top 20%" and other BS that simply isn't true.

And because there are plenty of other factors in dating that may sometimes supplant looks, as mismatched couples in looks still exist and they aren't that rare, so...

Hellion_shark · 2022-04-09T01:38:46+00:00

Because they aren't. I mean, they might help you get a date, but a disgusting personality makes looks disgusting real fast. On top of that many dudes who are sex symbols in my country I consider super fucking ugly - beauty is subjective. A lot of it is in how you carry yourself and how you behave. I think there is a huge problem with many people thinking dating apps reflect reality. The only thing about a guy on a dating app is his looks and if he is into... craft beer? And yeah, they talk about The Hot guy. Is anyone dating him? Just because you find someone hot doesn't mean they will be good relationship material. Some people, no matter how hot are one-night stands at best.
If they both have the personality you look for, of course, you will take the one whose looks you prefer, but that's a no-brainer - why would anyone do otherwise.
But such voices only happen in movies haha

badsign12 · 2022-04-08T14:22:10+00:00

I think most of us want to believe that woman are different from men. Better than men. And despite what may happen in artificial environments like dating apps, women do seem to look at a potential partner a little deeper than men do. The thing is, women do that for reasons of safety and risk control, and not out of some nobler nature than men's.

And this (edited to explain that "this" refers to the assumed big differences and expectations that follow) is sad for both sexes. Men aren't as blindly animalistic in their desire for women as we're portrayed. That portrayal is an exaggeration that gives women some of their concern about safety (not all, but some) and leads some men to feel shame or to take license and hide behind a "I'm a dude, what do you expect" mentality. And women are expected to live up to an inhuman standard, so men can be disappointed or disgusted and women defensive and less sexual than they might be if expectations were real.

So we all lose, and lie to each other. And to ourselves.

xvszero · 2022-04-08T17:38:57+00:00

when almost 100% of couples are nearly identical lookswise

I haven't seen this at all.

whatdidshewrite · 2022-04-08T18:14:12+00:00

It’s an opinion, and one of the denser ones.

Elliot Roger was a decent looking guy…

OldMenAreGross · 2022-04-08T10:42:52+00:00

I ALWAYS talk about this, both on reddit and irl. A lot of people who disagree with me verbally, actually agree with me with their actions.

People have the right to pick whoever they want, but it is hypocritical to pretend a man's looks (and age, because the two things are strictly related) aren't very important when choosing a partner.

EDIT: not that it is the n1 thing, but that it is VERY important.

OldMenAreGross · 2022-04-08T04:35:26+00:00

Everyone hates women who are fans of some cute guy. Not to mention that if this truth becomes evident, that won't make guys go to the gym, take care of their skin and the way they dress, but it will make them lock themselves in their rooms to make stupid theories on the internet.

phlegmdawg · 2022-04-08T12:02:11+00:00

I get what you’re trying to say here. I feel like a better way to say it is that personal physical attraction matters. Everyone has different ideas of what’s attractive, but that attraction needs to be there (at least a spark) for someone to continue engaging. Assuming someone is seeking a partner. To act like finding someone physically appealing shouldn’t matter is disingenuous.

honey-bundy-88 · 2022-04-08T14:31:08+00:00

Because it’s a reductionist argument used by red pillers to shame women for their superficiality. Of course looks matter, and saying that some people will struggle in dating because of this is common knowledge. We just choose not to vocalize because it’s not worth dwelling on and people use it as an excuse to give up entirely (“it’s over bro”).

Stating that it’s the #1 thing and that women are obsessed with it is an exaggeration. For all the proof out there that people swear by, I can spot at least 10 more examples of the opposite just in an average day. But I am curious, if most women are with men who are equal to them in looks, then how can you determine whether appearance was the deciding factor in getting into a relationship? If looks were all that mattered, everyone would be dating up, not equal or down.

LaserFace778 · 2022-04-09T02:20:13+00:00

It’s not. It’s just absurd to say it’s the ONLY thing that matters.

