Was seeing a guy briefly; long story short he just wouldn't text me. We had a shared hobby and would see each other periodically, started dating, and then he would usually wait until we saw each other again to text me (like "Hey, are you going tonight? Want to grab dinner afterwards?) but nothing at all in between.

Me, committing a FDS faux pas, told him that I would like him to text me more. (Old habits die hard, I'm unlearning decades of jUsT coMMunIcAte.)

His response: Oh, I didn't know that. (And he didn't text me.)

Me, committing a FDS faux pas--again--told him two more times in the span of two more weeks. Like a "Good morning beautiful, how was your day" text. Something to keep the spark alive during the week.

Unsurprisingly, on our last date, he spent about 20 minutes lecturing me on why I shouldn't want that, and if I really wanted him to text me, then obviously I would be texting him first, and actually he really wants me to text him more anyway, so see, the ball is actually in my court, etc etc etc-- (You know the thing that men do, when they are convincing themselves of their talking points as they're talking to you? It's really fucking weird.)

Yes, thank you. I understand. You won't be texting me. I'm looking for something different in a partner, thank you and good bye. (My internal thought: why on earth didn't I just drop him the first time per FDS rules, ugh these old habits.)

Cue his SHOCK. "WHAT! You're breaking up with me over something THIS SMALL?! That's not a good enough reason to break up! OK OK OK--FINE. Fine. I'll text you." (This happened in person at the end of our last date.)

I said, No, no thank you. You've made yourself very clear. We are not compatible, and I am not interested. Good bye.

He huffed and puffed and yelled ("DON'T I GET A SAY IN THIS" lmfao) and I walked away, now I feel like I can't do this hobby there anymore because of this idiotic tantrum-throwing man.

Why do men suck.

If only men actually vetted for compatibility. Texting is too much for you? That's just fine. But you don't get to keep a partner that wants texts. If only they thought, "Hm, she wants me to text her but I'm not going to be able to bring myself to do that; this is clearly not the woman for me."

But they don't do that, they think "I can put my dick in this thing. I think it's saying words or some shit. WAIT A MINUTE IS IT WALKING AWAY WHAT THE--"

What I Have Learned/Gentle Reminders

  1. If he wanted to, he would.

  2. Drop him the first time.

  3. Don't explain.

Also--be kind to yourself on your FDS journey. While I'm kicking myself a bit for the obvious FDS slips I made, if you're like me and have decades of conditioning to undo, it may be difficult to unlearn them quickly. But you'll see the patterns and it will get easier each time. I've had a little back-and-forth in my FDS journey, but the patterns are clearer, block & delete is easier, my self-confidence is up, and my tolerance for men's shit remains at an all-time low.

Good luck out there, ladies.