"CoMmUnIcAtE"

PersephoneisHalfHell · 2021-04-06T08:31:55+00:00

"I don't know if he likes it rough" - he can like it however the hell he likes, but that doesn't apply to your body. This is not consent - this is do it now, ask for forgiveness later, with another human being's body. Fuck that.

sassyheather · 2021-04-06T08:31:13+00:00

I just wish for once to go back in time (but with all my new FDS knowledge) when my ex addressed me like that and just kick him in the crotch and leave.

Platipus6 · 2021-04-06T09:01:13+00:00

soo when are we using reddit posts as evidence in men's trials?

Lavender_flow · 2021-04-06T09:28:42+00:00

YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM, BLOCK HIS NUMBER AND NEVER TALK TO THIS POS AGAIN! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

2021-04-06T10:43:04+00:00

Holy fucking shit those responses make me angry. ComMunIcAtE. How fucking dare you. He's hurting her!!! She doesn't need to cOmMuNiCaTe she needs to give him a swift kick in the balls! I fucking swear, women need to stop letting men walk all over them

2021-04-06T13:39:44+00:00

Men view sex as something they do to us and not with. They can't comprehend consent because they don't think women are people with autonomy so they'll sexually assault us and then be like "she didn't say no or stop" when I'm pretty sure her body language was saying "ow."

Studies have shown men can read body language as they do successfully in other scenarios. With sex they just don't care.

Yellowsunflowerlover · 2021-04-06T13:45:47+00:00

Joking or not, that's degrading as hell. Like how can a man look you dead in the face and tell you that. He's so animalistic he made her bleed...That's a no for me. I'm not a toy. I'd look for someone who treated me with actual respect.

FemaleIsntAFeeling · 2021-04-06T08:53:33+00:00

BDSM is just normalizing and sexualizing violence against women at this point

Happy_Mistake_3684 · 2021-04-06T09:41:57+00:00

“I don’t know if he just likes it rough or what’s up”

A very revealing question. She intuits (correctly) that this man gets off on debasing and hurting her. But she anticipates the orthodox retort of “he’s not an abuser, he just likes it rough, it’s his kink, and you should respect that”. Her question sort of implies that him “liking it rough” is the benevolent reason for his abuse.

There is no benevolent reason to make a woman’s vagina or vulva bleed.

As for “confront”...jeez. “Should I ask him why he hurt me? Should I demand an explanation for his sadism?” Hows that going to achieve anything. This man is a pornsick sexual sadist and he’s at least done her the favour of revealing his true nature.

avenging_phoenix · 2021-04-06T09:37:56+00:00

This guy is not even your boyfriend, congratulations now leave and don't go back. He's just pushed his first boundary it doesn't usually get better because you communicated. He will just wait a couple of weeks then try again.

Here's what she should communicate: you went too far and without warning. What you did was disrespectful, a complete turn off and you physically hurt me. Goodbye.

There's always a chance he somehow thought she would like it because she once stupidly said she likes it rough just to seem more sexually adventurous. And he stops after she tells him but why risk it. I learned early on never to tell guys that I like it rough (I don't) or any kinks to seem 'cool'. It's just an open invitation to be abused.

Kylie_Fan · 2021-04-06T08:31:15+00:00

"Should I confront him about it?"

Should she????? Confront him?? About him physically hurting her body?????? Ya think she should???

I'm not the most assertive person in the world either (though I am working on it), but what the hell?

When did women become so feeble and subdued?

When did girls lose touch with their intuition and common sense?

When did it become okay for a man to do whatever the fuck he wants to your body?

Since when do you need to poll strangers' opinions online to get confirmation that your discomfort is valid?

DontAskTwice-A-Roni · 2021-04-06T17:40:18+00:00

Men, the porn industry, and pick-mes have destroyed healthy sexual expectations for young people, and that’s a fucking tragedy. This woman is actually sitting here WONDERING if she should tell him that he hurt her during sex. Omfg it’s atrocious out here.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-04-06T14:05:24+00:00

When did men become Ted Bundy-lite? Christ we need a mass exorcism

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-04-06T09:43:26+00:00

FFS, this is r*pe. It's making me so mad that we still can't recognize this.