Grappleheart · 2022-04-08T10:04:17+00:00

It's because especially for men few are considered attractive by women. Because of this admiting looks are number one is subconsciously admiting that most men have no chance in dating. And that is just tragic.

MelodiousTones · 2022-04-08T11:10:20+00:00

This is ridiculous. The TV has plenty of stereotypical shows about beautiful women with dumpy men. Women are known for dismissing looks as criteria.

Any decent human being is attracted to the human being, and will not compromise on other stuff for the sake of looks.

Rudd504 · 2022-04-08T04:34:16+00:00

It would make us feel bad and we don’t want to feel bad.

absolutebeginners · 2022-04-08T13:20:31+00:00

Attractive people want attractive partners. Lower your standards.

oneofamike · 2022-04-08T17:44:17+00:00

Doesn’t explain why some get ghosted. There are plenty of girls that gave me their number throughout my teenage years and early adult years. After 2 or 3 phone calls/texts it was over. I’m 35 now. Still single.

marioncobretti9 · 2022-04-08T12:27:55+00:00

Because it's not true. There are plenty of successful men that are desired by a lot of women, and they're not handsome. Of course looks matter to women, but they are not like men. With men, looks are almost "the only" thing that matters. With women, they take a lot of things in consideration. Looks, money, clothes, hygiene, attitude, height, fame, popularity, and so on.

Naus1987 · 2022-04-08T10:21:11+00:00

It's a fun topic for sure! While it's important to recognize that a lot of people value looks. You have to look at the success rate. How many people get into relationships, because of looks only to have them crumble down later due to personality conflicts?

It's true that people value looks, but it by no means is a valid measuring stick for successful relationships. And I would argue that either gender choosing looks over personality is setting themselves up for failure. It's just short-sighted.

Obviously, the best solution is to find someone who looks awesome AND has a great personality. And those are the relationships that probably do the best. But eh, it's like winning the lottery. Not everyone has a reliable chance of hitting that note.

-----------

I think it's valid to talk about the importance of looks, but at the same time, I wouldn't want people to be mislead thinking that looking good will lead to a successful relationship.

IllPractice9354 · 2022-04-08T04:02:47+00:00

Because girls are expected to marry providers and protectors.

HumanNumber348 · 2022-04-08T15:46:17+00:00

You can’t do much about your looks, so “women don’t want you cuz ur ugly lmao” doesn’t really work as advice. People like to focus on what they can control.

azucarleta · 2022-04-08T16:53:59+00:00

I don't know, I always advise people to be brave and fuck a few people that they find unattractive. I did, and lucky for me several of the early ones, one in particular, was incredible at sex, like stunning, and it completely reoriented my brain. I realized that the outward presentation of a person with clothes on has almost no relationship to how much they might sexually please me; indeed, it's actually kinda hot in a strange way to feel so sexually satisifed by someone you (used to think or still) think is ugly. I've been sexually attracted to a much wider swath of people for having had these experiences, and that has made my life easier and more pleasurable.

I think when people are overly focused on outward appearance, it suggests a youthful inexperience and naivete -- at best -- and at worst a totally shallow person who is going after all the wrong things. Of course, there's a million other explanations in the middle, but I've noticed whether it's men or women, gay or straight, people who want to have more sex than they are having are usually way too particular about outward appearance and should work to get over that, as most of it was probably implanted by media anyway.

I encourage people to investigate in themselves whether their preferences are really orientations that can't be changed, or whether they are problematic standards we inherited from a problematic society.

So maybe that's where some of the taboo comes from? Some of us have an articulated analysis about, and others just a vague sense, that these "needs" are totally media manipulations and if you don't decolonize yourself from them you may make incredibly bad choices in choosing a partner, etc.

vaporwav3r · 2022-04-08T22:12:04+00:00

I think it’s actively discourage. Women are constantly bombarded with “beauty and the beast”, older man and young woman propaganda from the time we are very small. It’s fascinating that it’s okay for a man to want the best looking woman he can get and women are shamed (slut shamed?) if they want the same thing.