Maude2010 · 2021-04-06T13:55:40+00:00

Women literally asking if they should confront a guy about injuring them to the point of bleeding. It’s insane.

MrsJohnMarston__ · 2021-04-06T09:19:23+00:00

Oh my goodness. This is horrible.

Sexual politics are not easy to navigate and this shows you that “consent” doesn’t work: it always forces the onus on the woman to say yes and no.

The point is that good sex is something which comes from a place of mutual vulnerability. It’s not about constantly having to worry about about pleasing your partner.

What I would ask her is if she felt she could only have sex on the grounds that she feels desirable — if so, then this will objectify her and she will continue to be abused in this way.

EDIT: because of the reply beneath, it’s my point that consent is essentially a very arbitrary concept which doesn’t protect women from sexual violence. If consent worked, we would not experience the violations we’ve experienced.

IllusionOfColours · 2021-04-06T16:49:59+00:00

Has someone told her to run? She needs to leave ASAP. Like now...this is atrocious, I feel for this woman. I felt disgust reading this, at how he treated her and her bleeding after, made my skin crawl. She needs to go.

2021-04-06T10:03:39+00:00

this is sooo horrible, break up and block him asap

ms_monquis · 2021-04-06T17:20:50+00:00

This hurts me down to my soul.

She reads as quite young. I wish she had someone in her life who led her to understand that her wants and requirements are supreme, and helped her to learn how to respond to things OUT LOUD.

I'm weeeellll aware of that freeze moment when something is happening and you just aren't capable to break out of the fear. She's out of that moment now, and even though I get a strong feeling she's afraid to talk about these things with her family/friends (why on earth would she be asking online otherwise?), but I hope she finds some strong, experienced women who tell her all of this.

Babyluv, you NEVER have to go along with something you don't want in that moment, or after. Not from a long term partner, not from a short term partner, and sure as shit not from "this guy" (note: not "boyfriend," not "husband") you're having sex with.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-04-06T13:54:40+00:00

Assault

Connect-Ad-9361 · 2021-04-06T09:01:41+00:00

Is... is it just me or does this sound like it was written by a man feverishly typing out his BDSM fantasy with one hand and jerking off with the other?

daisy_0720 · 2021-04-06T18:16:43+00:00

Please someone tell me they have reached out to this woman. I felt sick reading this. Men like this need to be locked away. This has to stop.

dollymyfolly · 2021-04-06T16:07:16+00:00

He knows he’s hurting her, he just doesn’t care. Her vulva is bleeding because she gives him the benefit of doubt.

2021-04-06T11:10:56+00:00

This is referred to as toxic femininity by some scholars. Fuck you patriarchy for teaching us to be submissive and selfless. I'm glad that I've finally wakened the fuck up

fds_account58 · 2021-04-06T23:00:19+00:00

He can’t read her mind. How is he supposed to know she doesn’t like being called horrific misogynistic slurs and physically abused during an activity that has her in her most vulnerable state and that’s supposed to be about intimacy and bonding as a couple?

Muffcakelord · 2021-04-06T10:23:47+00:00

I feel like this is fake. Why? Because every time a woman is raped (yes, raped; she didn't sign up for being beaten the fuck up) they constantly reassure the reader that the rapist didn't do anything wrong because she didn't catch up to what was happening at every second and told him "no, don't violate me". They'll say "he probably didn't mean to, he's a good guy and all, how do i tell him i don't like this without hurting his feelings?"

I feel like, and i hope, this is someone who's fed up with all the rape we let happen because of ASSUMED consent, and put it short and frank; he violated me, i started bleeding, do i talk to him about it? Without all the excuses on the way, it seems fairly obvious; he needs to be told that he's guilty of rape and, in rare cases, maybe she was such a good actor he's actually just ignorant and confused and may make up for it? Or he knew what he was doing, enjoyed it, and needs to be left fast without any warning whatsoever.

Meadow97 · 2021-04-06T15:45:36+00:00

nutterbye · 2021-04-07T02:27:35+00:00

What will you do when this happens again (and it will). Please don't wait around for it.

Title	"CoMmUnIcAtE"
Author	nebsemi
Upvotes	448
Comments	67
Date	April 6, 2021 8:26 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ml6y4m/communicate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/communicate.764700 https://theredarchive.com/post/764700

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