Primary-Definition83 · 2022-04-08T22:23:08+00:00

Seems pointless to reply here, but in my exoerience, women don't fixate on looks as much as men, and if they like you they will start to find your shortcomings attractive. Also, I'm a guy and I din't even hold women to such a high standard, I don't like curly hair but I had a girlfriend who I loved, she won me over and I didn't mind her hair at all. People are cynical as hell.

-Faoladh- · 2022-04-09T00:49:11+00:00

Because that’s not true. There’s no point being with someone attractive if they make me miserable and aren’t at least a decent person.

carritotaquito · 2022-04-09T01:02:39+00:00

I'm not this sort of hypocrite. I am fully, fully 100% aware that a man's facial attractiveness is of paramount importance to me.

A man with a great facial bone structure and harmonious symmetry is very important to me. Bodywise? As long as a man is not super scrawny or super obese, I'm happy with the majority of body types as long as his weight is evenly distributed and he has a good waist to hip ratio (broad, wide shoulders). HOWEVER, I MUCH RATHER HAVE A SLIGHTLY SHORTER MAN WITH A VERY HANDSOME FACE AND A PROPORTIONAL BODY than a plan looking tall, rich, and/or funny man.

Neither a man's height, bank account, or sense of humor will turn me on in bed.

Randommia1916 · 2022-04-10T10:53:59+00:00

As a woman I’m gonna be honest while a man looking good is nice I’ve definitely seen couples where the man wasn’t that attractive but bcs he had confidence, good personality and a lil money they had lots luck with women.

hotmama-45 · 2022-04-13T03:25:17+00:00

Women want men who are funny and confident. Women don't care about looks as much as you think. Everyone has different things that they find attractive. For example, I only think dark hair is sexy. I've never been attracted to blondes (Brad Pitt and Leo Dicaprio do nothing for me). Its literally why the vast majority of rejections happen? Nope.

hlidsaeda · 2022-04-14T06:52:07+00:00

Only for people who are lifelong superficial or perhaps under 25. After 30 people tend to grow into themselves more and “looks” and obsessing over them becomes far less important and the content of your character, values, kindness, open mindedness etc much more attractive

hollygoodz · 2022-07-20T19:05:07+00:00

First off, I don't know how anyone could seriously argue that it's the women who far more often than men get painted as the more shallow & superficial sex who are more concerned with physical appearances than men?! In my experience that's not the consensus at all & the exact opposite is true! In fact, in my 30+ years I'm almost certain that the only "people" (you'll understand why I put people in quotes in a second,) I've ever even heard of who frequently attempts to peg females as the Sex that's overly obsessed with the physical appearance of potential romantic partners in a way that's far more pronounced than their male counterparts, is INCELS! Furthermore, when broaching such a complicated, multifaceted & nuanced subject such as this one that's bound to elicit different perspectives from almost all who chime in, it's completely perplexing when some simpleminded dudderhead decides to dumb the discussion down by commenting something like this, "I know of far more instances where attractive women are in relationships with men who aren't attractive, than vice-versa." Um- WOW?! Thanks but nobody should be swayed by such a foolhardy & absurdly oversimplified analysis that's not only completely arbitrary but is based only upon one person's anecdotal perspective! Suppose this cliche regarding this business that claims it's the men who are in fact the superficial, pretentious pigs almost only exclusively concerned with a woman's outer beauty & nothing much else, is proven to be 100% factual?! Who's to say that's their fault? I mean we see that same scenario play out in nature all the time. Evolution ensures that the male (as well as the female,) each have their own similar but different ideal characteristics they look for in a mate! The male looks for the youngest & most healthy female companion to breed with which is mostly determined by physical features! The Female however, isn't as concerned with physical features because remember she's obviously the one who has to successfully carry the baby to term. So she's really looking for a male that can protect her & her babies in a large, safe environment that's got plenty of room for them to play in & an abundance of food for her & her offspring to be able to safely grow up & move around in while she teaches them how to eventually survive & hopefully thrive on their own! That being said, let's turn it all on it's head?! Which of the two sexes is the one society typically associates most often with the gold digging vulture we so often pass by at the grocery store walking with, or more likely pushing, some 188 year old liver spot in a wheelchair? Are we all thinking to ourselves, "now that right there is true love ❤️, how sweet that she doesn't care he's the same age her great grandfather would be had he lived another 35 years?!" Fuck NO! We're thinking that guy must be worth a fortune!

So everyone's there own person, you can't paint individuals with such broad brushes!

hollygoodz · 2022-07-23T05:50:14+00:00

First, your claim that all slightly attractive women are first & foremost concerned with a potential male partner's looks, is asinine on so many levels! I honestly laughed because I was certain you had to be messing with me. And who says, "All slightly attractive women..." It just sounds so cringe! Also, you can't make a statement out of an opinion that you hold that's based off of a subjective belief you have, concerning what females are attractive or not! I don't care if you personally know 10,000 women you consider as attractive as it gets, because even if they all value a potential mate's physical appearance over all else, there's still roughly 4 Billion other women in the world, many of whom you'd surely find attractive & yet it's a statistical certainty that not all of them put looks above other characteristics & it's flat out wrong to suggest you know otherwise! Furthermore, you say EVERY attractive woman you know value's a man's physical appearance above anything else, but your thesis falls a part completely the second that I or anyone else thinks that just one is BUTT UGLY! So I suppose you could say something like, "All women whether ugly, average or gorgeous put physical appearance over all other traits as far as what they deem to be most important when choosing a partner," I mean you'd still be wrong & you'd still be massively overreaching with another absurd generalization based on no data or evidence of anykind whatsoever but it would be less incorrect than what you're advocating now, at least in the sense that you'd be indicting all women as opposed to just focusing on a subjective opinion you hold regarding some but not all women!

Socrates would take your claim down simply by asking you if you've ever seen an attractive blind girl?! 😁

Oh, and you're the one who missed the point when I brought up Evolution! You said the point I made doesn't apply any longer because "women make their own money now" as if in ancient times cave men finished up at work, slid down a brontasouras's tale, punched a time click on the way out of work & headed to the bank to cash their check?! 😁 Finally, consider the freaky sensation humans get when suddenly they feel as if they're being watched, particularly when they're alone & feeling a bit more vulnerable than usual? Scientists theorize we've carried that since ancient times when we weren't on the top of the food chain & so we developed a kinda primitive early warning alarm system that we still have till this day, that told us "DANGER, A PREDATOR IS WATCHING YOU & LIKELY STALKING YOU, SO GET READY BECAUSE ANY SECOND IT WILL BE FIGHT OR FLIGHT TIME!" I SAY THAT TO HELP EXPLAIN TO YOU THE POINT I MADE CONCERNING THE DIFFERENT TRAITS ANCIENT MEN & WOMEN TYPICALLY LOOKED FOR IN A PARTNER THAT STILL CARRIES OVER UNTIL TODAY. YOU CLAIMED THAT WE JUST CAN TURN OFF THOSE INSTINCTS WHEN THE POINT I MADE ABOUT MODERN HUMANS GETTING THAT STRANGE FEELING WHEN SOMETHING OMINOUS IS WATCHING US, CLEARLY PROVES OTHERWISE!

roxloxjox · 2022-10-15T23:10:03+00:00

Its an insecurity thing they womt admit it. They dont want to feel as if thet are competing for a man that is better looking than themselves. They want to be the better looking one in the relationship. Its more of an insecurity thing

Title	Why is it considered taboo to state that a man's looks are #1 in dating?
Author	Gmed66
Upvotes	19
Comments	133
Date	April 8, 2022 2:30 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/tyt94y/why_is_it_considered_taboo_to_state_that_a_mans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/why-is-it-considered-taboo-to-state-that-a-mans.1110817 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110817

Comments

Neither a man's height, bank account, or sense of humor will turn me on in bed.